Confused

P

peekaa09

New Member
We have been together for about 3 years and were planning to hold our wedding (solemnization + banquet) early next year. My HTB was never much interested in the wedding preparation and in fact communicated more than once that we should push the wedding date further as he is very occupied with work matters currently.

About 3 months back, I tested positive for pregnancy and that was when he started to 'wake up' and started taking a part in the whole preparation. Because I was expecting, we pushed forward the date to the earliest possible.

Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage and the baby was lost.. Going for the D&C was the most terrifying and heart-wrenching experience. We have not told anyone about the pregnancy, not even our parents, so on the day of the D&C surgery, only my HTB was with me. I was given 7 days' leave from work to recuperate after the surgery (more so emotionally than physically) but my HTB told me to return to work the day after my surgery as it does not reflect well to miss a week of work. He doesn't seem to understand the emotional turmoils that I have been going through at all. It was not just a normal miscarriage but a Molar Pregnancy. My doctor is still monitoring my condition.. If my bHCG levels does not fall to the norm soon, I may have to go for a 2nd D&C or even Chemo Therapy.
I really need emotional support at this time and HTB being the only person who knew about what I went through, was perfectly fine pushing this matter out of his mind and behaving like nothing's wrong. It shocks me how cold and unfeeling he seems.

Recently he has also started drinking more than usual. Practically every night he will be drinking.. Even if he does not head out, he will still buy some bottles of beer back and drink at home.

I hate it when he comes back at the wee hours of the morning, drunk as can be and sleeps through the whole day the next. He doesn't like when I question where he went, who he was with etc. Although I don't suspect that he is cheating on me, it is evident that he does not respect or pay much concern to my feelings. He is someone who feels that everything he does is right and if others feels otherwise, the problem lies with them.

We have been over this issue countless times; I told him that it is ok if he wants to go for drinks with friends after work, just keep me informed. It feels terrible when I come home after work, waited till bedtime and he's not back yet, text him and doesn't reply, and only see him stumbling back at 4,5am in the mornings. He knows this upsets me a lot yet he constantly do it.

I am afraid that if we proceed on with the wedding that's happening in a few days time, it will end in an annulment or divorce. I am terrified that I am making the biggest mistake in my life.
 


Don't be upset, I'm sure you will have another child in future.

Many groom to be aren't interested in wedding preparation just like your HTB, it's very common.
I think he meant well to ask you to return to work but din't handle it well.

However the drinking and returning home late frequently are indeed problems. Let's assume he selfishly continue to behave this way after married and when you are pregnant.
Are you willing to take the risk? Can you accept him continuing this type of nightlife after married?
If you couldnt maybe you can consider postponing your wedding.
Annulment and divorce are tedious and can be costly. Better think twice.
 
Be patient and take one step at a time. I am sorry about your lost but it is also something that you learn.

Communication is key and sometimes, you have to change to mode of communication. If texting him doesn't work. Try other ways such as asking him out for dinner or a date like some sort. Everything becomes a routine and that is something that you won't want to see.

It is early days. If you have doubts of the marriage as a whole, put on hold. Give each other time to consider every options, try all ways. Love can be simple but whatever it is, it takes 2 to clap.
 
Have u tried talking abt how u feel abt how he handles the miscarriage? It does sound incredibly insensitive of him to ask u to return to work the very next day, ur emotional and physical health should be more important than how ur absence is being viewed at work. He could have other concerns, but u don't know till u ask. But the drinking sounds like he's trying to escape from something, the question is what?

I don't want to prejudge him, do sit down and have a talk and find out if there is something bothering him, resulting in his behaviour, esp if the behaviour is not his usual self. Do approach the subject gently, but make sure u do get ur point across. If he is the type who blames everything but himself, a talk like this can become a huge fall out. You might have to really have a strategy and approach and what u hope to achieve from the talk well thought out before u do it.
 
pretty obvious to me that marriage is a deadline and not a very sincere commitment here...

the guy is not mentally prepared for this commitment.
 
Sorry to hear about that. Please have a mini confinement n take in some tonics. U might want to let your mum to know about this so that she can prepare tonics for you. Avoid those cold drinks/food.

U can go to the miscarriage support group in Singapore Motherhood.

Men cope in loss in a different kind of way. Some will turn to excess drinking.

Losing a child is a painful experience. He might feel stress about the marriage preparations too. Give him some time to recover n please take care of your health too.

Take care.
 
He is very stressful over work and drinks alot as a result. He has a whole list of beer buddies on his contact list who could keep him company 7 nights a week. Even his Uncle sets a bad example by asking him out for drinks 2-3 nights a week. Where got such Uncle one? Always asking his nephew out for drinks. Why not ask his own son...

Because it is very difficult for my HTB to accept that he may be wrong, whenever I tried to communicate these issues it always result in him storming off in anger and ignoring me for a few days (literally no talking at all).

During that short duration of me being pregnant, I felt terrible 6 weeks on with morning sickness lasting the whole day and gastric pains cause I could barely manage anything down. In general I feel exhausted all the time and the only thing I felt like doing when I get home is to sleep away the uncomfortable-ness. It is true that HTB went with me for all my gynea appointments but he also complained about me being tired all the time and wasting food as I could manage maybe 3 bites of the dish I ordered before feeling sick again. He even commented that all the pregnant ladies he knew had loads of energy and could manage their daily activities per normal, why I act so pitiful??! Gosh, such callous and uncalled for remarks.

I have been trying to be understanding and tolerating his habits all these while. But recent happenings made me really disappointed and the last straw was when he came back at 5 in the morning, so drunk that he couldn't even get his keys to open the door and kept on banging till he eventually knocked out outside, with puke everywhere. This was the point I knew I could never live forever with a person like that.

The wedding is just round the corner and lots of money have been spent, invitations were all sent. It will affect not just the two of us but many other people such as my parents and family if we were to call off or postpone it now. I don't want to be a selfish prick and not bear a thought about the feelings of others. What can I do? How should I talk to him. He really needs to change otherwise the marriage will last only as long as my tolerance level can take.
 
"He even commented that all the pregnant ladies he knew had loads of energy and could manage their daily activities per normal"

Almost all the prego ladies will only inform others about their baby when reaching 2nd trimester. Its not about him being wrong... there is no communication when u already see him as wrong and him seeing you are complaining and nagging. The channel is shut tight.

A guy that doesn't attempt to understand the difficulty of his partner during pregnancy. It spells trouble. Your concerns and frustrations are natural. This is the man u will face for the rest of your life. Are you sure about this?

Where is the confusing part?
 
The confusing part was whether or not I should proceed with the wedding. On hindsight this seem like a very childish and selfish thought as everything is well underway and many people have put in effort in preparing for this day. It is too selfish to just call it off like this. On the other hand,  we can't have a happy marriage if this continues. 

I hope we can better communicate and for HTB to be more caring and understanding towards me. The problem is HOW...
 
Hi Peekaa,

I suggest you put the wedding on hold and not worry about inconveniencing others who have put in effort in the wedding preparation. Marriage is a lifelong committment and it shld not be carried out in a rash and unsettled decision. No doubt, it will upset a lot if you call off but I feel you are only answerable to yourself, HTB and parents/inlaws. As long as they understand and support you, you shld go ahead with your decision and stand by it.
Before you even reach a decision, consider it properly and only think of yourself and your life ahead if you proceed. No pt going thro the motion for nothing. Also, have a good talk with your HTB about how you feel but DO NOT think that after marriage, he will change for the better. If he does, it is a bonus but if he doesnt, can you live with him?
 
Peekaa,

Think carefully WHO is the wedding really for? To applease your family members and relatives or for the lifelong committment between you and hb-to-be?

Don't make yourself regret a decision for life just because you are worried of the inconvenience, loss of money and 'face' over cancelling/postponing the wedding. Think for yourself which path you take will make a more permanent impact to your life.
 
the need to proceed on wedding formatlities when everything points to a FULLSTOP... shows the typicaly lack of belief and confidence that most locals have been bred with... that fear of being seen as a failure and stuff.

this is what makes u better than the average guy on the streets, and why some pple alwaysfindthemselves shortchanged in life.
 
Please bookmark the thread titled steps towards annulment and recommendations for divorced lawyers. I always feel that the mods should sticky them.
 
At first I was giving it the benefit of a doubt that he may be dealing w the loss of his child in a warped manner. But according to ur 2nd post, it appears it is in his nature to be a callous, insensitive prick. I suggest u don't marry him, in fact please make a clean break ASAP. Can u imagine if u marry him and keeps saying things like 'all the women I know can work full time, clean house, cook, service the husband while carrying triplets'.

It's pretty clear he has little if not no respect for u, for your happiness, do reconsider. This sounds terrible to say, but perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, had the pregancy been successful you would most likely go through with it.
 
she's DAYS AWAY from the marriage and i'm supposed to talk like she have years... can u pls think for a change and improve your IQ somehow?

that's the farkin problem with u and the rest of the dumbasses lurking in the forum. not only are u stupid, u have no idea how life works, aren't exactly successful nor living a very fulfilling life...

and u figure u know how life works.

until the day u actually manage to make something of your own bloody life... dun teach others who have already made a life for themselves.

why not u and scope start dating or something. one is like a 15yr-old trying to be an adult... another thinks he's God's gift to women.
 
To TS: Be careful u don't let hope lead u in ur particular situation. Be very rational about his possibility of ever changing.

This case has absolutely nothing to do with anyone feeling shortchanged or being average or IQ for that matter. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the husband is an ass. And it's not that TS doesn't know, but she is conflicted precisely because she is in it. It is always easy to see reality as it is from the outside and think we know the best course of action. And it is always easy for someone who has gone through some sort of struggle to think they have made it.

My sister once said 'I don't think anybody ever really get there'. Life is basically a journey, u can be down one minute and up one minute and vice versa.

Powder: ur previous months comments while blunt, were at least useful if poster is receptive to tough love sort of advice. But ur comment recently really is just about makin pp feel that they are average and leading mediocre lives and then make them feel bad about it. What's the purpose in that? Are u saying a girl working as a receptionist is not happier than say a businessmen?

Success means different things to pp, maybe for u it means being a successful professional, but some pp it may mean a flat, 2 kids and a loving husband and Sunday kopitiam breakfast. I don't see how that is a wrong way to live life just as I won't fault someone for aspiring towards a professional goal.

I don't have it all figured out and I hope I will not ever think I have. The day I do that is the day I stop learning.
 
soisuka
Don't think there was any mention of receptionist or businessman, why jump to conclusion?

Neither did powder define success, it's success defined by individuals.
 
MX: I'm illustrating an example. I don't see how someone's profession or place in life should have anything to do with 'matters of the heart'.

Pp from all walks of life have love problems, a teenager, a young working adult, a professional, a businessmen, a mother, a father....

To bring it into the picture when it isn't even the issue here just further drives someone into confusion. Before u know it, TS starts wondering if she is really not tough enough. I find statements like this dangerous.

What she needs right now is validation. I agree w Powder's first comment but the 2nd one is really quite irrelevant.
 
tat's cos u're dumb and have not actually explored nor observed the 'split-moment' decisions that define our lives. the choice between being lazy and being bothered... to be careful or to throw caution to the wind... it's these moments that are measured in seconds... where u make a decision which can well farkup your whole life.

think - putting on a condom.
think - slowing down before a zebra crossing.
think - checking the age of a sex partner.

the 2nd comment is precisely what puts good decision-makers aside from the poor ones. u think it's irrelevant? really?

with days to go if the main decision isn't to stop, then what decision is more crucial now?

u can't decide in days if u can spend your life with someone... BUT u can decide in an hour - whether u wanna cease a wedding.

common folks like u Will think u can decide if u wanna commit your life in days... even though u can't. u end up with a farkedup decision u will regret.

wiser folks will know ceasing the wedding immediatley gives them more time to think thru things... and money is something that is worth sacrificing and foregoing.

your sister 'once said'??? she said something that u can find in giftshop postcards decades ago... why are u quoting her? who is she? i dun know her so why the need to make it a quote?

i dun define success the way u think i define... u missed out my inclusiong of "fulfilling". u seem to have the concept that my definition is purely on financial basis...

ps: i've been consistent in re-iterating that Mindset is always my focus.
 
I apologized to TS if I've gone off topic and somehow led Powder to focus on my level of intelligence.

Let's put the focus back on TS. Succinctly, my advice basically is to leave, even RUN. Do google around for forums or groups consisting of pp w similar experiences as yours so they can relate to you, I think that type of support will be more helpful for you at this point.
 
i'm actually not bothered to focus on it, but it irritates the hell out of me when myopic shallow-minded unintelligent pple like u... Tell me abt my advice when yours has done farkall for yourself, and u think it can do wonders for others.

fact of life is - if u had a good head, u're likely to see more highs than lows.. more joys and sorrows and more advancement and fulfillment than being stuck at a place with no sense of life.

what defines us, our life - are Our Decisions. the decision To do, Not to do, procrastinate, proceed with caution, proceed Without caution, do it for face, do it for ego, forego pride, do it with Knowledge or without, etc etc...

too strong an ego can result in death for a gang member, a car driver... or result in death of others. lack of caution can mean a marriage not built on the right ingredients, or worse - killing a life thru late abortion... doing things without some basic knowledge or intelligence could be costly...

u Dun have a good head. u have a typical local ignorant head with pride that is misplaced, and pride that is built on ignorant embrace of useless values.

dun engage me unless u know wat u're talking abt.
 
when someone suddenly acts childish after trying to be serious... it's normally to get off embarassment.

as for how i know u're myopic... that's precisely my point.
 
Why waste time fighting with someone who fights dirty and is more concerned about character assassination than anything. You've been pretty consistent in the months I've been here.
 
when u can't do something, can't understand something, dun have the mental capacity for something... just back down.

dun act like u can, and u're being magnanimous...

of cos i'm consistent. i tackle the mind whilst u idiots talk and chat abt everything else that dun matter.
 
Peekaa A.... you are confused about the decision to make because you are not focused what really matters to you. It is your marriage. Your call. Your consequences you face for a lifetime. Going from that perspective, is it still so confusing?
 
Hi all, let's not fight. An update, I attempted talking to HTB about how I felt but he completely avoids the issue. He is using the fact that the wedding is round the corner with lots of preparations that needs to be done and I did nothing much while he is the one doing the bulk of the work. He calls me a quitter and basically doesn't seem to take in a word of what I said. I can't go back today. Dont know where I can go.
 
I think u Shld confide in a frd or family whom u trust. They can give the support or at the very least company that u need.
 
Why not u come clean with ur parents? No parents will want to see the children to be ended up in broken marriages,

With their support, u might be firmer in ur decisions,
 
when a decision and action is needed, it's needed.

i hope u realise that this is just one of the many trials we face in life... so DUN BE discouraged in any way... some of us get it worst in certain periods of our lives, so u're not alone and u'll never be.

go to a serene place and run thru what the future might be if things go 'as planned' and u indeed got married.

put aside how he or others feel, and ask yourself how YOU feel. will u feel trapped? of cos, it's not to say we can get the 100% answers, i doubt we can even get 60% certainty... but amongst all that u've learnt, all that u've seen and heard, all that u Are... where would u place yourself going forward.

a decision is that simple if not cluttered by the need to be who u Are Not. just simply - who u are.

dun worry abt the arguments here... it's a difference between the personalities that make us who we are... BUT this is also an important note for u to condition yourself to be strong.

Never stop believing that there is a rainbow, and a silver lining behind every cloud. Life works for us becos of what we think, how we handle and approach.

i can guarantee u that happiness lies ahead if u make the right decisions... and it can still be yours even if u make the wrong ones... just abit longer perhaps, BUT u will get there.

even if u do go ahead, Dun ever for a second believe that u have No Choice... this is what the weak pple tell themselves to justify not changing anything. we Dun live in 3rd wworld countries where education and choices are not in our hands.

Life is what u make of it...
 
peeka
hope you are at a better place now and feeling better than you did 2 hours ago, at least more at peace.

you mentioned he said he felt he's doing all the work and called you a quitter?

It's all up to you actually, what you want out of this life and what is important to you, what you can and cannot accept. And for these, no one knows the answers clearer than you. For some, having a harmonious marriage, or the image of one, is important. For some, being loved and understood is number one priority. What's yours?

Whatever it is that you want, I feel, you should not consider too much of others - what others will think or react /whether you are being selfish. Cos ultimately, YOU are the one who'sgoing to live your life, not anyone else. So it has to be something that you made the decision, and accept.

Some can accept the life that seems to be panning out for you, some can't. You just need to, as Powder suggested, visualize the time ahead, and ask if it's something you can accept. If you can, go ahead. If you can't, then please don't go ahead.

Be true to yourself. That's what you owe to yourself. At least.
Hope you find your answers soon.
 
Thanks all for the words of encouragement. There really isn't anyone IRL i could talk to about this right now and all your replies are what keeps me going.

Powder, I hear what you are saying and I know that you are right. But all I could think about is how devastated my parents would be. Not because of the canceled wedding but knowing the truth of how I feel... They would be very sad and I can't bear for that to happen. I don't care what others may think or say if the wedding was canceled, I just cant bear to disappoint my parents. They are getting old and health poorly. It is not fair to burden them with my problems.

I need to go for a blood test and follow up appointment tomorrow and I can't find my medical chit or appointment card anywhere. Instead I found the ultrasound pictures taken just a few weeks back and I'm feeling ten times worst all over again.
 
you will be surprised to know how your parents might really feel. Most parents, would want the best for their child, want their child to be happy. Your parents sound like that kind.

It's ok to find the pictures and feeling what you feel.. just remember not to be too hard on yourself. Take care of your health...
 
learn from the past, not let it haunt u... this applies to all lessons. it's obviously easier to say now, but we all have our stories at one point.

as a parent, i'd ask my girl to call it off... as a fren, as anything... life has no place for pride to take priority where wrong decisions are consciously made. no one's faith is worth making such a consciously wrong decision If u know it is. whoever will be upset - will be upset at an event not happening... it Will Not haunt them nor cause them anguish, certainly nowhere as close to where u will be.

as for u... u will not be upset at an event, but in mental anguish for More than a period... and if Divorce is in the cards and disputed - 4 yrs. if u throw in a kid, that's another problem u're gonna lay yourself with. dun get me wrong, i love babies and kids... but i love them more when i have them with someone i Truly love and wanna spend the rest of my life with. and the kids are provided with an environment founded on Love.

i have seen many before u, marrying for the sake of it... marrying when there are obvious cracks. i've even attended the wedding of forummers who are exactly where u're at now. only to see them go thru the hassle of divorce months later... do u think their parents and close frens are Elated to know that 'at least they went thru the wedding'?? some of them marry again later... Fact is, they spent more on a fake marriage and honeymoon, and can hardly afford the 2nd one with someone they truly believe in making a life with. as for me, i'm just sad i attended the 'no choice' wedding, but did not get to share the joy of a truly happy one becos they'd be embarassed or too poor to include me.

think hard... think well
 
I'm with mx on this, parents want all the best for their kids n will rather want them to be happy. I'm v concerned about how my parents feel, that's y I always make it a point to let them know every aspect of my life rather than to hide things fr them. It's only when in front of them that I can show my truest self n burst into tears without fear of being laughed.

With their blessings, I'm more confident n firmer in my decisions, it helps that they are always v supportive too. All parents want the best for their children.

N poor gal, U really shoulder n bottom everything to yourself. Let ur parents know all about this, have a good cry n have a better direction.
 
oh ya, i would not share the pregnancy with my parents. they dun need to know. it's a little too complex for me to explain... just that there are some things in life u dun tell closed ones becos u dun want to enhance their need to 'force u' into subsequent decisions thinking u dun have the ability to ever make good decisions. let's just say i may be a better parent to u now, on decisions... than your parents... sort of like how we confide in certain mentors or seniors but not our parents.

of cos if u have more open-minded and informed parents who have taken their places in society... pls go ahead. u might be surprised.

so just my opinion on this matter.
 
HI Peekaa,

Do not go ahead with the wedding just because you don't want to disappoint your parents. That is so stupid (sorry, dont mean to offend you) because your parents will rather you not marry than to marry and subsequently head for divorce. I have been through that and my parents stood by me and my decision. It may be tough facing the music but trust me, it is all worth it. I'm happily married now and like what Powder said, u will get there (happiness).
Good luck!
 
Dont proceed with the wedding just cos you are worried your parents will be disappointed. All parents love their kids. Your parents will want their daughter to marry happy and blissful.

If u go ahead with the wedding, things dont work out and divorce is on the cards. Imagine the hurt, worry and disappointment your parents will have to go through compared to now.

You're entitled to your happiness. Make a wise decision. It's ur life and a bright future ahead of you.
 
"I don't care what others may think or say if the wedding was canceled, I just cant bear to disappoint my parents."

peekaa,

tell ur parents u've just realised that u're marrying a callous unfeeling alcoholic who's drinking himself to death and the only way to escape is to call off the whole thing.

tell them there's no hope whatsoever in salvaging the situation cos he is as gd as dead.

tell them that if u go ahead as planned it's akin to committing suicide.

tell them u will die if u marry him.

i know i know... u dun exactly hate him that much, but in order for u to get ur way, ur parents need to hate him so much.

now stop staring at the ultrasound and start to think harder...

on whether u really want to do what u think u need to do.

financial losses & face issues are of no consequence where u're thinking of severing ties with someone who touched ur life.

u do know by calling off the wedding, u're effectively ending the relationship and there's no turning back.
 
He seems to have given up the relationship but feel obliged to marry you. Better cancel the wedding first and give both of you more time to think about the relationship first. It is better not to marry first than to divorce later as the latter is more troublesome.
 
Hi Peekaa,

I read what u hv been going through n I would like to offer my support to your decision in not going through with the wedding. It will be a huge mistake if u do.

I was in the same situation as u 22yrs ago. I wish that during that time there were forums n ppl that could offer me words of encouragement like all that hv done for u here. I had no support n nobody to talk to when at the back of my mind I knew that my ex is a jerk n I still went ahead of marrying him. Then I got pregnant shortly after we were married (accident). With kids now, all the more I don't hv the luxury of divorce. My misplaced belief that now all the more I hv to put up with it for the sake of my kids. I went through hell. Living every day by the second. Even with a failed suicide attempt, he didn't change or care. He had zero respect for me. None of my friends or family members knew the horror I was going through.

Finally after 21yrs of marriage when my kids are 18yrs old, old enough to understand n see for themselves how abusive their father is they encouraged me to divorce. With their blessings, I did and he was shocked.

Everybody please do remember if yr partner does NOT add value to yr life - DON'T marry him!!!

Believe in yourself n never let a man destroy you.

To conclude: I did find love after my divorce. I didn't know I could still love or find love. My hubby is everything that my Ex is not. My hubby is my soul mate.He loves me very much, cares and is very considerate and values my opinions and thinks a world of me. Likewise, he is the center of my world. This is what love should be. Set yr barometer on what u deserve n make sure u get it. If you are perpetually miserable with a partner it is better to be on your own.
 
of cos it's difficult.

it's supposed to be difficult so u can learn from it.

just bite the bullet and do it... that's the only way to go.

i suggest u start by cancelling all bookings made for the wedding b4 informing ur folks...

remember this: no pain, no gain
 
Hi everyone, it's me peekaa09. I couldn't recall my login details and hence created a new account.

I am ashamed to say that despite all the sound advices, we went ahead with the wedding. That happened 3 months ago.

Almost everyday for the last 3 months, I have been living in misery.

Firstly, I feel I am going crazy with depression. Up till today, I still cry when I thought about my lost child. Sometimes I get this overwhelming urge to get pregnant again, asap, at others, I tell myself no, what if it ends in a miscarriage again? It is a possibility...

Secondly, my HTB who is now officially my husband, has taken a complete 180degrees turn in his attitude towards me. My self-esteemed has plunged to a all-time low; I feel ugly and stupid all the time.

For instance, I had my hair colored a tone of my choice and approved by my hair stylist. I liked the end results and I felt good about myself. I went to my office and my colleagues commented that I looked great and that the color suits me well. When I reached home, my husband barely looked at me. When he did, he said that I looked "nan kan dao si" (as ugly as death) with this new hair color. This was a sharp blow and I found myself crying miserably again. After which I went to the saloon and got my hair colored back to the previous tone. Yes, my hair was ruined, and so was my heart. Perhaps I shouldn't take his words to heart but seriously, this isn't normal dialogue for a newly wed couple is it?

I can feel myself growing more and more depressed everyday. I don't wish to be like this too but I couldn't help myself. I have no one to talk to about this so I sought solace in alcohol and even started smoking.

I get suspicious easily now too, he said it in my face that im ugly and fat and stupid all the time. Surely he would want to look at and be with beautiful women since his wife is such a shit? I feel paranoid and jumpy, I don't know when he is telling the truth or lying. This caused friction and we argued more often.

I've never been called fat, stupid or ugly ever all my life. Not to born my own trumpet but a frequent compliment I received from others is that I am very pretty and slim. Anyway, my husband's words really hurts and after all that crying and feeling depressed, I convinced myself that he must be right and I started on a strict diet routine, eating less than 1 complete meal a day. I told myself I must not look like a depressed piece of shit all the time and instead should make myself look pretty and presentable all the time. I went for hair treatments frequently (from once a couple of months to once a week), from normal treatment to expensive ones. I make sure my nails are perfectly painted in shades my husband approves of. I bought new clothes, new makeup, everything I could think of to make myself look more attractive to my husband. For a period of time, I did everything he wanted, left him alone when he wants to be, did not question him when he stays out late, wait up for him with a smile even when hes back later than expected etc.

However, all these apparently aren't good enough. Slowly, I sunk back into my sad and depressed state again. Yesterday, we were supposed to go out for dinner but he wanted to play some games on his PC first. So I went into the room to watch a movie. Can you imagine, after a while, he came into the room, told me to take off my pants, had a f and then went out and continued with his game? I never felt so used. Maybe guys don't like after-sex cuddle but we always had that in the past. Now its completely emotionless.

I tried so hard but I don't know what else I can do. I don't think we can ever return to the past, nor can we do a restart. This relationship is damaged through and through and it should have ended long ago. It never never should have ended up in marriage, and now, a broken one.

Just before I typed these, I took our ROM cert and tore it into a million pieces. Together with its cover, our wedding guests book, cards and gifts from well-wishers.. I threw everything out. I contemplated cutting myself and I know that was too much. I really need to get help for my depression (admitting it is the first step to recovery, right?)a but first I need this marriage annulled. Any lawyers recommendations, please, I would really appreciate it.
 


Love the marriage... and learn how to self-deny. Just make marriage a habit, ignore love... Many women like you have wasted the entire life successfully...

You can do it. LOL~
 
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