Confused

"October 13, 2012 - 2:39 pm:Hi everyone, it's me peekaa09. I couldn't recall my login details and hence created a new account."

She didn't change her nick. She cannot recall her account login details and hence no choice but to create a new one. Can't tell the difference? Etiher you didn't bother to think enough or despite obviously different context, you wanted to suggest double standards on my side. It is not that TS is screaming at me for addressing her as Peekaa.

It is okay that you miss it out, i don't chase you, just point out since you asked who is peekaa. Indeed, everyone can see, the contradiction is pretty obvious. Pretty damn lame frankly.
 


hi pink.. most of the time, i refrain from posting in this forum. but i must speak up now.

the words that i saw in ur last message, it cut me very deep and it reminded me of my ex bf tt i was supposed to marry.

same as u, i was pregnant.. and like u i miscarried. but lucky for me, i pulled a stop to the wedding.

why? because my ex bf was becoming very verbally abusive towards me. he used the same type of words tt u are recieving.. things like "fat ass", " stupid bitch" the exact same "ill teach u a lesson ull never forget", "u are just a dog to me.", "use ur stupid brain to think" and "ill treat u like a dog"

these words from the man i love for 4 years. he was very good to me the first few yrs until i got pregnant.he was kind, gentle and very understanding. but he changed and he was saying such bullshit to me.

i was afraid to leave. afraid tt if i left, there was nothing left for me. and mind u. for many months, i blamed myself for his change. i kept blaming and blaming myself when he hit me. i kept thinking, if i gave him time, he will change back. 1 yr pass. nothing.

i was in so much pain after the miscarriage. i felt it was my fault for losing the baby. everyday i lived in a dark dark world. even thought about jumping.. and because my ex bf couldnt understand what i was going thru, he made it worse.

finally, one day, i picked up my courage, and i left.

i disappeared. and now, 5 yrs later, im no longer depressed. i am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me for who i am and who i want to be.

what i want to tell u is, u have a choice. ur hubby is abusive towards u. abuse becomes a habit. it wont stop. he wont change. people dont change unless they themselves want to.

now tt u've decided to leave him, i applaud u for making such a choice. u deserve better. no one deserves to be treated the way he treated u.

always remember tt when u were born, ur parents loved u. and they want the best for u. make them proud and find a man who is worthy to continue ur parents' love.

*hugs* btw, please get a restraining order in case 9 i got one active one against my ex bf. crazy asshole, came to my house in the middle of the night, screaming my name, with a chopper in his hand). have a hard heart. if u ever need someone to talk to, i will give u my hp number and msn. can call or msg me anytime. =) be strong!
 
Hi Wendy, thanks for sharing !

Dun be afraid to jump off a sinking ship, as long as u know how to swim.

In your case, u were willing to learn how to.
 
Powder,

Read what Wendy wrote and understand women, and grow up. LOL~

Calling me idiot won't change the fact that you are a moron, and cocky moron.

She'd best be like Wendy, develop her own 'sense' and choose to leave because she understands why.

It's very usual for women to hold unrealistic 'assumptions' in a relationship. They are not rational, some even blame themselves and such...

Women's logic.

Yeah yeah yeah, you meet twice as many pretty girls... So what? You are still a nutcase.

If Seabliss doesn't grow up, doesn't gain the experience, doesn't learn... Yeah, she can just leave, she'd be like a gambler, she gambles on a business, quit without a profit, doesn't understand why, and start another business and fails again with the same mistakes.

Powder, I know you are bloody cocky... and think you are very smart, and think you know women...

Bluntly...

Don't talk rubbish. LOL~
 
From Scope “In short... she was expecting the man to be a better man when he formally was hers, or become something called husband. But marriage is not magic... human relationship is just human. If he doesn't truly love you, he'd change... mostly for the worse. Or he may pretend to treat you ok, but start flirting the idea of seeing someone else... “
Yes, I thought that he would change for the better after marriage. I assumed that he would tone down his ways and be more caring and loving towards me. I did not expect him to become worse than before. It was with these thoughts that I entered into the marriage, hoping for the best.

I realized now that I have been very naïve in the past and entered this marriage, this relationship, for all the wrong reasons. I left my previous boyfriend because I felt he was too good to me. It was all too safe, too expected, and I started to get bored and pick on his faults. Like why doesn’t he have a car, why doesn’t he earn more, why does he agree with everything I say? Thinking back, I was simply the SILLIEST girl alive. Then my husband came along, and he was a refreshing change. He takes the lead and plan out our dates. It felt nice to be able to take a step back and simply bask in the joys of a new love. When we first started out, he speaks frequently of wanting to settle down and start a family. He seemed like a responsible man who would take good care of his wife and children. My heart skips every time I think of or am with him and I could see a bright future together which I couldn’t wait for it to begin. I thought he must really love me, to wants to spend forever with me.

As time passed, his negative traits came to light. As time passed, my value to him plunged as well. His treatments towards me became really bad. I felt neglected and unloved. I saw that he was not that perfect being that I made him out to be. We got into disagreements frequently. Initially, he would seem remorseful. After a few times, he couldn’t care less about me. I could be crying my hearts out and he could be in the very same room, calling up his friends and chatting happily with them.

Then the name calling and personal insults begins. My self-esteem dropped to zero. I felt really bad about myself. He made me believe that I am a lousy person that is why he couldn’t love me, that is why I deserve such treatment.

After the loss of my child, I sunk into serious depression. I felt useless to not even be able to carry my child healthily to term. I felt envious and bitter towards my friends and their new-borns.

My husband calls me a princess want to be who thinks of the world revolving around her. When I felt ill and asked my husband if he could fetch me home after work, he said no. Instead he met up for drinks for his friends. I was angry and he said this is a classic example of me expecting the world to moves for him and treating him like a dog. Why can’t I learn to be independent and get home on my own? So what if I was ill, has he not been ill and make his way home on his own, why should I be any different? This is the kind of things he frequently says. Over time, I have it drilled into my head that I have no rights to be expecting anything from my husband at all.

I felt sad and miserable all the time. Sometimes I feel ok and could act like a normal being. At others, I could do literally nothing except lie in bed and cry. Yes I have not planned out my next course of action and yes I still feel lost and confused. This is why this thread exists. If I am a confident person with a firm plan, this thread would not be here.

I do not have a close circle of friends and to be able to pen out what I am going through on this forum has been a real comfort. I know now that there are people who went through the same thing as me and was strong enough to get through it and now enjoys a happy life. Like 2ndchance and babyice.

I feel ashamed to say that despite all your words of advice, I still cannot pluck up the courage and just leave for good. What I do know with all certainty is:

1. I cannot “accept fate†and stay with him forever. He is not the right man for me. I deserve to be with someone who truly loves me.

2. I cannot have thoughts that my husband will change (for the better) if a child comes into the picture.

3. Hence, I cannot get pregnant again. I cannot risk bringing a child into this world knowing that he/she will grow up in a broken family.

4. I need to end this marriage. This I KNOW. I cannot do it right away but I WILL and I MUST.


Last night he came back drunk at 2am and pushed me off the sofa where I was sleeping. He shouted at me to kneel down and apologize to him.
 
Hi babyice, I tried to send you a PM but it says "Sorry, but the user you have selected does not accept private messages." Could you PM me instead? I would be helpful if we could chat more on email or msn..
 
pink, You only deserve to be with someone that truly love you when you also know how to love him in ways he appreciate. Its a 2 way thing.

u were not the silliest girl, many walked that same path. Letting go someone they didn't appreciate only to regret after they dated and married scums. Life goes on. No point to cry over the spill milk. As you pick up the lessons, you learn to be a better person, more appreciative and have better judgement.

In reality, for sure, we all can take care of ourselves. However, why do we need to marry and live with someone that doesn't need or want us at all? We all like to be be special to our partners. You are being completely normal to have needs. Back in July, the signs were all over the wall, this idiot man, your husband was totally uncaring towards your pregnancy and miscarry. If you can continue to choose to marry him despite all these, mentioning several times in the forum you cannot go on with the wedding, what difference it is now that you said with conviction that you will leave him? Talk is cheap.

Come to terms to the fact there is nothing to expect from your husband anymore. Harden your heart, protect yourself. I hope you will not disappear again and 'HOPE' for the best.
 
As I have said, you have to take time to make the decision and the move. Powder just doesn't understand. This is woman.

Don't force yourself to push things too fast.

But from your situation... it might be better you move back to your parents. You do have parents, right? You can talk to them becos if you need motivation, if they provide, you should be ok.

Now also listen very carefully...

We are all strangers, and you... as every woman who comes here, you must understand that most of these forumers... many are like Powders and there are alot of morons here. At this time, you must learn to grow up, and know how to judge.

Marriage... it's very important to COMMON women, they hold fantasies about it. They never know their men, but... when life is good, they are happy even without love.

If a man doesn't love you, he change suddenly. You're lucky. You are still young. You can still choose and the ending for you could be different.

But in order for the ending to be different... you need to grow up.

Even for a man, as myself... in the face of relationship, common sense is not the issue. You cannot just be like your husband, when he wanted to fug you, he played nice, when you are used, his face change. This is matter of the hearts...

There is also another matter... self-esteem. Grow up, learn to love yourself and know why. And know this:
There is no perfect being.

You are not perfect, you are bound to have flaws. So would your man or man-to-come. The trick to have self-esteem is the same as how you find your man.

Recognize your strength and accept your flaws; and when it comes to your man...

Tell me, how would you handle? When you can understand how to engage men, then you think about how you develop relationship.

There is NO need to feel ashamed, and don't bother about Powder's... pushing. Just go at your pace, understand relationship works, learn from your experience, and when you really come to the point of knowing you have to leave, leave.

Indeed, you were naive. No house, no car, no money... but does he love you is the most important thing.

It doesn't come to most women, that... yes yes yes, now he has car, he has house, he has money, but when you are old and ugly and sweet young things are all around, this sort of thing can still happen to you later in life.

Many old old women told before... when they are old only do they realise everything about men is not important than whether he truly loves you or not.

What's the point of staying in a big empty house, feeding in some fanciful restaurant like a pig, sleeping with a man who doesn't love you like a zombie... and end the life?

Darling, it's never worth it.

You can still choose. But remember, whether it is marriage or divorce, do not move blindly... and waste the lesson.
 
btw, pink, you also didn't enable your pm.
happy.gif


for those that doesn't know how it is done.
1) Click profile
2) login
3) scroll to "Preferences"
4) Uncheck default setting for
Do not send me "Private Message" e-mails from other board users
5) Click "Save profile settings" button.
 
Pink,

unfortunately as much as i try to instill urgency & bring abt Action... it is often negated by forumers who asks the the person to sit back down to talk abt things in a discursive manner. removing all need for action when the wheel could have been turned earlier.

this is sadly a very very common human frailty. i cannot fight against the need to talk and talk and do absolutely farkall... as months and years go by... and before u know it, u're preggy & u will not leave again.

u can summon courage again, but the next reason to stay would be to maintain a family nucleus... and next perhaps becos the kids are still young... and finally u decide to live for your children even if u're in an empty marriage.

your future is so clear in my head, that the urgency i have for u is so very real. my fears for u are so so real... yet there is nothing i can farking do abt it... except to see the same script played out in yet another girl's life.

i dun think i need to prove i understand life... BY FAR, i do more for life than most others here. i move fast becos there is no time to dwell on the mistakes, becos dwelling on them only brings about a longer period of stay in them. Until u understand this aspect of life... u will just keep telling your story to the next willing listener... and becos this is a forum, the listeners will come...

BUT, they will go too. they will have their own lives to lead and u are just another story. can anyone feel the intensity & pain & emotions? only a few individuals will have the empathy to do that... everyone has a track record in the forum to go by... some give u attention becos u are 'new' in that sense and dun know their hidden agendas... so they try to make a fren out of u But agenda is to make themselves feel good.

i have no farking time for all these popularity shit. i dun have a facebook for pple to tell me how much they love me, nor for me to have frens all stay in contact with me...

the priorities of Life cannot be explained. they can only be looked back upon, when u near your time to go...

dun just tell me that u will leave, becos those will remain just words. just get up and leave... and dun let pple sit u back down to TALK ABT IT over n over n over... that Prevents u from leaving.

but No, unfortunately... sadly... most pple do not n will never understand that. they just wanna talk abt it becos they're on this forum during their free time... they can spare u 10-20mins to post n talk abt it. but that's abt all... they will still go abt their daily lives.

i can wish u all the best, but deep inside i know u won't be getting all the best... but continue to live in misery.

if u really wanted to find courage... u will find it. we're born with it... it is suppressed becos the schools and pple have been instilling fear in us to kill all courage. u have to get out to find it.
 
Hi Pink

As much as your husband needs to respect you, you need to respect your self-worth too and save yourself. The verbal and emotional abuse will not end magically. You need to get your family's and friends' support. Pack up and move out. At this point in time, there is no need to make him look like a saint to your family. It's time to tell them the TRUTH.

Call AWARE. They can advise you on the steps to take.

Since he is not going to listen to whatever you say now, just get out of the house first.
 
Powder,

You told Seabliss to take action...

Yet you yourself never take action. You never change, or have the courage to admit... that you are a cocky idiot who despite knowing twice as many pretty faces doesn't understand women...

Which was why in the first round, she ignored your big egoistic call... and in your second round, you expect her to take your insults seriously. LOL~

A woman is a woman not because of nothing.

Also, we are merely strangers. Just because of her one-sided words, we are going to jump to conclusions?

We can only suggest her choices, present our thoughts from her very very brief and unproven narration. You really think you are God, that you can simply jump onto the case and decide for her... and say I am an idiot, and change a woman just by a few useless words?

Let me be frank with you... I have come across more women than you think you know in your whole life.

Life is not a bed of roses. I also said, if drag... the divorce could be complicated. I don't rush her of course got reason.

Can't you see who Seabliss really is?

If she is right, she HAD no one to discuss about her problems... She DID told the forum before marriage. And she KNOWS why she is not happy.

Why had she still married, emmm? Why is she still here?

Take a mirror... and tell me who is the idiot? LOL~

There is NOTHING wrong for her to vent her frustration here. This is a forum. And... she cannot rush things. If I am not wrong... This marriage is not only about her, it's psychologically speaking, also about handling her parents or certain social pressure.

She wanted to have a family very much... That was her desire. She obviously isn't a very independent woman, especially emotionally. She wanted sense of security more than other women, probably because her family wasn't that... happy for her. So she wanted a family of her own.

She PROBABLY has alot of considerations which she isn't upfront with.

Matters of the heart... is not some business deals which you can end or start because of a stimulus. It's NOT a simple yes-no decision.

Burn it onto your cocky skull...
 
Despite of everything, there is still a little part of me that still loves him and hopes that he will change. Isn't that ironic?
Yesterday I made dinner and it was nice. He was civil and complimented me on the food.
When night falls, I slept on the sofa in living room but his mother came back and started asking a lot of questions so I went in to the bedroom. He hugged me and again, it felt nice. Until he started undressing me and had his fill, making me feel like the cheapest who re. Fxk and go.
 
Pink, emotions are like waves. Whether you will remain in an abusive relationship or not depends on you.
 
"Until he started undressing me and had his fill, making me feel like the cheapest who re. Fxk and go."


u hv cheapened urself by allowing him to do this to u n that's what really hurts.

u walked in n let him fk u.

n now u're feeling fked?

well serves u rite.

and stay by all means,

see how ur self-worth's gonna depreciate until there's nothing left...

just dun feel victimised when that happens...

cos u're No Victim.


and btw, it's not a woman thing to cling to failed relationships... men do that too.

back in 2009, a guy posted here to seek advice after the discovery of wife's affair.

had a long dicussion that lasted 2 mths and then he disappeared.

only to return 4 mths later with a new alias to tok abt the same thing again and disappeared again...

he's back few mths ago,

seeking recommendations for divorce lawyers...

cos "the splitting of marital assets was grossly not in his favour"

he could hv done alot better than this instead of whining and procrastinating...

3 gd years wasted.
 
Strange... When I undressed and fugged Junkie to her climax... she thinking I abused her? LOL~

When got feelings involved, it's never a straight forward issue. What's new???
 
Pink,

One thing you have to recognise is that an abuser will not always be abusing you all the time 24/7. There will be times when they can be sweet. I am not sure have you heard about stories of women that has been physically beaten by their husband and still stayed married for 5,10 years or even longer. Why?? I asked myself this question too. I only found the answer after I decided to file for divorce (I was verbally abused which is way worse and is very difficult to prove). These women often thinks that there must something that they had done wrong that warrants the abuses. The abuser may sometimes promise that they will change and it is only in the fit of anger that they carried out the abuse. Some may even buy flowers, presents, super sweet and it may last 1 week, 1 month?? Then the abusing circle start again. The interval between 1 abuse n the next will get shorter and shorter and in time to come it will become a daily affair. Sometimes, we find excuses for their bad behaviour... they have a bad day at work, he is short tempered but he didn't really mean it, maybe if I do whatever he wants he won't abuse me etc...

At least you are aware that you are being abused. Do take actions. Not easy but you have to find the courage to do so. I know as it took me 6 long months after realizing that I must get out else I will die, before I could actually file the papers.

After I filed for divorce and he was notified by my lawyer he started begging me to withdraw. Not once in my 21years of marriage did he ever buy me a stalk of flower, within 3 days I have 99 stalks of flowers delivered (btw paid for using my money!). Will you back out if this happen when you file and your husband keeps begging you and cry? Yes, I was tempted at one point. He said he will change and he said he realised he is wrong .But I am very glad I didn't withdraw my divorce as he is still the same old him and when he realise that I won't withdraw his flowery vocab got even more flowery (in front of his daughters too!)...hahaha. Leopard never changes its spot and that is very true.

A very common tactic of an abuser is to cut you off from your friends so that you are dependent on them. I was totally cut off from my friends and family. I didn't have anybody to turn to at all! That is pretty similar to what you are experiencing.

You DON'T need to have sex when you DON'T feel like or enjoy it! He can go DIY!!! He can't force you as it is also considered rape! My ex even put it in the divorce papers as one of the reason "She never perform her wifely duties" ...hahahaha

No, you don't have to move out. Read between the lines. Locking the person out is not considered abuse. I know... been there done that.
 
QUOTE"this forum getting more and more RA (i.e. farking here, farking there)

Is Milo having a hard-on ??"UNQUOTE

as expected... constructive posts from Superman is rare. Habits die hard. Not once, had I use such vulgarities in this forum. The reason to associate it to me??
 
Hi, I need some moral support here. Trying to go through a divorce/separation here. Coping with a clinical depression as well, and my family and friends aren't really able to provide emotional support for my attempts to resolve my marriage, or should I say an empty marriage.

Wish someone Is there to lend me some support, before I crumble yet again to go back to my status quo. Divorce is such a big word to me. The consequences and the implications seem to imply so much. I have invested 20+ years with this guy. And my world is about to be ripped apart. I need a bit of support here.

Thanks if anyone could respond.
 
Dear Danielle,

You will invest another 20yrs with another similar guy...

Wat? You think relationship is some sort of game, stock exchange or gambling? LOL~

Time will heal. Though... time won't make one wiser. You'd have to wise up.
 
Scope Guy,

"You will invest another 20 years with a similar guy"

- you pissed me off just listening to your lecture from your high intellectual horse. You think I don't know what you are trying to say? I know the point you are trying to make. But who told you I wouldnt chose singlehood as my future lifestyle? Which part of your narrow brain tells you I must go look for another relationship or I must have another partner? Don't assume. Don't assume what is generally the case will apply to some individual. We are all different. Don't assume and then pass sweeping criticising statements.


"Wat? You think relationship is some sort of game, stock exchange or gambling? LOL ~"

- do you have an ego problem? I am asking for moral support, not sniggering remarks. If I treat my relationships as games (which I don't), will I try to make it work for more than 20 years??? Look at yourself!! Have you tried to work on yours for 20 years??? Maybe you are not yet 20 to begin with. Please don't LOL ~ at me. Am I that funny to you? Is my plea for help so funny to you? I am desperate enough to come in here as a newbie to bare my heart to strangers. I don't need you to tell me I am playing games with relationships like stock markets because that criticism is unfounded. You didn't think with your brain when you pass that remark, did you? You just slap your own face, do you not know? Thanks for your LOL ~. No, it didnt help me at all your lolling. So thanks for nothing.


"Time will heal. Though ....time won't make one wiser. You'd to wise up"

- I am asking for moral support here. If there is none in you to give, please don't comment on my post again. Why do you make a statement so grand like you are so philosophical or something? Everyone knows time will heal SOME hurts. May be not yours, thats why you are behaving like this. Everyone knows time wont make you wiser, scope guy. You ask me to wise up. Do you have any suggestions how? You didn't even ask about my story to give fitting advice, if that was what you were trying to do. What are you talking about??? Or you just have to say something to someone, haven't you? Dont reply to my post again. You know nothing what I am struggling with and you can offer no moral support that I so needed.

I wouldn't be bothered to reply your posts in future, so dont bother to reply on this.
 
Hi, chocolatte, thanks. You don't mind going over to another thread? I had earlier posted more details at the thread "Devastated .. Failed Marriage.". I will reply you there. Thanks.
 
Danielle,

You should choose to be single. LOL~

You do have a character flaw here, as with most silly women.

If you are so easily pissed... LOL~

You are so funny in your reply.

There is no need to reply me. This is a forum, I am here to extract as much fun from morons.

You do need help, Danielle, but not from here. You need to help yourself.

Do you know, there was a study that most women who 'defended their ego' by claiming they COULD choose singlehood after a relation and when they are... OLD, simply means they have given up, they feel hopeless ABOUT THEMSELVES. And being so defensive, in psychology, at such instance shows you emmm...

What do you think?

It doesn't matter.

There are women who really need help and deserved to be helped. There are women who cannot be helped. It's all in you, my dear.

Go ahead and be pissed.

You think I care? LOL~

You get more wrinkles, not me... LOL~!!!
 
ScopeGuy, since you don't care, why are you here ?

What are you getting out of posting your twisted thoughts in this forum ?

Are you here to enlighten us ?

Or are you here to gloat because you got badly hurt by someone you dearly loved ?

Please seek twisted pleasure elsewhere.
 
I am here obviously for entertainment.

Twisted thoughts? LOL~

You can try, I just wanna have a laugh.

It's a... personal hobby to watch mortals in action...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

C
Cheong Yip Kwong, William - The Wedding Solemniser From Hell
Replies
0
Views
2K
Chewmida
C
T
Confession of a married woman
Replies
0
Views
4K
Troublegal20246
T
M
WTS: Off-Shoulder Wedding Dress with Lace Detailing
Replies
0
Views
91
Mary Evangeline
M
Q
Peach Garden OCBC
Replies
0
Views
439
qwtyuio8649268
Q
C
advice from all please, urgent
Replies
4
Views
3K
novembernoodles
N

Back
Top