Christian Brides

hi all

this is what a friend did with regards to the veil.

She wore her veil with WG and the groom lifted the veil before leaving for tea ceremony at groom's place.

She changed into tea dress for tea ceremony (thus removes veil) for tea ceremony for her family and relatives.

Then at church, she changed into her WG and wore veil again. But this time the veil was not covering her face anymore.

My case is somewhat different, as I am not going home for tea ceremony, but rather, the tea ceremony for my family will be at the church.

Hence, the issue is whether i need to change into teadress for the tea ceremony for my family at church. *sigh* 1 veil only, so problematic.

Sandra,

need to correct you a bit about the tea ceremony in olden times.

Actually, both bride and groom families have separate celebrations. When the groom comes to fetch the bride, it was for the groom's side of the celebrations, including tea ceremony and the nity grity stuff like nuptial drink, etc.

After 3 days, the couple has to return to the bride's family for the tea ceremony to the bride's parents and for the celebrations there.
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i just checked with my hb, and was given 2 options.

1. Wear WG and veil all the way through for both tea ceremonies and church ceremony, leaving tea dress for saying my goodbyes after dinner banquet; or

2. Change into teadress for tea ceremony for my family. But when changing back to WG for church, I do not wear the veil anymore.

Anyone has anything to add?
 
oh this veil thing is getting to everyone. i think i better ask my mum n ask my hb to ask his mum about the veil issue.

I think its o.k even if no veil for church. Maybe wear veil but dont cover just leave it behind ur hair when ur hb came to fetch u then go his place for tea then cover when go church. Then after church change into tea dress for ur side tea ceremony. Can ur tea for ur family side be after church or must it be before?

Then again some ppl will think leaving the house that time must cover with veil right? then come home is without veil. hmmm i think now no one knows which the is traditional way.
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I think for me, the most impt 'function' of the veil is that the bride should walk down the church aisle veiled. then it makes sense for the pastor to pronounce them man and wife, then the man unveils his bride and kisses her. So Ivy, not sure if want to go the whole way in church unveiled.

If it were me, I'd choose to be unveiled at home to begin with, rather than be unveiled at church... ultimately it must be what you're comfortable with. Don't stress too much about it k?
 
ivy: okie.... i dunno lah, thats what i heard from someone else, so i just blah out everything i heard.. =) thats why i say i THINK SO only... =)

Why dont you share out what you want to do, if lets say there are no restrictions? Do you want to be wearing the WG for tea ceremony t your parents? do you mind not wearing a veil when ur hubby comes? how about u share your feelings and we see how we can work around it? =)

*ribbons gives ivy big hug..* hope this sisterly hug makes u feel better!
 
there's a lot of contradictions going on here (btwn me and my hb).

My hb feels that it is a must that my parents veil me in the morning, before he comes over to fetch me. To him, it's not a concern that he has lifted the veil when he first come over to fetch me. He's more worried about the re-wearing / re-veiling of the veil.

Then his relatives mentioned to him that I cannot remove / unveil the veil and then redo it for the church, cos it means I would have married twice.

So the issue boils down to whether I am supposed to change to tea dress to signify 3 days later, or to continue wearing the WG with the veil lifted. Cos the tea ceremony for my side has to be before church. Cos after church, we have to rush to the hotel and do the tea ceremony for his mum's relatives.

For me, I just want to do what every other brides are doing. Tea ceremony in WG + veil for his family, change to teadress for my family. Then change back to WG (with veil lifted, since I have already ROMed) for church. Then do tea ceremony for his mother's family in WG at hotel.

To me, all these are not for men. I am not having a church wedding just because I want to show off the WG, blah blah blah. I want to honour God. Because Bible did say to give unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

Since I have registered my marriage 2 years back, and now I am having a wedding. Am I considered to be marrying again? If so, does it really matter how many times I wear the veil and have it lifted?

I could be marrying 3, 4 times, but it's all to the same man. *giggles* I really cannot tahan their thinking.

Then, if in future, I want to re-new my vows in the church how? Does that mean I would be marrying myself many many times? *oh please*
 
Ivy no choice seem like ur hb is a little mee xin... but from what i know now MUA will put the veil on u, not like last time will ask the parents to hold then MUA pin it. Now MUA pin it then the parents will lift the veil to cover u only.

If ur HB wanted ur parents to veil u then u will be with the veil over ur face for the whole tea ceremony?

oh an ex coll of mine told me that i have to enter his house or his parents house first after moving off from my house b4 i do tea for my family side cos like that significant entering his family and consider married off b4 going home.

Think u have to take to ur hb n make him c.
 
ivy: yeah lor.... your church wedding is already considered ur 'second time' getting married already what... but i guess to elders they dont bother about ROM, its the traditional aspect tat they are concerned about..

about the renewing of vows.. yah lor, some couples who have been married for 20 over years also renewing vows.. THen shouldnt that be taboo for them too?

would speaking to your pastor help?
 
hi count,

sorry for the late reply.. was away fr keyboard
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Hmm, it is quite diff to get a place in Bishan coz it's a fairly old town.. Ranging fr 16-19 years old. We were particular abt getting unit tt doesn't require too much renos, the facing (North-South) is very impt to us, must be a corner unit & not low floor.. But it cld be due to our expectations.

Key thing, 4-room is diff to get coz not many 4-rooms are corners. So we went for 5 room, coz the gap between the price of the 2 has reduced so much, tt it made more sense to go for a 5-room.

I'm not too sure abt HG, but i shd believe it wld be cheaper.. Bishan tends to have a higher mkt rate year round

hi Ivy,

Sounds so tricky.. Had a fren who got married in Dec, she never wore the veil at all.. I think it's a matter of personal choice.

Go with what u & HB can agree to.. With or w/o the veil, it's the vows u make, God blessing the marriage, tt makes you married in God's eyes
 
summerice

what your colleague mentioned is true. And pls remember to keep your shoes on the whole time.
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i will not be doing the tea ceremony for anyone with the veil still covering my face lar... *giggles*

i just need to iron this out with him, cos he rather go along with his relatives' POV. Not that he would not listen to my POV, but i feel that if he has lifted my veil before going to his place for tea ceremony. I have done whatever is necessary for 'Caesar', at least the chinese customary part is over for me.

I personally feel that I would have given in to them whatever is asked of me, if it is not of a mi xin stand. But I do not understand why must they object to me changing to a teadress and then later to put on the veil again in church. And I am actually fighting this so hard because, believe it or not, the relatives who advised him are Christians.
 
Ivy hehe my mum says last time ppl wear the gown whole day never change here n there now all modern liao.

last time ppl think its bad luck to change n wear the gown again its like wearing the gown 2x = marrying 2x. No one change gown last time coz they only have one WG from day to night.

Now everyone change gown so its up to individual what they want. Some yrs back they even have like 2 or 3 EG right? hehehe

haha some christians also very mi xin leh.
 
Ivy i forget to ask why dont take out the shoes....i read from somewhere it says bad luck is it. I ask my hb will he take the shoes out...he say why not if not dirty the house hehehe. I told him troublesome mah with big gowns he say how troublesome can it be.
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My mum also never mention about all these so i guess it up to us.
 
hey girls

got an alternative POV from a colleague from the MPC dept...

anyway, she suggested going along with it. Only to change to the teadress after the wedding, for the church reception.

I was thinking - well, I am really fighting this alone, so might as well go with it. suan le suan le, no point fighting them to the point where r/ns sour.
 
hmm... tricky issues... especially when it comes to relatives.... actually most of the time, the issues that arise are because relatives give 'their advice'..... know how u feel..

i just met my pastor together with my fh and from the session, we learnt quite a lot of new things... and i thkn having a pastor as a neutral respected 3rd party, will be good... how about meeting ur pastor together with ur hubby and talk about this?

if u do tea ceremony with veil on, dont let the veil 'drink' tea too ah.... keep it outof the tea cup!
 
Ivy then when can i take out the shoes? hehehe

I plan to go his place or our house for tea then church then change to my tea dress can i change shoes also b4 i go back to my mum place for tea?

hehehe a bit silly me... but how long do we have to keep the shoes on. definately go hotel we will remove it right?
 
<font color="0077aa">hey count, thanks..i am praying for bright and sunny weather.. i hate the haze.. =P

for mu, if you are particular, get her to come for touch up.. i prob doing that.. *hiao*

for rental - hahaha, you keen to share tenancy??? wahhaha... my place also not ready yet.. the cheapest fully furnished apt we saw around tanah merah area is 1.5k/mth.. =(

ivy dear, take it easy.. guess its all personal opinions.. go with your heart.. =)

i feel like twinkle so i insisted on that.. my mum (also believer) wasnt happy initially when i told her i wun wear veil when fh come fetch me.. coz i think lifting the veil in church is more meaningful.. but nevertheless, God is good and He will settle all problems amicably for me.. as usual, i would say you pray.. this time maybe for your hubby that God will speak to him directly.. =) it works! watever you can get it across, let your Daddy God helps you! </font>
 
Mehmeh,
Thanks for the advice. Yes, heard abt Bishan being a super hot place. U are really blessed to get a unit there! And ur unit sounds like my fren's dream unit cos it fits her ideal flat exactly!
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Ivy dear,
U sound like u have a really tricky problem to deal with here. Hope u manage to work it out soon! Perhaps the best option is to pray, then work on hubby, after u have both decided on a united stand, then to deal with the diff opinions of 3rd parties... Do try to sort things out with hubby first. Will make things easier when it comes to dealing with relatives after tt...
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Fingers crossed tt the veil issue doesn't become a problem for me too. Haven't brought up the matter with them yet. Shall keep quiet and hope both sides don't ask!

Lilic,
Thanks for the offer but Tanah Merah is too far! Thinking of either Bukit Timah area or Kovan/Bishan area so tt can live near either side's parents. Then can go home for dinner! Kekeke... Naughty me. When will ur place be ready ah? And when exactly is ur PS?
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ivy.... do pray about it ok.... dont worry about praying about such things.. dont limit GOd... He can do things that we will never imagine was possible...

even though our needs may seem trivial compared to prayers that other pple pray but to God every prayer is as important... if it matters to you, it matters to Him too... =)

count, i'm like u... so far no one has said anything about it.. i am not going to go ask them if they never say anything to me..
 
hi Count,

No probs... It's quite a hot place! The units at St 22-24 are not as pricey and are newer, though they are a tad further away

Am very blessed with the units and the completion of the renos.. Moved in 1+ weeks ago, but still undone with the packing! *faint* Are u going to look for an interim place since Pinncale isn't going to be ready any time too soon??
 
hi ribbons,

heheh.. dust has settled, but still lots to unpack *faint* I do have some stains fr paint on the grills, which i have yet to get rid off..All the house stuff gotta leave till weekends, bz bee during weekdays
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Ask my mum yesterday about the veil n shoes thing. My mum only say go church of coz must be with veil and seem like bride n groom never take off shoes when go into the house. So other then that i think she dont care. hehe
she said that nowadays ppl go PS also wear and take off the veil already what. so no difference how many times u wear it on AD.

Have to ask my hb side, i guess his side most likely dont care about all these also.

Ivy dont worry too much...God will help us.
 
summer|ce: yeah..... go PS take veil up and down so many times, change veils so many times some more.... if putting on a veil means you are gettgin married, then for a lot of us, we marry how many times already? by my AD would have been my '2nd' time liao right? hmmm... ur mum is a woman of wisdom....=)

but whats the purpose of not removing shoes?
 
summerice and sandra

i cannot really remember why cannot remove shoes. But i often just think of it as - it's such a hastle to keep wearing and removing it, so might as well just keep it on. :P

Hi sisters

anyway, after i sought out that colleague for her views, I was thinking about it, it seems just ridiculous for me to fight so many people (who share the same view) alone. If you have a look at my DISC profile, I am a super high S at home (meaning I super resist change). That's why I am fighting it so much.

But God gave me wisdom when I spoke to another colleague (same dept). She said this - it is meaningless to have victory over a minor area but lose harmony with my ILs and even my own family.

She continued to say that as a DIL we need to know when to fight and what to fight for. Minor things like whether to change to teadress or not, well, it's a small matter.
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So I decided to give in to them. Just give in to what they want. It might exchange for a long period of peace within the families.
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Sorry for all the lao shi dong zhong. But thanks for all the possible alternatives.
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Praise God for all of you.
 
ribbons thanks for the compliment...i always tell my mum dont be old fashion.
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Oh i didnt have PS so still havent take off veil, but rom already still consider married n going to marry again.
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I am not sure about that...my mum just say its easier dont have to wait to take off n wear shoes. No need to let everyone wait. My hb told me angmo wear shoes in their house coz they think showing ppl their feet is no manners. I just feel its dirty to wear shoes to walk into the house...maybe b4 i go in i will clean the sole.
 
<font color="0077aa">count, my ps on coming mon.. then my place will be ready prob 3rd quarter next year..

i havent gotten a rented place yet coz not sure if i will be in town.. but have asked IL permission to stay with my parents if need be.. =P</font>
 
Ivy happy to know that this issue is not longer a problem to u. True to what ur coll says....sometimes during our wedding we have to do certain things that please the elders so that if things happen (touch wood) they wont push the blame to u.

Just like initially my hb told me he only want 1 kind of celebration. If i want church wedding then no banquet, but i know my mum would like to have both. Although she didnt insists and i try to convince her its very modern just to have 1.

In the end my hb come to his senses partly because his mum told him if no dinner will my parents be not happy. So in the end he told me he will have both just to make everyone happy, so that next time no one can say anything.

Initially he is not happy, he likes the simple wedding kind. he feels that why have to get busy the whole day. Now he is accepting well and we are happy with the progress of our wedding plan.

Ivy hehe dont everything also Super high S o.k (pat pat)
 
Ivy: yeah.. if u can take it, then go along with the flow.... u go against everyone about this, the only person that will be most affected by this will be you..

actually, i never really thought about it but i think i wouldnt be taking off my shoes too... too much trouble....
 
Hey Mehmeh and Lilic,
We still haven't decided whether to rent. Tot of settling in after the wedding then decide. But getting the jitters at the tot of adjusting to his family's lifestyle!

Ur new place sounds great! Can't wait to do up my own place too, which will be some tme away given that the construction is so slow

Envy Lilic! Ur ILs allow u to stay with ur own parents... I also want... Pray for no haze during ur PS!!! Hehheehe

Ivy and SummerIce babes,
Me also high S! Super resistant to change, and like to clam up in conflict cos low I... Yes, ur colleague does have a pt - we have to pick our "battles" with the ILs, which is something i have to learn too.
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Hey gals,
Must give thanks to God for some of my bosses, who are very understanding during this period and who told me to rest more and not overwork lest i look haggard on AD!

Btw, did u girls colour ur hair for AD? Are we supposed to dye or highlight ah? Cannot remember...
 
count

it's highlight for PS and dye for AD.

ribbons

i will just leave the shoes on until it snaps. I have heard to buy extra pair of shoes, just in case.
 
I will be highlighting AND colouring my hair for my AD... I coloured my hair for PS but the MUA used some more coloured spray to make the hair colour stnad out more..

IVy: i got two pairs of shoes.. one for WG and EG, the other to match tea dress... so if one sadly breaks, got the other one...
 
<font color="0077aa">count, i understand abt the jitters you have.. ekkeke.. i had that too.. but i left it to God.. and He really works things out.. i was really sianz that time.. coz fh dun want to talk abt it at all.. so i "cried" to my Daddy God.. next thing i know, my MIL broached the topic.. tell God what you want and He will see to it lar..

think there's no hard and fuss rule abt dyeing or highlighting your hair.. as long as you look good on that day.. =)</font>
 
hey can i ask u ladies something.... you would need your solemnizer to sign the consent form right? if u e file, do we need to submit the form? or on the day of collection of certs than give the consent form?
 
hi count,

i think u may want to stay with the ILs for awhile &amp; see if u can adjust
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Adjusting to marriage life requires alot of effort too.. So dun get urself so stressed &amp; gotta deal with lotsa changes at the same time *winks*

Gd place ah? heheh.. Liveable, but must work hard to make it more homely. Now it's kind of bare *ooops*

I did both dye &amp; highlights for both the PS &amp; AD.. It's up to ur personal preference
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Some brides I know didn't do any colour jobs at all

hi Ivy,

Praise God!! I am sure u're feeling so much at peace now
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hi ribbons,

Ashlady had to submit tt form on the day of collection of certs.. heheh, she had a slight hiccup, so i rem it vividly
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mehmeh.... i think i remembre her saying something about her certs.. but i dont remember exactly what.. i waiting for her to go back to work and go online leh..... her leave how long?
 
<font color="0077aa">ribbons, you dun need the consent form to efile.. only the name and id no. the church should give you the consent form nearer to the wedding but before you go rom for collection. hope this helps.</font>
 
hi ribbons,

Coz ashlady didn't bring tt consent form, she cldn't pick up the certs on the scheduled day of collection. She had to make another trip subsequently.. I can't rem when she's going to be back *ooops*
 
Hi everyone,

about the subject of traditions, I guess there are certain things that will just pop up here and there.

I was thinking my parents Christian right, so didn't say anything when my make-up artist went and put white flowers in my hair. then when I came back, *doh* my parents said 'har white flowers in hair signifies someone dying leh'. AIYOH.

so I said just dun choose to blow up the pix showing the white flowers lor. they suggested photo-shop the flowers to another colour, but I dun think my PG is the photo-shop type. die liao. Then parents said my relatives might comment if they saw the album and white flowers in my hair. hiyah!
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hi mehmeh!!!

I'm now in Lake District..will be going back to London tomolo &amp; back in Singapore soon! hee...really enjoying my honeymoon very much!
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hi ribbons,
hee.. can ans ur queries now
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Yes, please get ur solemnising pastor to sign the consent form. Need it when u collect ur marriage cert. It's actually written in the instructions form when we print out the online application form but didnt take notice of it coz we didnt know what it was. Anyway, i think u can get the consent form online...try searching it at the ROM website. Of coz, dont forget both ur original IC &amp; a copy of both ur witnesses' ICs..
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ashlady... wah, enjoyment ah... =)

i already have my consent forms, sign. got pastor's ID number and signature.. ok, will tell that to HB..

twinkle: oh... yeah, i know about the white flowers in hair thing, so i didnt do it.. dont have that option anyway..

guess in asian countries like singapore, its hard to move away from traditions lah.. no matter how cosmopolitan we are..
 
Hi gals,

The thread is moving very fast.

For my AD abt the veil tingy, my mum wanted me to go in teadress after the Holy Matrimony as she said this is a form of gesture to tell people you had married off.

As for shoes, I tink its for our convenience sake so gotta wear it till we reach the hotel for the banquet. As we are in our big gowns so its difficult to wear the shoes.

Cn I ask when shld we register our wedding day with ROM whn we r hvg it in church?
 
hi ashlady

so envious tt ur HM is so long.. heheh, going to be looking fwd to ur pix!! heard fr small Derek, tt WB was still 'working' during the HM.. *faint*

hi jazol,

i think the window to do the e-filing is 3 mths - 2 weeks of the date
 
jazol, if u go to the ROM site, you will see a 'earliest' and 'latest' solemnization date....see if ur date falls within this date..
 
hi mehmeh,
Finally back! haha...he was checking his email la..but too expensive to do any serious work using the internet there. :P Was a jolly good break
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I'm glad everything's over now...hee. U must be busy settling down in ur new house!
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hi ribbons!
hee...yes, good to get this over &amp; done with. I kept procrastinating then *opps*
 


hi ashlady..

*welcome* back!! heheh.. Now can eagerly anticipate ur pix for the big day &amp; honeymoon *winks*
Def bz settling down.. Still not fully equipped, so many more things to buy.. heheh

catch up with u this Sunday!
 
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