Child Custody

M

mint_leaf

New Member
Hi..desparately need some advice here. I like to know that under what conditions will a mother lose the custody/ care and control of the children ? I mean if I am holding a stable & decent job 8-5pm and my kids are with my parent's care since the day they are born etc. Parents are retirees and in good health condition.Older child is 8 and younger one is about 3.

I am really very worried that my ex will find reasons to contest this child custody issue. And I overheard from his close fren that his lawyer had taught him a "good way" to fight for this custody and make me lose.I mean, I have no history of criminal offences/ mental disorder etc, will I be denied of my mother's right ?) Now getting really worried.
sad.gif


Is there any good ways or proof that he is unsuitable to take care of the kids ? Cos he got irregular working hours, smokes, drink and uses lots of vulgarities..I need proof ?
 


custody is usually granted to the mother in most cases, unless it can be proven that leaving the kids in the mother's care would not be in their best interests. if it's like what you mentioned, then you shouldn't have a problem. are you applying for sole custody? then your ex might fight for shared custody ..
 
hi mint leaf,
Normally custody will be given to the mother, especially you are holding a stable job and the main caregiver is ur parents. However, its best to consult a lawyer now so that he/she can give you the best advice. Pls do not drag anymore, in case ur ex try to play dirty.
 
Wanting to apply for sole custody..but doubt it is possible cos my lawyer said that in most cases nowadays, it mostly joint custody(unless special cases).I just hope that the main care & control can be granted to me.I am worried that the kids will stay with him.
 
yup, when deciding on custody issue, the objective question is: what is best for the kids. Having a stable job & family environment to raise the kids will count favorably in your advantage. Unless your ex can prove that your behaviour or environment will be detrimental to the upbringing of the kids.

On this side, he too, have to prove he is capable of having custody of the kid (which I think, typically its more difficult on the guy's part).

Also, for the best interest of the kids, it would be a joint-custody with the duration of visit / timings to be determined. You have to prove that he is a deterimental factor to the kds (eg: history of abuse, undesirable behavior, etc) - otherwise, the father has the right to visit & have time with the kids.
 
sole custody is quite impossible unless extreme case, eg.. child abused..

mine was joint custody too, I have the care and control.
 
Under Joint custody, if you suspect your ex might play dirty, remember to get your lawyer to help you spell out what it means to have access - once in two weeks, 9am to 5pm etc.
 
Oh ok..Thanks for the advices..I get the point now.. BTW, does anyone know if is my-ex-to be is allowed to involve in a new relationship ? Cos I knew he had just found a new girlfriend (yes..so fast of him to get his replacement!!@#!#!@$^!!)and that our divorce is still not finalised yet! In fact, the process is still pending and I had not file any affidavit/ refer to family court yet.. Am still waiting for the standard query reply from HDB so that my lawyer can proceed..Can I do anything about it..it seems to me that he is so irresponsible ?
 
Mint Leaf, it doesn't matter whether he has a gf now or earlier because "adultery" (if you are thinking of using that against him, sorry) has no bearing on child custody.

Reply from HDB on standard query shouldn't take more than a week. Who made the request - your lawyer or you?
 
I went back and check my divorce documents. HDB took less than two weeks to come back with a reply on the standard query.
 
oh ok thanks..shall check with them soon..

But if lets say my ex has a gf now (where the divorce case is still pending), can I use it as part of the reason that he is an irresponsible person (sorry if I sound dumb asking this :P)
 
Erm..mint i think it depends on situation. Whether he has the gf or not will have no impact on his responsibility unless he stops giving to you and your child, abuse the child, yadayada.

Why do you want to prove that he is irresponsible?
 
In fact,for child custody, they will determine who is a better parent, if now ur kids are staying with you and everything in order, i believe the guy chances will be slim. I have sole custody/care & concern for my child. Anyway whether he has g/f or not will not have an impact on child custody.
 
So, Mary, it is more of a case of proving that you are a better parent, and not he being an irresponsible parent, that will increase your chance at being awarded the child custody?
 
i mean even if tis person he is the one betraying you by having another women outside,, if he is a better father, there's still a chance that he can also be warded child custody.

depending on situation,, Mint, all along you are the one taking care of ur kids?
 
in fact you found any lawyer? My lawyer not bad, he is in practise on Divorce case for 6 yrs.
If interested, just let me know. I believe he be in a better position to guide you. I just finish my case.
 
No problem,, everything is going well and I take full custody of the child,,, (maybe he didnt want fight) so thts y more easier.
 
Oh..I was thinking if he had another woman now (in the mist of a pending divorce case, is he allowed to be involve in a new relationship ? we had not sign anything yet)I am filing the divorce based on unreasonable behaviour. Can this prove that he is an irresponsible person? How about he being a heavy smoker and a person who uses vulgarities frequently ? It might have a bad impact on the children right ? Sorry if I sound silly asking these questions..
 
Mint: Your case is not strong enough if you based it only on smoking and vulgarities or even another relationship. Honestly, I suggest you divorce / separate with as little tension and conflict as possible and remain as cordial as possible with him for the sake of your children. Your children need both father and mother, and even if parents are divorced, your children need you two to be on cordial terms.

I guess it'll be hard if he pull a fast one on you. but from what you have described, doesn't seem like there is any reason why he can win the custody.
 
In fact can I confirm if you are firm on divorce?Have you found your own lawyer? I saw that your ex have his own lawyer. That is not advantage for you.

My case seems abit same as yours. He, in another relationship (does not admit), smoke, etc. but he is e one who wants divorce and does not want to fight for custody.

Cos mine is filed under unreasonable behaviour,, (caught thru sms is very common nowadays) quite sufficient and strong enough for divorce which initially I thought I can only file based on separation. I would suggest you record down what he said to u or sms that you saw, if he never come home, when was that, etc etc,, cos I type about 2 pages of things and submit to my lawyer,,,, they will summarise in point form.

but based on you have all the while been taking care of kids,, I also can't find any reason his is stronger to win the custody.
 
Hi Mary..
Yes..I am confirmed on filing the divorce. Already got my lawyer before him.Only about a week after that then he got his own lawyer cos he wants to contest the divorce. He wants the kids and the HDB flat.

In fact,I do not even want to have joint custody. the thought of him bringing the kids out/ stayover really worries me;esp the younger toddler who had never left my side all these while.
 
mint, you have to be realistic. Whether you like it or not, most likely a joint custody will be awarded unless there are very STRONG reason why this should not be the case.

And also, the father does have a right to have access to the child - again unless there are good reason why this should not be the case.

If you only think of sole custody and don't even want the father to have any access - you will be sorely disappointed. And it isnt very fair to the child as well.
 
Hv you consult ur lawyer if he want to have joint custody, how high the chances is? I believe from the lawyer he/she will be able to access how high the chance of being warded sole custody,,,,,

Access to child is based on agreement,, you give in I give in,,, all bcos of child's good. For mine, I indicate at least he give 24hrs notice with reasonable access. So this "reasonable" word is very "powerful". If I think I cant arrange or timing is not ok, or etc, I can say no.
 
My lawyer also feels that more than 90% of the cases will end up in joint custody. not that I want to deprived my kids of seeing their father, but its more that it is actually not benefical (in my point of view lah). They are not close to him as I am the only person who had been with them thru their childhood. He had prob bathe/feed them less than 5 times in their life. I am the only one bringing them for immunisation, attend parent-teacher meetings, sign school consent form, report book, to the dr when they were sick/ to enrichment classes/ libraries etc. In a nutshell, it simply means that he is not much involved in their upbringing. He will prob bring them out once or twice a month (with me around).

Quite sad to say, but he is someone who dun really care about their education and future. Thats why, i am the one who have to take up all these. He will prefer to bring them out for leisure only. He dun believe in insurance/ savings up for the children/ tuition classes etc.

I had told my elder child about the separation (divorce) and seems that she dun really mind(dunno how true). Told her that daddy will still be her daddy, will continue to bring her out, love her as before etc. She didnt talk much (no expression) and just asked me whether if I am going to find a new boyfren (weird qn-of course not lah ! LOL) & who she will stay with in future. From that day onwards, she had never mentioned a word about her father anymore. He had also not contacted me/ children since.

My worry is what will happen to the kids when he brings them out w/o me ?? will he hold their hands when crossing the road (usually he doesn't lor, he will just walk on his own), how he is going to handle them/ safety issues etc etc..I know I am over-protective/ paranoid over these but just cant help worrying non stop as they are still very young.
 
hi mint_leaf,
How old are your children?

I understand your feeling. Your children's safety is the most impt. If you are worried, maybe you can request to go along in their outing. maybe you have to specify this request with your lawyer, citing reason to support your claim.
 
my ex wife got pregnant even before the divorce finalised . she still got care and control and we have joint custody althought she got $0 sum of alimony.

Right now, you should focus on the attention of your child rather than your ex husband on what relationship currently he is having now.

your foucs must be right!!!

end of my divorce, even my ex wife commit adultery, even i got PI vcd SEEING her going into hotel 81 with that guy, so what!!!

i got pretty good access for my child which i fought it back for 2 yrs plus..having over night access every weekend andplus a weekday accesss weekly.

ir-regardless of either you are the mother or father, your attention should be on the kid and not the other party!!

sadly to say, the law is tilted to the womans side which no matter what, wife/woman got a mcuh much better chance of gaining the kids care and control.

even a father really wanted to take godo care of the kid, still no choice....but then, howto prove a mother is bad as long she live normally with drug abuse, etc etc
 
My worries is almost the same as Mint.. if really my daughter well taken care by my wife whom so pampered like a Princess whome need the care by her mother.. how she will able care my daughter.....
sad.gif


sometimes we really cant blame the law as.. majority is the man fault which why the LAW also biase to one side. For my case myself n my family treated my wife fairly well but my wife can just turn around with "surprise" quitely took my child passprt,birthcert n etc doc. before moving to her mother place.. I am really regret for being nice to my wife by granting her to do what ever she like as long she happy till today i can't even see my daughter freely despite there isn't any law pass down tht my in-law n my wife is the sole caregiver. I really can't imagine during this tough time where recession all over the place and coming CNY that my wife do this pre-plan things.

Is it wrong that my family doted my daughter that my wife can claim that they took away her right as the mother? Claiming to be a mother but when i decided to bring our daughter back to look after she give so much excuses that my daughter will disturb her sleep middle of nite n tht she will affect the work. Even i as the father willing to sacrifice to look after them soley, my wife can be so hard hearted plan to just leave our daughter at her mother place till she 6-7yrs old.......So to say a mother that is so selective tht she dun even bother her own toddler son.,,whom from the time he born and the mother leave him for me to take care while she go for her confinement at her mother place wth my daughter along.... i was so sad from that time till today that my son..nvr had the love from her mother....and thanks to heaven my son is happily everyday wth the present of my parents n my sibling accompany....

Sometimes i really envy why those husband have a nice wife n mother yet they want to destroy it.... seem like this society or this world there is no longer things call 'true love'....
 
Mary (ianmary), Can you please tell me know you get sole custody? I have the exact same problem like Mint_leaf (mint_leaf). There is not problem with child custody under mine care and control however not for sole custody.
All communication are through lawyers till now and there are no visit at all from the child father after more then 1 yr. Is that a good reason for sole custody?
Will it be a problem when my child have to register for his primary school since the parent does not communicate at all?
 
Jus want to share with my bf's situation.

My bf divorced with his ex-wife some years back. The ex-wife committed adultery then, but sadly the ex-wife got the sole custody of the son. The ex-wife and the son are now staying with her family. My bf only gets to see his son once on the wkends. Recently the ex-wife got into a terrible fire accident, and is still recuperating in the hospital from her injuries. And this could take years to recover. While the mother is in the hospital, my bf has to visit the son every alt days, after his work to monitor his homework, even on wkends too. On top of that he is doing parent volunteer work in a school since the mother is still in the hospital. However the ex-wife's family doesn't appreciate this and is very hostile to my bf, esp the boy's grandma. The ex-wife's house is like a temple, where any people can jus come in and pray in their house. Once my bf was nearly bashed by 2 of the strangers in their house. All because of an argument happened between my bf and the grandma. Apparently my bf is upset that the grandma said my bf's upbringing is bad. All these while, the son is watching. My bf is very mad because it not healthy for the son. He wants to fight back the custody. All these while I feel heartache for my bf, because I know he loves his son so much that he can even give up our relationship. He had visited some lawyers, and all lawyers said this fight could last for more than a year. I can’t do much except to stand by my bf. I do love the kid and I don’t mind taking care of him. Just feel heart pain that my bf had to go thru a lot in order fight for this case.
 
Hi..

I had finalised my case.. Joint custody. Everything is settled quite amicably. Ex washed his hands off the kids (Whew !) and have not seen them for the past 6 months already. Me and my kids are leading a peaceful life now. Am glad to say that he did not even contact me / ask to see the kids at all !!! Sounds cruel to my kids but he is non-existent in their life now. My younger kid don't even remember this person.
 
almost 20 months since....congratulations on a new beginning...best wishes....divorce brings out the worst in people, they usually fight only to exact vengeance and hurt, not because they care enough for the kids...so no surprise that he totally cut himself off with your children...
 
I'm thinking of going through a seperation with my hubby... Currently still staying with him in my in laws place. My daughter is going 1 yr old. But i've problem here as i do not know if i could just shift out with my daughter cos he is the father as well, is it gonna be detrimental to me if i do so as the court will feel that i am keeping the daughter away from the father.we hired a maid to take care of my daughter & i really hate this idea but have no choice as he insisted on it... Pls help & advice me as i cannot stand another day staying here anymore!
 
Hi,

can anyone help me on this? how long is the process for divorce and how much does it cost including the full custody of 1 yr old baby and an unborn baby?

Any recommendation for good lawyer that charges reasonable fee? Hope to get one with low fee as my financial is quite tight as another bb is coming.

Would appreciate PM as I seldom check the thread
 
can anybody whatsapp me or call me to relate me their exp? i'm on the verge of getting divorce and i love my kids dearly. I want to get full custody of at least 1 of my 3 kids.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Divorce and Custody
Replies
6
Views
4K
scmc
S
L
Feeling Lost in Marriage Life
Replies
1
Views
2K
DLo
D
C
Cheong Yip Kwong, William - The Wedding Solemniser From Hell
Replies
0
Views
2K
Chewmida
C
C
advice from all please, urgent
Replies
4
Views
3K
novembernoodles
N
S
Transfer of HDB ownership after divorce
Replies
2
Views
5K
jiayan
J

Back
Top