Catholic Brides

hi anna,

i dunnoe when is your wedding though but if its at least 6 mths before the wedding and if you haven attend EE or MPC then its quite fast
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anyway, prior the wedding you need to visit the priest like at least 2 or 3 times...

hi diamond,

this pre nup is done at the priest's own standards.. some prefer to do earlier.. some slightly later. so for your case, if you dun have his license number yet, u can give him a call and ask, BEFORE you do the online registrationa yah...

you will still need to make a trip down to collect the letter cos eventually when you go to ROM to collect the documents which is a few days before your AD, you need to present the letter.
 


minssy, can u explain this:

"Baptism Cert of Bridegroom
(must be dated not more than 6 months before date of wedding from church you were baptized)"

what does it mean by not more than 6 mths before AD? batispm cert was dated >30yrs ago when the groom was still an infant...
 
minssy, already looked through your checklist.. wat wedding vows do couple need to write? for wat purpose and when?

also for the sequence of march-in, i will not have flower gal & page page, so how? maybe no bridemaid also. also, who is "ring bearer"? i catch no ball wor.... :P
 
minssy...very checklist very comprehensive leh. Kum Xia ah.

But when i c ur checklist i nearly fainted...y so many thing to do one???

Got some things to ask u...Y do we need signages? And for sitting capacity do u mean hw many pax can the church take?

And reception tables...can the guests just stand and eat?

Pai Sai ask so many stupid questions...hee hee
 
hi diamond,

hubby is a catholic and was baptised in holy family. sooo, basically we went back to holy family to get the certificate abt 6 mths before the wedding. that means u cant pick it up in May should your wedding is in dec.. u can only do in june...
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vows: it will be included in your mass booklet. its either u use the standard version OR you can write your own words, provided its approved by the priest of cos.. some couples like to use their own words cos its more meaningful but this is subjective. this is to be used in the 'exchange of vows' part in your cermony lah!
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no flower girl or page boy and no bridesmaid ah? hhhhmmm, if that is what you really want, that means once the door is opened, you will walk in with your dad. the ring will be held by the bestman all the while and NEED NOT be carried down the aisle by the pageboy aka ringbearer
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hi anna,

thanks.. did quite abit of homework while i was preparing for our wedding.... yes church logistics is extra nightmare on top of the dinner nightmare. but hey i survived and am still here! :p. actually its fun lah.. serious
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need signages is to help pple to find your place better lor.. not compulsory lah.. i am just being more detailed :p

yes sitting capacity means how many pax the church/chapel can take. in general is ok one...

let the guests just stand and eat ah? if its tea its ok but if its lunch then its very troubelsome lor.. at least u need many chairs or benches rite?
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hi minssy,

yah...i oso personally feel tt dinner is easier to plan. mayb mine is not hotel so easier too.

hee hee..i will be providing hi-tea for my guests at the church...ah...not sure leh have to check whether church can rent a not.
 
Cookiebunny,
I did my tea ceremony at the hotel before my luncheon. My wedding was at 9am, and there was no way I had the time to do tea ceremony anyway/where else with my schedule
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In the end it worked out fine - the hotel provided the teaset and staff to help pour the tea and change the cups, so I didn't need to have any headache thinking about logistics at all
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minssy, i still do not understand the baptism certificate part. my FH has already passed his baptism cert to the church to make a photocopy when he booked the church. So, i do not understand what u mean.. i also dunno wat is "holy family"...
 
Diamond the reasoning behind the re-issuing of baptism certs 6 mths before the wedding is to prove that the person has not been married in church before. This is a requirement to be married in the RC church. That's what the priest told me and its a worldwide practise. Same applied to me when I got married in my hubby's parish in the UK. My mum went to St Joseph's got the new cert, sent it to me in the UK. And when I got married, my husband's parish priest in the uk sent my details back to St Joseph's in S'pore so that my details are updated in its records. So no chance of me getting married again in another RC church.
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'Holy Family' refers to Jesus, Mary (mother of Jesus) and Joseph (earthly father of Jesus).

But I think Minssy is referring to the name of the church called 'Church of the Holy Family' in Katong.
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minssy/Mrs N, that would mean my FH has to go back to the church which baptised him as infant and get a new cert anytime from Jun - Dec (our AD)? how long will reissuance of new cert takes? this is new to me... even my FH said no need to furnish anymore cert when i asked him that time.. he said the church solemnising our wedding has a copy of his infant baptism cert. (priest did not tell u anything wor.... why like that one)
 
Yes he has to go back to the church he was baptised in as an infant unless it is the same church that you are having your wedding service in. My hubby didn't need to get one re-issued because he was baptised in the church we got married in. So they had all his records there. Re-issue doesn't take long. My mum called to make an appointment. It was done in a matter of days.
 
Diamond,
Re-issuing of the cert won't take very long, especially if you're doing it in your FH's home parish and roughly know when he was baptised. There was one person on another thread once who was marrying a catholic who was baptised somewhere in ulu Africa ... getting the baptism cert for them was much more trouble
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hi anna,

yah.. check with the church.. sure can rent one cos pple need to eat..

hi mrs N,

thanks for supporting on the cert and 'church of the holy family' thingy.. hee...

hi diamond,

u dun get it just 1 mth before your AD cos you will need to present the cert during the pre nup interview, which is normally held more than 1 mth of your AD... well of cos unless your priest follows a different practice.... the 'church checklist' i had posted should be an ok indication to you of the neccesary documents to prepare
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Hi all…need help

As we r catholic there are ‘things’ tt we practise very differently from the traditional method.

Please enlighten me on these.

When do both side parents need to meet up?
When they meet up do we discuss on the dowry? (eg. The no. of cakes, roasted pig, $ & no. of tables)
Do we need Mei Po to be around?
And can this Mei Po be an auntie of my FH?
After they have discussed on the dowry, all the items must be presented to my parents on when? During the GDL?
How do we know when is the GDL? 2 weeks b4 the wedding?
 
hi anna,

my comments:

1) can meet up during food tasting or just organise a casual dinner
2) ditto
3) subjective and up to you. the mei po is partly supposed to open her mouth and request things on behalf. if your parents can start the topic, no need.
4) ctive and up to you. no hard and fast rules for modern couples now
5) yes during GDL.
6) 2 weeks could be too rushed... best if its abt 1 mth before AD cos some parents still have the mentality that they can distribute the cakes and cards at the same time, and cakes are given during GDL.
 
dear all,

today i come to this thread with a heavy heart. My non-Catholic fiance just told me that he does not want all our children to be Catholics.

I have told him over the years and stressed its importance to me. He finally agreed sometime last year but now he disagrees. I told him that this was a deal breaker for me and he still refused.

I am honestly not a very staunch and practising catholic myself. The reason why i want them baptised is less a doctrine issue and more a "if anything shld happen to them, as their mother i would like to know that they have gone on to a better place". He thinks this is illogical.

He, on the other hand, would like them to go with him to the temple and also chant. i think accompanying him is fine but not chanting, if they are baptised that's really not right.

I also toyed with the idea of just infant baptism and a largely secular childhood thereafter but then again i think of not sharing the comfort of prayer with my children and that just breaks my heart.

I dont know whether what i am doing is right but its a mess now. Officially, we broke off last night and now we have to cancel with the hotel, the BS, sell the house etc

sorry for the depressing nature of this post, but i am really at my wits end.
 
hi minssy...

Thanks a million...

usually wat the norm for dowry? and the no. of tables the gal side will be asking?

I very scare later i do the wrong 'things' than they get angry. Cos i dun wish to offend them. More over my sis is getting married in Oct'06 and her practise N my practise is so much different.
 
hi turtle,

aww.... i am soooo sorry to hear this.... *super duper hugs* is it really non reconcilable already? its like, he is ok with the break up decision too?
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i dunnoe how long have you all been together or what you all had been through.. but do think over the decision again yah?

1 thing to share with you: if you guys are meant to be for each other, god will let that happen. if not, its a lesson learnt in life. God would have planned something for you already and maybe its just not time yet..
 
hi anna,

dorwy on average is of the range of $888 - $8888. then the gal side will return some.. it could be 1/2, 1/3 or even 3/4...

for eg: if your FH side gives your side $3888. your mum can take $1888, and request for maybe 5 tables? or she can take $2888, request for 0 tables. that means, all ang baos collected from her side of tables will be given back to you guys for payment of banquet.. its subjective. some mothers take only a very small amount of maybe $88 cos they are not 'selling their daughter'.
 
Minssy...u r an angel. hee hee

so we'll discuss these during the meet the parents session right?

if my mum takes 5 tables from us...how do we separate the ang bao given by these 5 tables?

n hor...if my frez give me ang bao do i drop into guy side ang bao box or gal side?
 
hi anna,

its a good devil :p

yah can discuss during parents' meet up... can discuss food and other stuff.. then will have more topics to talk mah..

as for the ang baos, typically the relos will give the ang baos directly to the old folks... that means whatever they take they keep.. hard to draw a clear line.

as for your friends AP, just drop into the box will do. nowadays dun have pple provide 2 box one lah..its all 1 box cos the money will be used to settle the dinner anyway.. so divide so clearly for what?
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but of cos when you are calculating the ang baos, you will have your guest list and indicate the amt that each person gives.. kekeke..
 
hi minssy,

didn't knw tt got so many 'things' to prepare. hopefully everything will goes well during the actual day.

tink tink better arrange a meeting with all my coordinator few weeks b4 the actual day.

btw minssy...when u married?
 
hi anna,

alot of logistics and planning is required.. so long as u plan and have a team of good helpers, its cool...
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as quoted from EE, 'a wedding is a day but marriage is a lifetime'.

i got married last nov.. hubby is a catholic but i am not :p
 
Turtle,
It must be such a difficult time for you at the moment. Although you say that you are not that staunch, it sounds like deep down, the Catholic Faith does matter a lot to you, and you feel obligated to bring your child up as a Catholic. Did your fiance say why he suddenly decided to change his mind and want your children be brought up non-catholic?

Had you both already attended either EE or MPC? I know that for me, this is also a deal breaker, that my children have to brought up as Catholics. Whether or not they remain in the Faith in the future is up to them. We are asked to try our utmost to do this, but at the same time, if the partner refuses, then at least we have tried. As you know, it's not as simple as it seems
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My parents were also inter-faith. My dad went to temple and my mum was Catholic. His whole family was against my mum because of her religion, but she stood firm and I was brought up as Catholic. I am glad my mum did this, and today I can say that my Catholic faith has seen me through a lot of adversity....this is something so special and one of the most precious things you can give your child. I also did go to temple occasionally, but not to worship, just to 'show face' only.

I'm sorry over your breakup. It is never easy when something like that happens. You have my prayers and I'm sure of others on this thread. As minssy said, trust in the Lord, offer this up to Him. He knows best, and if this is truly the man for you, I'm sure both of you will find a way to resolve this positively. Perhaps you can set up an appointment with a compassionate priest to discuss this thorny issue?
 
turtle, i am a non-catholic but my FH is a catholic. i attended EE 2 weekends ago. someone asked the priest similar qn. Ie, the non-catholic partner disagreed to have the kid baptised, so how. The priest commented, that if infant baptism will strain a relationship, it is deferred to a later date. the priest also commented that "bringing the kid up in a catholic way" does not mean "infant baptism". Rather, it means, subject the kid to the catholic way of life, eg, bringing to church, sending him to a catholic sch, etc.

All religions mean well. So, why should you be so insistent on certain things? Your are trading off your "insistence" for a likelihood of having a happy & blissful marriage. I know as parent, you wld want to give your kid the best next time. And you believe that baptising him/her as infant is the best for him/her. Nothing wrong to think that way. But, not baptising the kid at infant does not mean that you are not giving him the best. if being catholic is the best for the kid, he will know.. god will show him the way... esp when u have been subjecting him to the religion.

In my case, my FH is okie with not baptising the kid at infant. He still believes in GOD, and he believes that his marriage shld be blessed by GOD. that is why he wanted a church wedding. Yes, there would not be a sacrement, but still, we will still be blessed by GOD. HE has a broad heart, he will accept me even though I am not a catholic.

To be honest with you, b'coz my FH does not ever stress me over this, I will more open now compared to last time to the religion. who knows, one day, i may choose to follow the catholic way... it may not be now... but much later in life.... the more you push/stress someone, the more withdrawn the person is.
 
Dear Turtle

(((Hugs))) to you. Please don't feel desperate. Agree with Minssy and tootsieroll to just lift the situation up in prayer and let God guide you. Only God knows who and what is best for you.

One of my favourite maltfriscan songs is called 'Potter' written by Mandy Stephens. I've penned down the words here because I think it is something you can identify with at the moment i.e. feelings of brokeness, helpless, confused etc. However don't focus on the negative aspect, but focus on the consoling words of the potter.

I am the potter, you are the clay
Your life is in my hands in every way
When you’re feeling broken and your world has crumbled to dust
It is then I can heal you, then you can feel my touch

I am the potter, you are the clay
Your life is in my hands, in every way
When you’re feeling shattered and your thoughts are scattered around
It is then I can mend you, then you’ll be firmly bound

I am the potter, you are the clay
Your life is in my hands, in every way
When you’re feeling hopeless and your dreams are fading away
It is then I can use you, then I can shape the way.

I don't know what your situation is or what you mean by not being a staunch catholic, that is not important. But one thing I do know is that as long as we have faith God will always be there for us. And if we turn to Him in our need, we will always find peace and reassurance.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless and may the Holy Spirit guide you in all your decisions!
 
Dear Minssy, Tootsieroll, Diamond and Mrs N,

thanks so much for your comforting words and advise. Yes, this is a trying time. We are both committed to making the relationship work (for goodness' sake we've been together 9 yrs) but we are still trying to figure our way out of this one.

Having heard from you and friends around me, I am starting to think abt whether i shld be so rigid. He is very insecure in that he thinks i would choose my religion over him anyday. I always thot that was silly because funnily enough i never saw this in a very religious light until a friend drew the same conclusion from what i shared and she is a christian herself.

Can I just clarify, how do you have a church wedding but the children not catholics? Isnt that a requirement? The priest would ask right?

Diamond, yes, you're right my actions have also caused him to resent the religion now. Sigh. We were intending to attend EE / MPC, the july aug dates but well this exploded.

thanks very much again, i'm truly grateful for your advise and prayers. i too hope that with your blessings, we would work this out, somehow. I guess we would try and discuss again and see how it goes from there.
 
Hi minssy,

Hee hee…I enjoyed the planning process. And is once in a life time things so want to enjoy it. But a bit worried at my parents ends …not sure what to expect from them. Hopefully they’ll be flexible on these arrangement.

I was happily baptized last Easter….
 
Hi turtle,

Sorry to hear about it.

I had the same prob too a few months ago. I am a catholic and my FH is a non-catholic. He only goes church with me during xmas.

I am not a very staunch catholic myself but I do very much hope to have my marriage blessed in God's name.

When I heard of the 'requirement', my FH was very against it cos he feels tat it is very disrepect to his parents. I was very very upset but I can understand his point. In fact I called up and visited a few different churches to talk to the priests.

Basically from the church point of view, they have to tell u tat kids goto be baptised since infant but like wat diamond said earlier, some priests mentioned tat from their point of view, as long as we bring the kids up in catholic way, it is fine.

After some discussion, my FH and I decided tat we will not baptise the kid straight away and he wun stand in the way but I will bring the kids to church and enrol them for classes. When they grow up and show interest in being brought up in catholic way, we will then let the kids get baptised.

Well, I am not sure if this is rite but i gues this is the best I can do.

Tink this is the headache that most inter-faith go thru.

Hope u can solve ur prob soon. Take care ya.
 
Hi All

I would like to ahve some recommendations for buffet caterer for church wedding ...i would be ahving my Wedding mass at 9am or 1130am ..still pending for decision ...

curretnly looking around for ercommendations on caterers

Thanks
 
Minssy,

Need ur advise…usually for church reception how much does per pax cost? $10 too expensive? I have found a catering company but my colleague say very expensive not worth. Providing 8 dishes. And my in-law wanted to do ‘GRAND’ for church. And I m expecting more than 50 guests….I am targeting to order the buffet for 60 pax than renting 4 bistro table so that some guests can stand and have their food. The cost of bistro table is around $45 each. Total cost for church reception will be around $830. How? Should I look for another caterer? This caterer is familiar with the church as they have host many event there….
 
hi turtle,

so long as 1 party is a catholic, you guys can have a wedding in a catholic church.. the kids thingy is an issue that you deal later i guess.

hi ahjo,

CJS is cool
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hi anna,

$10 is fine for lunch and is usually the minumum for most caterers.. tea is about $5.

for 50 guests only, order food for 40 pax will do actually.. sure will have extra one...

as for the bistro table, i think its quite a waste of money, unless your church does not provide tables...
 
Hi turtle,

I think it is best to speak to some priests about this. They would be the authoritative figures on this issue. At EE, we were told to bring up in a Catholic manner. At MPC, we were told that the onus is on the Catholic parent to baptise the child, and that the Catholic parent has no choice...afterall, the child would have to go for Confirmation later on in life, and can choose whether to remain a Catholic or not. Pray about it, and arrange for the both of you to speak to some priests about this...

If I remember correctly, one part of the wedding mass/service will ask the couple if they would bring up the children in a Catholic way (or something like that)...Not sure what happens in a pre-nup interview, coz I haven't had mine. hehs...

Stay strong, turtle...
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Turtle,
You can still have receive the sacrament of holy matrimony even if your children aren't baptised as infants. The form that the priest fills out during your interview is worded very carefully. You as the catholic parent must _try_ to the best of your ability to raise the child up in the Faith. However, if your spouse is opposed to it, and you have tried, then for the sake of the relationship, the baptism can be deferred until the child decides for himself whether or not to be baptised. The Church is very conscious of the fact that not every couple is made up of 2 Catholics, and that this is a thorny issue. I think as long as you plant little mustard seeds along the way, perhaps in time your partner will grow to be more open?
 
Minssy, the church provide only 2 rectangle tables & 20 chairs. And rental of the reception area is $500.00 excluding the church hall which is $600.00!

U recommended CJS….good service & good food?
 
hi anna,

oh CJS good! haahhahh! cheap and good and i got some extra stuff.. but of cos i politely request lah.. keke.... look for sebastian. good comments from guests too...

hhhhmmm, dunnoe why they are so rigid on the tables and chairs but i am sure you can get cheaper from the caterer.. must call and check....
 
Hi CSI,

Is st mary of the angels loh...luckily my in-laws paying for all the church stuff. hee hee

Me went to church yesterday liao....

Hi Minssy, i search the net for CJS but their website is down. u have their contact???

When i saw their application form 4 st mary of the angels...i nearly fainted. No choice cos in-law want us to do there.
 
Ladies,

U have any songs to recommend for march-in @ church? Thot of 'From this moment' but my sis using in Oct for her hotel march-in dun feel like repeating leh.

Anyone has real wedding cake for their wedding?
 
hi anna,

suggest u use 'non secular' songs for church, if you are referring to the church march in
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real wedding cake ah? think the whole thread here only 2 used it :p (so far lah..kekeke)

CJS is at 6383 3113. remember to look for sebastian tan ah....for me, i had 8 dishes, + 1 dessert + 1 drink...
 
Hi Anna Zhang,

I'm using Canon in D (which is pretty commonly used for wedding...hehe)as my church march in. IMO, it gives a grandeur feel at the march in, if you go for instrumental pieces rather than "pop songs".
 


Ladies,

May I know that ... upon collection of the ROM documents, are we suppose to pass it to the priest right after that, or only pass it to the priest on the actual day, just before the mass commence?
 
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