Catholic Brides

[liz4jeroen]

hihi Lipstar,

gd to hear from u! me too! Dunno what happen to the rest. When is yr AD again? me old liao! Ha ha ha.. or u are married already?

 

[lipstar]

My AD is Apr next year. Church wedding will be at St. Anne's. Had ROM already last Dec.

Ya man.

I still remember there was once a discussion on the difference between contraceptives and NFP.

 

[liz4jeroen]

Ha ha ha Lipstar! Ya! I remember that discussion. Wonder where the other ladies are right now?

 

[button]

hullo.. anyone who has a church wedding on a Sunday ? would like to know how early was your wedding mass..

 

[minssy]

hi cat,

dun think churches allow a sunday wedding...

 

[dawn45]

hi gals

me bk fr EE. Its indeed a wonderful wkend ...food was good...we realli had so many meals per day. For all brides gog EE, go with an open mind and u will find that the whole session would be very beneficial.

 

[redpinkroses]

Cat,
You'll have to check with the priest. By right, weddings should not be conducted on Sundays, cos that's the Lord's day. But if you have a good reason, the priest might make an exception. But your wedding Mass will most likely to have to be in the afternoon, before Sunday evening Mass.

 

[redpinkroses]

Dawn,
Glad you enjoyed yourself at EE

 

[minssy]

hi dawn,

good good.. yeah.. 'open mind' is very impt. thats what was emphasized in the previous thread before it got corrupted... thats why its not cool for pple to ask what topics shd be disussed. and also, those who attend EE are supposed to keep the conversations between the 4 walls too...

who was the priest in charged for this round?

 

[dawn45]

hi minssy and roses

thanks for yr advice earlier on.
the priest in charge is Fr Louise. He was the first priest who conducted the first EE .

So hows ur wedding preps going along?

 

[annelise]

Hi Cat

Like minssy said, no wedding mass is conducted on Sundays - only wedding service. A wedding service is about half an hour to 45 minutes. If I remember correctly, there is no Eucharistic prayer and Holy Communion is for the couple only.

I used to see couples getting married at Risen Christ church (Toa Payoh) during the usual Sunday morning mass. But there is no march-in and no special hymns - it's just like a usual weekend mass except for the Rite of Marriage taking place after the homily. Not sure if the church still has that practice cos' the parish priest is prob different now.

 

[minssy]

hi dawn,

glad that you find it good.. remember to keep the cert. you need to photocopy it for the prenup later part.

 

[button]

thankss.. i will check with the church.. coz i was thinking if we are going to have a church service in e afternoon.. doubt there will be enough time ..

 

[annelise]

Hi Cat

You may also wanna try St Michael's. The last morning mass on Sunday is from 9.30am to 10.30 am. My friend had her service there at 11.30 am followed by a lunch reception at 12.30pm - timing was quite okay.

Or you could check the Sunday mass schedules for the various parishes at www.veritas.org.sg and see which ones end early on Sunday - I think most of those in town end quite early.

 

[annelise]

Hi minssy,

Ya, old already! Juz the other day my kid was asking me why I look so diff from my wedding photo - dunno whether to laugh or to cry!

No, I don't go Holy Trinity anymore. I go to OLPS now cos' it's on the way to my IL's place. Wah, so exciting, your AD is juz a few weeks away! Have you got everything ready?

Hi dawn,

Ya, it was quite fun to DIY. I sewed my own ring pillow, designed and printed my own mass booklet and made my own ang pao box too. I was in-between jobs then so had quite a lot of free time! My choir was a group of Catholic friends from the Catholic society in school - we were the first in the group to get married so we were the "guinea pigs"! We got better as more of them got married!

 

[minssy]

hi annelise,

wahahahahah! ok ok.. dun cry

how old is your kid anyway?

yes its sooo exciting! its just 4 weeks away man! things are ok so far.. my church rehearsal will be on 6th.. (AD on 14th). is there anything i can take note of to prepare for the church rehearsal? not much info is available here on this

 

[riberry]

Hello girls, i am a catholic too and am planning a wedding for late next year. One of the first big problem i have encountered is whether to hold the wedding in the church or not. According to priest from the parish that my mum goes to, i definately have to get married in a church or it is not recognised and i cannot receive holy communion forever. furthermore, if i were to get married in a church and my kids are not brought up catholic, i also cannot receive holy communion anymore. Do you gals know abt that? Is it widely known? Because i have catholic friends who got married outside the church and did not know abt this.

 

[annelise]

Hi minssy

My older girl is almost 5 years old - enjoyed 3 years of "honeymoon" before deciding to have kids! My younger one is 2.

I don't think there's anything in particular that you need to take note of for the rehearsal. I juz practised walking in with my Dad, had someone pretend to be the priest and went through all the hymns and the readings.

 

[minssy]

hi annelise,

wah... that means you are married for 8 years already hor!!

ok i almost forgotten that the priest will not be around... my organist will not be around also.. so i guess i will just bring the CD over and test the songs...

do you remember how long was your rehearsal btw?

 

[minssy]

hi ribena,

you are a catholic and should know the importance of marrying in a church rite?

say if you choose not to get marreid in a chuch and just ROM and dinner or whatever, and then you carry on going to church, will you feel weird?

catholics has a stricter rule that if 1 party is 1 party is a catholic, you need to get wed in church.

if you just ROM and thats it, that means you are not recognising your catholic faith. are you cool with that?

sorry if i am too harsh...

btw, fyi, i am not a catholic and FH is...

hi elizabeth & annelise,

you gals seem to be the more experienced ones here.. any comments to help ribena?

 

[annelise]

Hi minssy,

The rehearsal lasted slightly over an hour cos' the choir practised very hard!

Hi Ribena,

Yes, I am aware of this - I ROMed one year before my AD (due to CPF requirements) and knew that it was only a civil marriage and hence was not recognised by the Church. So we did not live together as husband and wife until after our marriage in Church.

It is a Church law and like any other civil laws, ignorance of it is not a valid excuse. You may want to suggest to your Catholic friends who got married outside the Church to speak with their priests about it and see what can be done.

Regarding bringing up your children as Catholics,
during the wedding mass, the Catholic party is required to declare his(her) intention of continuing practice of the Catholic faith and
to promise to do all in his(her) power to share his(her) faith with the children born of the marriage by having them baptized and
raised as Catholics.

No declarations or promises are required of
the non-Catholic party, but he(she) must be informed of the declaration and promise made by the Catholic.

If that promise is broken, then the Catholic is not in full communion with the Church and if he(she) is not in full communion, then he(she) is unable to partake in Holy Communion.

Why don't you attend the Engaged Encounter - a Marriage Preparation weekend with your fh and seek further advice from the counsellors and priest there?

 

[button]

Hi annelise,
thanks for your info.. will call up to check those town churches

 

[annelise]

Hi minssy,

The rehearsal lasted slightly over an hour cos' the choir practised very hard!

Hi Ribena,

Yes, I am aware of this - I ROMed one year before my AD (due to CPF requirements) and knew that it was only a civil marriage and hence was not recognised by the Church. So we did not live together as husband and wife until after our marriage in Church.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is a Church law and like any other civil laws, ignorance of it is not a valid excuse.

Regarding bringing up your children as Catholics,
during the wedding mass, the Catholic party is required to declare his(her) intention of continuing practice of the Catholic faith and
to promise to do all in his(her) power to share his(her) faith with the children born of the marriage by having them baptized and
raised as Catholics.

No declarations or promises are required of
the non-Catholic party, but he(she) must be informed of the declaration and promise made by the Catholic.

If that promise is broken, then the Catholic is not in full communion with the Church and if he(she) is not in full communion, then he(she) is unable to partake in Holy Communion.

Why don't you attend the Engaged Encounter - a Marriage Preparation weekend with your fh and seek further advice from the counsellors and priest there?

 

[annelise]

oops - sorry for the double post

 

[fleur1]

Hi Minssy,
Am impressed that you seem to be very atuned to the Catholic way. Do you intend to go for the RCIA next time?

Hi Ribena,
As a believer, I think it is very important to have the Lord's blessing on your union and take your vows before Him.

 

[minssy]

hi annelise,

i dun have a choir.. so maybe it will be lesser? hee...

btw, just to add.. i already know that i will have to bring up my kids in the catholic faith and in the pre nup, the priest also asked me these questions and i signed on the pre nup form....

hi fleur,

no intentions. i respect fh & his family's faith...

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi Ladies,

Sorry. Been busy. The reason why u get married in church as a Catholic not only because you want to declare your love and to be married to this man/woman but also to have blessings from God. In addition, you are also asking the witness of God and your family, friends who are attending the wedding, not to rejoice and celebrate but also to witness it too. In fact, in the couples' ministry FH and I attended in Netherlands, the priest said this in whatever suitation that the couples go through, the community who witnessed the marriage has a part to play in their lives as in for instance if one of the spouse is very ill, the community is in a way to be there and support for them as friends. I guess many times we only take marriage as face value but truly did we reflect on what is the meaning of marriage all about and asking GOd's to be our witness and His blessings.

Take time to have a thought about it together with yr FH n yrself. It's not because we are Catholics, that's why we are asked to marry in church but we want God to also rejoice like the others, our family and friends to share the happy occasions with us. Be it one is a Catholic, and the other is not, it's still best for both to sit down and attend EE, MPC, to talk about it coz there're many issues that will surface in the marriage. It's always better to come clear what it is all about. I feel marrying in church shouldn't be an obligation to do it for the sake of doing it but truly what does it mean for FH n u.

To share our story, we decided to have engagement mass in church not coz solely for our family and friends but truly we want God to be in our journey and preparation towards the real day, marriage and our future. That's why FH n I want to have the engagement incorporated with mass to remind us as we take the rest of the 6 months preparing ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically with God.

As for not receiving communion, I really am not sure but do check with the priest. Hope this helps.

I hope I don't sound too preachy!

 

[minssy]

hi elizabeth,

nah i dun think so... i think you are the only one here that shares more 'catholic views'.. hee.... which is of cos a good thing!

 

[redpinkroses]

Hi Annelise,

Do you remember how many people did you have in the choir at your wedding?

 

[liz4jeroen]

Thank Minssy!

 

[dawn45]

hi minssy

so can i call the priest to make appointment for pre-nup interview after ee?
For ur rehearsal, would u need to book with secretariat for use of the place and who will be involved in the rehearsal?

 

[liz4jeroen]

Hi Dawn,

U can check with the secretary when u make yr booking. As in St Teresa's church, she gave me the number of the Sacristan's number to contact her to arrange for a rehearsal. I think some churches maybe the priest, different churches work differently.

 

[minssy]

hi elizabeth,

hi dawn,

yah.. pre nup is normally done abt 3 mths before the wedding. depending on how on your priest is, i heard of 5 - 10 mins one and mine is about 1/2 hr or so..

for the rehearsal, it depends. for mine, there is a catholic couple that is attached to us to help us with the rehearsal. as what elizabeth mentioned, different churches work differently. anyway, rehearsals are normally done abt 1 week before the wedding. u dun worry abt it for now....

 

[annelise]

Hi roses

I had about 20 friends in the choir, including the organist, guitarist and percussionist.

 

[riberry]

Thanks girls for all your advices. The reason this issue came about is because my FH (free thinker) believes rather strongly in giving our children the freedom of choice when it comes to religion. Personally I do want to get married in church,but when it comes to our children, as the father his views ought to be respected too isnt it? He did not have problems abt us getting married in church till he found out about the clause abt our kids having to be catholic next time. arghhh

. Think i will go back and try to discuss with him again.

 

[minssy]

hi ribena,

maybe some counseling job may help.... make an appt with the priest with your hubby in as well. let the priest share the importance and opinion. if it still doesnt work, then we see how it goes.... i think its impt to respect the church first since you are a catholic

do share and update us yah

. hope things will be smooth for you...

 

[riberry]

thats a good idea! thanks alot minssy

i will let you all know how it turns out.

 

[lipstar]

Ribena: Basically most of those who are opposed to having their children baptised from birth is that they want their children to have a choice in their religion.

Tell your Fh this.

As the children's parents, naturally we want to give and expose them to the best we think/feel. So by baptising them at birth, bringing them to church since birth and exposing them to God and the Catholic way of life and thinking, we are basically giving them one of the best ways of life.

If you really want to give them choice, then you should give them the choice as in whether they want to be born to us, which milk powder they want, which brand of diapers they want, which kindergarten, which Primary school they want to attend. But we don't let them choose these. We give them what we deem best.

We are not making them Catholics for life. When they grow older, and come across other religions and faiths, and if they feel another is more suitable, they are still feel to convert. But as their parents, we give them the best first.

 

[annelise]

Hi Ribena

I couldn't agree more with lipstar. Some of my friends who are cradle Catholics have grown up to embrace other religions - the freedom of choice is not taken away

Hope all goes well

 

[minssy]

hooray for lipstar!

hehe....

hi ribena
cool.. pray first before you do anything lah

 

[lipstar]

annelise and minssy: Thanks... hehe.

I learnt this from my priest Father Richards during my RCIA.

 

[minssy]

hi lipstar,

cool...

 

[fleur1]

Hi lipstar,
What you have just shared is truly enlightening. I have not heard that before.

Having said that, I believe that it can be quite tough bringing up a kid as a Catholic when the other partner is not a catholic. Perservance is key. However, faith and sincerity will do wonders and might even move the other partner.

When one marries a non-catholic, one should be prepared for little inconveniences like going to church alone. I have seen that of some of my friends. That's why I think a couple should be as far as possible be of "equal yoke". Praying together and seeking God together will strengthen the relationship. When in doubt or trouble, the couple can seek God for guidance and solance.There is also the community as support group. When a couple prays and reads the bible together, there is spiritual connect and closeness of the mind. I think it is a beautiful thing for a couple to be able to pray and seek the Lord together. Not to sound corny, quoting from the "Godfather", "A family that does things together stays together."

 

[liz4jeroen]

HI Lipstar & Fluer,

Well said!

Amen! Speaking from my experience, it does bring the couples together. I practise that with my FH. can't write more! Have to run! Ciao! Till later!

 

[redpinkroses]

Hi Ribena,
To add on to what lipstar has said... don't forget, there is also the rite of Confirmation when the child grows up. And that point the child would be able to think for himself and question, clarify and reaffirm his faith.

Yes, this might be a sensitive topic, so it's helpful to have the priest explain things.

I also heard Father Richards explain this before!

 

[annelise]

Hi girls,

Just to share, my mum is Catholic but my dad is a free-thinker. My dad doesn't go to church with us on Sundays but he joins us every Christmas for the midnight mass every year without fail. We take turns sit next to him and guide him through the mass.

And my mum goes with him to pay respects at my grandparents' tombs during Qing Ming every year. It's this mutual respect and tolerance for each other's beliefs that has kept our family free of religious conflicts for so many years.

My friend's wife who is a protestant goes for mass with him and their 2 kids every Saturday and on Sunday, they go for worship at her church. I was so touched by their efforts to pray and worship together as a family

 

[cleo78]

Hi,

Can I just check does the bride have to walk down the red carpet with her father or can she walk down along?

 

[cleo78]

Sorry, I got more qns. As I am not a catholic and my FH is currently in RCIA and we will b having our wedg in church. So we can only have a church service and not a mass right? What is the difference in the mass booklet for a church service and mass?

 

[tratties]

Hi Joanna,

It depends on the priest that will be marrying you off.. in my case, my FH is not a catholic but i will be doing a full mass. Therefore, its best to check with your priest before deciding.

 

[minssy]

hi annelise,

high five! yah lor.. its all abt give & take... i am not a catholic but i know i will follow fh to mass next time.. that is what i am willing to do

hi joanna,

its best to walk with your dad. if its not possible due to whatsoever reasons, then you walk alone or with a senior person.. you gotta check with the priest first....

depending on priest also, he will determine whether you will have a mass or service. my frd is not a catholic and her is a full mass. i am not a catholic but i will have a service.

no matter what, check with the priest first cos every priest will have different practices..