Broke up & wish to reconcile

[newproject]

Can you not derail peoples thread in your personal feud with me?

Anyway my advice to you is to not invest so much of yourself to a online forum and go out and live.

Its a personal reminder to myself also

The hours spent arguing online in the end what do they amount to really?

Go chase your dreams my friends ? Find a good partner, get married .

Good luck.

 

[miloice]

Miloice

Thanks for trying to be the peacemaker.i know there is an edit function but somehow there is a panel that kept popping up whenever I tried to save changes,so no choice have to create new posts again..

Being blunt does not mean he can insult ppl in such a manner.saying ppl have disorder is totally uncalled for.does he have to resort to such extreme?it really speaks volumes of his own character.

I meant it as a real advise about the edit function. Like you, I tend to add on with comments as the thoughts come. So, I found the edit function very useful as reading from multiple msg in the thread can be difficult.

 

[Sky_Pandas]

Hi all, I am the TS here. I appreciate all comments / advice given here. I didn't log in for awhile as I was trying to focus on myself and to think what I really want. I hang out with my friends a lot and am happy to have met some new friends. I have also met guys that are interested in me but I do not wish to jump into another relationship so soon, as I know they are probably the wrong boats for me. I want time to be alone.

I am trying not to contact him at the same time, so as to give ourselves space to think. But as much as I tried, I would received messages from him whenever I decided to give up and move on. The last I heard from him was last night. He confessed to me that he is also going through a difficult time, its not a stroll in the park for him like what I thought it was (after a comment I made few days ago to him that he seemed so cool with the break up). He just want to let me know he is in great struggle too. He also explained again he is afraid to get back then hurt me again with the same reason.

I do not see that the difference in age, financial and maturity is the issue here. He is very mature for his age, and all his friends (same age group) have already settled down. I do admit that the pregnancy scare was the culprit as we both are not to the stage for settling down. We were together for only 8 months, and 8 months is not very long.

We will be meeting this mid week for dinner and drinks. A restaurant where we had our first date. I have no idea why we meeting or why he agree to it. I think we just want to see each other as we still love each other. I simply don't understand what is lacking that he has no confidence. Why can't we be together since we still love? Why do we have to force ourselves to unlove each other... I want to give him a hug badly to tell him everything is going to be fine... =(

 

[newproject]

I do not see that the difference in age, financial and maturity is the issue here. He is very mature for his age, and all his friends (same age group) have already settled down.

You say he is mature for his age then go on to show how immature he is compared to friends . He's immature because he isn't sure what he wants.

We will be meeting this mid week for dinner and drinks. A restaurant where we had our first date. I have no idea why we meeting or why he agree to it. I think we just want to see each other as we still love each other. I simply don't understand what is lacking that he has no confidence. Why can't we be together since we still love? Why do we have to force ourselves to unlove each other... I want to give him a hug badly to tell him everything is going to be fine... =(

Dear Sky the fact that he's meeting you at the place you first met could be a bad sign. Please be prepared. I hope I'm wrong but its better to go in there prepared for the worse than opposite .

Sometimes love alone isn't enough. The mention about "not wasting your time" sounds like he is aware of the age issue . the culture issue he worries about is a second strike.

You may think it's not an issue but he clearly does. You've known each other only 8 months..

How much of your "love" is based on understanding as opposed to pure physical attraction ? Maybe for him is just lust so he cant decide but part of him knows he won't marry you for sure (for various reasons eg age, culture etc )

 

[cjnsal]

Follow your heart and pursue what you love. Dont stop going for it just because of what other people tell you. They are not you and they dont know you. Take negative words with a pinch of salt because those words are worthless. Most important thing in your life is what you want not what other people think/ say/ assume to be!

Have faith

 

[newproject]

Follow your heart and pursue what you love. Dont stop going for it just because of what other people tell you. They are not you and they dont know you. Take negative words with a pinch of salt because those words are worthless. Most important thing in your life is what you want not what other people think/ say/ assume to be!

Have faith

I do agree with this. We really comment on the barest of info. Even compared to other relationship forums where its customary to state certain info like ages what people post here is so limited. Eg there is a thread going on right now where a girl worries about getting left on the shelf and people comment. Then I ask how old ?. she reveals she is only 22 which leads to totally different answers.

Still we do the best we can.

I was once young enough to believe clichés like follow your heart and love conquers all.

The problem is in a relationship following your heart may come with a huge price as you can't force love from other party. Be prepared to pay the price if it doesn't work out.

I wish we lived in disney movies and rom-coms where things always work out.

But after seeing so many stories you start seeing patterns and the typical outcome is well the one that occurs the most (that's why its typical).

I pray I'm wrong.

 

[life_is]

Hi all, I am the TS here. I appreciate all comments / advice given here. I didn't log in for awhile as I was trying to focus on myself and to think what I really want. I hang out with my friends a lot and am happy to have met some new friends. I have also met guys that are interested in me but I do not wish to jump into another relationship so soon, as I know they are probably the wrong boats for me. I want time to be alone.

I am trying not to contact him at the same time, so as to give ourselves space to think. But as much as I tried, I would received messages from him whenever I decided to give up and move on. The last I heard from him was last night. He confessed to me that he is also going through a difficult time, its not a stroll in the park for him like what I thought it was (after a comment I made few days ago to him that he seemed so cool with the break up). He just want to let me know he is in great struggle too. He also explained again he is afraid to get back then hurt me again with the same reason.

I do not see that the difference in age, financial and maturity is the issue here. He is very mature for his age, and all his friends (same age group) have already settled down. I do admit that the pregnancy scare was the culprit as we both are not to the stage for settling down. We were together for only 8 months, and 8 months is not very long.

We will be meeting this mid week for dinner and drinks. A restaurant where we had our first date. I have no idea why we meeting or why he agree to it. I think we just want to see each other as we still love each other. I simply don't understand what is lacking that he has no confidence. Why can't we be together since we still love? Why do we have to force ourselves to unlove each other... I want to give him a hug badly to tell him everything is going to be fine... =(

Maybe he heard about the women's charter here. It's the most powerful weapon against men. And the marriage system here doesn't help as it is 100% biased against men. So when a woman has a man's child, he is pretty much shackled for life with her, whether or not they are together.

That aside, he is not serious. Sweet talking is easy. It's the actions that shows the intention the most. Easy to say how much a person loves another but hard to put it in action. Think carefully about whether he puts you first when making hard decisions. If you think both of you have a future together, try staying together under one roof and get used to each others habits. I'm clearly against marriage here and cohabiting is the best for any couple. It makes them try for the union and prevents any party from playing tricks to get rich.

 

[Sky_Pandas]

Actually I don't have expectations to get back to him, or rather I am not sure if I want to. I don't really want to be with someone who cannot commit to me. I am scared that he will break my heart again.

I met someone who is at my age. We met about 2 years ago and bumped into each other again lately. He told me he wants to know me better. So for first time, I am glad to meet someone that is at my age as I always attract guys much younger (youngest 27) than me. I don't know if I should give it a go as I don't know if he is sincere as he gave me the impression that he is a player when we first met. Now although impression of him now changed, but I don't have faith anymore.

I am so confused now as I don't know what I want now. My ex? or move on? My mind & heart have dangled up.

 

[octobride]

Actually I don't have expectations to get back to him, or rather I am not sure if I want to. I don't really want to be with someone who cannot commit to me. I am scared that he will break my heart again.

I met someone who is at my age. We met about 2 years ago and bumped into each other again lately. He told me he wants to know me better. So for first time, I am glad to meet someone that is at my age as I always attract guys much younger (youngest 27) than me. I don't know if I should give it a go as I don't know if he is sincere as he gave me the impression that he is a player when we first met. Now although impression of him now changed, but I don't have faith anymore.

I am so confused now as I don't know what I want now. My ex? or move on? My mind & heart have dangled up.

Whatever you do, do not go back to your ex again. His actions already show that he does not want to commit to you.
Go date this new guy with an open heart, just relax and let everything fall in naturally. Things will get better.

Good luck!

 

[Sky_Pandas]

Hmm okay. I want to take things slow now. I just readapt to be alone, and want to see how things flow. Mainly, I want to protect my heart, meet more people and have more options. Meeting people slowly as I am still quite messed up internally.

 

[newproject]

Actually I don't have expectations to get back to him, or rather I am not sure if I want to. I don't really want to be with someone who cannot commit to me. I am scared that he will break my heart again.

I met someone who is at my age. We met about 2 years ago and bumped into each other again lately. He told me he wants to know me better. So for first time, I am glad to meet someone that is at my age as I always attract guys much younger (youngest 27) than me. I don't know if I should give it a go as I don't know if he is sincere as he gave me the impression that he is a player when we first met. Now although impression of him now changed, but I don't have faith anymore.

I am so confused now as I don't know what I want now. My ex? or move on? My mind & heart have dangled up.

Sounds promising the new guy. But yeah keep it light at first.

 

[Infernolord]

So for first time, I am glad to meet someone that is at my age as I always attract guys much younger (youngest 27) than me. I don't know if I should give it a go as I don't know if he is sincere as he gave me the impression that he is a player when we first met. Now although impression of him now changed, but I don't have faith anymore.

I am so confused now as I don't know what I want now. My ex? or move on? My mind & heart have dangled up.

u are 36; and your date is 27 ? Wow about 10yr younger!
hmm no offense, its seem to me, you shld be quite experienced. Perhaps after dating so many, you are lost as you keep moving on to find the next one when u find something mismatch.

Honestly, why not you stop dating (getting attached) and think what you really want?
RS is chicken and egg. I.e. once u hesitated in your rs, your partner will do the same to you, then insecurities will occur. Haha you are just the kind of gers i been dating. Scare to committed and move on if you find that partner u dating not right. I sure you are attractive, given that your age, you attract younger man. Try not to go by your passion/ feeling, think of what you can offer in a rs. Sorry to sound so negative.

 

[newproject]

u are 36; and your date is 27 ? Wow about 10yr younger!
hmm no offense, its seem to me, you shld be quite experienced. Perhaps after dating so many, you are lost as you keep moving on to find the next one when u find something mismatch.

Honestly, why not you stop dating (getting attached) and think what you really want?
RS is chicken and egg. I.e. once u hesitated in your rs, your partner will do the same to you, then insecurities will occur. Haha you are just the kind of gers i been dating. Scare to committed and move on if you find that partner u dating not right. I sure you are attractive, given that your age, you attract younger man. Try not to go by your passion/ feeling, think of what you can offer in a rs. Sorry to sound so negative.

No offense bro but think you a bit biased here due to past experience.

It's likely you are right that she is quite pretty and look young for her age and likely she has dated a bit.

But I am not sure she is like the girls you have dated who are scared to commit.

I mean all we know based on her post is that the guy is the one who don't want to commit , not her ! No offence but think you owe her apology.

Still its possible you are right that when she younger she picky scared to commit only now in late 30s then desperate to commit. But that's all an assumption only we don't know.

But I do agree that while possible , big age differences when the girl is much older is difficult. That's biology for you.

To be frank I can also see why she attracts the younger people because even in her writing she comes off pretty young.

 

[Infernolord]

No offense bro but think you a bit biased here due to past experience.

It's likely you are right that she is quite pretty and look young for her age and likely she has dated a bit.

But I am not sure she is like the girls you have dated who are scared to commit.

I mean all we know based on her post is that the guy is the one who don't want to commit , not her ! No offence but think you owe her apology.

Still its possible you are right that when she younger she picky scared to commit only now in late 30s then desperate to commit. But that's all an assumption only we don't know.

But I do agree that while possible , big age differences when the girl is much older is difficult. That's biology for you.

To be frank I can also see why she attracts the younger people because even in her writing she comes off pretty young.

Haha.. noted..
That why i stated no offense and ended with an apology for negative remarks.
Perhaps my past experience give me a bad impression.. hehe. Anyway I really hope she knows wad she want before engaging into another rs again..
Honestly, she is lost... and we guys also hv emotions too.

Once again i apologies if i made any rude remarks or assumptions here. cheers

 

[newproject]

Haha.. noted..
That why i stated no offense and ended with an apology for negative remarks.
Perhaps my past experience give me a bad impression.. hehe. Anyway I really hope she knows wad she want before engaging into another rs again..
Honestly, she is lost... and we guys also hv emotions too.

Yeah bro, sometimes back to avoid falling on a rebound. Can be dangerous.

Once again i apologies if i made any rude remarks or assumptions here. cheers

It's OK, the nature of this forum is you have to make some assumptions to say something.

 

[Eloias]

Actually I don't have expectations to get back to him, or rather I am not sure if I want to. I don't really want to be with someone who cannot commit to me. I am scared that he will break my heart again.

I met someone who is at my age. We met about 2 years ago and bumped into each other again lately. He told me he wants to know me better. So for first time, I am glad to meet someone that is at my age as I always attract guys much younger (youngest 27) than me. I don't know if I should give it a go as I don't know if he is sincere as he gave me the impression that he is a player when we first met. Now although impression of him now changed, but I don't have faith anymore.

I am so confused now as I don't know what I want now. My ex? or move on? My mind & heart have dangled up.

Hi Sky_Pandas,

Just sharing my thoughts... Reading your posts and encounters, I feel that you might not have fully let go of your ex. Maybe try to clear and sort out your thoughts and feelings about your previous relationship before you go for the next one? In this way, you will be fair for yourself and also the new one that comes along

 

[Sky_Pandas]

u are 36; and your date is 27 ? Wow about 10yr younger!
hmm no offense, its seem to me, you shld be quite experienced. Perhaps after dating so many, you are lost as you keep moving on to find the next one when u find something mismatch.

Honestly, why not you stop dating (getting attached) and think what you really want?
RS is chicken and egg. I.e. once u hesitated in your rs, your partner will do the same to you, then insecurities will occur. Haha you are just the kind of gers i been dating. Scare to committed and move on if you find that partner u dating not right. I sure you are attractive, given that your age, you attract younger man. Try not to go by your passion/ feeling, think of what you can offer in a rs. Sorry to sound so negative.

Hi Infernolord

Sorry I think you have mistaken. I meant the youngest guy that was attracted to me was 27 yrs old. Not that I had dated someone that young before. And I believe what really matter in a relationship is connection and chemistry. Age is just a number. Before I jumped into any relationship, I was always honest with my age, my past and my expectations. Me & my ex even spoke about not able to have any kids due to my age, which he understand and pretty open to adopt one once we reach that stage.

And I wouldn't say I am scared to commit, I was committed but maybe not 100% as part of me was trying to be rational & protecting my heart to be hurt again due to my past.

 

[Sky_Pandas]

No offense bro but think you a bit biased here due to past experience.

It's likely you are right that she is quite pretty and look young for her age and likely she has dated a bit.

But I am not sure she is like the girls you have dated who are scared to commit.

I mean all we know based on her post is that the guy is the one who don't want to commit , not her ! No offence but think you owe her apology.

Still its possible you are right that when she younger she picky scared to commit only now in late 30s then desperate to commit. But that's all an assumption only we don't know.

But I do agree that while possible , big age differences when the girl is much older is difficult. That's biology for you.

To be frank I can also see why she attracts the younger people because even in her writing she comes off pretty young.

Hi Newproject

I wasn't picky when I was younger. I was happily married and was with my ex for 5 yrs, and marriage was everything to me. I had put in 100% to it but it was gone overnight one fateful night. It was a devastating past and I do not wish to go into details of it. I do agree that I don't behave like my age. I realised I didn't enjoy my life much when I was younger, I was devoted to work than marriage. I didn't think about myself or what I really want. Or maybe my perspective of life changed after my divorce and I felt my real life just began. I am still full of energy, positive and that probably attracts younger people. I hang out with friends younger than me, and I do look younger. I am still very adventurous in what I want in my life, so I am also not sure if I can find a guy at my age to have that same energy too.

And yes, I am quite lost now. Before I start seeing anyone again (including my ex), I will just going to focus on myself and keep my energy high. What comes will comes. I am less emotional than the start of this thread. I don't need to be in r/s to be happy.

 

[KopiO666]

I am 36 and he is 30, we were together for 8 months. We broke up on weekends (4 days ago) and had our final talk on Sunday. We were in serious relationship and it had always been stable, no fights or any big arguments. He expressed how much he loved me was always needy and wanted me to be around. Just few weeks ago, he was still afraid that I do not want to be with him.

Everything changed 2 weeks ago due to a false pregnancy scare which made him turned cold feet towards our future. He said he cannot see our future will work out and that he doesn't want to drag my time further as I am not getting any younger. He also emphasised that our cultures are different (he is European & I am Asian) and getting into my family to accept him may be also difficult.

We ended our talk very well and were opened and honest with our feelings. He also admitted that his feelings towards me never get any lesser, he still love me but just not strong enough to let him see our future. He was pretty determined to break up and told me his mind is set like... forever. As he didn't want to mess up our feelings and then back together like we used to, we agreed to give ourselves few weeks to focus back to our lives, to adjust and to re-adapt so we can meet up as friends to hang out coz we really enjoyed being with each other a lot. Till today, both of us still keeping our FB profile pics (photo of us) unchanged.

I am applying the no contact rule but I still have my things that I need at his place. Right now, I really just want to give ourselves space and time to discover ourselves and I know I am not ready to make any contact with him as I know I will bring myself feel negative all over again after the contact. Will 2 or 3 weeks sufficient for the no contact? His birthday is also exactly 30 days from now and I am hoping to have dinner with him (we did talk about that during our talk). I wish to turn up looking fresh and great to pick up my items before his day, and then to see how he react to the birthday invitation. Or should I skipped the collection and invite him out few days before his birthday?

Somehow I am feeling better as I am feeling positive that we still have chance to get back together, I know its unhealthy to feel that day but if I don't think this way, I will start going back to our past and make hell to my own emotions. Any advice?

I guess he dun really have any tots or intention to have any real commitment with you you know babe. Think about it.