At Breaking Point, I Need Advice...

SY88

New Member
Hi,

Im a 33 years old woman, married for 9 years with no child.

Found out my husband infidelity in Sept 2014.
Here how is goes :
I was very suspicious of his acts when he started to went out on every wkends & came home late on weekdays.
I knew im not right to search through his stuffs but i feel lost.
When i search through his stuffs, i found an ATM a condo entrance card, a branded wallet & branded pen (which he usually do not buy) & a few restaurant receipts. ATM belongs to a China Girl name. And i managed to find out from his ez-link records that he alwys travel to the condo area. And worst of all, a 5 pages love letters from this China Girl.

When he is home, i confronted him. He denied.
I wanted to find the China Girl but i do not have the courage.
What if its true that he really cheated? Or should i based on what i found to deem him cheating?

Soon, i became very paranoid. I dont trust him, i will doubt his words.
And true enough, he admitted there is this China Girl existence but she have left him after knowing he is married. I thought, that his infidelity is over & we also promised to keep the marriage & try to work on it.

But..... i found he kept another woman ATM card & the same condo entrance card with a few of his other bank ATM cards (which i dont even know he opened so many accts), worst.... i found a passport size photo of a woman.

Again, i confronted him. He pushed everything away & accused me of invading his privacy that im digging through his stuffs. I was totally heartbroken, he do not care about how i feel at all. Shouted at me as if he is totally not in the wrong. Always claimed that his infidelity is because that im bad to him.

I have been trying to be a good wife, i prepare food for him & try to maintain the marriage, arrange outings with him. He accused that i never give him freedom & always controlling him..

Now, i totally gave up. What im concern is our flat. HDB mentioned that as i have no child, i need wait till 35 years old to do transfer share (he is willing not to take his CPF share).

Im in a very dilemma situation. Do i have to tolerate him 2 years so that i can take over the flat? I need the flat as i have no parents, no place to go to. Do i have to wait 2 years later & file separation & wait another 2 years?

Anyone have same situation like me? Any advise? What is the steps to divorce?

Need help. Thanks
 


Are you an overseas bride? Why would you have no place to go to? Even if you are an overseas bride, you can just fly home.
 

SY88

New Member
Sporean.... no parents or grandparents as passed away... I dont want rely on my relatives.... so i only left with the flat.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
TS, if you can put up for another 2 years then it's just fine . Else, you can consider rental for 2 years. Once you hit 35, you can purchase from open market any 3 room hub.
 

Jaron

New Member
Drive that cheating husband of yours to suicide. Then you have the flat to your name.
 

kumara

New Member
Jaron that's too much lah.
TS, could you ask him to move out? You continue to stay in the flat for the next two years, and when you turn 35, take over the flat from him without giving him any money or CPF back. That's the least he could give you after all these years, plus it was him who committed adultery.

Have all these agreement in writing and get him to sign in the presence of a lawyer and you.

You gotta ROAR and keep your stand. He is very wrong - one woman after another. Who knows how many more before and after those two?
 

infojunkie

Active Member
i seriously think ur husband is up to something... looks like he's been doing a little moonlighting besides holding a day job. my advice to you is to steer clear of him. get a room outside n file the papers asap.
 

life_is

Active Member
Separation allows you to stay in current flat. Divorce does not.

If you still love him, go for counselling together, find out what went wrong, see if it is possible to reconcile. See if he will repent.

Otherwise, just apply for separation, ask him not to give you a hard time, and each move on in life. Do note that during separation, you cannot date another person. Not sure if there is a way to seek a mutual agreement for both to date during separation. At least find the least painful way to move on mutually if that is the best way forward.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
Why can't you date another during separation?

Separation allows you to stay in current flat. Divorce does not.

If you still love him, go for counselling together, find out what went wrong, see if it is possible to reconcile. See if he will repent.

Otherwise, just apply for separation, ask him not to give you a hard time, and each move on in life. Do note that during separation, you cannot date another person. Not sure if there is a way to seek a mutual agreement for both to date during separation. At least find the least painful way to move on mutually if that is the best way forward.
 

life_is

Active Member
Why can't you date another during separation?

Legally, marriage is not dissolved. May be taken against you if you do so, though I think that there may be ways around it. Got to consult a lawyer to know if it is possible to make agreements not to use it against each other during separation. Then again, doing that defeats the purpose of separation in the first place.
 

suspicion

New Member
Nothing is yours unless it's in black and white.

U wait another two years, u are wasting your life with him as he will be enjoying his life with women outside.

Even if he does't wan to take his share, are u eligible to take over, are u able to take loan from the bank?
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Now you can just go for divorce and sell the house then take all the proceeds.... Then live somewhere else for two years and then get another hdb. In the meanwhile, you can go and dating other guys...
Life is short... Before long, you will have grown old with wrinkles on your face and less chances of having another relationship. So, don't wait for two years... You are wasting your previous time. Since you have no child, it's better.... Move on.. Someone who doesn't love you... doesn't worth a single minute of your life...


Using SingaporeBrides app
 

Top