novembermountain
New Member
Dear all,
I signed my deed of separation from my husband of 16 years. My boy is 10 years old.
Story goes: A church friend came to my place some years ago to tell me that my husband has been going around borrowing money. She herself had lent him $30 000. We confronted him and he admitted that he had gone into business and was not doing well. I was hurt that he did not tell me about it. I forked out $80K to help him tide over. He promised to return the money in installments and a lump sum when he gets his bonus. I did not press him. During the entire year, he did not honor his monthly repayments. During year end, I asked him again. He claimed he did not have money to pay me. He told me some nonsense about winding up the business and having to compensate for some losses made on rental of the place. I was exasperated but let it go.
Then the letters from the banks came. I never used to open his letters but I just had to then. Not one bank, but six to seven banks. Money owed was around $7k each. I questioned him. It was the same answer- ' nothing serious and I don't have to bother. It's about the business.'
I could see that he was desperate and lent him another $10k. This was because he was my husband and I could see he was in deep shit.
I started opening his letters and discovered he had been making calls overseas to China and Vietnam. I questioned him if women are involved, if he was being blackmailed. He admitted that it was a China woman he met at a pub. He had been conned. Every time, he would use his debit card to give her money which she claimed was for urgent need.
I lost it. I immersed myself in my work.
In the mean time, at my workplace, a male colleague started showing me concern. As he was facing difficulties at work, I helped him along as we were in the same department. I stood up for him and we saw each other through very tough situations at work. We knew there was very deep attraction not just at the physical level. We share the same values about life and work and exact the same standards on people. We knew it was not right to start a relationship at work and thus kept everything at the professional level. After many months however, he confided that he was in a sexless marriage. He broke the touch barrier and before we knew it, it had spiralled into a full blown relationship.
Due to his unhappiness with the people and management, he asked to be posted out of the company. I was heartbroken because in spite of all that I had done for him, he chose to leave. He took on a position in another company and we stayed in touch, agreeing to spur each other on in our respective work areas.
Then, last week, his wife found out about us. He has left me to be with her. We said goodbye amicably. The rational me tells me that that is the best thing to do, although it hurts very very much. Implicitly, I know that he loves me, but he has to fulfil his commitment to her. He says that he has done wrong and he needs to set it right. I know that it is not easy for him. I also know that I will not be happy if he comes to me, leaving her in the lurch. It will be least painful for the three of us if I back off. During our last meeting, I got him to destroy the things I sewed for him. He did it in between sobs, saying that if there is one day he can be free and we can be together with me, he will want me to sew those cushions for him again. It was a bittersweet farewell.
I am trying to get my life together again. I no longer believe God is a man. I think if there is a god, she must be female. Men just do not have the same capacity to love as women do.
I signed my deed of separation from my husband of 16 years. My boy is 10 years old.
Story goes: A church friend came to my place some years ago to tell me that my husband has been going around borrowing money. She herself had lent him $30 000. We confronted him and he admitted that he had gone into business and was not doing well. I was hurt that he did not tell me about it. I forked out $80K to help him tide over. He promised to return the money in installments and a lump sum when he gets his bonus. I did not press him. During the entire year, he did not honor his monthly repayments. During year end, I asked him again. He claimed he did not have money to pay me. He told me some nonsense about winding up the business and having to compensate for some losses made on rental of the place. I was exasperated but let it go.
Then the letters from the banks came. I never used to open his letters but I just had to then. Not one bank, but six to seven banks. Money owed was around $7k each. I questioned him. It was the same answer- ' nothing serious and I don't have to bother. It's about the business.'
I could see that he was desperate and lent him another $10k. This was because he was my husband and I could see he was in deep shit.
I started opening his letters and discovered he had been making calls overseas to China and Vietnam. I questioned him if women are involved, if he was being blackmailed. He admitted that it was a China woman he met at a pub. He had been conned. Every time, he would use his debit card to give her money which she claimed was for urgent need.
I lost it. I immersed myself in my work.
In the mean time, at my workplace, a male colleague started showing me concern. As he was facing difficulties at work, I helped him along as we were in the same department. I stood up for him and we saw each other through very tough situations at work. We knew there was very deep attraction not just at the physical level. We share the same values about life and work and exact the same standards on people. We knew it was not right to start a relationship at work and thus kept everything at the professional level. After many months however, he confided that he was in a sexless marriage. He broke the touch barrier and before we knew it, it had spiralled into a full blown relationship.
Due to his unhappiness with the people and management, he asked to be posted out of the company. I was heartbroken because in spite of all that I had done for him, he chose to leave. He took on a position in another company and we stayed in touch, agreeing to spur each other on in our respective work areas.
Then, last week, his wife found out about us. He has left me to be with her. We said goodbye amicably. The rational me tells me that that is the best thing to do, although it hurts very very much. Implicitly, I know that he loves me, but he has to fulfil his commitment to her. He says that he has done wrong and he needs to set it right. I know that it is not easy for him. I also know that I will not be happy if he comes to me, leaving her in the lurch. It will be least painful for the three of us if I back off. During our last meeting, I got him to destroy the things I sewed for him. He did it in between sobs, saying that if there is one day he can be free and we can be together with me, he will want me to sew those cushions for him again. It was a bittersweet farewell.
I am trying to get my life together again. I no longer believe God is a man. I think if there is a god, she must be female. Men just do not have the same capacity to love as women do.
Both guys seems as jerks to me. Nevertheless, keep waiting for the one appear. Stay strong! 
