Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

Sandra,
Some of the dishes at Crown were good but some not that nice. My colleagues said the sea bass was kind of fishy ( i luv fish, didn notice this and i had not much appetite that day) and that the same kind of prawns appeared in 2 dishes (prawn dish and nasi goreng too). I thought the roast chicken was good.. I suppose you must choose your dishes carefully. I didn't like the honeydew sago cos it was bitter, think they scraped too deeply into the fruit erm.. the skin.. Usually I like the food at Crown so this was an anomaly leh.. But, must tell you their service was SUPERB. Very attentive, drinks topped up everytime it reached 2/3.. excellent. And hahaa.. the lighting was dim at first but after the 4th course, the whole room lit up gloriously (dunno why!) so I think you just need to ask them to pump up the lighting as and when. Hey, hope I'm not making you too worried here.. i've been to 3 weddings there (all last year), all good in comparison to some other hotels'. So, just choose your dishes carefully, k??

Ally,
Wow.. you were in the papers! Ok, must go home and look it up then!!

Marnie,
Thanks for the e-mail on Eulee.. Price is quite good.. will defnitly consider. Marnie, for your ACM wedding, who is your caterer??

ShadKy is quite pricey.. tho their Balinese designs are very tasteful. It was one of those things I crossed out immediately after seeing the price. Anyway, i've taken Decorama. After I did that, I saw Khaj and was like shucks! but ne mind.. done deal.

Elaine,
I wanna see your Inai photos too!! will send you my email thru private msg. I popped by Sophie's at Golden Landmark last week. Anyone heard of it? My gd fren got married with Sophie's make-up and it was really good. So, anyway, Im considering that and Inai now. I change my mind every fortnight! The strange thing about Sophie is she does not have a mobile number, only shop number. Scary thoughts..heheh..

till next time!!
 


Ally, okie dokie. Thanks for the email. Haven't checked it but will do so later in the afternoon. Thanks girl!
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My caterer and decorator is Istana, Nur. I'm meeting them this Thursday to confirm the menu already. I had 3 times food tasting cos' Meraj and I are a greedy and picky lot!
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Seriously though, we're very impressed with their foods.

I haven't dropped da bomb on them that I want different centrepieces for our tables in all orchids either red or orange (our colour palette). I bet she'll think I'm mad!
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I just prefer stuff very eclectic cos' that's how Meraj and I are.
 
Elaine, those are beautiful pics! Tks for sharing. And u look very pretty...! Are ur outfits all fm Inai? Can provide me with dtls on ur AD photographer? I like ur dais a lot... looks v romantic and kinda dreamy...

Ally, I'll try to scout ard for Sat papers or Berita Harian. Curious lah... Is ur pic featured in the article too?

Nur, wah tks for the detailed report..heeeheee.. macam I sent a 'spy' over ah..
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I will take note abt the food. I actually kinda expect the Seabass to hv tt 'water' taste or be a bit fishy. Since FH wanted the fish dish to be steamed (ala Chinese style kinda cooking), I informed the co-ordinator tt we'd like to chng it to garoupa. But of coz he was non-committal lah, said he gotta chk with his chef on this. As for the lighting, we made him turn it up to the brightest.. I guess not so bad lah. Did u get a small photo frame as wedding favour? Like it? I thot of changing it to something else, but am thinking abt the extra costs..
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Marnie, I tried to approach the ppl at Istana during the exhibition at expo but I feel tt kinda showed 'attitude'. They were rather cold and standoffish.. when I asked lots of qns they simply flipped open their file and told me all the information was there. Was v put off lah, so we decided to engage Lagun Sari. Their pkg is pretty attractive for Malay reception.
 
Ladies

Can I register for marriage online at the ROMM website, even though I would like to get married at home? Wonder how it works la.

A colleague of mine told me that have to arrange with kadi first and if kadi says ok, then can go ahead and register with ROMM. Does the interview occur at the same time you register at ROMM?

Blur queen la!
 
Sandra, oh really? Hmmm....i didn't get that impression at all. Talked to them 3 times at the reception. All 3 times with different people and they all were ok. My contact is Kak Raf, she's quite obliging so far. But then again, different people different feedback, right? Anyways, it's good that you get a vendor that will work towards what you want - most important for a wedding, eh?
 
Cuclainne, these days you cannot "book" the kadi. Not allowed. But if you know the kadi personally, they will be relaxed a bit.

You can go file online at home - that's what I am intending. After filing, you will get a set of no. to identity your application and when you go for your interview with Ah boy and your wali. At that online application, you have to specify the kadi already.

If you go to ROMM itself to file online there, you have to bring Ah Boy and your Wali. Then the interview and taking oath will all be on the same day. I tell you, go book Ustaz Nor Razak. He does a lot of inter marriages and have seen him "at work" - straight forward and not much sermons. He's known in the "circle" as the Cool Ustaz.
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I'm going to book him for my solemnisation.
 
Marnie

Wah like that susah la ... I mean, I have to check if they can speak English first mah. Hmm .. and how can I specify the kadi during the registration if I can't 'book' one? What happens if the one I choose already kena booked?? Aiyoh ..

When my sister went to book hers, she was interviewed on her own because her husband wasn't here then. I didn't know that there's a lot of 'ground' work before one can get married.. Ustaz Nor Razak only solemnises at ROMM, right?
 
Cuclainne, I haven't called the ROMM to find out about who can solemnises in English - I should really today or tomorrow cos' I'm efling at 12.01am on 17th November (!!) - super kiasu right?
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If your solemnisation time is after office hours, most likely you'll be able to get Ustaz Nor Razak if he has no prior engagement at that time you want to solemnise. He solemnises outside of ROMM too (after office hours lah).

These days, when you go online to book, the officiants' schedule will be there. Like Monday, he's free, Tuesday got available slot at a particular time. That sort of thing.

Er....hope I am not making you more confused? When are you e-filing? I'm efiling on Thursday so I should be able to let you know more then.
 
Cuclainne, a forummer posted this on a malay forum (sorry ah Elaine, Huichin and Interrace, it's in malay lah):-

"Tempahan untuk Kadi/Naib Kadi hanya dibenarkan semasa mengemukakan permohonan. Tempahan melalui telefon atau hubungan secara peribadi telah dihentikan sejak Februari 2004."
 
Marnie

I had called ROMM before to ask if they can officiate in English and the guy who answered my call said that most of them can. But you know la, it's no doubt to be Singlish-like so Ah Boy will be a little confused.

How come so special must book at that exact time and date yah? Share share ...

I can e-file anytime now since Ah Boy already told me the hantaran and mas kahwin details. You know, online you must indicate the amount of the mas kahwin but what if you want it to be an item .. like a wedding ring or in your case, a necklace, right?

After office hours ah? I was thinking of having it in the morning or early afternoon, you see. Do some people have their solemnisation on Sunday?
 
Cuclainne, people do still have their solemnisation on Sundays though I must admit most are now doing it on Saturday.

You put it in an approximate amount the mas kahwin is going to cost. So mine, I'll put $XXX. You don't need to show the receipt for the item.

No lah...my solemnisation is going to be on a Saturday of a long weekend sure going to be hot hot weekend one. So I thought I would be kiasu ler. That's why at 12.01am...
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I would prefer it on a Saturday because then Ah Boy doesn't need to take leave so soon after he starts work for the company, you see. Pity him la!

Ok, let me know what details you have to key in and then I will submit on Friday la.
 
sandra, Ya.. heheh.. i macam spy.. actually one of my dream jobs is to be a 'mystery shopper' do you knw what I mean?? I have other dream jobs lah.. but never mind
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btw, din get the small photo frame cos it was a work event. Last few times, I got chocs and some wine charm stuff.

Ally, Oii.. I read that report from A to Z.. Gd report, may all your dreams come true. I can put a face to a name but only for you now.. hehe
 
Oooh Nur, maybe in a day or two, I will upload a picture of a few of the girls here who attended Elaine's wedding some time back. I've met all the "oldtimers" here except IC...
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Oooh..Girls, Meraj coming here tomorrow afternoon, then we can discuss last minute stuff for the solemnisation then it's e-filing here I come!
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marnie, just curious.. after marriage, are you gonna be leaving singapore, our homeland?? hehe.. couldn't resist tt!
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oh also, thks for info on istana.. i always see their ads - their utensils, pots and pans very shiny and classy.. my mom supposed to take care of the food anyway, just thot that I'd ask around. I'm looking for briyani dam caterer but food is negotiable lah.. now that i knw a nasi jagung chef..
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Sandra, you taking Inai rite? i knw elaine recommended Sha, if you dun get her, you can try this person called kak shamsiah cos one of my mom's acquaintances got her and was singing her praises too.. if she happens to be the same person who did elaine's, then great!
 
Nur, our plan is to stay put here for about 5 years or so then move to either Sydney or Melbourne. Before moving there though, I'd have to take a 2-year refresher course so I can practice in AUS.

Oooh...yeah.....briyani dam. Someone recommended me someone but must dig my "wedding file" for that info....
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Aiyah girls, been working on the wedding slideshow and the wedding webbie simultaneously - tough man!

Eh..what happened to rest of the girls?
 
Marnie

We had a family pow-wow last night ... my mom's elder sister and her husband came over to discuss what's to be done for my wedding, etc. Now very stressed ... lol
 
Zierella

Apkim Resources
134 Arab Street
Tel: 6295 1011

Apparently this is the only place that does the 4-hour express course. Certificate will be issued on the same day .. I think.

Yes, it's $400. They need to see the following docs: your NRIC, his passport and conversion card. When I went to register, they asked for my IC and told me that Ah Boy needs to bring his passport and card on the day of our course. I already have his passport number so I had indicated that on the forms they had me filled up.
 
Marnie

Wah ... everything is in place now, yah! I wish I was half as organised as you are ... the other half can remain as bo chap as ever la ... hehehehe...
 
thanks cuclainne!

you are so lucky everything is in place already, i still have a huge headache esp abt photo and videography and which days to hold my nikah and whether i should hold it over two or 3 days, ughh so many things to decide. And the worst thing is i must try please my mom and i almost always do not agree with her ideas/plans..!! i guess i must compromise with her....
 
Cuclainne, is yours a 4-hour course? Mine's over in 3 hours. But maybe cos' there's no break in between for us (we did it in the fasting month).

Aiyah...I like to plan and do my wedding stuff one thing at a time. So I will not get too much of a stress and enjoy the planning and coming together....
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So how did the "pow-wow" go last night? Hope didn't need any extinguisher...
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IC, yeah lor....I always miss you lah.....must see you also lah...you give us so much wedding and marriage advice...

Zieralla, don't worry....try to meet your mom half-way. It's not easy getting married especially if to a non-malay. I guess, for our mother's generation, they still want us to keep to the old asian traditions, which I think is good. Some of it anyway. Not all.
 
K Girls, I was at Stage 4 (out of 5 stages) of registering my intent to marry and the drop down list for the time preferred for Ustaz Nor Razak to solemnise does not show at all even though he's free on my day(!!)...Bleh....

K Cuclainne, tomorrow, I'm going to Apkim, pick up our amended marriage prep certs and will request them to give me a list of officiants who can do it in English and not give a super long sermon. I'll let you know.

Basically though, the registration is straight-forward. Have to have details of your 2 witness. Put an approximate value to your mas kahwin. Ah Boy's occupation, education qualifications. That sort of stuff.

Bleh...thought I could get this over and done with.....Hmmpppfff.....
 
Marnie

Hehehehe ... paiseh .. ya la, only 3 hours.

Hai ... ok la, though I was got offguard by my uncle. Looks like I'm not prepared for anything la .. Sigh.

My cousin recommended Salim Jasman. Heard of him?
 
Cuclainne, take heart. Maybe it's an aspect you didn't think of. We were not married before so how can we possibly know everything that comes with preparing for one, right? Just slowly work on whatever it is that your uncle brought up...

I've heard of Salim Jasman. Hmmm.....maybe I'll get Meraj to call him to get a feel of what he's like.

He'll also call Ustaz Nor Razak to find out what's happening with the registering. I'll keep you posted.
 
Girls, I've efiled!!! Marriage here I come.....
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Cuclainne, what Meraj did was to call Ustaz Nor Razak and inform him of our intent. He said he doesn't work after 1.30pm on Saturdays so that's why he didn't put the times available for him. Maybe you can consider that.

I hope it's not something really serious and you're now in trouble cos' of it - you sound so serious and down. You okay girl? If you'd like, can take if offline with me on email or call. Everything has a way of working out, I have faith in it.
 
Marnie

YAY for you!!! So happy to hear the news ... now can relax a little yah ..

This Ustaz Nor Razak is the Nor Razak Bakar listed on the ROMM page, is it??
 
Yes yes Cuclainne, he's the deputy Registrar. Meraj said he spoke proper English and has a melodious tone to his voice (whatever that means!) but I am happy we got him - going to give him extra token when he comes to solemnise...
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Just in case you're interested in him. He's office no. is 6337 0207 (ext 207) ([email protected])

After efiling, you, Ah Boy and your wali are to go to ROMM for the interview and taking of oath 5 weeks before solemnisation date. But in your case, as soon as you have your cert!
 
Wah..long time never been in here..tied up with elder one's pri 1 orientation.

Marnie,

Congrats girl!!

Cuclainne

Everything ok with all ur preps? Share with us mayb we can help..

Salim Jasman - abit garang no?
 
Marnie

Are you planning to have the solemnisation done at home? Would be nice to have it done in the morning, so even if the relatives want to hang around for a bit .. they could without us having to subtly tell them to leave .. plus I think Ah Boy has in mind to plan a quiet family dinner on the same day so we want plenty of time in between so we don't feel rushed.

Ally

Not sure if he is garang but my cousin waxed lyrical about him ... perhaps he was the one who officiated over her wedding two years ago.
 
Marnie, Ally

Thanks for your concern, ladies ... nothing serious that can't be taken care of. Makes me glad to know that I have support from you ..
 
Cuclainne,
Salim Jasman is a very old timer. He is one of the Kadi of ROMM and one of the head until recently he just stepped down... I used him for my solemnization because my entire clan of family used him. He also solemnize my parents.
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He speaks english very well. He officiates my solemnization in english as hubby cannot speak malay. And no, he's not garang. And he's very fast. No hoo-haa here & there. No testing etc. Short, simple & sweet. He's very popular. On my wedding day, i was very tense & nervous. However, he try to make me feel relax lah.
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Can still joke about taking photos & posing here & there. He's ok. He's not garang but maybe look stern a bit. If you're considering him, you've got to book months ahead.

If i wasn't pressurize by the relatives..
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, i would break the family record and go for Nor Razak. In comparison, Nor Razak more comical and can laugh with you. He interviewed me & hubby during our registration. And he adds a bit of humor to relax the groom & bride. Wheareas Salim Jasman doesn't jokes..but he tries to make you comfortable by talking to you.

So all up to you lah.. but then again, sometimes these kind of decisions can't be made by us solely huh..
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Got parents advise and of course the KPO relatives interference. Sometimes parents also have to make decisions based on saving "face" for the KPO relatives.
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Damn relatives! (oops..sorry need to let that out)
 
Hi Nur, tks for the MUA recommendation. Will definitely chk her out.

Wah the rest of u girls who are getting married seems so well prepared and know so much stuff! How do u do it eh? Actually FH heard abt the 'express' marriage course thingy, but we weren't so sure if the cert is valid, so we opt for the conventional one which is spread over 3 Sundays. I kept complaining tt it'll get too draggy, but will just go ahead to attend lah, since FH has already paid the course fees.

Marnie, since u hv attended it, can clarify how come a course that is spread over 3 Sundays can be conducted in just 3 hrs? Is there a difference in the course content?
As for the Ustaz who will be conducting the solemnisation, can let me know who are the more 'sought after' ones?
I will most probably nikah in the morning/afternoon on a Thursday. Will this limit my choice of the Ustaz whom I can book?
 
Hey Sandra,
I also went for the conventional one which is spread over weekends. However mine was 2 weeks of sat & sun. From 9am to 6pm. In between they will have short breaks as well as a 1 hour lunch break. I think you will cover more topics and there will be more group activities. So you'll meet friends.
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I presumed you're going for the English ones. Don't worry. Majority there are mixed-marriages although there are some Malay-English educated ppl there as well. And those with mixed-marriages non-malay partners, majority haven't converted. Because when i was there, my hubby was the only one who converted about 2 yrs before marriage which surprise many ppl including the ustad & ustazah. So if your FH haven't converted, he won't feel left out.

Regarding the kadi who are more "sought after", usually i always hear ppl like to take Kadi Salim Jasman, Nor Razak or Pasuni Masulan. This is just based on hearsay.
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ic

Thanks for the detailed explanation. In the end, I'm going with Nor Razak as he officiated over my sister's ceremony last year and my other cousin's just recently in Sept this year.

I just need to register online, now that he said he's available on 14 Jan.

Marnie

He's not available after 1.30pm on Saturdays because he does solemnisations at home pulak la. In the mornings, he's at ROMM. Anyways, he's opened up the slot on 14 Jan @ 3pm for me so I better register quick!
 
Ally, thank you!! I'm happy too. So now it's really crunch time and by golly, think Meraj is sweating a bit more now....
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So how was Danish's orientation?

Cuclainne, we originally wanted to do it in ROMM then changed our minds to a private ceremony at home around 11ish. But a few weeks before Ramadhan, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and will be starting chemo next week or so (depending on the wound heal) and it'll be once every 3 weeks so when in April next year, she'll still be undergoing chemo. We decided to do it at 5pm at the museum followed by the dinner. That way, she doesn't need to spend so much time cooking or cleaning the house after if we were to have our solemnisation at home. We decided that cos' she tends to want to do everything (based on my siblings' weddings) and we really don't want her to stress herself. We talked about it and she's agreeable to the solemnising at the museum.

4pm should be enough time for a private dinner after. About 3 or so hours to rest.

Ustaz Nor Razak told Meraj that he closes bookings at 1.30 pm on Saturdays only cos' he does till night on Fridays and Sundays - need rest lah cos' morning already has his usual duties in the office. But he was very sweet to agree to our request.

IC, as usual, you're very good with your advices. Brides to be, better fo pay fees to our IC here hor for her invaluable advices.
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Sandra, a guy at ROMM recommended me to take the course at Apkim cos' of Meraj's very tight schedule. He can't possibly be coming here on 3 weekends so we decided on the express course.

We felt really relaxed at the express course cos' even though there's only us and the course instructress, there are lots of interraction. Mostly it's very real-time/real-life examples, something very close and day-to-day.

One of my friends attended the one at Muslim Converts. She has worksheets, mini quizzes. That sort of thing, like budgeting projects and sorts.
 
Marnie

Danish was excited abt his orientation till when he was left alone with his new classmates n form teacher(tats when his face changed - never been away from mummy tats y!)Hectic n tiring for me though, queuing up for his books, uniforms n t-shirts..

Anyway, yup..it's crunch time now, every nitty gritty details of the wedding needs to be checked n rechecked.

My heart goes to u on ur mum's condition. My late MIL had colon cancer..understood completely on how u feel. Think it is wise of u to change the solemnization venue so as not to stress ur mum out. During the chemo period, she needs all the rest and support that she could have.

Regarding marriage prep course, me too..took the course at Apkim resources 8 yrs back. Previuos ly, if i remember clearly, we had very hands-on course by different instuctors. Lots of discussions took place. Dunno abt now tho'..

IC

Yup, the 3 kadis that u mentioned are really the popular kadis in town. Mine was Mohd Idris but I think he no longer solemnizes marriages now.
 
Thanks Cuclainne & Ally. My mom is doing well despite it, mainly cos' she went to the doc the next morning when she found the lump the night before. So everything went by so quickly. I rather we deal with it sooner than later.

Cuclainne, Meraj's mom is getting better and the doc is optimistic about her condition to be able to get here in April. We are approaching a specialist to look into her dialysis her whilst she's here for 3 weeks. And we are getting a business class ticket for her so she can sleep in a proper bed-like chair. Oooh..do you have any lobang for a place under S$1K for a month? We may want to put Meraj's mom there in April when she gets here being the fiercely independent kind, she'll probably want her own place that time.

Ally, I'm sorry to hear about your late MIL. It's God's will.

Ahhh....I remember orientation. So exciting and fun when you are out making new friends. But kena "holed-up" in classroom, I remember panicking!
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Seeing how my sister is stressing about my nephew's orientation, I can understand the running around you had to do.

What do you mean by "hands-on"? Ours was pretty much an interractive one - more like classroom one to one discussion. I like that we were able to voice our views and thoughts. We even asked a stupid non-muslim question and the instructress was quite open discussing it.

Yeah. I totally agree about the nitty gritty. Double and triple checking on everything - we're turning paranoid!
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marnie,
Take good care of your mum, I'm sure you do already. My fiance's late dad had a kind of blood cancer - multiple myeloma, it was v painful.

By the way, all you gals info on solemnisation has been very useful.. I been collecting tips. I was thinking of taking my marriage course in December but I will be going on vacation soon so I'll just take in Jan. I want to take the 3 weekends type. I thought of just taking it in Malay but FH wants to take it in English so we are still battling it out.. hehe.. I know you gals believe in charming rather than battling
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ANyway, if I want the English 3 weekends type (if I decide to give in), any recommendations? Or just choose any mosque that offers - that's what we are thinking of doing..

So anyway, I gather that even after e-filing, we can still give the kadi a ring right??
 
Marnie,

At tat time, we do have open discussions n stuffs but one thing I remembered is that I had to take part in a role playing activity.
 
Ally, we didn't have that. It would be very interesting though to have gone through that though.
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Nur, aye. My mom is my one and only. She raised 3 kids on her own since I was 6 (I'm now 30) though she re-married like 17 years ago. But still tough then for a malaysian who only got into Singapore to look after small kids and find work. So must take good care of her lor.

You're to ring the kadi you've chosen to solemnise your marriage a week before your solemnisation date sort of like a reminder, I think.

English courses are also conducted at community clubs too. I think if both you and your FH are Singaporeans and are both born Muslims, stick to the 3 weekends in either mosque or CC. It'll be cheaper.
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Oi...must use charms sometimes. Battling all the time can be too stressful. (I'm lazy so taking the easy way out...sheesshhh)
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Marnie, Thanks. I'm looking forward to the course and quite glad that it is compulsory. I mean, there are areas where the prep course will help you understand marriage n your partner better (am i preachy or what??). I've known my FH for 7 years n counting and we're still figuring each other out. Anyways, i think a marriage course is good lah.

Ya.. heheh, I know some ppl are very good at charming their other halfs, must learn from you all. I'm the "keep quiet, then later present my case after gathering evidence" type.. but yah.. must be versatile lah.. agree agree. Btw, your mum's story must do a lot of maths leh... heheh
 


Nur,
The English ones can also be registered at Darul Arqam (Converts association of Singapore). That's where i went to last time. But the classes will be held in Wisma Indah, which is near masjid kassim. The building is just next to each other. One thing about the English pre-marriage classes is that, i don't think you're required to wear the "tudung". If you go to the mosque, you need to wear to abide with the courtesy dressing there. Hehe... when i went for the 1st time, i wore tudung..sekali see nobody wear.
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(i don't wear tudung you see...) In the end, i can't possibly wear 1 week, other 3 weeks don't wear hor.. so no choice, just continue lah. First time wear until so long...from 9am to 6pm for 2 consecutive weekends! That's another tip.
 
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