Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

ic, nope he doesn't eat meat at all - haven't done so for the last eight years or so. I have tried to introduce him back to eating meat - you know, eat stuff cooked with beef broth or use chicken stock - but he can't stand the taste now. When he was here, we went to out to eat and after taking a bite, we realised that they had used beef broth to cook the noodles .. not juat soy sauce. Ah Boy pushed his plate to one side and ordered something else to eat.

When we were out and about in Stockholm, and if the restaurant doesn't serve vegetables - he would speak with the waiter if it was possible to whip out something purely vegetarian for him lor. He would argue that they have vegetables (use it as condiments for meat dishes) so why can't they just cook something very simple for him. Usually they allow it la ..
 


cuclainne,
wah...until that extend har? Even the soup based also cannot take it.. But does he take eggs? Since eggs come from chicken...
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Hi Girls! Just a quick post....

Gotta rush a bloody Affidavit. Bleh...
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Chin, I'm sorry to hear about the car! Your poor BF....As long as he wasn't in the car while it was stationary and it happened, is good.

I'm okay with anything anytime next week but Friday. I like mid week Wednesday (that's when I am switched on). Better decide fast cos' Ally has to check with hubby's schedule, yes?

IC, Ally, Huichin, Cuclainne : Am I the only one here who do not have the taste for dengdeng?
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I'll let you know what we decide on, Cuclainne.
 
haha..whoa Cuclainne! really to that extend! lol..

Marnie: True! thks for pointing out the good thing! ya man..heng he's ok loh and not IN the car! hmm...

Ok everyone, next meet up is on next wed, 19 Oct, at abt say, 7pm. u all ok wif it? ok now me suggest..haha...tot of this nice place. How abt Siam Kitchen at Bugis? There got ala carte or the dinner buffet which i think quite power one..lol

Anyone onz?
 
Count me in for that dinner next Wednesday, girls ..

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ic and Hui Chin, ya lor. And lately he's been in this vegetarian phase - only eating vegetables. But never mind - like this, I can lose weight right. Hahahaha. ic he eats eggs!!!! I don't know what his logic is la but he eats eggs once in a while .. like when I cook scrambled eggs or omelette with chillies.
 
Chin : I'm on for that. Must make quick reservation hor.....cos' everyone also want to breakfast...

We taking the steamboat or normal foods (?) cos' when making reservation need to specify that.

I'm hungry now just thinking about the food.
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Cuclainne,

I dun think that Siam Kitchen have buffet lah..If Im not wrong. The last time I was there, it was like an ala carte buffet. They will serve when u order something like tat..rite, Chin?

Ur Ah Boy reminds me of one of my gfs. She became a vegetarian due to health reason, n its true, even when they use meat stock as part of flavouring, she can pick up the taste quite distinctly.

Marnie,

Curious about u not liking dendeng..any reasons watsoever?

Lilies,

I second wat IC had said..I was quite curious abt ur reason in choosing Scarlet hotel. Is tat where u meet ur hub for the first time?

IC

during ur dinner, wat freebies u get ah? Mine was free flow of beer + 5 bottles of cognac. Bridal suite was of cos..then we had dinner vouchers + a nite's stay at the suite for our 1st yr aniversary. Not much freebies though except that they lowered the price that for the bird's nest as the dessert. Tat also was aredi a whopping 110+++ per person.
 
Marnie
The idea of you wearing saree for solemnisation is cool eh. I love sarees too. I am also a Javanese. But its languange and tradition are long lost and forgotten when my granny passed on.

ic & Ally
My reason of choosing Scarlet is because I think it suits the small scale, fuss free occasion.

My first thought was to hold the solemnisation at home, followed by a kenduri and just take studio pics. But I also don't want to have extra headache with the food preparation at home and cleaning up thereafter. Hence, I thought it's very feasible to hold it in a 2-bedroom suite and followed by food and refreshments in the hotel itself. It also has nice vicinity/ambience for pic taking. So everything under one roof la. Furthermore, I prefer a small hotel than big ones. My guestlist is merely 30-40pax so holding in a bigger venue/hotel seems quite exaggerating aye?

I've thought about Lagun Sari and Tepak Sireh too but I don't have many invitees. I also don't desire sitting at the pelamin. Like so salah coz I'm already an 'old' bride. Let's see if Scarlet can offer a good package, else, I'll just fly to Perth and do my nikah there. Hee hee. Actually, that was one of our plans too but unfortunately the hubster can't get away from work.

Hmm.. anyone has a better idea?

Ally
I've heard so much about shopping at JB. I might pop by there one of these days too. As I don't have many relatives here, I don't go around visiting. So my chances of seeing someone else with the same outfit is minimal. At least, I hope. Hee..hee..

Girls, sorry for the lor-soh post ya.
 
Allyhaha have lah..at bugis one. the one at suntec dun have..heh...unles they decide not to serve buffet anymore? hmm...

me will call up and ask b4 book ok? hehe
 
Ally,
Wah liew..so many if i list down..I think if i tell you, i bet you sure cekik me.
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If i meet you on msn, i will tell you lah.

Lilies,
I don't think so leh..the hotels can provide a function room for you..seriously lah, it's more worth it due to the freebies. Not kidding...
Or you can nikah at ROMM, then hold a buffet nearby. I heard there is a place at Fort Canning whereby you can hold your buffet there. Not too sure which restaurant etc..(Heard this idea from my cousin when he was planning for his wedding)

You want to nikah in perth?? I actually attended a nikah in WA..not really perth city. It's about 3 hours drive from perth in catanning. Hmm..it was my friend who got married.
 
ic
Ya la. Initially wanted so much to do it in WA since it is of no difference since we are not going to get the surat nikah here eventually, you know. As refered by the ROMM official, "kita cuma boleh halalkan saja".

How old is your boy? Sorry though I've attempted to read the archives, I can only remember a portion of it. Too many posts. I'm looking after my good friend's 16 mos daughter on a part time basis. In my opinion, it's good if you can get some time away from your baby to have your 'me' time. If you can, make it a fornightly affair, best is weekly. Agree with you totally, avoid bringing babies to the Bazaar. Prolly you can you leave him at your parent's for a coupla hours to window shop with your girlfriends... since your hubby is not too keen.
 
Lilies, your position vis-a-vis marriage has got me thinking. Bear me with me...Legally, have you thought about the implications of not having an ROMM cert? I mean......should you and hubby decide to separate and eventually divorce (touch wood!) are you going through the muslim law or the women's charter or what? Sorry, if I am pushing anyone's button but can't help it to look from all angles since this is my line of work....

IC : You mean, Poppy at the The Legends Country Club at Fort Canning?? VERY cheap and they are eager to try new things at very affordable prices. I was quoted less than S$40.00/pax for a lunch set menu for a private room!

Ally : Dunno leh. I just don't like the taste of it. Kinda weird to me. Much like I don't like durians...
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Put me in a room filled with mangoes though and I'll be a happy camper!
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Marnie
No, you don't have to apologise. We are all adults here and I for one, have to bear the consequences of my own bad judgement and decisions taken in my life.

Surely, those issues did come to our minds. Hmm.. the best way of dealing with this is to dissolve the civil marriage. To do that, we have to apply for a divorce, spend a couple of thousands on solicitors fees, sell our home and etc.. etc. So, we asked ourselves what is more crucial and what we can leave without. Not much choice for us, unfortunately. A lot of damage have been done. The way to go now is to get our marriage 'halal-ed' soonest. I know this is very confusing but we'll act on that (the syariah law thingy) as time goes by, slowly but surely. You know, it'll help a great deal if one day the muslim and civil law could improvised on this area and cut back on the red tapes for couples in the same predicament to return to the right path. Yes, to answer to your question, should I want to a divorce, my case will be governed by the act of women's charter.

Thanks for the link on Poppy. I'll give them a buzz tomorrow to find out more.
 
Lilies, I think you're very brave and strong to come back to the "path". And your hubby too. I think this will only make you two and your relationship and marriage stronger.
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Hey Marnie, you're not the only one that has not tasted dendengs. The word dendengs seems so odd to me.. er.. like it's referring to my boobies. Yikes, sorry everyone. LOL.

Would love to try it for once. Shall contemplate later this month. *wink*
 
Lilies,
My baby is only 6 months old. Err..Both my parents are working. I think they will be too tired to take care of my babylah. And i don't have maid or babysitter, so i have to take care myself. My hubby not too keen to help here & therelah coz he busy. But sometimes on weekends, if he's ok, he will take care for a while and i can go out to get my own stuffs like toiletries etc. In the same time, meet my friend also lah! Hahhaah..multi-tasking. Most of my friends also understandlah. Ever since become mother, sometimes no choice have to tell white lies to hidup.
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Lilies & Marnie
Seriously, i don't know whether they will cut back on those red tapes like you mentioned because to the chinese thinking(since majority of singaporeans and management are chinese ), ROMM is malay marriage. Sigh..sometimes i don't know why they think this way. I don't mind sharing. But my ILs were pissed off and they just refused to understand why they or my hubby's brothers couldn't be witness at ROMM. Even though we explained to them, as muslim we need 2 male muslim witnesses..since they not muslim..cannot. To my ILs, they think this malay marriage is ridiculous. They also asked how come my father can play a part but not my hubby's father. Even though i explained my father is not a witness but my wali something like "the person who is going to marry me off." My ILs even compared us muslims with christians. They said, the christians can ROM then have church wedding.. you all why cannot be like that..blah blah. In fact, they scolded my hubby why he just cannot go through ROM and the muslim ceremony separate. They just couldn't accept the fact why my hubby must register with malay registry. They told hubby he is not a malay..a chinese. so why must go to malay side. Explained to my ILs can vomit blood... Well, they never turned up for my nikah(ROMM) in the end even after much explanation. What to do..chinese mentality thinking hard to change. And i think you can NEVER change their perceptions towards us muslims. It's hard to make them understand especially if they're non-educated. Even educated ones, also sometimes cannot accept. Sometimes i explained to my chinese friends, they will be like "huh..like that ah.. cannot change the rule meh? Like that not fair leh.."

Marnie,
Oh it's called Poppy is it? Hey, that's reasonable leh..got private room!
 
Lilies & Marnie,
Forgot to add... I want to learn to speak mandarin, teochew, cantonese etc.. so that next time if any of my chinese friends / relatives asked, i can communicate to them in 1 language and explained clearly. I also hope i can think in their direction and slowly try to bring them to think in the other direction of thinking. This experience made me understand better how the chinese ppl think. Sorry ah..girls lor so abit..coz it's a well-taught experience for me and an eye-opener.
 
Lilies, It's Poppi. If you'd like, I have an email they sent me with a sample of their menu (I just wanted to get a feel of their prices). I have been there for dinner before and it's romantic if you sit on the verandah....*swoon* Let me know if you'd like a peek at the email and menu - leave your email addy then, k?

IC : Good for you to want to bridge your gap between your ILs and friends. It's not easy but it's definitely a step to take.

All I can say is there are always going to be people who are ignorant. But that must not be an excuse for them to not keep an open mind and learn new things. So it's good that you are learning new languages to "teach" them in a way.
 
Marnie,
Thanks for the link leh! In case, if got any occasion arises, i will take note. I've never been there! Look at the website..so cool! Hmm..maybe one day i must go there with my girlfriends hor.
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Nolah..my ILs over already. Story over. Bo liao. Coz they put me in a situation whereby i have to choose btwn religion or them. I think also coz i very strong-headed in terms of religion. So they cannot accept, then no more relationship lor. I rather die because of God than have to die because to satisfy them. Muslim thinking, God comes first. Respect Parents come second. Chinese thinking, parents come first. God second.
 
Cuclainne,

We had it at the Hotel Intercontinental. We got the free flow of beer cos my actual banquet package was only 900+++ per table and the usual 1 barrel of beer tat kind of thing. But my granny insist of serving bird's nest as a dessert (instead of the normal cake dessert). So we try to bargain for the free flow of beer. But tats the thing..we added another 200 plus bucks per table for it. Considered we r still paying for it lah.

Chin,

Oh really? Mayb I went for lunch the previous time it was ala carte buffet lor..

Girls,

So paisay leh, next week..I couldn't make it. My Ah Lao will be coming home for break fast for the whole of next week.

Lilies,

Good to hear that..It's a tuff road for u to thread thru.

Dun mind me asking, y civil marriage at the first place? Pardon my bluntness.. I do have frens gg thru such situation and have issues with their parents..How bout u?
 
IC

Nicely said! My dad would second wat u say. Good news now..my paternal granma now willing to embrace Islam..Yippee!! My dad's bros and sis are converts too except for my granny.

N my Hubby's grandpa was discharged yesterday though now he is still a bit weak. The old man really have a strong will to live. Finally, we have a slight breather.
 
Ally,
Wow 2 good news for you! That's a cause for a celebration! (oklah..me & my excuses..so can buy cake..
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)Glad that your hubby's grandpa is getting well.
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Your paternal grandma, wah... how old is she now? All of your family members must be very very happy!
 
Ally
Good question. My reason is a complex one. I would very much not dwell on this. Nope, you don't have to feel guilty about being upfront about this either. We all learn form each other's mistakes. Of course, in this case, I'm learning from own la. But... one thing I would honestly acknowledge is that, on the ground of bad judgement, I have committed a big sin/mistake. I have accepted that fact graciously, though I was in a lot of turmoil prior to this. Ally, if you know of someone who is in the same plight as me and wanted to 'redeem' themselves, let me know. I might be able to help them too.

Marnie
I just realised you are working in a lawyer's firm. What do you do there, if I may ask? At the moment, I am in contact with 3 lawyers (one of them being a Muslim lawyer) for advise on the possibility to annul my civil marriage. My case is an especially isolated and complicated. Even the lawyers are a bit apprehensive and confounded on how to process this. Just hope there is a way for me to dissolve this marriage within reasonable grounds. This is just something for your info ok. We are doing this hand in hand with the nikah, whichever is the earliest, as both aspects needed to be resolved one way or another.
 
Lilies, I'm not a matrimonial solicitor. I was dabbling in matrimonial cases in the first year of my employment but found them especially taxing and draining especially where children are concerned.

You can try to annul your civil marriage but it's really isolated and complicated as you say. Your solicitor may want to put in an Affidavit that you have the intention to solemnise your marriage according to Muslim rites and that you and hubby are only dissolving/annulling your civil marriage for this purpose. I think this is special application to court. Who are the lawyers you have approached as I may be able to advise you to go to a particular law firm who is better known in matrimonial cases.

That is such great news Ally!!! Everything seems to be going in the right direction...
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IC, no worries about the link. Got info must care and share. Poppi really is a beautiful place.
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Good advise you have there for me, Marnie. Appreciated. I am in contact with Ong Tay & Partners, Ramdas Wong & Partners and Loh Eben Ong & Partners.

Oh, thank you for your email on Poppi. I might secure with them instead.
 
Lilies,

My frens..sad to say..they had converted to follow their husband's religion. No matter how much I tried to talk them thru', at the end of the day, it's their own decision. But thanx for your offer. We sure will learn alot from each other.
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Lilies, let me speak to our matrimonial solicitors on Monday on your case and see what they advise. And I'll revert on some possible law firms. At the top of my head, the law firm which Dr Anamah Tan heads specialises in matrimonial. They are good - they were pretty switched on when I dealt with them on a matrimonial matter 2 years ago.

About Poppi, they are really accomodating and are open to playing around the menus so I think in terms of value, that would be great. It's also close proximity to ROMM and you can just have it done there.
 
marnie,
You're a secretary in a law firm, researcher etc huh??? I used to work in a law firm. But it was like hell & crazy! So terrible.. i pity some of the secretaries there. Some of the bosses(lawyers) so mean, scold the secretary like "dog." Once, i even saw this secretary crying while typing on the keyboard. Some even throw the paper in anger and the poor secretary have to pick up the papers on the floor. And those secretaries whose bosses are partners, so ya-ya. Alamak... when i worked there, my eyes really open "big-big". The working environment not healthy though one of the top law firms in Singapore. A lot of big shots there and prominent figures known in Singapore (not surprising if they ever appear in Tatler magazine) But the bonus is good though! Sometimes can give up to 5 months bonus! But somehow, the money is at the expense of your health.

Lilies,
So you considering poppi also? eh, dont' forget to tell us what's the outcome ah...
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(*me being KPO again..)

Don't mind me asking... if a muslim lady / muslim man decided on their own to go through ROM(civil marriage) instead of ROMM(muslim marriage), does ROMM or MUIS call up the person directly to check out and try to approach or do counselling?

Ally,
Your grandma's age is almost like my grandmother-in-law's age.
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Not too late lah...
 
IC, Nope...Me a lawyer lah....ssshhhh.....not too loud though...kinda paiseh.....

Which law firm are you referring to? Hmm....Drew & Napier?
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Mine's not too bad. The partners I am directly working with are great. And since the move, the left wing of the office (where I am) (our floor office for Litigation is separated by the reception area) are usually the ones who tend to work independently and can work without much guidance.
 
Marnie,
Oh..you're a lawyer! Wah..good, in case if anything, can always confide you in terms of the law. So a litigator is it??? Hehehe... now i know someone who is a lawyer.
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Which law firm you working with? If too inconvenient, PM me lah. No.. it's not Drew & Napier.. It's start with A & something..you know already? One of the partners there is Lucien something.. ring a bell already??
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ic
In response to your Q, where either one of the bride/groom is a Muslim registering for a civil marriage... nope I didn't get any phone calls from them (MUIS or ROMM).

Will share with all here the outcome ok.
 
IC : A&G? Ooooh yeah......Lucien is a very good banking lawyer. Yeah...I'm a litigator, though trying to stay away from the contentious cases and just concentrate on another kind of law which I much prefer and give me a life...
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Lilies, so you changing any part the menu? Must take pictures of your event and post here k? *me being very kaypoh*
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I don't like real estate. No market for that now that the property market is pretty soft. I'm doing probate, Wills, settlement, trusts. That sort of thing. It's not as bad as matrimonial where all parties argue and argue and see the kids get caught in the middle. But probate has its share of seeing how greedy people can be once they know someone dies and made a will..bleh...
 
Marnie
I'm planning to hold a dinner, so still waiting for a reply from poppi regarding their menus/rates. But I must say their luncheon package is good. Might use that if I cannot get a later timing for the nikah. I'll definately share with you guys the pictures ok.
 
Marnie
I am also thinking of taking eulee or kalyedoscope as my photog. Their prices are more afforadable.

ic & Ally
I'm back facing the pc as the family decided to stay home till much later as it's looking hot out there. Enjoyed our lil chat.
 
cuclainne & Marnie

I have just gotten a reply from Scarlet. The cocktail menu starts at $60+++ per person. Solemnization ceremony is discouraged to be done at their suite (I wonder why coz it's a 2 bedroom suite) but recommended to use their Bold II room for this purpose. I requested for more menu samples.

Here is their cocktail menu:

Cold Selections

Assorted Sushi with Wasabi & Soy Sauce
Vietnamese Prawn Spring Roll with Pomelo Salad
Mozzarella & Tomato Basil Salsa on Sour Dough Baguette
Salmon with Kawame Salad
Roasted Beef with Vegetable Roll

Hot Selections

Stuffed Chicken Wing with Seafood
Baked Shitake Mushroom filled with Bacon & Leek
Spicy Fish Mousse wrapped in puff Pastry
Deep Fried Crab Wanton
Bratwurst with Sautéed Onions

Dessert

Jackfruit Dumpling
Apple Crumble

If anyone interested to see their beverages list price, give me an email ok.
 
Girls

I do have their ala carte menu and pricings too. Their charges are quite steep and ridiculous I'd say. Especially at $500+++ for the Bold II (for solemnisation ceremony). Also, should I want half portion of Breeze (min 30 pax) to hold my function privately, I must at least bring in a $3000+++ revenue or $700+++ levy. Gosh!
 
Lilies, for Scarlet, think you are paying for the ambience. The food's great but definitely paying for the ambience.

Oooh.....and I met with Kai of Kalyedoscope before I met and decided on Eulee. Both are affordable but Meraj and I were more inclined towards Eulee's works and him as a person. I thought you were almost settled on Khai from Poise?
 
Marnie
I was, until I saw the rates from Eulee. Bingo! I was also attracted to Kai's (Kadyescope) work. Their rates are kind of similar.. it's hard to put my hand on one now. Eulee suggested to meet to show me his latest works. I'll decide at the end of this month. So many choices and prices.

Will have to confirm everything (date/time of ROMM, banquet and photog) by Nov.
 
Oh.. I forget. I asked Khai to reoffer a better price and sadly, he can only give $100 discount, which is still high. I can't afford his fees, honestly.
 
Lilies, I've also received an email from them (Scarlet Hotel). I suppose me and Ah Boy need to go and have a look at the place, as well as several other places, before we decide on which place to book.
 


marnie,
Oh i see... How nice. Such a coincidence. I can ask you regarding something. I've sent you an email. Need to ask you regarding something pertaining to law issues.
Agree with you. In scarlet, you're paying more for the ambience.

lilies,
Actually IMO, since poppy near ROMM, you can save the cost of having your solemnization at ROMM instead of paying for that Bold room or that Breeze. Coz anyway, for your guests to walk from ROMM to poppy is not that far.

cuclainne,
So many have you shortlisted?
 
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