Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

[takahara]

hi ya gals..

im chinese/malay, married to a mly hub..for 7 yrs liao. had gone thru the same headache as all of u. At that time, everything was in a whirlwind..had both void deck reception (mly wedding) + dinner (for my ch side) cum the tea ceremony. Had a very traditional chinese paternal grandparents n malay maternal grandparents too..sigh..everything was in pair..even to the extent of wedding photos too..

Looking back..boy. kinda hefty on the pocket. Anyway, gd luck on ur wedding preps!

 

[marnie]

Hi Ally! Your wedding sounds exciting....But aren't you glad that you have the wedding in pair? Must give us tips. *grin *nudge*

 

[takahara]

Well..Marnie,

its nice though having a wedding with both cultures. esp when u have to change to lots of wedding costumes. really felt like a queen for the day! but its super tiring though..

 

[marnie]

Oh yeah yeah.I can imagine the fun changing dresses - much like a chameleon! I met with one of the people at this bridal shop and I went in knowing exactly what I want and coming out not sure I wanted anymore..*hahhaahah* It is just me bring fickle again...I'm sure!

But really I am actually more excited about meeting and spending time with my friends and relatives on that day/evening than worry about my dresses cos' a wedding is much more than just what you wear to your sanding, right?

 

[takahara]

Yup, tats right..but imagine attending to a more than 1000-odd guests..can get blur also. My whole wedding process takes about 5 days span - tat includes the "ber-inai" session which is to put on the henna paste on my hands n feet (thursday) then on fri was the costume changing aka modelling session. by the time when im parading my last attire, cant smile liao!..in fact my cheeks were trembling! As usual, sat was the nikah session n sun was the sanding. My tea ceremony was on mon n it ends on tues for the dinner. But its nice though meeting up with frens n relatives that attended the ceremonies.

 

[marnie]

Ally, WOW! Your wedding is very traditional. Meraj and I decided to cut everything super short and have everything in one day. Joint reception. That way, we both can get to another each other's friends and relatives. And we are keeping to the guest list of 300 so not too bad to go around and mixing and mingling.

The only relaxing time we'll have is the day before where the girls are going for manicure and pedicure and have the henna party....The day after, we're looking at an informal brunch for the out of town guests.

 

[takahara]

Marnie,

Ya..when I think back..had wanted to have a fusion-style wedding esp those balinese concept..but too bad..grandparents rulez.haiz...

 

[interrace]

Hi Marnie,

His family were the one to arrange for the wedding lunchie thingy, as i was not for it in the first place,so let them settle everything.
Dun noe which caterer they appointed, but it include decor, food and DJ i think.
not very sure haha..

Hi Ally,
Urs sounded very very traditional and tiring..haha..so you got MUA for malay and chinese constumes seperately? cos now am looking for MUA on my actual day, so not sure if a chinese MUA can do my makeup, in fact i dun mind not having a traditional malay sorta makeup..haha..

 

[takahara]

Hi Interrace,

ya boy..u can say that again..very very traditional..MUA-wise had one each for the ch n mly ceremonies.

 

[interrace]

Ally,

so you converted to islam or you were islam since young ?
so the make up effect is diff for when u wear a gown and when u wear a kerbaya huh?

 

[marnie]

Interrace: You can have whoever MUA you want. No pantang one. I thought your package comes with MUA?

 

[takahara]

Interrace,

My dad's family is a muslim convert.(he's peranakan). So I'm a muslim from birth.

Basically, agreed with Marnie. U can choose whoever MUA that u wanted. Mine had two becos i took up two packages. One for the malay-styled wedding, another was for the chinese-styled wedding

 

[marnie]

Interrace: Are you not taking up a package with a BS in JB? Will they provide a MUA for me and travel here for you and stay with you for the period of the wedding solemnisation and reception? Never had "experience" with any friend who used a JB BS. Seems so interesting. (I'm sounding like a naive girl here..*heh*)

 

[hpyue]

hi everyone ...

I am a chinese and my husband to be a malay, we gone through all the classes and I am also a convert muslim, we are now preparing our marriage and if anybody knows any malay wedding decor that is cheap and nice ?? we budget tight la..

elaine

 

[interrace]

Hi Ally,

so u will be bringing up ur future children as muslim too ?

Marnie,
they will charge all expenses to u if we were to engage them.it will be more expensive this way, thus will be better to just engage a local one.me on very tight budget..so PS also gotta be cheap and good..hee...hee..

Hi elaine,
how long did u take to convert?
are u gg to have those malay sorta wedding ? or something diff?
for mine, his family engaged a food caterer who also will be covering the decorations & DJ for that day, so is everything cum.
maybe i can get the no. for u if u are interested?

 

[marnie]

Hello Elaine! *Waves* Welcome welcome....

What is your budget like? I have some price packages on hand from people I have corresponded for wedding recep deco. Also depends on what you want to have in your deco package.

Interrace: I see I see. I have spoken with an MUA here. His make-up quite alright and he's now on his own so you may want to check with him on his charges for prices? Local Malay BS can get under S$1K for at least 4 changes. I can pass you contacts if you want?

 

[takahara]

Interrace,

My hubby is came from a mixed ch/mly family (his granny is a ch) n also a muslim so, both our kids r brought up as muslims too.

Anyway, im curious also..so that means u will b getting ur package from a BS in JB but getting a separate MUA from sg? will that incur more cost?

Elaine,

welcome on board!

 

[hpyue]

Hi Marine..

thanks ya.. I am totally dunno the price of it, I thought if $1500 can do up a nice Dias with chairs and tables ?? as i am a chinese, thats why I prefered something simple I would like the theme colour to be Purple and white, I saw a website www.weddingsutera.com . WOW... the decor is damn nice, but it a little expensive lei..

Hi Interrance..
I coverted for about 1 month plus only, it took me 4 months after the begining class and ST class. My wedding to be will be the traditional malay wedding.

Can anyone advuse me is it very difficult for your to become a chinese muslim ?? the rules and now I cant take PORK.. how your go through all these ?? please help

 

[interrace]

Hi Marnie,

actually hor, i prefer a female MUA, cos she will be required to come over my hse mah..so i feel more comfortable with female one leh..hee..any contacts for female one?
but if hor, the MUA is chinese, then they will do a makeup and hairstyle to suit my baju kerbaya rite?
cos i dun mind having a trendy makeup and hairstyle, even if it will look wierd..haha..

Hi Ally,
actually hor,i book my package in JB is so called considered their high end package, but we got it at less than 2k ..so still consider cheaper than SG one.
MUA for the makeup and hair style should only cost $200 more? i dun noe abt their price though, but i still save loh ..i guess.
so u got two kids liaoz ? u send them to muslim class and all ?

 

[marnie]

Interrace: Make-up usually has difference between night and day.....not much difference between the malay dresses and the chinese dresses, if that is what you mean...I think I got female MUA! But at home, I can let you have later? What is the budget you are looking at for hairstyle and make-up?

Elaine: Meraj is actually in love with one of their wedding dais at WeddingSutera and we did ask the price. Expensive! And some more 3 different days I go to them at the bridal fair, they gave me three different quotes! You want to try this place - blogspot.kasaisayang.com Their package is quite comprehensive though no chair covers. I have their quote at home. I'll give later?

For all: Not mistaken, there'll be a malay bridal fair from 20 May at Expo. In case you are interested.

 

[hpyue]

Marnie

YOu think so too ya.. WeddingSutera really expensive but very beautiful la.. is so different from all the traditional decor.. thanks for the info and help, I will log into the website and view, I will also will go to expo to see their bridal fair..

 

[interrace]

Hi Elaine,
my wedding color also purple and white leh...haha..but if they changed color i also dun mind..but i still prefer purple and white lah.haha..tks for the conversion advice,me think will take abt 4mths to convert ba, did u go to the marriage prep class too?
abt the pork thingy hor, me havent convert yet, so not sure how to relate.

Hi Marnie,
If so, then i should have no problem getting a chinese female MUA loh ..hee...cos me makeup only for the morning rom and the lunchie.me looking for budget MUA loh, what's the normal rate ? maybe will go to the expo to cc look look..

tks for the info..

 

[marnie]

Interrace: The Fair no separate independent make-up artist usually. You have to speak to MUA who are doing freelance. I'll let you have some contacts. Usually can get under S$200.00. Chinese MUA also can..

Elaine: Yuppers. WeddingSutera's deco are really beautiful. They are the only ones who do table runners. And they do use unusual exotic flowers. But somehow when I spoke to them face to face, I don't get the feeling that they were upfront with their prices. Like there's something to hide. You can try at the Expo. The last one, they were offering a 10% discount. Not much.

How I wish I can have a purple themed wedding. *sigh* Both Meraj's and my fav. colour. But cannot leh...cos' the venue has red and bronzey walls. So we're sticking to the red and bronzey/orange theme. Also good lah....cos' a very passionate colour..*hhahahahaha*

 

[hpyue]

hi interrace

wow.. your wedding theme colour is purple and white ?? so romantic ya... I went to the marriage prep course.. very expensive ya $200 per person, jus becoz I am a chinese convert and also becoz I dun want to take the 3 full days course, I cut short till 3 hours.. hahaha thats why so ex lor..
when are you going to convert ??

 

[marnie]

Elaine: Sorry the website should be kasaisayang.blogspot.com Paiseh. Sorry eh...Anyways, do you want to check @ istanawedding.com too? I am engaging them for the food and catering. Have quite a good range of decoration. But it's from S$2.5K on. But they are very transparent with pricing - that's what I like.

Interrace: I'm still looking for you the MUAs. So far, I only found Sandy. My friend used her for her ROM. Not too bad. I'm PM you the contacts.

 

[takahara]

hi, interrace,

sorry for late reply, juz came back from my nite classes. Have not send my two kids for any religious classes as yet.Older one 6yrs, younger one 2yrs. My FIL now teaches them simple daily prayers.

wow, urs would be a purple n white wedding? tats nice..

Elaine,

tats quite ex, ya? for the marriage prep course..couldnt remember how much i really paid for mine..but definitely below $100 7 yrs back.

About not taking pork thingy - i think u juz need to adjust accordingly. Its abit diff though when it comes to celebrations esp, reunion dinners. I remembered when I was little n had to go to my grandparents place for reunions - my family will have our food at a separate table + separate utensils. Abit ma fan at times but religion matters.

I dunno whether u guys realise this even bags or shoes that are with pig skin lining arent suppposed to be worn or touch. abit restrictive lah so u guys had to b careful while shopping, ya?

 

[interrace]

Good morning gals!!!

Hi Marnie,
thank you for the contacts(havent checked my email yet) but thanks!! will give her a call, how many mths in advance must book huh?

Hi Elaine,
Purple and white is proposal only, may be subject to changes as we are not the one organising the wedding..hee.
wa..u very rich leh, pay 200 for 3hrs class..think me might be taking the 3 days one ba..be converting in few mths time? since i just finished only few classes.

Hi Ally,
icic, i tot they must be send off to religious school once they noe ABCs..hee..

Erm, are u gals in any religion before conversion?

 

[marnie]

Interrace: Sandy has a lot of engagements. She very popular. I think you can call her and ask her about charges. The earlier the better, as they say.

Elaine: I thought of taking the 3-hour marriage prep class too seeing how Meraj is always out of town and hardly here. But trying not to give in to that "temptation". Too darn expensive for us.

 

[takahara]

Morning ladies! (or shd I say Gd Aftnn liao!)

Interrace,
Im a bit lazy sending them for religious class..(basically, im not those who wear tudung either) - liberal in certain sense. Mayb when my son goes to primary sch then mayb send him for religious classes. Anyway, my kids dun understand malay at all - got prob if they go for religious classes. They have been speaking to me in mandarin n with my hub n in laws - english. Even considering sending them for ch lessons for pri sch.

Marnie,

is there such short marriage prep course? I thot is takes a few days an each session min 3 - 4 hrs?

 

[marnie]

There is a 3 hour course now. One couple and one teacher. Personal basis. I suppose it will cater for people who have to work shifts and on weekends. The three Sundays classes are whole days - 9-5. Quite long.

 

[interrace]

Hi Marnie,

What's sandy's contact again? sorry i dun noe where u post liaoz..lazy to check also hee..
tks though i saw ur PM liaoz..very impressive.
mine should be considered ROM or wedding day makeup and hairdo huh?

Hi Ally,
i think i will be more liberal..hee..hee..
icic,how come dun wanna teach them speak malay? for me if i ever have kids next time, will like to teach them malay, mandarin, english and my dialect.hee..hee...will equip them in their life in future..

 

[takahara]

Hi interrace,

Actually, its not that I dun wan them to learn malay. In fact when schooling my mother tongue is malay, but very cham lah...not even half past six. My mandarin is so much fluent than malay. Anyway, both my kids attends preschool that only offers ch n english. But better lah..its a sellable language, malay can learn slowly at home. Only thing, I can't teach them my dialect - Im teochew n hopeless in it. haiz...

 

[hpyue]

Marnie..

hihi..I checked istanswedding.com, will check a few more then decide, headache lei.. I actually do not want the wedding thing, husband to be side wanted so much, they said they will paid everything, now that I requested purple and white for my theme colour, they ask me to pay for the decor.. very fun man....

Interrace...

Is not that I am rich, just that I rather paid more to sit in there for 3 hours than sit there for 3 full days sia.. sure to fall asleep. hahaha.. YOu now attending class every sundays ?? must be fully prepared before you convert ya, got to go for the evalulation test, first thing they test me on the prayer, keong cheong like spider, anyway I took twice to pass my exam, nearly gave up at the point of time.. maybe I wasnt really prepare la..

Ally..
How long have you been married ya ?? life after that still same ?? me having problem talking to his mother, I can sense she prefered her son to have a malay wife..

 

[takahara]

Hi Elaine,

Married for coming to 7 yrs liao. Some ppl say - 7 yrs itch..hehehe! So far so gd lor. Some ppl say hao ming..we still go crazy over each other at times..though got its ups n downs.. So far, my late MIL, wasnt too happy that I was my hubby's chosen one. Furthermore, I came from a mixed Ch/mly family, she was afraid that her bao bei son kena kidnapped away. sigh..woes of a DIL

 

[hpyue]

ally..

you are from mixed Ch/mly should be ok what,at least you dun have to start from the begining like us ya right ?? now my life total changed sia 360 degree ya.. me already convert but at times still eat pork, I know is very wrong, I have a very traditional aunt that brought me up, she dislike muslim alot, so when I am with her, as she cook anything with pork, I just eat and ask for forgivness..

stress ya

 

[takahara]

well..Elaine,

my own grandmum (father's mum) also the same wat..she's also very traditional..esp when reunion dinners. but i think gotta stand firm lor..anyway, i was brought up in a ch environment. got alot of adjustments to do when i married into my hubby's family. esp the cooking..cannot eat spicy food..so normally i ta pao food home. then my late MIL will nag say, i dun appreciate her cooking lar..blah..blah..blah

 

[hpyue]

ally..

yeah lor.. everything got to adjust ..luckily I love his mum's cooking. spicy good man.. I have to malay liow, if not I forever dunno what they talking about me.

Can anyone tells me how your adjust to muslim life ?? some of my friends will make fun of me being with a malay husband, one of my friend even said I married osama gang.. they simply look down on malay.. not only my friends, many people will have the same thoughts, sometimes I feel pai say too.. sian ...

 

[marnie]

Elaine: I think your friends who make fun of you saying insensitive things like that are not really your friends? Forgive me for being blunt, but making fun of a religion when they do not know anything about that religion is just being a bigot (sorry! I have low tolerance for people who are bigots/racists) - they really should think twice about making fun of you.

I think converting to another religion is a BIG step. I don't think anyone can just overnight do things or don't do things one has never done. Tolerance play a big part in a muslim's everyday life, or any religion for that matter. So, just be patient and try your best and evaluate your progress day to day.

Sorry but because I'm born Muslim, i really don't have any idea what you're going through but I have friends who are converts and it's been an eye-opener for me.

Interrace: Sandy can be contacted at 9005 5210.

 

[icechoco]

sorry girls for intruding. but just want to give my opinions.
Elaine, if you never going to be firm, marriage life is going to be difficult for you later. You need to start right from the beginning. Don't do 1/2 past-six. If you don't send the correct and right message across, you will have lots of confusion later. So you have to be firm with your family members on what are the restrictions with being muslims. If not, what for convert? So you mean, you rather fear humans than God? May as well, don't convert. 2nd thing, about your friends making fun of you. Look girl, we're living in a cruel world. Racism do exist. So who cares? If you go to angmoh country, the angmoh look down on the chinese. They consider chinese dirty ppl. So, it's the same everywhere. It's just the mentality of the ppl. Just to share my experiences...I married a chinese man. There were times i felt depressed.(Actually most of the time when i was getting married) But i guess, i'm a very determined and strong person. I fear no one except God..so guess that's what keep me burning. Hey, no one says it's easy. There will be times when you will succumb to depressions, lots of confusion and a lot of why's...Sometimes girls..you need to play your cards well so as not to let ppl step on your head so easily. Just like office politics. Hey, we live life for ourselves right.

Lastly, enjoy your wedding preparations.

 

[hpyue]

Marnie and ic...

Thanks very much for all the advise.. I will take note and bear in mind and of cos to be a better person ..

 

[marnie]

Elaine: Actually I know it's quite tough to convert. But I do agree with ic. I'm born muslim and sometimes, I have a tough time with my own muslim friends so not all is lost.

I think most important is if you have doubts clarify with "brothers" and "sisters" at the association. Also will help, I think if you talk to your FH.

Anyways, be happy yeah? You're marrying the one you love....!

 

[interrace]

Hi Gals,

GOod morning!!

Elaine,
how come they failed u leh ?

Tks Ally, for sandy's no.

Actually i do agree that conversion is a gigantic step to take and is really not easy loh.
*sign*

 

[icechoco]

hi girls..sorry a bit off topic(or could be related)Maybe some of you girls might experience such issues when preparing for the wedding.
http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/284427.html?1115928313#POST1203397
Ally,
i think you might have not gone to that thread anymore. So, i posted it here. Just wondering, so how do you & your hubby pay respects to your ancenstors? Coz, when i married my hubby, this was such a BIG issue.
Interrace,
Converting to another religion is a big step. But i think when it comes to the non-muslims they are not able to take it becoz of the lifestyle of the muslims. To them, it's too many restrictions. But of course, to muslims, they're not. Again, PERCEPTIONS of ppl.

 

[interrace]

i do think is more than perceptions ba ..is more like we are brought up this way, then suddenly we have to live in another way, we are human loh ..will take time to adapt and accept.
we have qns and the answers given might not be to our satisfactory but we still have to follow the "right" way.

marriage is nvr easy loh , inter-racial, inter-continent ones even more difficult, as it involves adapting and accepting diff sets of culture, lifestyles, beliefs, religions...

 

[marnie]

I so agree with Interrace. Marriage is not easy.

Interrace: Have you called Sandy yet?

 

[takahara]

Hi ladies!

Ic,

We do not offer incence though on my wedding, but we do bow to the tablet at my gram's plc. My hubby n I do have issues over this matter bcos basically, Muslims are not suppose to worship idols except God himself. But I believe without our ancestors, we wont be around. Therefore paying due respect, I guess is the most appropriate.

Marnie, Interrace, Elaine,

Human as human we do have our strengths and weaknesses. I think in marriage, it takes two to make it happen. Its difficult to start with, but since ur choosing this path, never look back n work hard for future. Sometimes, differences in cultures/traditions may trigger some unhappiness in the marriage, esp when ur pregnant..both mothers (his n mine) have their own dos n don'ts. Can have a big rift among families if u dun adhere to them. Even naming the child also cause me a big headache.

 

[interrace]

Hi Marnie,

Have not..hee..maybe later.
must call so early?
how's her work huh? any pics to show?

Hi Ally,
Is true...what u mentioned..we even have toks of not having children..haha..due to all the future complications..but shall see how.

 

[icechoco]

Hi Ally,
ic..so you bow. I guess this is already up to invidual huh.. I was put in such a critical position. Really go nutz over it that time. Becoz, i learnt in religious classes since young and was taught that we're not allow to do such things. I actually talked to in-laws regarding to come to a compromise by doing tea ceremony. But since these ancenstors was also an issue, suggestion of instead of bowing was to place a bouquet of flowers at the tablet which was at the altar and also since i got married in april which was also the "qing ming" period, i agreed to go to a place where they put their ancenstors ashes and to pay respect by placing flower also. However, they're not able to compromise. Insists on bowing. Of course, i didn't sucummb to that. Becoz i approached 2 organizations for help & advise.
1. The Muslims Converts Association in Singapore. They refer me to an Ustazah(female religious teacher). She told me, bowing to ancenstors tablet is not allowed. Having tea ceremony is fine.
2. The Muslim Religious Council in Singapore(MUIS). They refer me to an Ustad(male religious teacher). He also told me the same.
Talked to my hubby regarding this...and we decided to be firm about it. Becoz, in marriage life, we have to put the message across right from the start as this will also affect our children. According to hubby, later when you have children, your baby during the "man yue" (1 month celebration) period, the baby will also be "respecting" the ancenstors tablet (like showing to the ancenstors) at the altar.
How come naming the child also have headache for you? You marry a malay hubby right? So you mean, your children use your chinese surname? Or you have chinese names for your children? But later on, in the children's IC, they will be considered as malay right, since follow hubby. So how many children you have now?

I have a 1 month old baby boy.

Interrace,
True. Marriage life itself is not easy. What's more if different religion and different race. Me & hubby able to compromise in terms of practicising cultures as long as it doesn't forbids in terms of islam.

 

[hpyue]

hi ladies....

your seens to go through alot ya, knowing which right path to go and not... Jus wondering ya.. did you gals meet up ?? I am new here you see.. feel great talking in here as most are mix couples, better understanding.. So I guess you gals know each other for long ??


Interrance..
They failed me becos of my prayers.. I went for my evalulation without attending my ST course, I didnt know they will test me on that, I was in a rushed too la.. need my evalulation to be done fast to covert and ROMM intime to produce my Cert to HDB lor.. thats why is so messed up ..

 

[takahara]

ic,

we dun wan my granny to make alot of noise thats y we juz bow to the tablet lor. My children's name - they have malay names (officially) but also have chinese name for daily address. The thing is, we wanted a name which sounds not too malay n not too chinese either. Tried to be partial to both side. Furthermore, my side wans a particular name n my hubby's side wanted another set of name. Race in IC - ya they r considered malay. Cos girls dun carry down the family surname so i dun register their ch names officially.