Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

Good afternoon girls!

I've got no time to entertain my Monday blues today. Got into the office at 7.30 and start work liao. So stressed. Everyday like this, can die.

Huichin: Yeah..my wedding in April. Hottest month of the year. So scared, my guests at the reception are going to get "fried" sitting under the marquee....
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Cuclainne: Ah...that's smart thinking. He's got 364 days to marry you before he turns 33.
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Charsiew Rice : Actually Fort Canning quite romantic. Dinner under the evening stars....*swoon*

Ally : GSS....Don't remind me...Everyday I tempted to stop by at Orchard to go shopping. Luckily I am at Shenton Way, if not, really bankrupt...
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Ally: Muahaha...i see!

haha..hey marnie u work at shenton way too?? where?

me at No.1 Shenton way! Maybe we can go down together on thurs to meet da girls! hehe
 
Huichin: Me at No. 5....I pass your office everyday lah!
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Maybe we pass by each other everyday and never know....

Cuclainne: Yeah..men very smart when making plans to get married, eh? Meraj actually negotiated to bring wedding forward to April next year. I was actually wanting to have it in June/July 2006 (so his family can travel during the summer hols in US) but he retaliated as it is going to be World Cup Germany..Bleh...

But then again, we should be glad that our men are not afraid to commit themselves to marriage.
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Marnie: well, at first he said he would like to have it either in Dec (gives his families/ friends the opportunity to escape the harsh winter there) or in June (summer holidays). But Dec is monsoon season and he wants the dinner outdoors so how ... now he gives me the 'i'll marry you when i'm 32' speech ... hmmm... lol
 
So farneee Elias....
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Just wondering - I understand if it's personal - did Elias and you talk about how to go about arranging the wedding receptions ie. in the western culture, the bride's family pays for the wedding reception. In the Malay culture here, each side to bear it's own.

Quite a hefty sum if you have to bear costs of both. Thankfully Meraj and I are just having a joint one and sharing the costs between the two of us.

Huichin: We can meet and go together to our pig-out session at Swensons at Funan! YEAY!
 
Marnie: Hahaha - that's one of the reasons why I love him lor. Because he's soooo funny. When we were in London and I wasn't sure if I wanted to purchase a hat and a bag I was eyeing, he modelled those for me. Lol... very funny.

Actually we're planning for a joint reception. His families/ friends are coming down so my parents decided to pay for the Sunday lunch-thingy. Me and Elias would pay for the dinner. He didn't want to have two separate receptions as it would not give our families the opportunity to meet and mingle.

Can you believe that when i asked him how much 'hantaran' he's giving me, he retorted by asking me how much I'm giving him!!! LOL ...
 
Cuclainne: NO WAY!!!?! Meraj said the exact same thing when I asked him about the duit hantaran!
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We are doing away with much of the gift-exchange thingee cos' we don't need a lot of things. I'm still toying with the duit hantaran but only very minimal like S$1K or $2K only. Most likely doing away with it too, though.
 
Hi ladies,
Talking about "hantaran" (dowry) i guess, i'm very traditional in terms of that. I can't stand if the guy or the guy's side ask for the dowry instead. Just pisses me off. It actually shows as if the man got no balls to support the woman or the man's family are either opportunistic ppl or shameless. I think i still have my malay asian roots very deep. Since now, i have a baby son. When he grows up, i make sure he doesn't ask for the dowry. I make sure my future DIL will have a dowry and my son is able to support my future DIL. If not, i won't allow him to marry.
 
IC,

Me too! I guess if the guy do not have the money to pay for the dowry, then might as well dun marry. Dun wan the guys to think that getting marry is so ez n then dun think of the responsibilities after it. Will make sure my son save first b4 wanting to get married. Hehe..very giam mummy, dun u all think so?
 
IC: Eh....you mean got Malay guy ask for dowry, huh?? You mean the gift exchange is it???

It's just that the Bangladeshi culture is different cos' it's a mix of Persian and Indian cultures. They are entitled to some sort of "dowry". Having said that though, I think Elias and Meraj are just pulling a fast one on us...
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. They just joking leh...Meraj will try anything once to "irritate" me.

But I do agree with you, if guys can't provide emotionally and financially, then better not get married.
 
Marnie: My parents and I decided to do away with the gift-exchange thingy but he will still have to give me the hantaran and the mas kahwin would be my wedding ring lor. We won't have the kompang and such so we'll save money in this case.

ic and Ally: It is true what you say. There are too many instances where the parents pay for the dowry and then the guy just can't bothered to make the marriage work because they don't have anything to lose.

charsiew rice: thanks for the tip. will look into it
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Hahahaha, that's right. I know Elias was just joking - there are still a lot of things/ differences in culture that we're still slowly encountering.
 
Hi Marnie, now u're my neighbour too! hHAha...

YEa confirm we can meet up and go meet up wif the girls together wor~! ahah...hoorays~!

Erm...Cuclainne... i'm oso not quite sure abt what u've said leh...lol

ok girls, now on da meet-up list:
1)Marnie
2)Ally
3)Cuclaine
4)Elaine
5)Me aka Hui Chinz

Interrace will confirm with me if she can make it. Currently she's busy wif her house and stuff...so we all understand one...heh

CHarsiew and IC cant make it.

COnfirm again, eveyone?
 
Ally,
Spot on. Must teach our son responsibilities. We don't want our future DIL to complain to Syariah Court right?
Marnie,
So far, i never encountered malay guys ask..(those that i date) But surprisingly, very surprisingly my hubby's side ask for it. Very shockingly, they're chinese. Ally, tak tahu malukan? Apa punya mak bapak sebelah pihak lelaki tanya macam tu. Jarang orang cina macam gitu.
cuclainne,
Same as me. we forgo the exchanges of gifts. Only have the duit hantaran (dowry) and mas kahwin. It was a big hoo-haa with my relatives. But what they know, they not forking out the bill right. That money was put to other good use.
 
huichin,
I can't confirm so early. Coz you knowlah, got baby. If baby that day cranky, i can't leave him with his dad alone. So, i can only inform last minute through MSN.
 
ic: you're right about that. you get to save some by not exchanging gifts. my parents have also mentioned that they will not take the hantaran that elias will give me - they told me i can keep it for our use, especially since we would probably need the money to start our new life together ...

confirm confirm ... i can make it.. 7.30pm right?
 
IC : No kidding?!?! Wah...but they're Chinese, no? I thought the Chinese custom is that the girls ask for the dowry??? Hmmmm.....very confusing. So what did you do?

Cuclainne : My family are ok with the forgoing of the gift-exchange. The duit hantaran, not too much cos' it's like from Meraj to me. My family also will not take it cos' we're paying for everything ourselves. So that's why I thought of forgoing the duit hantaran too. But my girlfriend told me this evening that the mehr (mas kahwin) and the duit hantaran will be added onto the certificate of marriage. So must do proper lah...

Huichin : I confirm. How can I miss when there's good food and good company???
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So this Thursday. Where am I meeting you Huichin?

Actually, we're talking about the gift-exchange thingee. And the mehr (which is the religious requirement - must be something tangible). And the one gift which is money - Malays call it "duit hantaran". Duit hantaran is not a requirement but a tradition. Did FH and you talk about it?
 
Marnie: Yup, the mas kahwin and hantaran will be added to the certificate. That's why I have prompted Elias early to this ... hehehehe
 
Cuclainne : I'm such a blur sotong sometimes. D'oh. thankfully, my girlfriend got married last year and told me. If not, my relatives....I'll be like the prodigal relative. In any case, having my dinner reception at ACM is already casting bad votes my way. Can't please everyone.
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Say, have you decided on your bridal shop yet?

Elaine : How did your fitting go this evening? Took pictures? Bring to our get- together session if you did, k?
 
IC,

NO KIDDING!! alamak..really tak tau malu lah. Aiyo..even though, I half cheena..my parents also, so difficult to put a price for my dowry. So wat did u do? Anyway, u got msn? Will PM u my MSN, ya?

Marnie,

The dowry n mas kahwin will be stated on the marriage cert. Will always use tat with my hubby to kacau him - how much he so called "bought" me over. Hahahah!!

Huichin,

me confirm also. Aiyo, cant wait to meet u guys..oops!! ..gals...

Cuclainne,

Nowadays, very seldom couples do elaborate gift exchange thingy. But my time..(ahem..like as if I'm so old ya?)...its a big thing..to show relatives that ur hubby can afford to buy us ex stuff for gift exchange. Kinda waste of money when come to think of it.
 
Marnie & Ally,
What i do? Pretend a deaf ear. Yeah, chinese customs girl's side ask dowry. Malay customs also. Pretty ignorant ppl and just shoot their mouth without thinking. They think malays = indians. Dia orang pun mintak kad jemputan macam dia orang tetamu. Ada kita nak jemput mak bapak? apa saja... tak pernah dengar seh. Itu paling kelakar.

Ladies,
Yes, the duit hantaran and mas kahwin will be printed on the marriage certificate. What i don't like about it, the translation for the duit hantaran is marriage expenses. A bit confusing. <font color="ff0000">Shouldn't it be translated to "dowry"?</font> When i register my marriage, i ask the lady...marriage expenses is what? And she told me, duit hantaran (dowry). I feel marriage expenses equates to the total expenditure in the wedding. Another point, during my parents time, it was not printed. I think they should not print in on the marriage cert. Imagine, if those guys/guys' families who can only afford little, sometimes to the girl or girl's side like a bit malu. Becoz after all, this dowry thing in the malay culture is just to show the guy/guy's family wealth status and how much they willing to give the girl which also equates to how much they like the girl lah. What you ladies think?

Ally,
I've added you in to my MSN already.

Cucclaine,
Yeah, my parents also didnt' take a single cent. They give it to me back. So i use it for my honeymoon instead.
 
IC : If I had my way - and I probably won't - the duit hantaran shouldn't be printed onto the certificate. It's screaming "hello...! look at how much I can afford her"..A bit too "out there" if you know what I mean.

Hey girls, gotta ask you this. Meraj went to the Bangladeshi High Commission yesterday to get some sort of letter from the High Commissioner stating that he's a born Muslim as Bangladeshi birth certificate does not state the child's religion; only the parents. You think we're going to get a whole lot of flak from the ROMM about that?

Hmm...today gotta be "switched on" at work man. Been skiving a good part yesterday although mostly running around the office like a mad woman..
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Catch up with you girls later!

XXX
 
Marnie: My parents are not involved in the planning for the wedding dinner, if there is one. This dinner is actually meant for Elias' family and friends (if they manage to turn up) but of course my family will be there, as well as a few close friends/ colleagues. So my parents left it up to me and Elias to plan this occasion.

I haven't checked out any bridal shop yet. I'm still trying to get Elias used to the idea of him wearing the traditional malay costume. I'm not sure if i even want to wear a gown during the dinner - Elias doesn't like formal wear too.

By the way, I broached the subject of 'dowry' to Elias this morning and asked if it was expected in Swedish tradition. He mentioned that wedding expenses are to be shared by the couple - apparently Swedes are very big on equality. So no, I don't have to 'give' him any money .. not that he was asking for any in the first place.
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Ally: I know my relatives on my dad's side would pass some remarks about us not exchanging gifts - like Elias have sooo much money to spend - but I couldn't be bothered. My parents are fine with it and that's all that I care about.

ic: Yup, that's what my mom suggested too - pay for the honeymoon.
 
Cuclainne: What's with the misconception by the public that expats have soo much money? I think the relatives on my dad's side have the same thoughts. Quite judgemental. Uurgghhhh!

We're not wearing a wedding dress/suit for the dinner reception. At the solemnisation , I'm wearing a red saree (a gift from Meraj's mom when he proposed last year) and Meraj the indian kurta (I think that's what it's called). Then change to a dinner reception that same day to songket. So we've got a mix of both cultures in there.
 
IC &amp; Cuclainne,

My dowry also was given back to me to pay for my honeymoon. Its true lah, the dowry thingy - its kinda like a reputation thing for the girls side..heard nowadays, the market rate is abt 8 - 10k? Checked with my mum, she said that usually, the dowry is also based on the girl's status n qualification..the better qualified or working status, the higher lah. Last week, juz went for a wedding, girl's dowry was 13k....Mak oi!! like as if selling the daughter like tat!

IC,

okie, me acknowledged ur invi on msn liao.
 
Marnie: will let you know more about what the relatives said, when we meet on Thursday ok.

Ally: yup, depending on girl's education and work status, also if she comes from a good family background or not - i think the market rate of 8 - 10K was a few years ago. I think the rate is more now - my friend mentioned that she knows someone who was getting 18K. But of course, the fiance was paying in pounds so of course, the exchange rate is good lor.
 
Cuclainne,

Wah Biang!! If u said 8-10 k was a few yrs ago..I cannot imagine when my son's time. Sekali kena 20k plus n above..wah..ini maciam muz ask him to start saving from now wor! hahahah!!
 
Hey IC, no worries. So u're Destiny alrite! haha..ok lemme know on Wednesday if u can make it. Cos i'm only online when at work.

Marnie: Ok i'll meet u somewhere downstairs my building? No. 1? hehe...then we can walk to mrt or take bus there. any direct bus u know?

muahaha...scary man...dowry...but all i know it's for 'show' only la...end of the day it's still our own hardearned savings..hehe
 
Cuclainne
Hope my little tips helped.

Dowry
Next time when my daughter marries, i will ask for S$1,888.00, me cina mah, must fatt fatt all the way!
 
hi hi...

sorry to intrude this thread...

just need some recommnedation...

can you all recommend nice restaurant that are halal ? I intend to treat my colleagues for lunch but 2 of them are malays.so need to find halal restaurant.

blue ginger , rice table - are they halal ?'

nyleda
 
CharsiewRice,
curious..so how much was your dowry that your mother ask? But will you take all or give back some?(your daughter's dowry) Hahha...
Ally,
Oi! Zoe Tay's dowry only $3888. Sometimes i think malay dowry too much already.. hahahha.
 
IC
Based on the chinese tradition i know, the bride's family will ask for:

- tables (for chinese-style dinner, parents will invite their friends or relatives and keep the ang pao money), or
- dowry (in terms of cash).

but even though if they ask for tables, the groom will still give some cash (like an ang pao kind of thing). not sure got anyone asked for both table or dowry or not.

i wanna keep the ang pao from all the guests, so, asked hubby to give dowry instead. my mum didn't ask, but we gave her $5k. i roughly calculated, it's the cost of 7-8 tables, so, justifiable lah. but then, good thing abt chinese tradition is the parents don't take 100% of the dowry, they will return some back to the groom. my mum took only $3k and gave back hubby S$2k. so, i m a super cheapo bride lor. but my romm cert still state $5k.

have not tot of whether i will keep that $1888 or $18888
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... maybe tonight can start to think oredi.
 
GOOOOOOOOOOOD Morning Ladies!!

??? eh where everyone go ah? So tomoro nite's gathering confirm bor? Who's gg n who's not?

Huichin,

Ming tian wo hui meet ni men liao!! My eyes no more ang ang! hehehe.
 
CharsiewRice,
Yeah..i know about the chinese customs. Almost similar with malay customs. That's why i get pissed off with ppl especially the chinese if they don't know, yet they act as if they know. When you tell them, they refuse to believe. They think their perceptions is correct. Their problem, they like to equate malay = indians. These are 2 different races with 2 different cultures. Talking about dowry, another factor about son. They think malays like daughters and daughters are very important in a malay family. So, when you tell the chinese ppl that son is important because of inheritance(The muslims cannot write will. Son will get 2/3 of the share, daughter will get 1/3 of the share. If no son, the father's brothers can claim the share. This is automatically will be done by the Muis once the deceased is declared and certified dead. They will automatically sent letter to the relatives), they looked at you in disbelief. Maybe you should start worrying about this if you don't have son and if your hubby got brothers. Sometimes you feel like telling these ppl, F*** you, ask me, then when tell you, you don't believe.
Maybe the govt should educate the singaporeans chinese more regarding the malay customs &amp; religion. I feel majority of singaporeans malays know more about the chinese customs &amp; religion in compare with them knowing about the malay customs &amp; religion.
 
Hi Cuclainne

can u PM me ur hp no. and real name so i can contact you tmr? thanks!

--> [email protected]

ok girls, now on da meet-up list again:
1)Marnie
2)Ally
3)Cuclaine
4)Elaine
5)Me aka Hui Chinz

IC and Interrace will confirm with me if she can make it...heh

CHarsiew cant make it, but we're sure to update her abt what happened!

COnfirm again, everyone?

haha...pardon me for my 'loh-sohness'
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IC,

Alot of ppl are ignorant abt the malay cultures n traditions n the muslims' laws and attributes. Cant blame them..some juz cant be bothered to know.
 
Thks cuclainne!

I agree wif Ally too, IC! lol...it's either the bo-chap or geh-kiang attitude loh!

Ally: Yay gd to hear tt ur eyes are ok liao! Whoever wanna bring pictures bring ok! We are all interested to see wor! lol...
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Me confirm liao.

Huichin: I will SMS you tomorrow what time to meet you. I think take train better lah....

Me have to rush deadline.

Will catch up with you girls laters.

XXX
 
Ally, Huichin,
I don't care about their bochap attitudes. But i get pissed off when they ask, then tell them, after that they say, " You sure ah? " wah pengz..
 


Ok can Marnie. Lets meet at my building (No.1), and we'll walk to take train k! hehe

oh..haha...got watcha mean - feel vomit blood! haha...like u feel like saying,"eh, no leh. I bluff u one!" lol
 
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