Advise needed for Divorce with 2 kids or stay in a marriage without love

[hitori]

You are damn right. Humans being human are surely prone to downswings.

Also, you are right that its important to query about whether its a case of being over sensitive. I have to also add that man (being man) sometimes (or often or always) tend to say stuff without thought. Personally, I'm guilty of this.

I'm not sure about Adelene's other half. As a guy, I tend to overlook and forget old issues. Its not a matter of don't care (or bochup), but really that those old matters are past. For those problems which are current, I may not think of talking it out, because it wouldn't help raising them. It may be poor communication to some, but some things are better left unsaid and (to some extent) unexplained. If too clearly spelt, it may not be a good thing too.

What also helps (for many of my friends) was to talk and clarify doubts. Never assume that you know the guy. However long two persons stay together, its never possible to fully know the other person. Last of all, you are right about "signs". It leads to more wild thinking. Honestly, why not just ask. Makes life a lot easier. Assuming stuff only makes it worse too.

I have the same thinking as you bro. However, unfortunately, from ladies point of view, they do not communicate the way we would like to ideally. They "assume" over time, we have understood them and if we had "think of them and care about their feelings", we would not have done or said what we did. And if everything need to be spelt out clearly and explicitly EVERYTIME, they find it pointless. It can never be more true that "woman thoughts and thinking is as deep as an ocean". It takes a woman to understand how a woman feels.

So where shall we go from here? I guess it matters a lot that both parties think alike, speak the same wavelength and have same values to begin with and end with. Compromise is a beautiful word but end of the day, like two magnets that come together, u can never be sure if they attract or repel each other until they draw closer and closer. It a game if life that makes our lives so interesting and yet frustrating..

 

[lonely_desire78]

I have the same thinking as you bro. However, unfortunately, from ladies point of view, they do not communicate the way we would like to ideally. They "assume" over time, we have understood them and if we had "think of them and care about their feelings", we would not have done or said what we did. And if everything need to be spelt out clearly and explicitly EVERYTIME, they find it pointless. It can never be more true that "woman thoughts and thinking is as deep as an ocean". It takes a woman to understand how a woman feels.

So where shall we go from here? I guess it matters a lot that both parties think alike, speak the same wavelength and have same values to begin with and end with. Compromise is a beautiful word but end of the day, like two magnets that come together, u can never be sure if they attract or repel each other until they draw closer and closer. It a game if life that makes our lives so interesting and yet frustrating..

Exactly. What to do. Learn from the hard knocks. You are truly well "learnt". Einstein once said that the mind of the woman is the greatest mystery in the universe.

Love relationship is like watching a tv from afar. From far, the pixels of imperfection are so unclear. While nearer... these pixels become ever more glaring.

Well, its a strange game which many yearn to get into and many more longing to get out.

One thing for sure is love and staying together are always two different things.

 

[adelene]

Hi Hitori,
I wish I am over-sensitive but many times I will deny the hard proof that show he is lying.
And upon asking only he will start explaining himself such as I forgot, Don't think it is relevant, don't think I need to tell you, etc.

I was happy for the past 2 weeks that I have my peace and we can communicate better. I thought we can finally move out of the cyclone in baby step. We had stopped quarreling which is a very good sign.
But these 2 days, my hb thinks it wasn't good enough and he wants to put a stop to our hardwork.

 

[lonely_desire78]

Hi Hitori,
I wish I am over-sensitive but many times I will deny the hard proof that show he is lying.
And upon asking only he will start explaining himself such as I forgot, Don't think it is relevant, don't think I need to tell you, etc.

I was happy for the past 2 weeks that I have my peace and we can communicate better. I thought we can finally move out of the cyclone in baby step. We had stopped quarreling which is a very good sign.
But these 2 days, my hb thinks it wasn't good enough and he wants to put a stop to our hardwork.

Think less and scrutinise less. You will be happier. Once saying was "a smart woman also knows how to act stupid".

Another way to look at it is, so what if he is lying or (genuinely) honest? Does it matter who is right or wrong? Doesn't matter really.... end of the day, its about being happy together. That's what matters. The debate over right and wrong should be left to politicians.

You remind me of my previous partner. Sometimes, she is being oversensitive and accuses me of pretending or acting blur. After the accusations, I end up (like your HB) explaining and trying to shed light on things.... which I cant remember (honestly)..... From my point of view as a guy, its tiring to explain and justify. What for and what do we achieve in the end.... nothing really.

 

[adelene]

Hi lonely_ desire78,

Yes. Hard lessons to learn. The more we want to hold on, the more we drifted.

Yap. Love and staying together are totally different. Who is right and who is wrong doesn't really matter.
What matter now is the children and our well-being. Just be happy.

 

[hitori]

I'm sorry to hear that Adelene. If one party has decided to give up, then there is really nothing left to be done except to pick up the pieces and move on. Take care of yourself and your kids. I wish u all the best!!!

 

[adelene]

Hi Hitori,

Nothing much, my dear. Move on might be better than staying in. Nobody will know.
Things happened for a reason. And I am glad that at least I no longer feeling stuck in my throat.

Look at it in another way, at least, I am getting many supports from the forum and friends. Things won't be so bad after all.