It would be very difficult with 2 kids on tow. Difficult to find another man who wants to accommodate 2 kids. Kids need to like new father as well. Also, money may be a problem.Can I have a better understand of the life after divorce and live with 2 kids and living in a marriage without love and communication?
if i am not wrong, your hubby could be toying with the idea of hvg the best of two different worlds. sorry for being blunt but in fact my hb did spoke out the exact words as your hubby 4 t0 5 years ago n in fact afterwards he did got involved with another married woman too.. it toally broke my heart and greater damages done.Perhaps he is trying. Yes, we went through counseling for more than half a year. He wants counseling to change my mindset to accept his idea (to stay together without love).
The counselor said he do not understand what is he talking about.
I know how you feel very well. It like when I go to see my son every week. I have to leave before his mother is back from work. And I will try to leave her hse before she reach house. I will pre-empt my son that "papa is going to leave in 10mins" and when I said papa is leaving and going to "work", he will ask me "10 more mins, 5 more mins". Maybe he is trying to make me wait for mother to come home. It an extremely terrible feeling when I reject him repeatedly. And you can see his "disappointment & resignment" despite he trying to hide it by being nonchalant.
The feeling hurt when you see the hope in them and your current situation is out of your control. Correct me if I has misinterpret your situation. Possible to speak to your ex regarding your son feeling? After separation, the relationship should be less tensed and easier to communicate better?That is why in the beginning of y replies, I try to encourage you to work things out if possible. Now, I am still searching &
Finding a way to minimize my son hurt, but to no avail. I wish you the best!!! Think through carefully, if really all avenues are exhausted between the 2 of u. Your partner need to acknowledge and recognize he is hurting both you & the kids with his actions. If he proclaimed he love the kids, then he should walk the talk.
No. We did not sleep separately. At least I don't, but many times I will catch him not sleeping with me as he claims that there is little or no space for him on bed. I think he deliberately avoid it. He is the one who want to cut the intimacy portion and claimed that he doesn't need it, but he din prove it. He just proved that he doesn't need the intimacy portion from me since he got involved with my married friend.Hi adelene,
Have you been sleeping separately from your husband for a long time? Not a good idea. Builds a lot of resentment from a man's point of view. You need the 'we' time in bed for the intimacy. That may help get him to reconnect. Men connect through sex. Perhaps he is using 'sexting' as a means to cope with the complete lack of intimacy. No way he can get more gratification from 'sexting' compared to the real stuff. Seduce him before someone else does. Forgive me for writing such explicit content.
As for decision making, perhaps you may be more of a perfectionist in terms of that aspect. Be willing to ask for his opinion, and decide on something that he will like (he may lie about liking something just to appease you and avoid arguments). For my case, it does get frustrating when the other half wants perfection in everything when reality is rarely that way. Learn to accept that nothing is perfect, and start to just take what he wants for some decisions. He may start to give more input when he feels that you respect his input.
Yes, the dilemma is there as there is kid involvement. Have been staying low for a long period of time due to this crisis. Hopefully i pick up as soon.if i am not wrong, your hubby could be toying with the idea of hvg the best of two different worlds. sorry for being blunt but in fact my hb did spoke out the exact words as your hubby 4 t0 5 years ago n in fact afterwards he did got involved with another married woman too.. it toally broke my heart and greater damages done.
now i am like u thinking of the same question too.
right now today is the last day of 2013 and u hv to be calm n think through and weigh the pros and cons carefully before u go ahead with your decision, and dun forget your kids' emotional needs and well-beings too.. i was struggling very badly for financial on top of caring for my kid and myself. still thank god for the govt financial assistance schemes out there. u hv everyone support here who will encourage u positively. do take care of yourself first,
Hi adeline, yes it is true that once trust broken, it is very difficult to forgive my hb in my case. he still asking me to let the past go especially his past affair with the other woman.. oh yes, i also found out by chance few years ago that my hb also used to have one special facebook account under a female nickname just to bond with the other woman. of cos everything was exposed by himself and the other woman. I was able to track her down and watched very tightly and closely. But now i just heck haiz abt the other woman and am learning not to be so clingy to my hubby slowly. am learning to let myself and son go without this stupid low eq (yet high ego) man.Yes, the dilemma is there as there is kid involvement. Have been staying low for a long period of time due to this crisis. Hopefully i pick up as soon.
It is true that once the trust was broken, it takes many years to rebuild it. Have u forgive him truthfully?
Some people just can't stop lying. I have been through that. Every time she would tell me there is nothing between her and the man anymore. But only to let me find out that they have been together, all the time. And it's like I'm the third party and they are together.
And just like pasir ris beach said once the trust has been broken, it never to be found anymore. You can't trust the person anymore. Especially if the cheating and lies are done again and again. Especially if the hurt is done over and over again. It's like a sharp knife that keeps stabbing you again and again. And if you continue to hold on to this relationship, it's like holding onto the blade of a sharp knife, the harder you hold into it, the more pain you are going to feel.
I have been through that stage and now I'm out of it. I have awaken. I have realised that life is not about this. Life is not about having to endure the pain given by an unworthy person or a person who doesn't like you.
We deserve more. Even if we can't have a partner but at least we deserve to have a happy life without pain from them.
In fact, once u have come out of it, you will feel good and have a much happier life.
Why not look at it as follow what you believe in. Being permanent or not, what matters are the principles we believe in and the values we uphold."where you are is never permanent" is kinda comfort to me.
I will give my marriage the final try. Let him do whatever he likes and observe for a period of time. Seen to have help improve his attitude towards me recently.
Keep trying and don't give up. You got to convince yourself that all that can be done has been done before you give up. Because when that happens, it is his loss for not appreciating a good wife.Hi Hitori,
Happy belated birthday. Sometimes giving extra space for each other to breathe is a good idea. Woman usually would like man to respect and understand them.
I don't think you should hide your feeling. Too much hiding will lead to people guessing your intention which many will think negatively.
Hi Sadman2009 and pasir_ris beach,
My brain takes the lead today. I think it is natural for people to lie, especially when they are afraid that they have to bear the consequences after providing the truth.
Likewise for the cheated, we will be in our defensive mode. We tends to focus on the negative things. Even strands of long hairs in the car will lead to furious fight. I totally understand the feeling of having a sharp knife stabbing on you again and again. This is why I had already told my hb that unlike his "lover" who agreed to stay with her hb as friend even after divorce, we cannot be friends after separation because of the repeated hurts he had done to me.
Eventually after 2 days of deep thoughts, I change my attitude after I discovered his lies. Instead of confrontation which I had tried in the past and I know I can never get anything out of it, I just treat him the usual way we have been. Will find a better day to speak to him on this matter.
Yes. Once beaten, twice shy. It is difficult to trust. But the time I given to myself has not reached yet. In a few months time, I shall see if there is any change. If he did, I will congratulate him. If it din, I will know what I am supposed to do next.
If I can add one more part to it, "exceptional difficulties either make or break a person". Its quite challenging to bring up a kid in Singapore. But, with faith in the impossible, why not? Never give up and you never lose in this journey. What my folks also taught me was that we should always bear in mind the things which have gotten us going and never lose sight of what we had initially set out to achieve.Lonely desire 78,
Yes. Parent are greatest.
I like the part about "difficulties mould a person."
You are damn right. Humans being human are surely prone to downswings.Hi Adelene,
I hope you are not offended, but how do u know when your hubby is lying? Just to give your hubby the benefit of doubt, Sometimes we men get frustrated and tired especially when we are making the effort to change but the opposite sex will look out for the tiniest of "signs" and assume things are still the same. Have you been overly sensitive?
The way I look at your situation, I maybe wrong but I think your innermost decision is to leave him and unable to forgive him, which is understandable. If it is really so, perhaps you really should let go and move on in a different direction, at least with that, there is chance that all 3 of u may become happier , with separate lives..