A sad daddy

rip_curl

Member
I am a daddy....I just want a place to rant out because I am simply very upset and deep down very hurt.

I am married for 10 years with 2 kids aged 7 and 8. Me and my wife are the same age.

As of now, everyday we are still leading a normal life and we still have like sex once a while.

One day my wife suddenly spoke to me that her love for me is not as great as last time and that she thinks we are together because of commitment. I guess it's really true that maintaining a marriage is tough. We all know married life get monotonous (the world just goes by around work and kids). We lost our initial "making each other's heart race" kind of feeling for many reasons mainly because our priorities changes throughout time. I still love her alot and trying my best to hopefully revive the kind of love we had but she does not seem to put in effort. She knows that I am the one who is loving her more than she loves me. At the same time she is a very strong headed person who is so independent. *sigh*

She said I am a good man (i.e. Father/husband) and I am deeply affected. Why does it always have to happen to people who are "good". Is it because we are boring? And it's easy and I have seen slot of threads that said "it's not his fault but the issue lies with me"!!!!! She just feel I deserve a better woman :'( I mean I am not those entirely boring kind. I do enjoy clubbing and being notti at times but I set my priorities right. I never want to look for affairs outside or ONS.

The feeling of losing her and having a broken family one day scares me and I am been so miserable. I am scare to openly talk about it because I really dont know how to react if she thinks a divorce is the better way out. You know how it sucks when things seems fine but yet its not entirely. Everyone kept saying we have such a beautiful family. Honestly we have what many would want in a family. 2 beautiful kids, financially very stable etc

Wonder how many individuals have such feelings that the love for one another is no longer as strong as before.
frown.png
 


littlepinkpointes

Active Member
I am a daddy....I just want a place to rant out because I am simply very upset and deep down very hurt.

I am married for 10 years with 2 kids aged 7 and 8. Me and my wife are the same age.

As of now, everyday we are still leading a normal life and we still have like sex once a while.

One day my wife suddenly spoke to me that her love for me is not as great as last time and that she thinks we are together because of commitment. I guess it's really true that maintaining a marriage is tough. We all know married life get monotonous (the world just goes by around work and kids). We lost our initial "making each other's heart race" kind of feeling for many reasons mainly because our priorities changes throughout time. I still love her alot and trying my best to hopefully revive the kind of love we had but she does not seem to put in effort. She knows that I am the one who is loving her more than she loves me. At the same time she is a very strong headed person who is so independent. *sigh*

She said I am a good man (i.e. Father/husband) and I am deeply affected. Why does it always have to happen to people who are "good". Is it because we are boring? And it's easy and I have seen slot of threads that said "it's not his fault but the issue lies with me"!!!!! She just feel I deserve a better woman :'( I mean I am not those entirely boring kind. I do enjoy clubbing and being notti at times but I set my priorities right. I never want to look for affairs outside or ONS.

The feeling of losing her and having a broken family one day scares me and I am been so miserable. I am scare to openly talk about it because I really dont know how to react if she thinks a divorce is the better way out. You know how it sucks when things seems fine but yet its not entirely. Everyone kept saying we have such a beautiful family. Honestly we have what many would want in a family. 2 beautiful kids, financially very stable etc

Wonder how many individuals have such feelings that the love for one another is no longer as strong as before.
frown.png
Try taking time off with her. Leave the kids with your family and go for a trip to rekindle?
Sometimes it may help to just take time off from everything else (and everyone else) and just do some reconnection?
 

rip_curl

Member
Try taking time off with her. Leave the kids with your family and go for a trip to rekindle?
Sometimes it may help to just take time off from everything else (and everyone else) and just do some reconnection?

I tried. It has been years since we had couple trips. It's usually a family trip or trip with friends. I guess it tends to become a norm once we have family commitment to just have family trips most of the time. I did suggest a couple trip but she does not seem keen though. I think she rather go trip with her bff. Sad
 

buddhabar

Active Member
It's sad that a marriage is held by commitment and not love. For the family, for the children, for the hdb flat, the wholesome image and pretentiousness of being a complete family. At the end of the day, you may convince the whole world but yourselves. And you are merely just another number to the statistics.
It's apparent that this is pretty common nowadays.
 

rip_curl

Member
It's sad that a marriage is held by commitment and not love. For the family, for the children, for the hdb flat, the wholesome image and pretentiousness of being a complete family. At the end of the day, you may convince the whole world but yourselves. And you are merely just another number to the statistics.
It's apparent that this is pretty common nowadays.

Yes you are right...it's Pretentiousness. It hurts so much when like you rightfully described: convince the world but yourselves ;(
 

Infernolord

Active Member
It is so sad but the world is changing.
We dont hear such thing in the past. These days, marriage have lost its values and vows.
People are looking for easy way out then having to try.. Its too common, we see it everyday, and it is no big deal. The media, movies and drama are teaching us to seek our own happiness and move out of a rs if unhappy.
Ultimately is come down to one's values and principles.

TS try to talk to your wife. There are couples who work together to reignite the “spark” that has faded. There are some who stay married, yet change the expectations of their relationship so each can get their needs met. There are others who decide that separation or divorce is the best option for them. Figuring out which path is for you should be, at the very least, a conversation rather than a unilateral decision.

But again, it is both ways. If she cant or do not want to work it out, means she just want it out, it is just a matter of time. So be mentally prepared.
 

rip_curl

Member
It is so sad but the world is changing.
We dont hear such thing in the past. These days, marriage have lost its values and vows.
People are looking for easy way out then having to try.. Its too common, we see it everyday, and it is no big deal. The media, movies and drama are teaching us to seek our own happiness and move out of a rs if unhappy.
Ultimately is come down to one's values and principles.

TS try to talk to your wife. There are couples who work together to reignite the “spark” that has faded. There are some who stay married, yet change the expectations of their relationship so each can get their needs met. There are others who decide that separation or divorce is the best option for them. Figuring out which path is for you should be, at the very least, a conversation rather than a unilateral decision.

But again, it is both ways. If she cant or do not want to work it out, means she just want it out, it is just a matter of time. So be mentally prepared.
 

rip_curl

Member
But again, it is both ways. If she cant or do not want to work it out, means she just want it out, it is just a matter of time. So be mentally prepared.

I am just really scared. I just don't want it to happen..!! It's driving me crazy. I know I am in self denial but I think it's unfair. There are so many what if and what is going to happen to my kids, our house, our day to day life ?!! :(
 

littlepinkpointes

Active Member
I recently had a major issue with my fiancé which we both allowed it to sit in it for the past two years.
I was bothered by it but I didn't want to tell I'm cause he thought it was nothing serious in his opinion.
Unlike u, we are not married (yet) with no kids and house. But I was also scared initially to bring it up to fix it cause we were already talking about marriage (got the ring and applied for flat already). The fear of uncertainty is there.
But if I didn't face it, I know it will consume me and it will get worst if I allow it to drag and let it take over our lives.
We eventually trashed it out. 4 hours of honesty and things we've been keeping inside for the past 2 years. There were tears and emotions running all directions.
I'd say fortunate for me, we came to mutual agreements and issue is fixed.

I'm not saying u should ask her point blank what she wants. Maybe adopt a way u feel works (u know ur wife better) to sort things out. And discuss with her what platform can u both consider to help make this marriage work?
 

rip_curl

Member
I recently had a major issue with my fiancé which we both allowed it to sit in it for the past two years.
I was bothered by it but I didn't want to tell I'm cause he thought it was nothing serious in his opinion.
Unlike u, we are not married (yet) with no kids and house. But I was also scared initially to bring it up to fix it cause we were already talking about marriage (got the ring and applied for flat already). The fear of uncertainty is there.
But if I didn't face it, I know it will consume me and it will get worst if I allow it to drag and let it take over our lives.
We eventually trashed it out. 4 hours of honesty and things we've been keeping inside for the past 2 years. There were tears and emotions running all directions.
I'd say fortunate for me, we came to mutual agreements and issue is fixed.

I'm not saying u should ask her point blank what she wants. Maybe adopt a way u feel works (u know ur wife better) to sort things out. And discuss with her what platform can u both consider to help make this marriage work?

She is a very strong headed person. I doubt she will want counselling. If she has made up her mind, nothing can change. Sad right sigh
 

gladjo

Member
Chinese saying ..one mountain one tiger

And two head strong ppl will always clash until both know diplmacy.

Best is so go counselling n re examine how far each party will commmit to this relationship b4 the thunder n storms start blowing. Though unclear but at least is still a road map for each other n an assurance.

God bless
 

littlepinkpointes

Active Member
She is a very strong headed person. I doubt she will want counselling. If she has made up her mind, nothing can change. Sad right sigh
Bro.... I'm also very strong headed and very stubborn. My fiancé knows that. He even said my temper is pretty bad too. But it doesn't mean he will need to (and I don't expect him) give. Idk about how u and ur wife used to solve problems but my fiancé is a very direct and straight forward guy. So u can imagine how bad the war is when we argue. But we both appreciate how we trash things out and deal with them one by one.
He always remind me we are a team in a relationship.

But really. Fix it now before things get worst.
I'm sure she will consider it, at least for the kids...

Good luck!
 

newproject

Active Member
It is so sad but the world is changing.
We dont hear such thing in the past. These days, marriage have lost its values and vows.
People are looking for easy way out then having to try.. Its too common, we see it everyday, and it is no big deal. The media, movies and drama are teaching us to seek our own happiness and move out of a rs if unhappy.
Ultimately is come down to one's values and principles.

.

I think you a bit idealistic. In the "good old days" I'm sure couples fall out of love as much.

They just didn't do anything about it. Maybe not even voice out. Doesn't mean they not unhappy.

At least here his wife say out. Is cry for help..
 

newproject

Active Member
I am a daddy....I just want a place to rant out because I am simply very upset and deep down very hurt.

I am married for 10 years with 2 kids aged 7 and 8. Me and my wife are the same age.

As of now, everyday we are still leading a normal life and we still have like sex once a while.

One day my wife suddenly spoke to me that her love for me is not as great as last time and that she thinks we are together because of commitment. I guess it's really true that maintaining a marriage is tough. We all know married life get monotonous (the world just goes by around work and kids). We lost our initial "making each other's heart race" kind of feeling for many reasons mainly because our priorities changes throughout time. I still love her alot and trying my best to hopefully revive the kind of love we had but she does not seem to put in effort. She knows that I am the one who is loving her more than she loves me. At the same time she is a very strong headed person who is so independent. *sigh*

She said I am a good man (i.e. Father/husband) and I am deeply affected. Why does it always have to happen to people who are "good". Is it because we are boring? And it's easy and I have seen slot of threads that said "it's not his fault but the issue lies with me"!!!!! She just feel I deserve a better woman :'( I mean I am not those entirely boring kind. I do enjoy clubbing and being notti at times but I set my priorities right. I never want to look for affairs outside or ONS.

The feeling of losing her and having a broken family one day scares me and I am been so miserable. I am scare to openly talk about it because I really dont know how to react if she thinks a divorce is the better way out. You know how it sucks when things seems fine but yet its not entirely. Everyone kept saying we have such a beautiful family. Honestly we have what many would want in a family. 2 beautiful kids, financially very stable etc

Wonder how many individuals have such feelings that the love for one another is no longer as strong as before.
frown.png

Chin up man.

Your wife never say she want to divorce right?

Some woman just say but no guts to really do.

The issue I see is that she thinks she has the upper hand (she thinks you love her more ), you need to break that.

There's one possibility I'm worried about, woman get itchy to "branch swing" if they think they can secure a better male.

You sure her trips are with BFF? Or is her BFF a guy?
 

rip_curl

Member
Chin up man.

Your wife never say she want to divorce right?

Some woman just say but no guts to really do.

The issue I see is that she thinks she has the upper hand (she thinks you love her more ), you need to break that.

There's one possibility I'm worried about, woman get itchy to "branch swing" if they think they can secure a better male.

You sure her trips are with BFF? Or is her BFF a guy?

It's always difficult to guess what she is thinking but I am sure she is capable of doing it if she wants.

As for bff trip, I am positive it's a gal. Sometimes that's the thing, when gals talk they influence one another. The day she poured out to me was the night her bff had a row with her husband and all the gals talk and how they felt towards life started to make them feel this marriage is not longer about love but commitment kind of shit
 

newproject

Active Member
It's always difficult to guess what she is thinking but I am sure she is capable of doing it if she wants.

As for bff trip, I am positive it's a gal. Sometimes that's the thing, when gals talk they influence one another. The day she poured out to me was the night her bff had a row with her husband and all the gals talk and how they felt towards life started to make them feel this marriage is not longer about love but commitment kind of shit

Sigh. I know what you mean Abt girls influencing girls.

Still I wonder if there is a guy she is attracted to or sort of chasing her. The fact you say she is capable of doing it gives me shivers.

Besides what's wrong with commitment? She makes it sound like a dirty word.

How old are your kids? How old are you? Is she close to your kids? Has she considered how divorce might affect the kids?
 

littlepinkpointes

Active Member
It's always difficult to guess what she is thinking but I am sure she is capable of doing it if she wants.

As for bff trip, I am positive it's a gal. Sometimes that's the thing, when gals talk they influence one another. The day she poured out to me was the night her bff had a row with her husband and all the gals talk and how they felt towards life started to make them feel this marriage is not longer about love but commitment kind of shit
Don't guess/assume/think/feel/wonder.
It won't make u (or the situation)feel any better :)
 

rip_curl

Member
Sigh. I know what you mean Abt girls influencing girls.

Still I wonder if there is a guy she is attracted to or sort of chasing her. The fact you say she is capable of doing it gives me shivers.

Besides what's wrong with commitment? She makes it sound like a dirty word.

How old are your kids? How old are you? Is she close to your kids? Has she considered how divorce might affect the kids?

I think if not for the kids, it's long over....
 

rip_curl

Member
Then trap her with more kids . Hee hee

The kind of feeling that you don't know how long this can last even using kids as an excuse and how long I can continue to try my best to please her hoping to reignite our love is really driving me crazy. The fear of losing everything. It's mentally straining for sure. I don't want to be mentally prepared and hope things will just fall into place.
 

Roxie88

Member
Hi,

I guess its normal for a relationship to mature into conmittment and 'family' not just lovers.. Perhaps your wife is influenced by things that are happening to her friends and thats why she is relating to all that with negativity in her own marriage. Perhaps, give her a little suprise? Flowers? Gifts? Lunch date? Movie date? Something you used to do, something simple that show your love for her? Girls talk can sometimes bring out emotions that are not exactly the true reflection.. Sometimes, we are easily sucked into the story of others.. Esp independant girls, who feel she can work things out n hva different life. Search for things deeper... N stuff.. Break that cycle.. Give a little spark.. I feel she will appreciate and assure u of her love as well..
 

rip_curl

Member
Hi,

I guess its normal for a relationship to mature into conmittment and 'family' not just lovers.. Perhaps your wife is influenced by things that are happening to her friends and thats why she is relating to all that with negativity in her own marriage. Perhaps, give her a little suprise? Flowers? Gifts? Lunch date? Movie date? Something you used to do, something simple that show your love for her? Girls talk can sometimes bring out emotions that are not exactly the true reflection.. Sometimes, we are easily sucked into the story of others.. Esp independant girls, who feel she can work things out n hva different life. Search for things deeper... N stuff.. Break that cycle.. Give a little spark.. I feel she will appreciate and assure u of her love as well..

You just gave me a little hope and i hope it's what you said about the fact it's just a temporary reflection on her part. I certainly hope the bff don't ever bring up such topics again. See even this is bothering me cause because I never know when the bff has issues again and indirectly affect my family .
 

newproject

Active Member
You just gave me a little hope and i hope it's what you said about the fact it's just a temporary reflection on her part. I certainly hope the bff don't ever bring up such topics again. See even this is bothering me cause because I never know when the bff has issues again and indirectly affect my family .

Yeah woman are really so easily influenced sometimes .

Anyway cinitially can't tell how serious your case is.

She only mentioned this thing about no love just commitment once? Or she hinted before?

Even If is just once off silly thoughts you cannot afford to ignore. It points to a fundamental issue that will grow even without bff influence.

Fact is it takes a very very insensitive person to say what she said without knowing she is hurting you.

Most damaging is she says you should find a better girl and she's not good enough.

This goes beyond just expressing dissatisfaction that life isn't as romantic or that you no longer have butterflies.

You can try to cling on to hope but sorry Bro when a girl start saying she isn't good enough for you suddenly when before she think otherwise is usually her heart is set on someone or she really thinks she can do better either that or if is in drama she dying of terminal illness and don't want to drag you down.

I got very little to go on but your description of her "strong headed" lol makes me think she wears the pants and you tie toe around her.

Sorry Bro trying to say you are "fun" cos you go pubbing is a little sad.

You need to be more assertive Bro, so what she strong independent? That means you can't be strong too? Like it or not this is asian society, even strong independent woman secretly want their husbands to take charge.

If this is even half true you better change. You are a man. Act like it.

First off don't avoid the issue.

This issue won't go away if you ignore it.

Take charge do SOMETHING. I see others have suggested stuff your response tends to be your strong independent wife says no.

Not a good sign Bro. Don't give her a choice.
 
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newproject

Active Member
The kind of feeling that you don't know how long this can last even using kids as an excuse and how long I can continue to try my best to please her hoping to reignite our love is really driving me crazy. The fear of losing everything. It's mentally straining for sure. I don't want to be mentally prepared and hope things will just fall into place.

Sorry just joking.

I understand Bro. I've been there.

But here's the thing you need to get, the more you fear the more you plead the more she will depise you.

At end of day try to take a zen attitude I know not easy. But what's yours is yours the more you worry the more it will slip from your grasp.

Definitely do not try to please her at all costs. That is not what she is really after.

Giving in all the time is probably what got you here in first place.

Be assertive be firm. Burying your head in the sand or the opposite metaphorically going down on your knees and working like mad to please her is not the way.
 

rip_curl

Member
Sorry just joking.

I understand Bro. I've been there.

But here's the thing you need to get, the more you fear the more you plead the more she will depise you.

At end of day try to take a zen attitude I know not easy. But what's yours is yours the more you worry the more it will slip from your grasp.

Definitely do not try to please her at all costs. That is not what she is really after.

Giving in all the time is probably what got you here in first place.

Be assertive be firm. Burying your head in the sand or the opposite metaphorically going down on your knees and working like mad to please her is not the way.

The more I read, the more miserable i am. And you hit the nail on several points. I too think the more I tried to salvage and be extremely nice to her might back fire considering she is independent, strong headed and despise me more (Like you said: seen as pleading) but my delimma is I really don't want not to do anything cause I am so afraid to lose. You get my point and fear right. It sucks.
 

rip_curl

Member
Sorry just joking.

I understand Bro. I've been there.

But here's the thing you need to get, the more you fear the more you plead the more she will depise you.

At end of day try to take a zen attitude I know not easy. But what's yours is yours the more you worry the more it will slip from your grasp.

Definitely do not try to please her at all costs. That is not what she is really after.

Giving in all the time is probably what got you here in first place.

Be assertive be firm. Burying your head in the sand or the opposite metaphorically going down on your knees and working like mad to please her is not the way.

As much as I want to talk to her but I am really worried that I cannot take the reality and bad things happened overnight.
 

newproject

Active Member
The more I read, the more miserable i am. And you hit the nail on several points. I too think the more I tried to salvage and be extremely nice to her might back fire considering she is independent, strong headed and despise me more (Like you said: seen as pleading) but my delimma is I really don't want not to do anything cause I am so afraid to lose. You get my point and fear right. It sucks.

It's been many years since I felt this way but I still remember vividly the fear that at any moment she say breakup. Tip toeing around her desperately trying to make her happy , afraid to do something wrong.. some days she seem happy and everything seems right in the world other days ...
 

Infernolord

Active Member
It's been many years since I felt this way but I still remember vividly the fear that at any moment she say breakup. Tip toeing around her desperately trying to make her happy , afraid to do something wrong.. some days she seem happy and everything seems right in the world other days ...

I can related as well. Been there a couple of times.
Trying hard to appease her but only to make her feel more uncomfortable and despise you.
She will feel suffocated and begin to avoid you with all kind of reasons..

Like what newproject said, try to relax and act per normal. Find a good time to talk to her, you have to be more firm when u talk it out with her. Independent woman have their firm views and can outwit you easily.
You have to be very sure on your thoughts, tell her how much your family mean to you. How much she mean to you and ask her firmly if she want to work it out.
Take her feedback graciously on how to improve.

Gers tend to have a soft side and will give a try if you are sincere, afterall u guys have so many years being together. Something is not right if she insist she do not love you and want it out. (my guess is someone might be wooing her? )
 

rip_curl

Member
It's been many years since I felt this way but I still remember vividly the fear that at any moment she say breakup. Tip toeing around her desperately trying to make her happy , afraid to do something wrong.. some days she seem happy and everything seems right in the world other days ...

I know right. The days when she is feeling happy, you are like on cloud 9. So afraid to do things that make her start the same conversation again :( sad but true
 

Roxie88

Member
I know right. The days when she is feeling happy, you are like on cloud 9. So afraid to do things that make her start the same conversation again :( sad but true
Felt i want to say a few words after reading this.. But from a woman's perspective. At the point where a relationship becomes brittle, fear of doing or saying something wrong is really so real.. Especially when we are given mixed signals.. Where either left or right seem to be the way.. Suddenly rem my husband said sometimes i hold the key to make or break his day.. Sometimes taking it easy, throwing apparent problems aside to just enjoy each other's company is the crunch.. I dont know, rip_curl, maybe you want to try taking the back seat for a couple of days? You can use the time to observe if she is indeed facing temptations elsewhere or just emo-ing because of what her bff is going through..

Hope things will work out for u..
 

rip_curl

Member
Felt i want to say a few words after reading this.. But from a woman's perspective. At the point where a relationship becomes brittle, fear of doing or saying something wrong is really so real.. Especially when we are given mixed signals.. Where either left or right seem to be the way.. Suddenly rem my husband said sometimes i hold the key to make or break his day.. Sometimes taking it easy, throwing apparent problems aside to just enjoy each other's company is the crunch.. I dont know, rip_curl, maybe you want to try taking the back seat for a couple of days? You can use the time to observe if she is indeed facing temptations elsewhere or just emo-ing because of what her bff is going through..

Hope things will work out for u..

Thks for your reply. While I really don't want not to do anything but the reality is, sometimes I get too tired to try. Getting mood swing and emo very often lately. Seems so aimless. Like you said, not sure if I shall go right or left
 

Roxie88

Member
Sometimes i wish my hubby will make more effort and be more expressive, like some guys here in the forum.. If only he makes a little more effort to reassure me n to be more sensitive to the heart he had broken, i will be a happier person.. But this is wrong right? Everyone is different n we should accept our half as they are.. I am feeling very miserable lately.. So wish i will catch the husband and that bitch contacting.. Catch him not being hardhearted enough to break off completely..catch her with more slutty tricks .. Then i will not have to hold on in fear everyday.. Catch them n divorce him..Thats emo me thinking n talking.. Reality n dreams are usually worlds apart..ok, back to work, back to reality..
 

rip_curl

Member
Sometimes i wish my hubby will make more effort and be more expressive, like some guys here in the forum.. If only he makes a little more effort to reassure me n to be more sensitive to the heart he had broken, i will be a happier person.. But this is wrong right? Everyone is different n we should accept our half as they are.. I am feeling very miserable lately.. So wish i will catch the husband and that bitch contacting.. Catch him not being hardhearted enough to break off completely..catch her with more slutty tricks .. Then i will not have to hold on in fear everyday.. Catch them n divorce him..Thats emo me thinking n talking.. Reality n dreams are usually worlds apart..ok, back to work, back to reality..

Everyone is different and it's so ironic. Some wives does not like the husband to be so possessive while some likes the husband to be more passionate/expressive. I think everyone wishes that the time can be reversed. If only all these years I am more romantic then it will not be a case of things getting monotonous.

In your case I believe the party at fault should show remorse and pick up the slack. You both need some professional help otherwise you will never be able to break your psychological barrier even if he indeed does change for the better.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Sometimes i wish my hubby will make more effort and be more expressive, like some guys here in the forum.. If only he makes a little more effort to reassure me n to be more sensitive to the heart he had broken, i will be a happier person.. But this is wrong right? Everyone is different n we should accept our half as they are.. I am feeling very miserable lately.. So wish i will catch the husband and that bitch contacting.. Catch him not being hardhearted enough to break off completely..catch her with more slutty tricks .. Then i will not have to hold on in fear everyday.. Catch them n divorce him..Thats emo me thinking n talking.. Reality n dreams are usually worlds apart..ok, back to work, back to reality..
Why do you think its wrong. The idea that we never change is inaccurate. We all evolve with time. What changes us is however, what we perceive is good or right for us. Couples should influence each other all the time, its part and parcel of learning from life journey. The acceptance for who our partners are is more about managing one's expectation. We progress and learn together. We don't expect our partner to change because we want them to.
 

Ting2.1

New Member
Sometimes i wish my hubby will make more effort and be more expressive, like some guys here in the forum.. If only he makes a little more effort to reassure me n to be more sensitive to the heart he had broken, i will be a happier person.. But this is wrong right? Everyone is different n we should accept our half as they are.. I am feeling very miserable lately.. So wish i will catch the husband and that bitch contacting.. Catch him not being hardhearted enough to break off completely..catch her with more slutty tricks .. Then i will not have to hold on in fear everyday.. Catch them n divorce him..Thats emo me thinking n talking.. Reality n dreams are usually worlds apart..ok, back to work, back to reality..

Notice you have a similar case like mine.. But i didnt give him a chance despite him wanting to come back. I just shifted back to my mum's place with kids and told him to wait for my lawyer's letter.
 

clem

Member
After married 10 years, after giving birth to your 2 kids... There must be something that she has not achieved for herself... you have to find out what it is.

Maybe it's not the type of family life she had been longing for?
Maybe it's her career that she gave up for the family?
Maybe you are no longer like how you were during the courtship?
Or worst, maybe she has found someone more interesting but struggling what to do with you and kids?

But at least she talked to you, so you need to do something if you want her back.

You need to know what she wants. If you seriously have no clue at all, sit down with her and show your sincerity of wanting to know it.
 
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rip_curl

Member
After married 10 years, after giving birth to your 2 kids... There must be something that she has not achieved for herself... you have to find out what it is.

Maybe it's not the type of family life she had been longing for?
Maybe it's her career that she gave up for the family?
Maybe you are no longer like how you were during the courtship?
Or worst, maybe she has found someone more interesting but struggling what to do with you and kids?

But at least she talked to you, so you need to do something if you want her back.

You need to know what she wants. If you seriously have no clue at all, sit down with her and show your sincerity of wanting to know it.

But you know the fear of really wanting to talk but what you get is our love is no longer the same kind of shit. It's so hard to continue with the conversation thereafter cause you know deep down the ending would most likely be......maybe let's both take a break or worst let's file for separation. And it's not something I can accept right now. I let asking myself I am not unfaithful, I provide for the family then what did I do wrong to deserve it but you know by saying that the whole cycle repeats itself that she knows I am a good guy but just that you deserve someone better. You get what I mean? :(

I recalled I tried to defend myself which I know I am not entirely right by saying when we all have kids and coping with the rat race, our life becomes
Monotonous. I think it's a fact we cannot deny in this society. It becomes really difficult to be able to achieve or do what we used to do pre marriage. Everything is just abt kids and their life/studies and keeping up with work (of course as we both progress higher onto the corporate ladder), our expectations of work get higher.

To this point I think everyone just feels helpless now. If only I feel me and her can really be open and talk abt it without any fear or whatsoever to make this work. Is it just me or those who had been thru had this feeling...
 

newproject

Active Member
But you know the fear of really wanting to talk but what you get is our love is no longer the same kind of shit. It's so hard to continue with the conversation thereafter cause you know deep down the ending would most likely be......maybe let's both take a break or worst let's file for separation. And it's not something I can accept right now. I let asking myself I am not unfaithful, I provide for the family then what did I do wrong to deserve it but you know by saying that the whole cycle repeats itself that she knows I am a good guy but just that you deserve someone better. You get what I mean? :(

I recalled I tried to defend myself which I know I am not entirely right by saying when we all have kids and coping with the rat race, our life becomes
Monotonous. I think it's a fact we cannot deny in this society. It becomes really difficult to be able to achieve or do what we used to do pre marriage. Everything is just abt kids and their life/studies and keeping up with work (of course as we both progress higher onto the corporate ladder), our expectations of work get higher.

To this point I think everyone just feels helpless now. If only I feel me and her can really be open and talk abt it without any fear or whatsoever to make this work. Is it just me or those who had been thru had this feeling...

Bro the thing that strikes me Abt all your posts is you keep using words like "fear", "afraid"..

God damn it! I'm going to give you some tough love.

You make me damn sick how weak you are. No wonder your wife want to leave you.

You want her back? Act like a man! Don't be sad be mad!

Some qs

1. Does anyone know you two going through these problems? Your parents? Hers? Her friends?

2. Your kids. Has she considered what will happen if you divorce?

3. She ready to be divorcee? Yeah they say it's common but still asian society plenty of man won't consider divorcees.

4. Ask her straight out is it she got some other guy she considering? I 75% sure this happening. The whole "some other girl better for you" is a dead giveaway. Girls only say that because they think they are getting together with another guy so are secure enough to say that.

5. Don't play her game and defend yourself. If r/s fail both bear responsibility. Attack her back solway why she never take responsibility to be more fun? Why is its the males fault? What type of woman so irresponsible you didn't do anything wrong she just give up like that. Has she thought of the kids?
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Everyone is different and it's so ironic. Some wives does not like the husband to be so possessive while some likes the husband to be more passionate/expressive. I think everyone wishes that the time can be reversed. If only all these years I am more romantic then it will not be a case of things getting monotonous.

In your case I believe the party at fault should show remorse and pick up the slack. You both need some professional help otherwise you will never be able to break your psychological barrier even if he indeed does change for the better.

OMG i really really can understand how you feel. Feel that you sux and not good enough.
Bro, once an impression is set for your wife, it is hard to change. Not that you have to change now, is really depend on how much she willing to accept who you are and guide you to her expectations.
Ger works very differently from guys. When they say such thing, especially from an independent lady, they always feel that they are right and belittle you no matter what reasons you given.
Newproject have some truth in it. Why do gers like jerks ? Because gers still expect guys to lead and be firm.
That very moment she said such thing.. u need to think about it, tough up.

It may sound that we are not salvaging it, but in reality.. the more you give in, feel sad and wanting her back will only push her away more..
 

clem

Member
But you know the fear of really wanting to talk but what you get is our love is no longer the same kind of shit. It's so hard to continue with the conversation thereafter cause you know deep down the ending would most likely be......maybe let's both take a break or worst let's file for separation. And it's not something I can accept right now. I let asking myself I am not unfaithful, I provide for the family then what did I do wrong to deserve it but you know by saying that the whole cycle repeats itself that she knows I am a good guy but just that you deserve someone better. You get what I mean? :(

I recalled I tried to defend myself which I know I am not entirely right by saying when we all have kids and coping with the rat race, our life becomes
Monotonous. I think it's a fact we cannot deny in this society. It becomes really difficult to be able to achieve or do what we used to do pre marriage. Everything is just abt kids and their life/studies and keeping up with work (of course as we both progress higher onto the corporate ladder), our expectations of work get higher.

To this point I think everyone just feels helpless now. If only I feel me and her can really be open and talk abt it without any fear or whatsoever to make this work. Is it just me or those who had been thru had this feeling...

It won't help if you keep having such fear.

Instead you should be glad that she has initiated the topic by telling you how she feels.

The fact that you all still leading a normal life, shows that she didn't mean to leave the family; otherwise she could have just packed and gone.

Monotonous life happens in almost every family; some people like it because it means stability/predictability/security; some other people dislike it because it means boring, getting old, waste of life.

Your wife may only feeling helpless because this is not the life she had imagined long time ago. She might have a dream that she has not fulfilled yet.

Of course, it might also be her who had made a mistake (eg having ONS with someone? Fell in love with another guy?) And feeling guilty about it and hence re-evaluating what she has and what she wants?

She initiated the discussion, you have to complete it with her together. Doing nothing means you are letting her go.

Being her husband for so many years, do you actually know what she wants?
 

wluyan

Member
its sad to hear it. I sincerely hope it will work out well for both for you. and yes, hate to say, marriage is indeed more about responsibility and commitment especially when u have kids. most marriages go through this stage but i believe if both parties work hard to keep the family together , it will eventually turn out well. if you need listening ears, we are all here with you. dun be discourage, and keep going. its a lifetime happiness all of you. u have my sincere best wishes, my friend
 

wluyan

Member
It won't help if you keep having such fear.

Instead you should be glad that she has initiated the topic by telling you how she feels.

The fact that you all still leading a normal life, shows that she didn't mean to leave the family; otherwise she could have just packed and gone.

Monotonous life happens in almost every family; some people like it because it means stability/predictability/security; some other people dislike it because it means boring, getting old, waste of life.

Your wife may only feeling helpless because this is not the life she had imagined long time ago. She might have a dream that she has not fulfilled yet.

Of course, it might also be her who had made a mistake (eg having ONS with someone? Fell in love with another guy?) And feeling guilty about it and hence re-evaluating what she has and what she wants?

She initiated the discussion, you have to complete it with her together. Doing nothing means you are letting her go.

Being her husband for so many years, do you actually know what she wants?
i agree with clem. have a good talk with her. worrying cant resolve anything.
 

sadman2009

Active Member
TS, be prepared that she might have someone outside the marriage that is giving attentions and things that she wants.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
So, I think you just have to be balanced. Give whatever you can give at the same time not losing yourself. Do things that will make yourself happy and also attractive. Then, may be she will be attracted to you again.
 

rip_curl

Member
So, I think you just have to be balanced. Give whatever you can give at the same time not losing yourself. Do things that will make yourself happy and also attractive. Then, may be she will be attracted to you again.

I think at this point in time, I believe she might just be tired of married life and not so much having an affair. that also means potentially a lot of temptations could come her way. It's how things work.

I totally agree about keeping myself attractive still.
 

clem

Member
I think at this point in time, I believe she might just be tired of married life and not so much having an affair. that also means potentially a lot of temptations could come her way. It's how things work.

I totally agree about keeping myself attractive still.

Can tell from your posts you are already an attractive person. Everyone gets tired at some points of our life and need a breakthrough.

Just stay positive and continue to be a good husband. All the best my friend.
 

rip_curl

Member
Can tell from your posts you are already an attractive person. Everyone gets tired at some points of our life and need a breakthrough.

Just stay positive and continue to be a good husband. All the best my friend.

It's only important if your other half really thinks you are attractive.....
 

Roxie88

Member
It's only important if your other half really thinks you are attractive.....

Think of how you were when you all just started your relationship.. That first love.. there must be something in you that your wife finds attractive in the first place. You attracted her enough for her to say 'i do' on the altar.. Im sure you still have it.. Find it.let it build up your confidence..

Things do get monotonous in a marriage after a while but instead of degression.. I see it as a maturation process.. I believe a couple cant live on just sparks n thrills all the time.. There need to be commitment, compromises and sacrifices in a mature love relationship.. Though its hard to find a balance.. Im still hopeful that love will make 2 people change n do things differently for a better relationship..
 

rip_curl

Member
Think of how you were when you all just started your relationship.. That first love.. there must be something in you that your wife finds attractive in the first place. You attracted her enough for her to say 'i do' on the altar.. Im sure you still have it.. Find it.let it build up your confidence..

Things do get monotonous in a marriage after a while but instead of degression.. I see it as a maturation process.. I believe a couple cant live on just sparks n thrills all the time.. There need to be commitment, compromises and sacrifices in a mature love relationship.. Though its hard to find a balance.. Im still hopeful that love will make 2 people change n do things differently for a better relationship..

I totally agree with you however it all depends on individual perspective. Will try to be positive. With all these going on in ones mind, it's actually not a good thing. You get sensitive and suspicious over the smallest thing. Not helping at all.

Tired , taking a break.
 


Carousell

Active Member
I am a daddy....I just want a place to rant out because I am simply very upset and deep down very hurt.

I am married for 10 years with 2 kids aged 7 and 8. Me and my wife are the same age.

As of now, everyday we are still leading a normal life and we still have like sex once a while.

One day my wife suddenly spoke to me that her love for me is not as great as last time and that she thinks we are together because of commitment. I guess it's really true that maintaining a marriage is tough. We all know married life get monotonous (the world just goes by around work and kids). We lost our initial "making each other's heart race" kind of feeling for many reasons mainly because our priorities changes throughout time. I still love her alot and trying my best to hopefully revive the kind of love we had but she does not seem to put in effort. She knows that I am the one who is loving her more than she loves me. At the same time she is a very strong headed person who is so independent. *sigh*

She said I am a good man (i.e. Father/husband) and I am deeply affected. Why does it always have to happen to people who are "good". Is it because we are boring? And it's easy and I have seen slot of threads that said "it's not his fault but the issue lies with me"!!!!! She just feel I deserve a better woman :'( I mean I am not those entirely boring kind. I do enjoy clubbing and being notti at times but I set my priorities right. I never want to look for affairs outside or ONS.

The feeling of losing her and having a broken family one day scares me and I am been so miserable. I am scare to openly talk about it because I really dont know how to react if she thinks a divorce is the better way out. You know how it sucks when things seems fine but yet its not entirely. Everyone kept saying we have such a beautiful family. Honestly we have what many would want in a family. 2 beautiful kids, financially very stable etc

Wonder how many individuals have such feelings that the love for one another is no longer as strong as before.
frown.png
Your wife is an independent lady with good earning power?
 

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