(2011/10) Oct 2011 BTB
- Thread starter altiora
- Start date
joy: Wow that's a lot of money. We looked at a few resale but COV that time was too high and we cant come out with so much cash. But we are quite lucky to get the BTO on first attempt. It's at Punggol. Should be ready 2013. ok will get the contacts from you. Got to go now. Bye.
Hey Joy, u can update on the october one too! https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=tFv6SFAH830DfcC-l2ka_Ag&hl=en_GB&authkey=COT2tZ4C#gid=0
Min: Mine also premium. Think the only difference is the flooring done.
How much did u budget for the reno?
I'm asking my dad to do the lights since he's an electrician. So can save on that.
For now, busy with wedding stuff bah. Reno will come later. Too many things at the same time will be super stressed.
How much did u budget for the reno?
I'm asking my dad to do the lights since he's an electrician. So can save on that.
For now, busy with wedding stuff bah. Reno will come later. Too many things at the same time will be super stressed.
pocarisweat
New Member
tx queenie 4 sorting the spreadsheet! hee
Just came home, typing this in the dark on my iPad, in tears.
Told my parents that my fiance's mom is coming next week to discuss matters. Not sure if you remember my case above, but to cut the long story short, my mom in law is the Bochup 'modern' type who does not know guo da li or even do those traditional discuss thing with in laws. My parents, on the other hand, is the traditional type who insists on this. So when we told my fiance's mom this, she said she will come next week.
I told my parents this just now when I reached home. My mom and dad shouted at me and told me there was no need to now already. Cause it is meaningless and pointless for them to discuss when my fiance's mom doesn't even approach the subject first in the first place. And my dad also said hurtful words like I'm cheapskate, I'm at the losing end, cause people will talk that I'm not the real daughter in law. I'm not recognized etc.
What should I do now? Should I still insist my mom in law to come to my home? What if she ones uninvited and it turns out worse? What if she really does what my parents say and not come, yet still ken a sarcastic remarks?
Really clueless now and freaking upset.
Told my parents that my fiance's mom is coming next week to discuss matters. Not sure if you remember my case above, but to cut the long story short, my mom in law is the Bochup 'modern' type who does not know guo da li or even do those traditional discuss thing with in laws. My parents, on the other hand, is the traditional type who insists on this. So when we told my fiance's mom this, she said she will come next week.
I told my parents this just now when I reached home. My mom and dad shouted at me and told me there was no need to now already. Cause it is meaningless and pointless for them to discuss when my fiance's mom doesn't even approach the subject first in the first place. And my dad also said hurtful words like I'm cheapskate, I'm at the losing end, cause people will talk that I'm not the real daughter in law. I'm not recognized etc.
What should I do now? Should I still insist my mom in law to come to my home? What if she ones uninvited and it turns out worse? What if she really does what my parents say and not come, yet still ken a sarcastic remarks?
Really clueless now and freaking upset.
joy: I think you need to talk to your parents after they cool down. Must explain that your fiance's mom is not familiar and dont understand the custom. She want to meet up now cause you and your fiance explained to her about the meaning.
I can understand why your parents are angry. Chinese want face. Daughter's dowry need to be big. Now i guess they must have felt that they force it on the in-laws so it's pointless to discuss.
Before the meet up, better do all the homework and talk to both sides so expectations are set and negotiation wont turn ugly. Will be good if there's a 3rd party who's familiar with the guo da li things to help the discussion to go smoothly.
I can understand why your parents are angry. Chinese want face. Daughter's dowry need to be big. Now i guess they must have felt that they force it on the in-laws so it's pointless to discuss.
Before the meet up, better do all the homework and talk to both sides so expectations are set and negotiation wont turn ugly. Will be good if there's a 3rd party who's familiar with the guo da li things to help the discussion to go smoothly.
Initially I was just pissed at my parents. Now I'm also pissed at my fiance's mom. Why she is so Bochup, why she is so averse to sticking with customs etc. I also quarreled with my fiancé last night when he said my dad is too impatient, why can't he wait etc. Of course my dad is pissed as there is no date given from their side on the meet up. Now my dad doesn't want to meet already. I reminded my parents that they will be sitting with one another at the dinner so it is entirely up to them to make things amiable.
jellycheese8
New Member
Hi joy! Cheer up. Hate your parent won't solve anything.
If both parents cannot have a proper meet up can u imagine during the banquet when both in laws met it will be damn awkward. Your FIL shld decide a date and go ur house for TiQing. Someone have to give in. Haiz anyway customary stuffs are silly something I think. Hmm if wan Ur mum insist to have guoDali den u can just go buy the thing yourself. An send the thing to ur house weeks before the wedding with ur htb.
Dun be so negative about anything. Perhaps u can forget abt all this customary stuffs and settle ur photoshoot and gowns selection and theme all this. I think the best is just ROM and get a cert and go for honeymoon!! And just serve tea to the elderly and relative and full stop!! Focus on the life of the future as marriage is life time. Dun let all this thing to spoil the relationship with ur htb.
If both parents cannot have a proper meet up can u imagine during the banquet when both in laws met it will be damn awkward. Your FIL shld decide a date and go ur house for TiQing. Someone have to give in. Haiz anyway customary stuffs are silly something I think. Hmm if wan Ur mum insist to have guoDali den u can just go buy the thing yourself. An send the thing to ur house weeks before the wedding with ur htb.
Dun be so negative about anything. Perhaps u can forget abt all this customary stuffs and settle ur photoshoot and gowns selection and theme all this. I think the best is just ROM and get a cert and go for honeymoon!! And just serve tea to the elderly and relative and full stop!! Focus on the life of the future as marriage is life time. Dun let all this thing to spoil the relationship with ur htb.
Min: Initially my fiance was OK. My fiance told his mom my family respects customs and traditions and expects her to TI QING (fiance's dad passed away, no father in law). She said : Wah, so traditional ah? You better go find out what to buy for them, I don't know such things. Last time Jie Jie also didn't have this. Kor Kor married his girlfriend, also did not practise this...etc. But let me know the date. We will go there with the gifts."
So we thought it was settled and I told my dad : Ok, since you want the traditional things, we will respect it. Fiance's mom is dropping by this weekend to discuss about it.
But my parents shout shout shout.
I called my fiance in tears and he began to be pissed. I began to be frustrated.
I think I will just asked her to come by during Chinese New Year week (my dad damn superstitious, don't like to be angry during Chinese New Year). My fiance's mom also teamed up with my fiance and me to tell my parents not to be uptight over the tables' angpow. She will try to talk some sense (although IMHO is pointless) to my parents that they shouldn't requests for it because if they do, we have no $$$$$ to pay the hotel. (Of course we will pay by credit card first lah)
And another issue is, BECAUSE OF ALL THESE SHIT, now my fiance's entire family (siblings, mom etc) all think my parents damn fussy, damn hard to get along with.
So we thought it was settled and I told my dad : Ok, since you want the traditional things, we will respect it. Fiance's mom is dropping by this weekend to discuss about it.
But my parents shout shout shout.
I called my fiance in tears and he began to be pissed. I began to be frustrated.
I think I will just asked her to come by during Chinese New Year week (my dad damn superstitious, don't like to be angry during Chinese New Year). My fiance's mom also teamed up with my fiance and me to tell my parents not to be uptight over the tables' angpow. She will try to talk some sense (although IMHO is pointless) to my parents that they shouldn't requests for it because if they do, we have no $$$$$ to pay the hotel. (Of course we will pay by credit card first lah)
And another issue is, BECAUSE OF ALL THESE SHIT, now my fiance's entire family (siblings, mom etc) all think my parents damn fussy, damn hard to get along with.
meteor_starry
New Member
Joy, don't be sad...I guess when your future MIL turns up at your house, your parents will definitely display the biggest smile on their face, since afterall your MIL has made an effort to come....it's like that one....parents will start having weird requests at this point, but when your MIL really comes, they will react differently one...
So ur Fiancé have no comments or any suggestions? I mean when this kind of thing happen, couple no doubt will argue but will still try or talk to each other and think wat to do..
Actually sometimes it’s how you handle it. I believe there are always some reasons why a mum can treat a daughter till such extent. Mums are sill mums. No matter how, deep inside she is your mum. I believe there is a reason y she is like that. You had already explain everything but I think a mum wont behave this way forever. So I think you better think of better ways to handle her and dig out her motherly senses. If not I really feel that she worse than a stepmum.
By the way, where u having your banquet? Did not see ur details on the spreadsheet yet... -.-
Actually sometimes it’s how you handle it. I believe there are always some reasons why a mum can treat a daughter till such extent. Mums are sill mums. No matter how, deep inside she is your mum. I believe there is a reason y she is like that. You had already explain everything but I think a mum wont behave this way forever. So I think you better think of better ways to handle her and dig out her motherly senses. If not I really feel that she worse than a stepmum.
By the way, where u having your banquet? Did not see ur details on the spreadsheet yet... -.-
Hi Min, I think I have hinted in other replies on this forum that my mom and I aren't close to each other. Truth be told, my mom is relaly $-faced. I don't want to hang my dirty laundry out but since you asked and indeed it is puzzling, I'd let you know my mom really treats me worse than stepmoms. FYI from young to now, I've not received any angpow or birthday gift from her cause she is $-faced, really stingy type. I have to buy the shampoo / soap I want to use since young and she will deduct from my pocket money. If I need glasses in school, she also deducts from my pocket money. When I was 22, I had no savings, still studying. I needed tooth surgery ($1200), she refused to lend me. She threw me this question that CHANGED OUR RELATIONSHIP FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER: "How much must I spend on a girl like you?"
So there, now you know.
So there, now you know.
chey, don bother la. since you had mentioned that no matter how, still so ugly scene, den don bother lo. Just stuff the money to ur mum lo. ur dad still unhappy, not complicated la. let him be unhappy lo. wat to do.... if he behave that way, he is only degrading himself and throwing his own dignity away. Since he himself don mind hw ur in laws or anyone else think of his childish behaviour, den be it. Don neeed ''worried'' for him...
joy: I suggest working on your relationship with your parents. There must be a reason why they acted that way. Afterall, they are your parents. Try to communicate and find out the root cause. It is going to be extremely difficult and may take a long time. You may need external help. But ultimately it is likely to be rewarding. Think about it.
Joy, I agree with Lyn... even if you are married, she is still your mom~~ maybe she's feeling insecure coz she dunno what the future holds for her and there might be relatives who are gossiping also~ sometimes parents will be insecure also... like my mum, sometimes she will confide and say that once i get married, i dun belong to the family alrdy... then she will feel lost and stuff~ plus my brother still young (he's still in NS), what if anything happens etc etc~~
basically, she's just insecure.. so i had to slowly regain her confidence that she wun be losing her daughter but instead gaining half a son~~~ long process i would have to say (i'm in a relationship with my HTB for coming 10 years) but it's worth it when i see now she beems with pride when she tells pple that i'm getting married to someone she can trust~~
maybe it is becoz ur htb not that close to your mum, plus u are also not close to her, she's just feeling insecure too~~ sit down to talk to her nicely and try to involve ur bf~
basically, she's just insecure.. so i had to slowly regain her confidence that she wun be losing her daughter but instead gaining half a son~~~ long process i would have to say (i'm in a relationship with my HTB for coming 10 years) but it's worth it when i see now she beems with pride when she tells pple that i'm getting married to someone she can trust~~
maybe it is becoz ur htb not that close to your mum, plus u are also not close to her, she's just feeling insecure too~~ sit down to talk to her nicely and try to involve ur bf~
yup, queen is right. me too... relationship have to be built de...My mum like my hubby alot and quite close to him too. So though that time she very demanding wiht her requests, but after i talk to her a few times(with shouting/screaming/take knife), she now ok liao...When talk to her, she will sit down and slowly listen and communicate with me. Cos actually i directly and straight forward de tell her not to worry and misunderstand that once i got married, i will forsake her and i nv heng bu de jia chu qu....Den my bro told me that she initally really tot that i heng bu de jia chu qu..lol
Anyway,My bro still in Uni lo.My mum also nv have experience in this.Me the eldest too same as u. Have to know how to handle de...But of cos wont be perfect la. No matter how, mums are stil mums. They got their own ''pattern'' de.... -.-
Anyway,My bro still in Uni lo.My mum also nv have experience in this.Me the eldest too same as u. Have to know how to handle de...But of cos wont be perfect la. No matter how, mums are stil mums. They got their own ''pattern'' de.... -.-
Hi Min: I mind giving her that $5,000 a LOT. Because to me, in my heart, she is not my mother. No mother will watch her daughter's tooth rot and NOT lend her a SINGLE cent. I did nothing to make her like that. Since young, she is protective towards her own $$$$. FYI too I pay for my own university fees, gave tuition, worked part-time at a supermarket etc. She refused to lend me money to pay for my uni fees, saying how daughters are supposed to pay everything themselves. My dad wants to help me but he does not have a single cent on him either (another story). The relationship with my mom is like, a bit like, stranger type living in the same home. Do you know since young, if I buy bread, she will put it in my room, if I buy something for the family to share, she will also put it in my room etc. She treats me like a f@@@ing tenant. So I definitely think it is normal I feel deranged to be giving her $5,000. Give, I will, to shut her up. But am I happy giving her? I rather feed stray dogs and cats if I can avoid giving her money. If my mom and I are loving loving, and my mom trreats me like her DAUGHTER, yet I refuse to give her money, damn right I am a bad daughter.
But no, I'm not.
But no, I'm not.
Hi Cloudy: The best way to work it out is to maintain minimal contact.
Hi Queen Queen: Yes, my mom is insecure. She is a very well-off lady but sadly, insecure. Does this even to her own daughter. I already close one eye towards everything she does to me but when she tries to insist I give her money on actual day, I really feel bloody turned off. Like, why can't she wait till we settle the hotel bill?
Hi Queen Queen: Yes, my mom is insecure. She is a very well-off lady but sadly, insecure. Does this even to her own daughter. I already close one eye towards everything she does to me but when she tries to insist I give her money on actual day, I really feel bloody turned off. Like, why can't she wait till we settle the hotel bill?
Actually im thinking since u say from young, u and her not on good terms or watever, y nv tot that she will be this way when its ur wedding? Apparently maybe you nv expect her to be so extreme? Cos this life story is getting very extreme. Alot ple wont believe there is such a mum de. sigh...
9 months to save $1,000 approx. I remember very vividly. It was such a PAINFUL period. (Pain from my tooth and pain from my mom.) I was still a student, remember? It was my last year of school, thankfully. I was 22.
We (fiance + me) took about 3 years to save this combined amount. We only started saving 5 years after courtship.
Think last September.. why you ask?
We (fiance + me) took about 3 years to save this combined amount. We only started saving 5 years after courtship.
Think last September.. why you ask?
hi joy, thank you! i'll check with the hotel if they have any halloween parties booked that night =P
i'm sorry to hear about your mother's requests.
initially my parents wanted alot of things too, like dowry + ten tables (and angpow they take), guodali, si dian jin.
but i talked to them and somehow now i ended up with a 12 table banquet + tea ceremony, that's all.
hope things work out.. chin up! ;D
i'm sorry to hear about your mother's requests.
initially my parents wanted alot of things too, like dowry + ten tables (and angpow they take), guodali, si dian jin.
but i talked to them and somehow now i ended up with a 12 table banquet + tea ceremony, that's all.
hope things work out.. chin up! ;D