some funny jokes for you all, dunno if i post it before or you gals have read it before or not.
Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed
in a cowl standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my
bedroom?......and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the
man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT!?? Are you
saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.....I'm too young." said Harry. "If
I'm dead, I want you to send me backimmediately." "It's not that easy",
said St.Peter, "you can only return as > a dog or a hen. You can choose on
your own..." Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being
a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a
hen." Harry replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken
run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was
gonna blow........then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new
hen on the farm." he said."How does it feel?" "Well, its OK I guess, but it
feels like my rear end is blow in gup." "Oh that!" said the rooster.
"That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all
you can." Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and
then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Harry said "that felt
really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that
there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he
heard his wife shout: "Harry,for Gods sake wake up, you're shitting all
over the bed!"
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Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very
polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When
leaving the room, she said, "Mr.Johnson, your barracks door is open." He
did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and
saw that his zipper was open.?He decided to have some fun with his
secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw
my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier
standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no
sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
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"Mum, can I ask you something?" "Sure! What about?" "You see, I'm already
fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one." "And what
is this 'one' you're referring to?" "Could you buy me a neat set of
brassieres?" "No." "But my nipples are already prominent and it catches
attention." "Nope." "It will be just proper at my age..." "I said no
way...!" "But all of my friends wears.......!" "David! How many times must
I tell you that bras are for girls!?"
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An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office. He
says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I
have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child. What do you
think of that !!!" The doctor thinks for a second and then says,"Let me
tell you a story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a
hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he
accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods
and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his
umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead
in front of him. What do you think of that?" The old man says, "That's
impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!". "EXACTLY" says the
doctor.
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This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his
face. "Say,Mom," he asked, "why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.",she replied. "Why is my
sister named 'Corn Flower'?" "Well," his mother answered, "Your father and
I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called
'Moon Child'?" "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived,"
the mother replied. The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber,
why are you so curious?!"
> > > >------------------------------------------------------ > > > >
Biology Lesson in Class During a Biology class, the teacher asked the
class: "Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied: "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them
down." Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
than gals?"Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier
than the guy's balls" Teacher FAINTED.