Winniebubor
New Member
Hi all, will need advise here.
Me and my bf got engaged in 2018 and together for 7 years.. You see these 7 years, I’ve always been the controller because I take the initiative to bring my fiancé out for dates, dates with him I will pay and it’s for my birthday we split. At that point of time, my fiancé was a drop out ITE so he couldn’t find a job. Back then my dad co was hiring and yes eventually he started working there till current. I shower my fiancé with expensive items because he couldn’t afford at that point of time. For me? I didn’t expect much and he will buy me stuff if I asked for it ( I really hated it ) but he’s quite 听话 so I didn’t probe much.
fast forward to our engagement, we got engaged in 2018. He bought me engagement 10k and I understand that it was expensive so I asked my mom to sponsor our japan trip because I wanted him to propose to me at japan (memorable ma). And of course he had t pay his own expenses. And moving forward, we planned our wedding this year, he wanted overseas pws so I said I’m ok (but at th back of my mind, are we able to afford it because I’m saving up for rainy days just in case my fiancé needs money for the wedding) but due to convid we had to cancel our overseas pws. Actually I was relieved because we can save a lump sum of money? so basically everything was planned nicely just waiting for out for the convid. Suddenly fiancé dad got into trouble with illegal money lender and the mom came to my crying that the family was not able to afford the wedding. Of course the first time in my mind was I need to help them, I told her it’s ok I can borrow from my mom and I have own savings to COVER first and after that they told me they own the illegal money lender $xxxxx, I immediately asked my mom if she borrow some cash and she was ok. I didn’t want the wedding to be part of their worries since they are ardy in financial troubles. After the whole commotion, the mother came in our room and told she was very thankful and she start telling me that one of the RICH relative advise them how to deal with the illegal loan sharks and told me they are nice people and what they stay two stories high bungalow and they own 2 companies. Upon hearing that I asked her “ why didn’t you borrow from them? “ and my fiancé mother say they didn’t want too. Immediately I thought it was some red flag so I told my fiancé I didn’t want to lend. He was upset, my mom was wondering too so I told her what my fiancé mom told me and she was quite skeptical too. In the we didn’t borrow them the money because everything doesn’t make sense. I told my fiancé why not we just cancel the wedding? It’s not just the banquet that cost money, we still have dowry, gold bangle and etc. My mom is very particular about the traditions, there was no room for bargaining. But to my surprise, in the end they manage to find someone who can borrow the money. initially they say they couldn’t find but idk how they manage to find someone. I find it very hard to trust my fiancé family after this episode I dk why but it seems like the mother really didn’t want to help her son with the wedding? ( Initiallly she didn’t want to get me 四点金 because I was a hokkien dialect but I told her hokkien tradition also have gold bangle and then she agreed after much persuasion from my fiancé )
And last night my fiancé and I quarreled, you see I was just jokingly saying how rich he is because the wedding and all being postpone for another year so he has more time to save. He lash it out on me saying that he spend so much on the wedding and he was not able to buy anything for himself. I was seriously taken aback bc all these years I showered him with so many gifts and paying for the dates and that all he can say?
and most imptly, these few years where he couldn’t find any job ( 6 years ) and I stood by him, encouraged him during his bad time. is it too much for me to ask him to pay for the wedding? And I told him if he couldn’t I could help actually.
Having second thought about this marriage, or am I thinking too much?
Advise pls.
Me and my bf got engaged in 2018 and together for 7 years.. You see these 7 years, I’ve always been the controller because I take the initiative to bring my fiancé out for dates, dates with him I will pay and it’s for my birthday we split. At that point of time, my fiancé was a drop out ITE so he couldn’t find a job. Back then my dad co was hiring and yes eventually he started working there till current. I shower my fiancé with expensive items because he couldn’t afford at that point of time. For me? I didn’t expect much and he will buy me stuff if I asked for it ( I really hated it ) but he’s quite 听话 so I didn’t probe much.
fast forward to our engagement, we got engaged in 2018. He bought me engagement 10k and I understand that it was expensive so I asked my mom to sponsor our japan trip because I wanted him to propose to me at japan (memorable ma). And of course he had t pay his own expenses. And moving forward, we planned our wedding this year, he wanted overseas pws so I said I’m ok (but at th back of my mind, are we able to afford it because I’m saving up for rainy days just in case my fiancé needs money for the wedding) but due to convid we had to cancel our overseas pws. Actually I was relieved because we can save a lump sum of money? so basically everything was planned nicely just waiting for out for the convid. Suddenly fiancé dad got into trouble with illegal money lender and the mom came to my crying that the family was not able to afford the wedding. Of course the first time in my mind was I need to help them, I told her it’s ok I can borrow from my mom and I have own savings to COVER first and after that they told me they own the illegal money lender $xxxxx, I immediately asked my mom if she borrow some cash and she was ok. I didn’t want the wedding to be part of their worries since they are ardy in financial troubles. After the whole commotion, the mother came in our room and told she was very thankful and she start telling me that one of the RICH relative advise them how to deal with the illegal loan sharks and told me they are nice people and what they stay two stories high bungalow and they own 2 companies. Upon hearing that I asked her “ why didn’t you borrow from them? “ and my fiancé mother say they didn’t want too. Immediately I thought it was some red flag so I told my fiancé I didn’t want to lend. He was upset, my mom was wondering too so I told her what my fiancé mom told me and she was quite skeptical too. In the we didn’t borrow them the money because everything doesn’t make sense. I told my fiancé why not we just cancel the wedding? It’s not just the banquet that cost money, we still have dowry, gold bangle and etc. My mom is very particular about the traditions, there was no room for bargaining. But to my surprise, in the end they manage to find someone who can borrow the money. initially they say they couldn’t find but idk how they manage to find someone. I find it very hard to trust my fiancé family after this episode I dk why but it seems like the mother really didn’t want to help her son with the wedding? ( Initiallly she didn’t want to get me 四点金 because I was a hokkien dialect but I told her hokkien tradition also have gold bangle and then she agreed after much persuasion from my fiancé )
And last night my fiancé and I quarreled, you see I was just jokingly saying how rich he is because the wedding and all being postpone for another year so he has more time to save. He lash it out on me saying that he spend so much on the wedding and he was not able to buy anything for himself. I was seriously taken aback bc all these years I showered him with so many gifts and paying for the dates and that all he can say?
and most imptly, these few years where he couldn’t find any job ( 6 years ) and I stood by him, encouraged him during his bad time. is it too much for me to ask him to pay for the wedding? And I told him if he couldn’t I could help actually.
Having second thought about this marriage, or am I thinking too much?
Advise pls.
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