SnowAngelx93
New Member
So I have been with my boyfriend (he's in his 20s and 1 year older than me) for 3 years and he is studying in University now. He has been more frugal about money after he ORD as he has to rely on his limited savings earned from various adhoc jobs during his school vacation.
Yesterday, I was upset about him on something and he attempted to meet me for lunch and asked what did I want to eat so he could buy me lunch. I didn't request for expensive food, just sushi and bun which cost 5 bucks. Then he got back with the food and I ate it happily thinking how he did it because of me and how generous he is towards his gf (afterall in general, guys in rs tend to provide and care for the well being of their gfs if they really love them).
Then after I finished my lunch, he turned my world upside down by saying 'transfer 5 bucks to my bank later'. Yes at this moment, I was speechless and walked away. Till now, I didn't want to talk to him. My point as woman is, yeah you can say the bf is frugal blabla. But I also can defend saying isn't it part of a guy's affection to provide and care for his gf, what's more a 5 bucks?! He provided the meal and he was so STINGY enough that he would chase after me for the 5 bucks. Hello, you offered to buy your gf a meal cos you want to cheer her up after making her upset and then now you came to tell her you want her to pay the 5 bucks you have LOST???!!!!! THAT'S RIDICULOUS! If he is already so STINGY over such a small amount, how to expect him to be the PROVIDER for the family in future!!!
A man has 3 distinct attributes that attract women: provide, protect and profess, besides loving the woman. Yes I know he cannot be provider for everything and as working adult I would also share his burden like if we are paying for flat in future. But he still should be the provider as a man for 60-70% of the time in future! Yes while I fork out to help and think of ways to spice up the family well being, those extra 10-20% are the treats/little surprises along the way to help improve the relatio ship. He is and will never be closer than that! The way he shows it it seems money is more important than caring for the well being of the gf and making the other feel cared for and loved in a rs! The smallest actions and thoughts like these matter a lot as we women care more of these in rs and he didn't even seize the opportunity! What did he take me for! It's like, while I was eating the lunch he bought all the while, he was thinking, 'later i must rmb to ask her transfer the money' instead of seeing how happy I ate the lunch and feeling loved by his SELFLESS ACTION. And then bam! My thought about him shattered. WHAT KIND OF BOYFRIEND HAS HE CLAIMED TO BE!
FYI, though we have been quarrelling over these years, we also have been loving for most of the time. Loving as in, he always greets me morning and night in happy manner and share with me many stuffs and ask about me during the day and committed to call me if we arent meeting that day. We always have a good laugh on matters and have jokes and cute moments that only we would find it funny on each other and others won't understand. He loves me BUT now I'm starting to think I'm like a convenience tool for him and his love is SHALLOW. Like you love someone but love is not just about being in love! It's about maintenance, being there for the partner, tactful in terms of the rs well being and putting in efforts to sow the seeds!
At first when he dated me, he even did those gentlemen stuffs, now he chase after a penny, and refused to help me small things (from my record I only requested less than 10 helps in entire 3 years because I knew he wouldn't help!!! He would whine about how difficult he is to help me e.g only 1 time carrying heavy backsack because my shoulder is pain and he gave me a look of disgust, help me find an empty CD from Daiso and he said he wld only go there if it's on the way, help me log in game play for a while only cos I was working and very stressed up that day to play and it's during his sch holiday where he basically sits at home when not working but he kept saying 'don't want'). Hello, every time he asked me to help him print stuffs from office, do this and that I also readily did for him (think I so free ah print for him while I was working?!). And then you see for such small requests that I asked previously, I always expected a 'But...' from him!!! That is why I seldom request him cos I know he would never want to help his gf whereas for other boyfriends who love their gfs are very happy to do!!!
Nowadays I really have conflicting mind and I am not sure if he even loves me anymore when he
1) Is stingy and care more about the money than well being of the gf
2) I thought if guys love their gfs and if they learn that their gfs are in need of help, their nature would push them to help because it CONCERNS THEIR GF and as a attestment to his loving character but so far he's never been any sincere! Plus I know there's a saying that I need to communicate directly so he knows and that's what I've been doing but those are the poor responses I got!!!
3) He's been caring more for himself than others. And therefore I never trusted him to be for me even when I need him! He would always be thinking of his own convenience first but never ever go out of way for the other half! He stays rooted to his sleeping pattern and have a tight control of his money but having a life and having some you love but you wouldn't go out of way for her at times? What does it show if you can weather sun together but not storm!?!
During the initial phase he would attempt to make his firm stand even when I express my upset feelings and then in our third year somehow he learns to step in and apologise after he knows I'm hurt. He would say that he would not repeat the mistakes. But this is endless! Like for this recent case, he didn't even show any signs of sincerity! Don't say he went to get food for me until so touching when the end was a big fat disappointment. When we go out together, I don't even ask him to pay, we go dutch.
I'm seriously disappointed that I have been dating this so-called best friend of mine for 3 years and what he showed was lack of sincerity and care towards his gf despite being committed and us having hearty and open chats a lot like best friends. It's not that I am expecting him to pay every time but wheres the small actions at the right time especially when the other half is feeling down because of him?! Is that how he should be treating his gf if he loves her?!!
I'm not sure these incidents are related to his dwindling love or not related. He's not a romantic person and he's not the one you can really discuss your experience or deep feelings with. He's the kind of boy who is happy go lucky and doesn't have any deep or sad emotions and he doesn't really think much on erm generally speaking thise heartfelt stuffs (you know what I mean). I was quite skeptical when I decided to accept him because he is the above mentioned and it would take time for him to nurture his feelings. It proved correctly all this while. He says he is with me for the long term as he has been looking for a long term partner and I am his first and only one. We also have been discussing and referring to our future flat and kids.
Yesterday, I was upset about him on something and he attempted to meet me for lunch and asked what did I want to eat so he could buy me lunch. I didn't request for expensive food, just sushi and bun which cost 5 bucks. Then he got back with the food and I ate it happily thinking how he did it because of me and how generous he is towards his gf (afterall in general, guys in rs tend to provide and care for the well being of their gfs if they really love them).
Then after I finished my lunch, he turned my world upside down by saying 'transfer 5 bucks to my bank later'. Yes at this moment, I was speechless and walked away. Till now, I didn't want to talk to him. My point as woman is, yeah you can say the bf is frugal blabla. But I also can defend saying isn't it part of a guy's affection to provide and care for his gf, what's more a 5 bucks?! He provided the meal and he was so STINGY enough that he would chase after me for the 5 bucks. Hello, you offered to buy your gf a meal cos you want to cheer her up after making her upset and then now you came to tell her you want her to pay the 5 bucks you have LOST???!!!!! THAT'S RIDICULOUS! If he is already so STINGY over such a small amount, how to expect him to be the PROVIDER for the family in future!!!
A man has 3 distinct attributes that attract women: provide, protect and profess, besides loving the woman. Yes I know he cannot be provider for everything and as working adult I would also share his burden like if we are paying for flat in future. But he still should be the provider as a man for 60-70% of the time in future! Yes while I fork out to help and think of ways to spice up the family well being, those extra 10-20% are the treats/little surprises along the way to help improve the relatio ship. He is and will never be closer than that! The way he shows it it seems money is more important than caring for the well being of the gf and making the other feel cared for and loved in a rs! The smallest actions and thoughts like these matter a lot as we women care more of these in rs and he didn't even seize the opportunity! What did he take me for! It's like, while I was eating the lunch he bought all the while, he was thinking, 'later i must rmb to ask her transfer the money' instead of seeing how happy I ate the lunch and feeling loved by his SELFLESS ACTION. And then bam! My thought about him shattered. WHAT KIND OF BOYFRIEND HAS HE CLAIMED TO BE!
FYI, though we have been quarrelling over these years, we also have been loving for most of the time. Loving as in, he always greets me morning and night in happy manner and share with me many stuffs and ask about me during the day and committed to call me if we arent meeting that day. We always have a good laugh on matters and have jokes and cute moments that only we would find it funny on each other and others won't understand. He loves me BUT now I'm starting to think I'm like a convenience tool for him and his love is SHALLOW. Like you love someone but love is not just about being in love! It's about maintenance, being there for the partner, tactful in terms of the rs well being and putting in efforts to sow the seeds!
At first when he dated me, he even did those gentlemen stuffs, now he chase after a penny, and refused to help me small things (from my record I only requested less than 10 helps in entire 3 years because I knew he wouldn't help!!! He would whine about how difficult he is to help me e.g only 1 time carrying heavy backsack because my shoulder is pain and he gave me a look of disgust, help me find an empty CD from Daiso and he said he wld only go there if it's on the way, help me log in game play for a while only cos I was working and very stressed up that day to play and it's during his sch holiday where he basically sits at home when not working but he kept saying 'don't want'). Hello, every time he asked me to help him print stuffs from office, do this and that I also readily did for him (think I so free ah print for him while I was working?!). And then you see for such small requests that I asked previously, I always expected a 'But...' from him!!! That is why I seldom request him cos I know he would never want to help his gf whereas for other boyfriends who love their gfs are very happy to do!!!
Nowadays I really have conflicting mind and I am not sure if he even loves me anymore when he
1) Is stingy and care more about the money than well being of the gf
2) I thought if guys love their gfs and if they learn that their gfs are in need of help, their nature would push them to help because it CONCERNS THEIR GF and as a attestment to his loving character but so far he's never been any sincere! Plus I know there's a saying that I need to communicate directly so he knows and that's what I've been doing but those are the poor responses I got!!!
3) He's been caring more for himself than others. And therefore I never trusted him to be for me even when I need him! He would always be thinking of his own convenience first but never ever go out of way for the other half! He stays rooted to his sleeping pattern and have a tight control of his money but having a life and having some you love but you wouldn't go out of way for her at times? What does it show if you can weather sun together but not storm!?!
During the initial phase he would attempt to make his firm stand even when I express my upset feelings and then in our third year somehow he learns to step in and apologise after he knows I'm hurt. He would say that he would not repeat the mistakes. But this is endless! Like for this recent case, he didn't even show any signs of sincerity! Don't say he went to get food for me until so touching when the end was a big fat disappointment. When we go out together, I don't even ask him to pay, we go dutch.
I'm seriously disappointed that I have been dating this so-called best friend of mine for 3 years and what he showed was lack of sincerity and care towards his gf despite being committed and us having hearty and open chats a lot like best friends. It's not that I am expecting him to pay every time but wheres the small actions at the right time especially when the other half is feeling down because of him?! Is that how he should be treating his gf if he loves her?!!
I'm not sure these incidents are related to his dwindling love or not related. He's not a romantic person and he's not the one you can really discuss your experience or deep feelings with. He's the kind of boy who is happy go lucky and doesn't have any deep or sad emotions and he doesn't really think much on erm generally speaking thise heartfelt stuffs (you know what I mean). I was quite skeptical when I decided to accept him because he is the above mentioned and it would take time for him to nurture his feelings. It proved correctly all this while. He says he is with me for the long term as he has been looking for a long term partner and I am his first and only one. We also have been discussing and referring to our future flat and kids.
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