Married but....

C

confusedwife

New Member
Hi all, I'm married for 6 years with a happy family till recently..
I got to work closely with a boss, though we are in different departments, there are occasions we need to work together.. and that was how it started, despite him being married and 10 years old than me..

Strangely, he's not charming nor a sweet talker, in fact he's quite hostile and cold towards most colleagues including me. But perhaps that is what makes me attracted to him?
I will always go to work wondering if he will be in office, what is he doing etc.

I need some advice to guide me how I should stop myself from feeling all these nonsense.
Can anyone help? Would appreciate all advice :)
 


I can only deduced your husband ain't what you wanted in life. Let me guess...your hubby is the exact opposite.
It's your sub conscience at work dear.....
 
buddhabar said:
I can only deduced your husband ain't what you wanted in life. Let me guess...your hubby is the exact opposite.
It's your sub conscience at work dear.....
Click to expand...

I'm very confused.. haha.. my hubby not really the opposite.. he's also the quiet type but more approachable.. there's jus smth about this boss that I want to know more..
 
Infernolord said:
I think you ought to share this to your hub that you find your boss attractive. spend more time together.
Click to expand...

This is so hard to say. If I did, things will change for sure. . In fact he will feel worst. Cos he met this boss before and in terms of looks and brains.. my hubby wins hands now. Jus not sure why I'm feeling this way
 
Isnt this lust and taking a bite of the forbidden fruit?

N for gods sake no. Don't tell your husband that u find him attractive
 
Yes, i agree with Pandora8 not to say that it to your husband. You might have indirectly hurt him. Think of your husband. Don't think of your boss. There is nothing interesting to know about your boss. Family.. Husband.. Trust.. Honesty.. All these are vulnerable.. Once broken, it's gone..
 
I am facing something similar to what u r feeling but I don't have a spouse to worry about. I have a boss that I superbly adore. Everytime he walk into the room, my life will be lightened up. I would want him only to talk to me and only to look at me. But he has a girlfriend which his parents would love for him to settle down with. That will never remove the fantasy of him in my mind.
My only solution was to just leave the company and start a new. There is nothing that I can do.

However, analysing it from another angle is that you might be feeling a little bored in your current relationship with your husband now and that could be why you have such thought. Why not go for a holiday like a 2nd honey moon? I feel all you need is to get the spark back in your life and things will work out the way it should.

Give it some thought... though this is purely just an opinion of mine.
 
Forbidden fruit is always more interesting and attractive.. But once you taste it, it loses its allure and becomes just plain fruit. Don't do something you will regret just because of curiosity.

Maybe you need to find some way to add some spice into your r/s with your husband? Explore a new place tog or pick up a new skill together?

Just my 2 c worth. :)
 
Maybe I should be contented to have a wonderful hubby and happy family.. perhaps I need to reignite the sparks in the marriage. But having said that.. The feelings jus change the minute my boss walks into the office.. oh man.. I feel like a terrible wife. . :(
 
Hi confusedwife. Maybe is because your boss exudes the confidence and maturity when working that attracts you to him or because that you are attracted to powerful men. I think your husband would also exude the same confidence at his workplace. How would u feel if he also attracts ladies at his workplace? Do u have kids?
 
Pandora8 said:
Hi confusedwife. Maybe is because your boss exudes the confidence and maturity when working that attracts you to him or because that you are attracted to powerful men. I think your husband would also exude the same confidence at his workplace. How would u feel if he also attracts ladies at his workplace? Do u have kids?
Click to expand...

I think u are right.. about the part where he exudes that kind of confidence and maturity that to be honest I've never seen in my hubby. Somehow I'm not worried abt my hubby attracting ladies.. hahaha.
But yeah, I've kids. Both still below 5 yo. . Perhaps I married young and have not see the different kind of guys around but then again... I'm not sure what does all these feelings relate to.. ..
 
Hmm. . How old are you now? Well I think you shouldn't do anything to let your boss have the wrong idea. Because frankly speaking if there are any temptations your boss may actually give in to these temptations. But end of day you end up hurting yourself (family life and work life affected) cos I think from the way you describe it seems like is a one way traffic. (You having good feelings to him).

In other words. Is not worth it. ;)
 
Pandora8 said:
Hmm. . How old are you now? Well I think you shouldn't do anything to let your boss have the wrong idea. Because frankly speaking if there are any temptations your boss may actually give in to these temptations. But end of day you end up hurting yourself (family life and work life affected) cos I think from the way you describe it seems like is a one way traffic. (You having good feelings to him).

In other words. Is not worth it. ;)
Click to expand...

I'm 33.. yup. . U r right, this is confirm a one way traffic.. I'm not going to do anything. Maybe just admire him secret and feels guilty towards my hubby. Haiz
 
Well admiration is ok I guess no need feel guilty cos you really didnt do anything wrong. Sometimes is natural that we look up to someone who is capable etc. But admiration is admiration only. Cannot step over the line.

Like guys looking at the lady walking pass in that tight dress. Is also admiration mah. But nothing else.
 
Ya.. perhaps it's really admiration. Should stop this from developing further.. hopefully I can do it..
So coincidental.. my hubby jus told me this evening that it's been very very long since I last hugged him.. maybe he can detect some changes in mind already. Hope I'm not thinking too much
 
You are married when you're 28 years old? Would always have to remind youself to be contented with what you have. Not thinking about your boss is the best. Hug your husband often. Share the time with him. Focus on him. ;) you can do it dear!
 
fifimon said:
You are married when you're 28 years old? Would always have to remind youself to be contented with what you have. Not thinking about your boss is the best. Hug your husband often. Share the time with him. Focus on him. ;) you can do it dear!
Click to expand...

I got engaged when I was 25. . Customary when 27.. he's my first bf ended up my hubby.. maybe that's why.. . Hahaha. . Lack the experience and exposure to other guys..
I will try not to think abt him.. will try.. ...
 
Oh, my ideal age to get married was 25 too! Envy~ because i long to start my own family, knowing that everyday i'm fighting for a better life for the family is really satisfying. And i know you can do it!
 
confusedwife said:
I got engaged when I was 25. . Customary when 27.. he's my first bf ended up my hubby.. maybe that's why.. . Hahaha. . Lack the experience and exposure to other guys..
I will try not to think abt him.. will try.. ...
Click to expand...

Don't think of other guys. Focus on your marriage. It's not the experience that counts. Not a competition to see how many people we sleep with. You have kids and a loving husband. Don't waste it on someone you hardly know.
 
I think you should ask your husband out for a date.do something enjoyable together.find back the lovey dovey feeling u once shared.perhaps ur feeling bored abt the lack of spark in the relationship.plan couple or family outings together.bond as a couple and family.it will help enhance the relationship.most importantly also remember to treasure what u have.u have something which may have been taken away from some ppl.you are blessed to have a happy family.
 
Don't worry dear.

What you experience is very normal. Most woman are drawn to males with authority and power just as guys are drawn to youth and beauty.

Some may say is generalisation but it's a very accurate one that applies in most cases.

It's good your boss isn't interested otherwise you will be having a emotional affair.
 
newproject said:
Don't worry dear.

What you experience is very normal. Most woman are drawn to males with authority and power just as guys are drawn to youth and beauty.

Some may say is generalisation but it's a very accurate one that applies in most cases.

It's good your boss isn't interested otherwise you will be having a emotional affair.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with this point as well . Alpha males always works better for me as well hehe
 
confusedwife said:
I got engaged when I was 25. . Customary when 27.. he's my first bf ended up my hubby.. maybe that's why.. . Hahaha. . Lack the experience and exposure to other guys..
I will try not to think abt him.. will try.. ...
Click to expand...
We continue to be attracted to other people, martial status and commitment doesn't change that. What everyone is telling you is pretty true.
You are just going through natural emotions. Deal with it.
 
You are just too bored with your happy family after being married for 6 years. Life's always like that. When things go so well, you will just wish for some drama or spices in your life. But when things go all wrong, you would wish that you can have some peace in your life. What can you say? The grass is always greener on the other side.

What can you do? Clearly you are bored. So go get some hobby/activities to be busy with and then those cloudy thoughts would be gone. Don't be sorry of how you think but fix those thoughts before it get worst than you can imagine. :)

confusedwife said:
Hi all, I'm married for 6 years with a happy family till recently..
I got to work closely with a boss, though we are in different departments, there are occasions we need to work together.. and that was how it started, despite him being married and 10 years old than me..

Strangely, he's not charming nor a sweet talker, in fact he's quite hostile and cold towards most colleagues including me. But perhaps that is what makes me attracted to him?
I will always go to work wondering if he will be in office, what is he doing etc.

I need some advice to guide me how I should stop myself from feeling all these nonsense.
Can anyone help? Would appreciate all advice :)
Click to expand...
 
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