Seeking Individual sense of thoughts

[SpyU6363]

Hi all,

I am someone who had a failure marriage, someone was being being hurt badly and still struggling to stand on my own feet. I get to know a guy who had the same situation as I am and because of the similarity, we both draw together quite fast. I dont have that kind of emotional attached to this guy at the moment. But his existence and company or even attention is very much appreciated. For me, I had settled my divorce. For him, he is going thru thunder and storm at the moment which making him feel very tired both emotionally and physically. For these reason, he intend to move out of Singapore and start his own biz else where. And I was ask to follow.

I feel that he is not ready to commit into a serious relationship now. However, when he ask me to be his gf, I agreed.

He is currently facing so much dealing with the divorced and being able to understand such situation, I always let him have his peace. To the extend that he would not contact me for weeks, or not even a message if I dont message him. He ever wanted me to give him some time to settle his emotional package and current situation. And I agree.

Sometime I just wonder.... he is consider a very succeessful man. I believe any girl out there is willing to stick to him if he plays a little romance. His ex wife was young and beautiful as I met her before, but honestly not a girl who will stick with a men thru thin and thick. (I am right, she break her vows for another). He told me that he dont give a damn about a girl looks as one day she will be witted and old anyway. All he wants was a true lady who is willing to be faithful with him.

I am not sure why I am the one he chose. Not that I have no confident with myself. But sometime his action makes me doubt. eg, when I needed him the most, he is always not there, he dont really bother about what I said, as most of the time he only concentrate with his issue. He dont show concern at all even thg I was in hospital, but when I call him crying for some heart breaker thing, he will take time to ask how am I feeling the next day. And When he bought a new apartment, he ask me whether do I want to be the women of that apartment. He will always find time to reply my sms even when he is in a meeting.

After being blinded for the first time, I realise that I dont know much about how a man is thinking.

1) Does man really dont bother about the outlook of a women?
2) What makes a man chose the person he want to be with?
3) By not sharing his concern over a woman everytime is it a normal behaviour of a guy?
4) Will a person bother to reply a stupid sms even u feel tired emotionally or physically?
5) He share what he had and tell me that I have to know if I want to be part of his life.

I am not sure about quite alot of things that happened. I have doubts of everything until everything is concrete. But I would like to see what others feel and think as sometime we are so blinded by our own judgement that everything seem unclear.

Last but not least. I am not really falling in love with this person, but I do love to be with him. I enjoy his existence. I feel sad when he is not around yet I am scare I am being too attached. Perhaps I am wary about getting hurt again.

haiz....

 

[meimei1601]

Sorry to hear ur story, but I think u might not be ready into a r/s since u said u are still trying to stand on ur own.

Nevertheless, I believe that if a guy knowing ur history and still trying to answer all ur message, that does mean something. Who bother about replying when it doesnt bother me at all, right?

All the best!!

 

[faithmiffy]

Hm.. all guys are shallow.. looks is always impt to them. . Sorry if I sound harsh... but men are ego freaks.. they do feel good if they are with a good looking girl.. and they are always attracted by looks first and after that char of the woman..and I think e way u described this guy is a sweet talker and player.. kind of like *lion release out* finally single and free to flirt.

Qns 3: yes is normal for guys not to show emotions to the woman they love BUT they will action it out by helping with chores or be nice to ur family etc..

Qns4: he still need to show some entertainment actions to entertain u if he wants to lure u into his trap what. .

Qns5 how do u know what he share is 100% truth? Of cos he say he wans u to be part of his life.. he could be saying e same thing to other girls...

Overall you are more gentle and naive hence easier to handle so that is why he choose u.. basically when a woman falls in love .. we are more vulnerable and tend to be blinded... so be extra careful and protect urself..

If someone really loves you.. you will know it and will not have so much doubts 1

 

[uglydude]

Guys are attracted to a woman physical appearance just like woman are attracted to a man's financial capability....so if a woman says that men are shallow...it is like the pot calling the kettle black.....Wat a joke....

 

[faithmiffy]

It really depends. . If e woman is rich than no need to bother about if e guy is rich or not

 

[SpyU6363]

Hm.. all guys are shallow.. looks is always impt to them. . Sorry if I sound harsh... but men are ego freaks.. they do feel good if they are with a good looking girl.. and they are always attracted by looks first and after that char of the woman..and I think e way u described this guy is a sweet talker and player.. kind of like *lion release out* finally single and free to flirt.

Qns 3: yes is normal for guys not to show emotions to the woman they love BUT they will action it out by helping with chores or be nice to ur family etc..

Qns4: he still need to show some entertainment actions to entertain u if he wants to lure u into his trap what. .

Qns5 how do u know what he share is 100% truth? Of cos he say he wans u to be part of his life.. he could be saying e same thing to other girls...

Overall you are more gentle and naive hence easier to handle so that is why he choose u.. basically when a woman falls in love .. we are more vulnerable and tend to be blinded... so be extra careful and protect urself..

If someone really loves you.. you will know it and will not have so much doubts 1

Thanks faithmiffy,

I know what u mean. and I really appreciate ur valuable comment here. It does makes sense of everything u said. Everytime I decide to leave him, he would come back to me. I am not sure and how do I want to keep on pretending nothing ever happen. As for now, I dun really bother what he told me already. I just reply "ok", "yeah", and " sure". I know I cant take him for who he is now, unless everything is really concrete and real.

Thanks once again

 

[SpyU6363]

Guys are attracted to a woman physical appearance just like woman are attracted to a man's financial capability....so if a woman says that men are shallow...it is like the pot calling the kettle black.....Wat a joke....

What if the woman is not attracted to the guy financial capability? and they share equal amount of it? Guys still be shallow and take girls look as the most impt? Or he would want to combine the financial statues and make he more rich?

 

[SpyU6363]

Sorry to hear ur story, but I think u might not be ready into a r/s since u said u are still trying to stand on ur own.

Nevertheless, I believe that if a guy knowing ur history and still trying to answer all ur message, that does mean something. Who bother about replying when it doesnt bother me at all, right?

All the best!!

Hi meimei,

Thanks for your advice, But everytime I decide to leave him, he would do something to makes me wanna hold that pinch of hope. Seriously if you ask me, I am not sure why I am holding on to that last hope. Maybe it was how I met him makes me wanna hold on and see really works that miracle. For us to know each other, its like it will never happen if.....

Its so much what if and If only happen in my head that I dont know what else can I do till I met someone better.

Am I being dumb and stupid or what? Haiz...

 

[miloice]

Although you mentioned you don't know why you are holding on, u actually do. Its you. You cannot let go rather than what he is doing. Be honest with yourself to free yourself from the lies.

 

[miloice]

from what you described, he doesn't see relationship and marriage in the top priority to begin with. More like someone to bring home to stop his folks from nagging. He probably have low expectations and commitment level to it. As long as you don't sleep around, he probably leave u as a vase at home.

While you, despite saying you don't love him etc, is finding yourself a lot of reasons to stay in the relationship. This contradicts your instincts that clearly tells you he isn't into you at all. Frankly, if replying stupid SMS is your key consideration of a partner, what are your priorities? Any online stranger can chat and reply your stupid SMS. Seems, he is bored in his meetings and have the free time to reply you. You are reading into it to validate your need and want to be with him.

 

[SpyU6363]

from what you described, he doesn't see relationship and marriage in the top priority to begin with. More like someone to bring home to stop his folks from nagging. He probably have low expectations and commitment level to it. As long as you don't sleep around, he probably leave u as a vase at home.

While you, despite saying you don't love him etc, is finding yourself a lot of reasons to stay in the relationship. This contradicts your instincts that clearly tells you he isn't into you at all. Frankly, if replying stupid SMS is your key consideration of a partner, what are your priorities? Any online stranger can chat and reply your stupid SMS. Seems, he is bored in his meetings and have the free time to reply you. You are reading into it to validate your need and want to be with him.

Thanks Miloice,

I know what u mean and now I have try to leave him as he is and whatever you want. I find myself stupid as well. Dont know what makes me want to cling on to this so call"relationship" I treat his word seriously when he ask me to be his girlfriend, and thg he is serious and have consider such facts. Looking back with all those lies he said might be real might be fake I dont know. And no one knows except himself. Why and whats the reason for me not letting go I dont know. haiz...

 

[miloice]

Spy, you are not stupid. If you think about it, its normal. No one likes uncertainty. You see him as a good catch because of the good financial backing and that he is willing. At the same time, you are not convinced he is for you. His needs in a partner seems pretty straight forward and there is no right answer, you have to understand yourself better before seeking to understand him. So, is his offer really what you want and need to be happy. I don't think he is faking anything. He is as frank as he is. This is how he will treat u after marriage as well. You are expected to stay motivated in the marriage yourself. He isn't going to be your soul mate and aren't going to share his inner thoughts with you.

 

[SpyU6363]

Spy, you are not stupid. If you think about it, its normal. No one likes uncertainty. You see him as a good catch because of the good financial backing and that he is willing. At the same time, you are not convinced he is for you. His needs in a partner seems pretty straight forward and there is no right answer, you have to understand yourself better before seeking to understand him. So, is his offer really what you want and need to be happy. I don't think he is faking anything. He is as frank as he is. This is how he will treat u after marriage as well. You are expected to stay motivated in the marriage yourself. He isn't going to be your soul mate and aren't going to share his inner thoughts with you.

Miloice,

Everything u said seem to have knock me out from my dreamy dream, and I totally agree with what u said. I did though of all those as well, understanding that he will only be giving me the luxury life but not love, maybe there is but not a soul mate that can share my happiness and sorrow. I will have to accept the fact that if there really a r/s happen between us, it will be me, myself and I.

In fact. His offer is what I want currently, but I am uncertain about future, and no one knows. I have no time to start all over again and I will be so tired to as well.

I am trying so hard to just leave him alone now. Since both of us is uncertain, I will just let it happen naturally. Since he is in the process of what I been thru "divorce" he need me... and there is a time he may not need me anymore and leave me for another. Think I have to be clear about this. haiz...