Singaporebrides | Relationships

March 2025

A Letter to Parents: How You Can Support Instead of Stress Couples Out During Wedding Planning

By Tansey Tang

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Parents of couples planning their weddings, are you unintentionally causing your child stress instead of offering support?

Weddings are joyous celebrations, but planning one can be an emotional rollercoaster. Amid the excitement, stress often creeps in due to budgets, deadlines, and family dynamics. While many parents are eager to help, well-meaning involvement can sometimes become a source of stress for the couple. As traditions evolve and more couples take ownership of their wedding plans, the role of supportive parents has also shifted. Here’s how you, as the bride and groom’s parents, can genuinely support your children through this meaningful milestone without overstepping boundaries.

1. Respect Their Vision

This is the couple’s moment to express who they are. Their wedding is a reflection of their personalities, priorities, and relationship. While parents may have dreams of a certain type of celebration, those ideas should take a backseat to the couple’s vision. This means accepting that they might not want a formal ballroom affair, a long guest list, or even a traditional ceremony at all.

Supportive parents understand that offering their blessing and encouragement for the couple’s decisions is far more meaningful than having their preferences reflected in the event. When in doubt, ask how you can support their plans instead of offering unsolicited advice.

2. Communicate Openly and Kindly

Like any major life event, wedding planning brings opportunities for tension and miscommunication. Parents can ease this by keeping communication clear, respectful, and empathetic. Ask open-ended questions about what the couple needs, and listen without judgment or interruption.

Avoid criticising choices or making comparisons. Comments like “That’s not how we did it” or “Why don’t you do what your cousin did?” can be hurtful. Instead, try saying, “That sounds like a unique idea! Tell me more about it.”

3. Set Boundaries Around Finances

Money can quickly become a source of stress during wedding planning. If you wish to contribute financially, it should be done with clarity and without strings attached. Be upfront about how much you’re willing to give and whether it’s intended for specific elements like the dress, venue, or catering.

Once that contribution is made, allow the couple to decide how it’s used. Financial support should be a gift, not leverage for decision-making power. If expectations come with your contribution, discuss them transparently early on.

4. Be a Calm, Reliable Presence

Planning a wedding can feel overwhelming, and couples often need someone to lean on emotionally. Supportive parents provide stability and calm amidst the chaos. Be a sounding board, offer help with logistics if requested, and check in with simple questions like, “How are you managing?”

You can also help defuse tension by managing other family members or smoothing over guest list conflicts. Taking on those roles quietly and supportively can be a huge help without adding pressure to the couple.

5. Let Go of the Need to Control

The instinct to take charge often comes from a place of love, but it can be misinterpreted as micromanagement. Trust that your child and their partner are capable of planning the day they envision. If you disagree with a choice, ask yourself whether it’s truly important or if it’s more about your personal expectations.

Remember, your approval means a lot, but your acceptance matters more. Especially in this modern day, couples may make unconventional choices, and that’s okay. Letting go of control and embracing their journey fosters closeness instead of conflict.

6. Be Inclusive and Mindful of the Other Family

Weddings are about bringing two families together. It’s essential to be respectful and inclusive of the partner’s parents and traditions. Avoid turning the celebration into a one-sided affair that centres only on your side of the family.

Coordinate with the other set of parents when appropriate and be gracious in sharing responsibilities. A spirit of collaboration and inclusion strengthens family bonds and sets a positive tone for future interactions.

7. Celebrate the Milestone without Overdramatising It

It’s normal to feel emotional watching your child get married. But overwhelming displays of sentiment or repeated remarks about “losing a child” can create guilt or pressure. Keep your focus on the joy of gaining a new family member and celebrating love.

Write a heartfelt letter, share a quiet moment with your child before the ceremony, or give a speech that expresses love without overshadowing the couple’s moment. Your grace and joy will mean more than dramatic reactions.

8. Be Present Without Hovering

It’s natural to want to be involved, but there’s a fine line between being present and overstepping. Let the couple come to you when they need help. Offer assistance without demanding it.

Whether it’s running errands, helping organise RSVPs from family or tour personal guests, or assembling favours, make it clear you’re happy to help on their terms. Your support is most impactful when it’s responsive, not controlling.

A Foundation for the Future

The way parents support their children during wedding planning can set the tone for future relationships and family dynamics. By showing trust, patience, and flexibility, you can become a source of comfort and joy rather than stress.

Ultimately, a supportive parent isn’t defined by how much they do or pay, but by how well they listen, respect, and love. This once-in-a-lifetime event offers a beautiful chance to celebrate a new chapter for all of you.

Credits: Feature image from Amanda and Timothy’s Tuscany Dream Wedding at COMO Castello Del Nero by Vlasta Weddings

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