Singaporebrides | Home & Travel

April 2024

7 Boundaries Parents Shouldn’t Overstep during Newlywed Home Renovations

Renovating your new home is an exciting milestone, but it can be stressful too. Especially if your parents are overstepping during your home renovations.

The newlywed journey is sprinkled with milestones, each marking a significant step towards building their shared future. Among these, renovating their home stands out as a major milestone of merging their lives. Together they design and build a space that mirrors their collective dreams, preferences, and aspirations. Creating their first home is such a special and exciting time, as newlyweds enter adulting for real with a roof and family of their own.

However, the renovation of their first home together can also be laden with stress and challenges. While the involvement of parents can be a source of solace and guidance, it’s imperative to tread this delicate terrain with care and understanding. Overbearing parents can add to the stress of the renovations with unsolicited advice or by overstepping boundaries. One reader shares that her mother had a lot of negative comments on her home renovation: “I don’t like the tiles you use for your bathroom,” and “Your grey walls look very dull. You should have more colours.” While parents may be well-meaning, it’s important to reign in unsolicited opinions on their children’s home renovation and interior design decisions.

Perhaps it’s a difficult transition for parents as well as the couple. The new home is a clear, physical manifestation of your children growing up and moving out. They’re no longer under your roof or your rules. As newlyweds step out of their family homes to begin their new lives as an independent family of their own, you can ease the transition and support them during their home renovation with some thoughtful considerations.

1. Don’t Insist on a Particular Address

While parents may want to continue seeing their child daily, just as when their children were living under their roof, it’s natural for children to grow up, leave, and build homes of their own. It may sound logical to you to tell the newlyweds to live nearby, but it’s many factors can influence the chosen location of your child’s new home. Don’t insist they live in a particular postcode so you can see them often, or try to persuade them of one neighbourhood’s benefits over another. Respect their decision for their selected address, and trust that they’ve come to their decision after careful thought.

Eunice and Daniel’s Intimate Pre-Wedding Shoot in the Romantic and Magical Wilderness by Hey Stranger

2. Avoid Criticising Their Home Renovation Choices

Every couple has a unique vision for their home, one that reflects their personal style, needs, and aspirations. Parents might not always align with these choices, whether it’s a bold paint colour or an unconventional furniture arrangement. However, it’s crucial to remember that this home is a canvas for the newlyweds to express themselves. Offering unsolicited criticism can dampen their enthusiasm and creativity. Instead, encourage their vision and support their decisions, offering advice only when asked.

3. Don’t Impose Your Preferences

While it’s natural to want the best for your children, imposing your preferences can overshadow their desires, making them feel their voice and choices are less valued. The renovation process is a significant opportunity for the couple to learn about each other’s likes, dislikes, and compromise where necessary. Encourage this exploration and discovery, and resist the urge to steer them towards what you perceive as the “right” choices.

4. Refrain from Questioning Their Financial Decisions

Renovating a home is a substantial financial commitment, and how the newlyweds choose to allocate their budget is a reflection of their priorities and planning. Questioning their financial decisions or offering unsolicited advice on how they should spend their money can create unnecessary tension. Trust their judgment and offer support or advice only if they seek it out.

5. Avoid Overstepping Boundaries

Offering to help with the renovation process is a kind gesture, but it’s essential to respect their boundaries. Unscheduled visits or taking on tasks without consultation can lead to misunderstandings. Communication is key; always ask before taking any action and respect their decisions and space.

6. Don’t Undermine Their Relationship

Renovations can be stressful, and disagreements between the couple are normal. However, taking sides or offering opinions on their relationship dynamics can be damaging. Encourage open communication between the couple and support them in finding common ground, rather than adding to the strain by taking anyone’s side and badmouthing their spouse. The home renovation project is one of the biggest decisions the newlyweds have made together, and is a significant opportunity for them to deepen their relationship with open communication, conflict resolution, and compromise.

7. Don’t Come Over Uninvited or Unannounced

While the newlyweds may have given you a key for emergencies, it’s not license to go over unannounced or uninvited. Don’t overstep by going over to check on vendors or comment on work without being asked, as vendors will already have instructions from the couple and your comments could confuse them. It’s good to start respecting the couple’s privacy in their new home while it’s under renovation, as they’ll soon be living their own lives in their new nest.

The home renovation journey for newlyweds is more than just transforming a physical space; it’s about building a foundation for their life together. It’s a transitional time that can be fraught with stress and challenges, as everyone embarks on this new chapter. As parents, your role is to support, encourage, and respect their journey, offering guidance when asked but allowing them the freedom to make their home truly theirs. By fostering an environment of understanding and respect, you help pave the way for a beautiful start to their married life, ensuring the home they build is filled with love, laughter, and memories to cherish.

Feature image from Janice and Glenn’s Stunning Pre-Wedding Shoot in Cappadocia, Turkey by White Grandeur

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7 Boundaries Parents Shouldn’t Overstep during Newlywed Home Renovations