Singaporebrides | Relationships

August 2024

How Long Should You Date Before Proposing?

By Tansey Tang

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How long should you date before proposing? It’s a heavy question, and the answer is ultimately different for each couple.

If you’ve been in a serious relationship for two to three years, and you’re in your late twenties or early thirties, you might start to get a lot of questions from well-meaning family and friends about when you’re going to get married. While people may tell you three years is enough to date, or that you’re not getting any younger, there’s no specific length of time you have to date before proposing, nor a certain stage of life you need to reach before knowing it’s the right time to get married. Instead of counting off the days on the calendar, there are a few questions you can ask yourselves to know if you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship.

How long should you date before proposing?

If you’re focusing on the length of time to date before getting engaged, you’re focused on the wrong thing. There are couples who get engaged after a few months and live happily ever after, while others tie the knot after a decade only to end up splitting. How long to date before marriage doesn’t predict marital success. Instead, focus on being aligned on important issues to know if you’re both ready for marriage. Ask yourselves these key questions:

1. Do Your Values Align?

Take time to truly understand each other’s values, life goals, and daily habits. Building a strong foundation of trust and communication is essential. Discuss your thoughts on important topics like marriage, children, and career aspirations. Make sure your visions for the future align to avoid conflicts down the road.

Do You Love and Respect Each Other?
Falling in love is easy, but marriage is a choice to love and honour a person’s worth for a lifetime, every single day. To be happy together, you have to support each other, lift each other up, treat each other with respect, and accept each other for who you are, while not being afraid to challenge each other to be better.

2. Have You Shared Life Experiences?

Shared experiences, both good and bad, help you understand how your partner handles different situations. Traveling together, facing challenges, and celebrating successes can offer insights. These experiences can reveal how you both cope with stress, make decisions, and support each other in various scenarios, which is crucial for a long-term commitment.

3. Do You Know Each Other’s Family and Friends?

Getting to know each other’s family and friends is important. Their insights and your partner’s relationship with them can provide valuable perspective. Observing how your partner interacts with their family and friends can reveal much about their character and values. Additionally, your loved ones’ opinions can offer a different viewpoint on your relationship.

4. Are You Past the Honeymoon Phase?

If you’ve never argued, never seen anything negative in your partner, and never asked them a touchy question, you’re probably still in the honeymoon phase. While this time is romantic and beautiful, it doesn’t paint a realistic picture of life together long-term. Once you’re past the highly passionate and euphoric phase, and gotten through some conflicts, you’ll be able to see how you solve issues individually and together, which is incredibly important.

5. Do You Communicate and Resolve Conflict Well?

Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are vital. Make sure you can handle disagreements in a constructive manner. Practice active listening, express your feelings openly, and work together to find solutions. Developing these skills before getting engaged will help you navigate the inevitable challenges of married life.

6. Do You Support Each Other’s Professional and Personal Growth?

Consider personal and professional aspirations. Ensuring both partners support each other’s growth is essential for a harmonious relationship. Discuss how you will support each other’s careers, hobbies, and personal development. A relationship where both partners encourage each other’s growth can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life together.

7. Are You Financially Stable?

Discussing and planning financial futures is crucial before you enter into marriage. Ensuring both partners are comfortable with financial goals and responsibilities is key to a healthy relationship. Openly discuss debts, savings, spending habits, and financial goals. Financial stress is a common source of conflict in marriages, so having a clear plan and mutual understanding is essential.

8. Have You Talked about What Marriage Looks Like?

Ask each other what marriage means to you, and what you want for your own. Who makes decisions, where you’ll live, and even mundane, everyday things like how often you’ll cook and who does the dishes. Everyone’s idea of marriage can be a little different, and while of course your marriage will grow and change with you, entering it with the same expectations will help prevent big arguments early on.

How Do You Know You’re Ready to Get Engaged?

If you’ve answered all the questions honestly and know deep in your gut that your relationship is solid, you might be ready to take the next step. Every relationship is unique, and the right time for one couple may differ for another. Listen to your heart and mind to make the best decision for your future. Consider your own readiness and the strength of your relationship rather than societal expectations or pressures. There’s no perfect formula for the ideal dating period before proposing. It’s a journey of understanding, growth, and shared experiences. Take the time you need to feel confident in your decision to embark on this lifelong commitment. You’ll know when you want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone.

Credits: Tessa and Sean’s Disney-Inspired Proposal at the Raffles Singapore Fountain by Super Panda Presents

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