Singaporebrides | Relationships

May 2020

From Mother To Daughter: 3 Pieces of Advice on Marriage

More than passing down jewellery or their own wedding gowns to their daughters on their wedding day, three mothers share their legacy. Here are three pieces of advice from one generation to the next on the secrets to a happy and fulfilled marriage.

Many would agree that our mothers (both birth mothers or any other female mentor in our lives) are perhaps easily deemed as one of the wisest people that we know. Granted, they may not be perfect and they may also make their own mistakes, but there is no doubt that they are the ones who know us the best – we would not be here (quite literally) without them. Their discernment, vision, and wisdom in the various seasons in our lives are what inspires us to keep on going.

Ariel and Johan’s Gorgeous Industrial Wedding at The Ahava by Andri Tei Photography

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, we celebrate this wisdom and grace mothers bring to our lives too. We ask three recently-wedded brides to share with us the most important and precious pieces of advice they received from their female mentors before their wedding.

These pieces of advice are more than just a simple tradition or blessing, but it are a passing down of wisdom and experience from one generation to the next. We all know that marriage, relationships, and wedding preparation are difficult, but with this advice, we hope that it will help you on your journey too.

Chelsea and Jason’s Stylish White Wedding at The St. Regis Singapore by Trouvé

Your marriage is a long journey with many changes ahead.

Helen, 72, who is already a grandmother, likens marriage to a marathon. “It is not a sprint, but a marathon,” she says. There are many changes that you as a couple will need to get through together. First, there is the honeymoon phase of being together after marriage where everything seems lovely and almost perfect. Soon, as you continue to live together, you may realise that there are little things that may irk you or bother you. A baby comes and your relationship dynamics change once again – you will be tired, exhausted, and busy as you slowly transit into your new lives as parents. And the seasons go on.

It is important to remember to treasure your relationship and love amidst all these changes. Practically, this looks like dating each other all over again with every new season. Carve out time in the week for each other despite your busy schedule. Find ways to fall in love again even when times are hard. Choose to always see the good in each other.

And most importantly, recognise that you are running towards the same direction and that you are on the same team.

Cheryl and Zhili’s Blush and Burgundy Wedding at W Singapore – Sentosa Cove by Kent Wong Photography

Sacrifice and communication are key.

Our second mother, Charice, 50, shared that in her 25 years of marriage, she has only had three heated arguments with her husband that she can remember. “You know how people always say that when you get married in your first year, you will realise there are a lot of differences and quirks that will make you fight more? That’s not true!”

She believes that it does not need to be a norm just because everyone else seems to go through it or says so. All you need to remember is to communicate well with each other and know how to give in to each other in love. How you love and how you sacrifice for each other matter greatly in keeping your marriage strong and united.

Weddings in Pictures: Elegance with a Touch of Vintage by Tiny Dot Photography

Remember that none of us are perfect.

Our third mother, Mary, 56, reminded her daughter about the importance of honour. It is important to remember that because none of us are perfect, we will always see each other’s flaws and imperfections in any relationship. Especially in a marriage where the relationship between two people are the most intimate, these flaws will shine through as you begin living together with your significant other.

It’s not the flaws that dictate how the marriage will end up, but the way we react and respond to them. Choose to see the good in every situation. “Honour your spouse despite knowing his greatest flaws,” she shares. Honour may not necessarily mean to agree blindly with each other every single time; honour is simply the way we speak with respect. It is correcting each other in love as we help each other be better versions of ourselves every single day.

To the women who have supported us, loved us, and made us… we wish you a Happy Mother’s Day! We celebrate you and your wisdom.

*Names were changed for anonymity

Credits: Feature image from Kristy and Chris’s Elegant White Wedding in Picturesque Bali by Starling and Sage

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From Mother To Daughter: 3 Pieces of Advice on Marriage