Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

March 2020

13 Things You’ll Only See at Singaporean Chinese Weddings

By Tansey Tang

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We’ve got the monopoly on loud and weird.

Received what many Singaporean wedding guests fondly refer to as a “red bomb”? Get prepared for all the loud and crazy that is a Singaporean Chinese wedding, where you’re sure to see these 13 things.

1.The groom and his groomsmen wearing lipstick/diapers/bras/all of the above

A time-honoured tradition where the groom must prove his love before the bridesmaids let him “fetch the bride”, the gatecrash is a fun excuse for silly games and downright humiliation. You’ll see the groom and his band of brothers being challenged with tasks like writing a series of promises to his bride, holding various yoga poses, and wearing lipstick and passing macarons to one another using only their mouths, amidst loud heckling from the bridesmaids. Plus, many grooms and groomsmen get very creative with their gate crash outfits!

2.The bridesmaids screaming over small ang baos

The gatecrash isn’t just fun and games. To get past each gate and door and reach the bride, the groom is expected to give the bridesmaids defending her honour a hefty ang bao each. As each “barrier” must be opened with an ang bao, you’ll see bridesmaids screaming over the chump change usually given in the first round or two, before the real ang baos show up.

3.The suckling pig presentation

Ever seen a groom clamber out glamorously from his limousine while bearing a whole roasted suckling pig with an orange in its snout? No? Attend a Chinese wedding.

4.People writing your name on your ang bao

At the banquet reception, you hand over your ang bao and watch as the pretty receptionist writes your name on it so the couple and the aunties and uncles counting the ang baos will all know exactly how much you gave. Can you ask her out before she takes a peek too?

5.Dinner starting at 7pm sharp. Not.

You arrive hungry and prepared to stuff your face with eight poetically-named courses, but unlike what the invitation says, dinner does NOT start at 7pm sharp. In fact, they make you sit at your table and make awkward small talk to your secondary school friends while chomping down peanuts for at least an hour before the wedding begins.

6.Food presentation song and dance

Oh yay, the emcee announced that food would be served! Oh wait, by “serve” he meant a “You got served” dance-off with dramatic music and a purple light show.

7. No one listening to the emcees

Who can hear those poor, awkward, stuttering friends of the couple over the chomping of food? The only times you pay attention to wedding emcees are when they’re actual professionals poking fun at the couple.

8. No one listening to the speeches

Everyone’s still too busy eating to listen to the couple’s thanksgiving speeches. Who asked them to start dinner 1 hour late?!

9. The groom struggling to pop the champagne

He shakes and he shakes and he shakes the bottle, while the emcee smirks and tells guests to clap and encourage him.

10.Yumsengs that go on forever

Yes, Mr. Emcee, we’re all excited about the couple having babies ASAP, but taking a breath in the middle of the yumseng and continuing to scream is cheating.

11.That one table at the back having their own party

We’ve all seen, or rather, heard, that one table at the back enjoying the free flow of alcohol and yumsenging by themselves through the night, even during the father of the bride’s speech.

12.Long lines at the photo booth

The majority of the guests in the line? The aunties, who have way too much fun with the props.

13.Lots of wedding favours left behind

At the end of the night, tables are still filled with wedding favours. Unless they’re really good ones like hand lotions or succulent pots, in which case you’ll see aunties checking every table and making sure they’re “not wasted”.

Feature image of Elsa and Zachary’s Rustic Woodland Church Wedding by Androids in Boots

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