Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

December 2015

10 Tips on Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

By Tara Molloy

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Want your exchange of promises to be personal and special, but not sure how to write your own wedding vows? Check out our 10 tips on how to express your love.

There is truly nothing more romantic or rewarding than writing your own wedding vows. While you probably express your love for your partner on a daily basis, doing so in front of your friends and family on your wedding day makes it even more special. Writing your own wedding vows, though, is not easy. Make the process smoother by keeping these tips in mind.

1. Discuss the idea of writing your own wedding vows with your partner long before the wedding.

You probably have a pretty good idea of whether or not your partner will want to write his own wedding vows, and it’s a good idea to have this discussion long before you say, “I do.”

If you want to write your own wedding vows, but your fiancé is too nervous about it, agree to compromise. Perhaps the two of you can research pre-written, less traditional wedding vows and come up with something unique together. It’s important to understand that not everyone will feel comfortable writing his own vows, and that the wedding is about you guys as a couple. Put your heads together and come up with an arrangement that works for both of you.

2. Choose a theme for your wedding vows.

If you and your partner do decide to write your own wedding vows, discuss a theme for them. Are you both sensitive people, or total goofballs? Allow your personalities to dictate the kind of wedding vows that you write.

If you each have very different personalities, this conversation is even more important. The last thing you want is to crack jokes in your wedding vows when your partner was expecting a serious declaration of love. Set up these expectations beforehand so that there are no nasty surprises on your special day.

3. Begin with an anecdote.

Think of an early memory with your fiancé, whether it be when you first met, your first date, or another happy time, and begin your wedding vows with that. It’s not only a sweet way to reflect back on the early days of your relationship, but also an easy way to start the writing process.

Don’t feel like you need to be dramatic, either—you don’t have to say, “When we locked eyes, I knew immediately that I was looking at my future husband” (unless, of course, that’s true). Allow your reflection to be an honest look back on your relationship so far. A line as simple as, “Who knew that an ordinary coffee date could lead me to my best friend?” works beautifully.

4. Make your promises.

Wedding vows typically include a series of promises that you make to your fiancé—that is, after all, what a vow is! These promises don’t have to follow a traditional route, though.

If you’d like to add a little humour to your wedding vows, throw in a couple memories or inside jokes. Something like, “I vow to never let you wear that green shirt again,” might sound a little silly to your family, but is guaranteed to make your fiancé smile.

On the other hand, if you want to keep things serious, then feel free to write serious, heartfelt vows. Don’t worry about being cheesy or clichéd. Just write vows that feel meaningful to the two of you.

5. Shorter is usually sweeter.

It’s your special day and you’re entitled to recite wedding vows that are as long or as short as you please. Usually, though, it’s better for everyone if they err on the shorter side. You’ll spend less time writing, and won’t have to come up with as much material. Try to keep your wedding vows no longer than two minutes.

6. Practice, practice, practice.

Once you have a rough copy of your wedding vows, recite them aloud in front of a mirror. You’ll be able to fix any mistakes you might have missed while writing, and will feel more comfortable on your wedding day if you’ve practiced beforehand.

Better yet, recite your vows to a trusted friend, preferably someone who knows both you and your fiancé well. Your friend can give you feedback on the length and general flow of your vows.

7. Don’t delay.

It’s better to start writing your wedding vows as far in advance as possible. As your big day approaches, your schedule will become even more packed with last minute details that need to be worked out—and you can’t exactly hand off the task of writing your wedding vows to one of your bridesmaids. You certainly don’t want to feel so overwhelmed or stressed that you don’t properly express your feelings.

Set aside time several months ahead of the wedding to start writing your vows. This should give you plenty of time to write out a couple drafts and make final changes.

8. Don’t fuss too much, either.

Once you’ve put the time and effort into writing your wedding vows and have a final copy, don’t fuss with it. You might feel like you’ve come up with a more poignant memory or a sweeter promise, but it’s most likely just your nerves. Messing around with your vows at the eleventh hour to “perfect” them might lead you to slipping up in the ceremony—something you definitely don’t want to happen.

9. There is no such thing as “one-size-fits-all” wedding vows.

Your wedding vows do not have to follow any kind of traditional format if that’s not what you want. By choosing to write your own wedding vows, you’re already going an unconventional route. Use this creative license to write personalised wedding vows that don’t sound like they were lifted off some random website—it’s yours and your fiancé’s wedding, and your vows should reflect that.

10. Know your audience.

You will be reciting your wedding vows in front of each and every one of your closest friends and family at the ceremony, and this is something you should keep in mind when writing your vows.

However, your audience is not all of the people sitting around you. Your real audience is the person standing in front of you, to whom you are pledging to spend the rest of your life. The most important thing to remember when writing your wedding vows is that they are for your fiancé, your future spouse. Write wedding vows that will be meaningful to the both of you, and there’s no way that you can go wrong.

Credits: Feature images of Jesreen and Karan’s Singapore Celebrations, captured by Tinydot Photography.

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