Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

March 2012

The Heart of My Vow

Sick of the old “Till death do us part” marital vows and want to customise your own but don’t know where to start? There’s no need to break a sweat; we’ve got your back. With some insights and pointers to get the ball rolling, SingaporeBrides will have you writing personalised vows in no time.

Somewhere at the beginning of your wedding preparations you were rubbing your palms together, all eager and excited to write your own vows. Now, as you near the end of all those crazy planning, you are starting to question the wisdom in that decision.

If you’re looking to personalise your wedding, writing your own vows is the way to go. Even better, you don’t have to spend a single cent nor depend on anyone else to do it. What’s a personalised wedding without a few lines of heartfelt personal vows written by the wedding couple themselves?

Why Write Your Own Vows?

Why not? Writing your own vows is the one thing that truly differentiates your wedding from the rest. It signifies the most special and significant way of sealing your commitment to each other. Penning down your own vows also makes reciting them more meaningful than the run-of-the-mill marital vows. Moreover, if you are doing it together with your partner, writing vows that belong to only the two of you will only strengthen your bond with each other.

Also, if wedding planning has you feeling less than positive towards your man, penning down what you love about and learnt from him might just neutralise those feelings and remind you of why you love him.

What should your vows be about? Where do you start?

Start by deciding if you are going to write your vows together as a couple, or as individuals. Then, decide on the length of your vows. Ideally, your vows should be a minute or two long – remember, those are your vows, not a recital. Are you going to talk about your time as a couple, or what you’ve learnt from each other, or how well you work together as a couple? Agree on a structure and adhere to it.

When you’ve decided, think about what you want to say in your vows. Reflect on the reasons you want to get married and remember the excitement you felt when you became engaged. Jot them down as the memories and feelings come; they don’t have to coherent sentences or passages.

Some couples find it helpful to write their vows in the form of a short letter to their partners. Share something about your first meeting, or how your partner makes you feel. Show your gratitude for his love and include promises you want to make on your wedding.

If you’re still getting nowhere, seek inspiration elsewhere. Songs, movies and even greeting cards serve as a source of inspiration for your vows. Pick a line or two that best summarises your feelings or relationship and include them in your vows – you can even change the sentence to suit your needs! Or, ask yourself these key questions:

  • How did you meet and what made you fall in love?
  • What do you love about each other?
  • What story do you want to share about your love?
  • What do you want to say to each other as an individual as opposed to simply repeating generic terms that you haven’t really even thought about?
  • What does getting married mean to you?

Your answers to these questions might just provide you with unique insights you can use to write your vows, or to blend into your vows.

Start Early

Writing your own vows takes more than one draft, or a day or two. Thus, it is advisable to start as soon as you’ve decided to write your own vows. That’s not to say you have to sit yourself down for hours to come up with your vows. With writer’s block and a lack of inspiration and starting point, doing so might not yield any results at all.

Instead, take some time to reflect on your feelings and relationship. Pen down any words or phrases that comes to your mind – you can even do it when you’re on the move! Set aside a time to piece all of these together and word them into a coherent draft. Once you’re done with the first draft, let it sit for a few days before reviewing them again. Remove or add in new thoughts according to your needs.

It’s important for your personalised vows to carry a bit of you in them, so don’t be afraid to use humour if that’s your style. As important as the content of your vows, it is important for you to deliver them with the authentic emotion of the moment, and in the most sincere and honest fashion – those are the best wedding vows.

A last piece of advice before we end off: don’t overthink your vows; they don’t have to be perfect. You’re writing your wedding vows, not an A-grade essay. What it needs to be, is sincere and heartfelt. Just let the emotions flow and translate them into words and pen them down.