Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

August 2015

6 Things Never To Say To A Bride Before Or On Her Wedding Day

By Audrie Soh

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Planning a wedding can be a very stressful and emotional process for a bride, especially when everyone has an opinion of and wants a say in how her wedding should be like. And unless you’ve been through one before, it’s difficult to imagine how intense and pressurising it is to juggle the expectations of your family and friends with your own to find the perfect balance that will please everyone.

As much as brides welcome suggestions and feedback from family and friends, sometimes they step over the line and forget that it’s her wedding, not theirs. Deep down, she understands that they care, but when she is already in a stressed and strung-out state, it’s easy to mistake their concern for critique and let her inner bridezilla handle the situation. To prevent straining any relationships and to save the bride’s sanity, here are six things you should never say to her before or on her wedding day.

1. “Can I bring a date/maid along?”

A quick check of your invitation will give you the answer you seek. If it was addressed to you only, then, no, your date is not invited. If there is no written mention of your maid or verbal permission given by the couple, then no, your maid is not invited. Unless the couple offers you extra seats for your date or maid, asking them for one puts them in a difficult situation, especially if you are a family member. They may feel obligated to give up a seat that was intended for a friend of theirs, or if they don’t, they’ll feel bad for having rejected your request. So, don’t put them in that position where they have to choose between your date/maid or their friend.

2. “Don’t you think it’s about time you started losing weight for your wedding?”

Although it’s no secret that nearly all brides-to-be embark on a weight loss diet and exercise regime before their wedding day, one simply does not ask her when or remind her to start losing weight for her big day. There is simply never a right time to ask a bride-to-be this, especially if she has already started on one. Asking simply piles on additional stress and doubt on her because you’re indirectly telling her that she doesn’t look good as she is.

3. “I don’t like the dress you’ve picked out for us. Why don’t you pick another?”

It’s not uncommon for one or some bridesmaids to express their dislike for the dress the bride has picked out for her girls to wear on her wedding day. After all, everyone have their own preferences and it may not be the same as the bride’s and how she envisions her bridesmaids to look like on her big day. Before you complain to her about the colour or style of the dress, think about the role you play in her wedding. As a bridesmaid, you should be a source of comfort and help to the bride, not the cause of a problem. Complaining to her about the dress she’s picked out is not going to help her ease her anxiety or plan her wedding.

We’re not saying you have to love the dress like she does, but respect her wedding vision and show her your support by wearing it with a smile on your face, even if you don’t think you look great in it.

4. “It’s not my style, but if you like it…”

It doesn’t matter whether you are referring to her dress, her hair and makeup, or any part of her reception. Ambiguous answers meant to conceal your disapproval with neutrality, such as this, don’t count as a compliment or make her feel any better. She might even read it as an insult when you say “it’s not your style”.

Again, you don’t have to love the princess ballgown she is in or the rustic wedding decorations like she does. All you need to do is to tell her she looks beautiful in her dress and that her wedding is wonderful. Keep any “but if it was up to me, I would have…” thoughts to yourself because she doesn’t need to hear that.

5. “Do you mind If I switched seats?”

There is never a right time to tell a bride, who’ve spent hours strategising over her seating arrangement, that you don’t like where you’re seated and you want to switch places, especially not on her wedding day. Planning the seating arrangement is like playing chess, where every move is a calculated one. So the seat she’s assigned you to is probably one that she has carefully thought through and knows you can handle being seated there. So, respect her wishes and make small talk with the people you’re seated with.

6. “We’ve got a problem…”

That’s a conversation starter that a bride never wants to hear on her wedding day, even though she’s mentally prepared for it. Before you approach her with the problem, assess the situation. Can’t contact the groom? Try calling his best man or his brothers before you inform the bride that her groom has gone AWOL. Chances are, he doesn’t have his phone with him, and a simple phone call to the people with him will solve the problem.

Part of a bridesmaid’s and groomsman’s duties is to handle easy-to-resolve problems on behalf of the happy couple. If it is an issue that doesn’t require the bride or groom’s absolute involvement, don’t bring the problem to them and ask for a solution. They’ll be too overwhelmed with exhaustion, excitement and anxiety to brainstorm for a solution. Instead, try to search for a solution to the problem before informing them that there has been a slight change in plans and reassuring them that it has been taken care of and the wedding can go forward as planned.

If you do get asked any of these or other questions, don’t turn into bridezilla and bring on the end of the world. Remember, your friends and family mean well, so keep your cool and a smile on your face at all times.

Credits:
Feature image: Image cc licensed ( BY NC ND ) flickr photo by Joel Bedford / cropped

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