Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

September 2013

What Your Bridesmaids Are Saying Behind Your Back

As a bride-to-be, it’s only natural that you enjoy the step-by-step planning of your wedding. But don’t expect your bridesmaids, who are really just along for the ride, to be as eager as you are. In fact, they might even be disgruntled in one way or another. SingaporeBrides lists some common complaints and shows you how to deal with any potential unhappiness.

Heading down the aisle is – let’s face it – no walk in the park. And the sooner you realise it, the better. After the fun of admiring that one-carat diamond ring on your finger, the list of wedding must-dos will start getting longer and longer. There will be bridal-related tasks to complete according to a tight timeline, wedding gowns to try on, colour themes to be chosen, a banquet booking to make, things to buy and personalities to deal with.

So, you will soon find yourself asking your trusted gal pals to be your bridesmaids – just so you can delegate the duties and save yourself some stress. Well, this is when problems will start cropping up and the bridesmaids start whining non-stop. We list some common bridesmaids complaints and solve them for you before you say: “I do!”

#1: “I can’t believe she chose that off-shoulder bridesmaid dress! Should I ask her to let me wear something else?”

Problem: None of the 50 different bridesmaid dress designs pleases all your bridesmaids. One of them refuses to wear anything “too revealing” so tube dresses are out. Another claims that the peach hue is incompatible with her complexion as it makes her look “sallow”. Yet another would like to skip the skirt and put on a pair of pants instead. With all these demanding requests, it seem pretty impossible to score bridesmaid dresses that not only fit your colour theme, but will also make them happy.

What your bridesmaids are saying behind your back

Stop the bitching! But don’t tear your hair out just yet. First, know that there is no pleasing everybody. If it’s not too long, it’s too short. If it’s not too pink, it’s too drab. After all, your bridesmaids come in all shapes, sizes and styles. To solve this problem, pick a colour that suits your colour theme (they shouldn’t have a choice in that) and let your bridesmaids choose the dress design they feel more comfortable in. Many boutiques now offer convertible dresses that allow you to do just that affordably.

#2: “I just can’t afford to keep paying for her wedding! The banquet angbao alone will cost me at least $150!”

Problem: With the hen’s night party, dresses and accessories, your bridesmaids have to fork out plenty of cash to make your Big Day happen. You literally watch their faces fall when you mention how the custom-made bridesmaid dress and high heels are likely to cost about $200. As if that’s not enough, you are hoping that they will organise a champagne brunch for your bachelorette’s party. That may set them back another $80 each. You may not have realised it, but they are busy bitching to one another about how expensive your wedding-of-the-century is starting to be.

Stop the bitching! Well, it’s your wedding, not theirs. So your bridesmaids should not be overspending on your Big Day. Be considerate. If you need them to pay for their own bridesmaid dresses or insist that they wear the same pair of satin heels, consider their budget before deciding on what to buy. Otherwise, offer to buy them the dress or accessories as a well-meaning gesture. Or, at least chip in. When it comes to the bridal shower or the hen’s night, it’s customary for them to collectively pay for the events. But do assign an in-charge to make sure that everyone is comfortable about the amount to fork out. It’s also traditional to buy your bridesmaids appreciative gifts, just to say thank you for their time and effort.

What your bridesmaids are saying behind your back

#3: “Why must she make us attend the engagement party, bridal shower, dress fittings and even that 3D2N bridesmaids spa getaway? Doesn’t she understand we actually have jobs?”

Problem: There are always a series of mini events that lead up the actual wedding, and these invitations seem to be casting a gloom on your once-cheery bridesmaids. As you were happily considering hen’s night party options (male stripper, limousine or cupcake party?), checking out flight prices and itineraries, and scheduling dress fittings, your bridesmaids are probably making snarky comments to one another via a separate WhatsApp channel about the amount of time and energy they have to devote to your upcoming nuptials.

Stop the bitching! The mandatory affair in the line-up should be the wedding – and everything else is peripheral. To be fair, your bridesmaids are not obliged to attend every single one of those events. So, be sure to let them know that they have a choice, and don’t pressure them to take leave from work or arrange a babysitter for their children just to turn up to celebrate with you.

#4: “I know DIY is all the rage, but we really have to craft the whole wedding? We’re not elves!”

Problem: So you have this vision for your wedding wonderland. There will be a marvellous candy buffet reminiscent of what Charlie can find at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Plus, fabric buntings, paper pom-poms and paper fans made from scratch. Enter a bunch of bridesmaids who have been commanded to turn up every Saturday afternoon to help with the crafting. To you, they are lending a hand. But behind your back, they are complaining about sacrificing weekend dates and rest time just to bring your vision to life.

Stop the bitching! While it is a huge honour to be chosen as a bridesmaid for some, others may be resentful of extra responsibilities involved. But you can’t blame them. After all, your wedding is not the be-all and end-all of their lives. So don’t insist that they turn up to be your party elves. However, let them know that if they are willing to help craft, you will be happy to buy them dinner and drinks after each intense DIY session. This way, everyone’s happy. Most importantly, express your gratitude after they have put needle to cloth.

What your bridesmaids are saying behind your back

#5: “Why is Sandra bossing us around like that? She’s not the one getting married!”

Problem: You rallied six of your closest gal pals to be there for you in the lead-up to your wedding. But there is one thing you certainly did not expect – the only thing that they have in common with one another is you. In other words, they are definitely not friends and can barely stand to remain in the same WhatsApp channel you’ve happily titled, “Bridesmaids Meeting!” As if that’s not bad enough, you just caught wind of how they have been bitching about one another.

Stop the bitching! Instead of giving them the same duties – like getting all six bridesmaids to come for your gown fitting (and have them argue about which gown style suits you best) – consider assigning different duties to your bridesmaids. There should be plenty of wedding-related tasks to go around, so play it to their varying talents. If your Maid-of-Honour loves shopping, have her accompany you to put your wedding look together. Then have another bridesmaid take charge of your guest list, and yet another to concentrate on your décor. The best thing is that different personalities will not clash if they are focusing on different things!

During your wedding planning, your bridesmaids have strong, supportive roles to play. But with the added pressure and long list of bridal responsibilities, even the strongest friendships (or the most amiable of personalities) may start to fray. That’s why you, as the bride-to-be, should do your best to deal with any potential problems that may crop up. With these solutions, we hope that you will be able to nip any bridesmaids’ bitching in the bud – and enjoy the journey to getting married!