Work it out or.....
- Thread starter soisuka
- Start date
ok....i guess so...men are women are just born quite differently...><"I felt I shld post an update, if only to get it out of my system. Since my last post, we've been fighting every other day bcos every other day I will find more clues to his infidelity. I wun elaborate, but all the things a man can do, he has possibly done most of it. I guess I needed concrete proof so I wouldn't regret throwing it away based on a hunch. The funny thing was all I had to do was ask. I jus kept saying there is more, just tell me. I just kept repeating until he told me. He eventually did. But even then I knew there is probably more, but whatever I already knew was enough to form a decision.
There were days when we would both break down and cry and swore we would make this work. It almost seem real. And after one night of perfect bliss, for the first time I slept in his arms and believed it. The very next day I found out more. I guess I got what I always wanted, except it's too late. So much has been said and done, and whatever we had whether it was real or not is so irreparably broken by all the lies, addiction, infidelity, hurtful words that I do not even see any sense of picking up the pieces. And I am not a quitter, when I choose to love someone, I will love until its absolutely hopeless. But even I want to give up.
So I told him to let me go, he tried to beg me. All the times i wished he would, now it just seem so little so late. I know he was trying in the last month, to remember everything i love, to give in to my every desire. I know he was making an effort, he even let me track him so I could trust him again. But why couldn't this happen earlier? If only he did this earlier, maybe i wouldn't need to keep digging for the truth. I sometimes wish he would just keep spinning the beautiful lie so i can just live in my denial forever. I wouldn't know the difference if he could keep it up forever.
I know I haven't been the most fantastic girlfriend, I wonder if I drove him to do all the things he did. I wonder if I did this to him, to us. If I had cut him some slack, would it be different? If I tried a little harder, love a little more, would it be different? But i just feel like I couldn't love any harder than I already have.
On Tuesday I was ready to forgive everything and start everything new if he would just tell me everything. But he didn't. I told him if he would just come clean with everything, I will never leave him. But he didn't. So on Tuesday I finally gave up and he has finally packed up and left.
Strangely since then, I've cried very little. I'm not even angry. Just numb. Is this normal?
There were days when we would both break down and cry and swore we would make this work. It almost seem real. And after one night of perfect bliss, for the first time I slept in his arms and believed it. The very next day I found out more. I guess I got what I always wanted, except it's too late. So much has been said and done, and whatever we had whether it was real or not is so irreparably broken by all the lies, addiction, infidelity, hurtful words that I do not even see any sense of picking up the pieces. And I am not a quitter, when I choose to love someone, I will love until its absolutely hopeless. But even I want to give up.
So I told him to let me go, he tried to beg me. All the times i wished he would, now it just seem so little so late. I know he was trying in the last month, to remember everything i love, to give in to my every desire. I know he was making an effort, he even let me track him so I could trust him again. But why couldn't this happen earlier? If only he did this earlier, maybe i wouldn't need to keep digging for the truth. I sometimes wish he would just keep spinning the beautiful lie so i can just live in my denial forever. I wouldn't know the difference if he could keep it up forever.
I know I haven't been the most fantastic girlfriend, I wonder if I drove him to do all the things he did. I wonder if I did this to him, to us. If I had cut him some slack, would it be different? If I tried a little harder, love a little more, would it be different? But i just feel like I couldn't love any harder than I already have.
On Tuesday I was ready to forgive everything and start everything new if he would just tell me everything. But he didn't. I told him if he would just come clean with everything, I will never leave him. But he didn't. So on Tuesday I finally gave up and he has finally packed up and left.
Strangely since then, I've cried very little. I'm not even angry. Just numb. Is this normal?
infojunkie
Active Member
IWD just passed...
and time to gain some girl power...
well with a classical twist... mendelssohn to be precise
Nautical Twilight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7LP3_WHK2Q
As the day gave way
To Nautical Twilight
I turned my back on
The force of which I am made
I am bound and gagged
Rupturing a delicate balance
When I left my world for his
Day after day, as my city fades
And is swallowed by his sea
She is boundless
Even breaking on the beach
Every alchemist
Knows fusion and fission
Can unify or drive a force to split
He has been possessed to drink of the spices
From the east by his liquid mistress
Which then pushed me into the lair of uranium
She divides time between greed and his twin, Tyranny
Day after day cities are betrayed
And the earthly sons lay their blade
And she is boundless
But by then she has been frayed
As the night gives way
To Nautical dawn I can see I must activate
The force of which I am made
and time to gain some girl power...
well with a classical twist... mendelssohn to be precise
Nautical Twilight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7LP3_WHK2Q
As the day gave way
To Nautical Twilight
I turned my back on
The force of which I am made
I am bound and gagged
Rupturing a delicate balance
When I left my world for his
Day after day, as my city fades
And is swallowed by his sea
She is boundless
Even breaking on the beach
Every alchemist
Knows fusion and fission
Can unify or drive a force to split
He has been possessed to drink of the spices
From the east by his liquid mistress
Which then pushed me into the lair of uranium
She divides time between greed and his twin, Tyranny
Day after day cities are betrayed
And the earthly sons lay their blade
And she is boundless
But by then she has been frayed
As the night gives way
To Nautical dawn I can see I must activate
The force of which I am made
Soisuka,
imho, you're not in love with him. You're more in love with the idea of being in love with him, meaning you're afraid to lose this relationship because it would mean all your years of efforts have gone to waste. Do think very carefully...wouldn't it be better to be with a man who truly loves you and who would because of you never entertain the thought of infidelity?
imho, you're not in love with him. You're more in love with the idea of being in love with him, meaning you're afraid to lose this relationship because it would mean all your years of efforts have gone to waste. Do think very carefully...wouldn't it be better to be with a man who truly loves you and who would because of you never entertain the thought of infidelity?
I do love him, I don't think I'm in love w love. I'm not really a romantic person. Nor do I have a strong need to be in a relationship. In fact, he's the more romantic one between us.
I didn't love him at first sight, but in the initial stages, I found him to be a kind, warm and affectionate man. And slowly, day by day, I love him more. I don't believe that love ends just bcos someone lies or betrays or hurt you. The relationship would have to end for sure, but the love you have, how do you switch it off immediately? If anyone can do that, I will worry.
On a small level I do fear my years have been wasted, but when I really sit down and think about it. It's not wasted, we were happy once, I've learned and I hope grew in some ways. It isn't wasted. We've laughed, we've cried, we shared a life. I am not ashamed to have love him, I'm just sad it had to come to this.
I've tried my hardest, it didn't work, but at least i tried. That's life, we don't always get what we want.
I didn't feel anything until the 3rd day after he left. I finally had my emotional meltdown. It's a relief.
I didn't expect to find what I found in the end. I didn't know this 5 years ago. I really didn't. He hid his secrets very well and to find all that out just last month, I'm just beyond shock. It's like he isn't who I thot he was.
But I will maintain this, I fell in love with a kind, warm and affectionate man whom I thot love me too, I just didn't realize he had a dark side.
So yes Denise, it is better to be with a man who truly loves me.
I didn't love him at first sight, but in the initial stages, I found him to be a kind, warm and affectionate man. And slowly, day by day, I love him more. I don't believe that love ends just bcos someone lies or betrays or hurt you. The relationship would have to end for sure, but the love you have, how do you switch it off immediately? If anyone can do that, I will worry.
On a small level I do fear my years have been wasted, but when I really sit down and think about it. It's not wasted, we were happy once, I've learned and I hope grew in some ways. It isn't wasted. We've laughed, we've cried, we shared a life. I am not ashamed to have love him, I'm just sad it had to come to this.
I've tried my hardest, it didn't work, but at least i tried. That's life, we don't always get what we want.
I didn't feel anything until the 3rd day after he left. I finally had my emotional meltdown. It's a relief.
I didn't expect to find what I found in the end. I didn't know this 5 years ago. I really didn't. He hid his secrets very well and to find all that out just last month, I'm just beyond shock. It's like he isn't who I thot he was.
But I will maintain this, I fell in love with a kind, warm and affectionate man whom I thot love me too, I just didn't realize he had a dark side.
So yes Denise, it is better to be with a man who truly loves me.