Hi...I'll try to sound as coherent as possible.Its a long story, I'll start from the beginning.
I'm currently engaged to my SO, we broke up for 2 yrs bcos we were just fighting so much and essentially felt we were incompatible. During the 2 yrs we were tog then, we broke up many times. About 2 years after the 'I thot permanent' break, he msg me out of the blue, sounded like he was down, so I met him, thinking we could be friends. At the end of the night, he asked if we could try again.
I said no, that it will just be the same, we're not compatible etc. He persisted for some weeks, promising that things would be different... After a few weeks, I relented eventhough my heart wasn't exactly in the same place. I figured the only way to find out if this could work was to give it another shot.
So very quickly, we were calling each other baby again, things were really good for a while. About 6 months after we got back tog, we were in an accident, where I got injured. About a week after this in feb 2011, at the encouragement of my sister, he proposed. I said yes....thinking we survived something so traumatic tog, we must be meant to be, he felt the same. I did have some reservations at the time, bcos my sister was hinting to him, plus it was only 6 mths since we got back tog, and I also felt he didn't put alot of effort into the getting a right ring. I complained for a while...but figured in the end, its only a ring, its how he treats me that matters.
So in the year since the proposal, I've tried to get the wedding planning going, but we can't seem to settle on a date bcos his family wants to consult the shifu on an auspicious date. It was just back and forth alot, I'll ask him, he'll ask his mother, his mother will say the book is not out. He would first say July, then it was October, then october came and went, I even went back to his home in KL and now its after CNY. Basically unless I ask or do something...otherwise nothing happens.
Anyway, we've tried applying for BTOs, which have been unsuccessful which is another stress bcos he currently lives with me & my dad in a 3rm flat. My brother is about to move in bcos of his health. And also, most if not all of the time, I am the one actively looking to apply for flats.
So thats the background....
Now....In Decemeber, I suddenly had this deep seated feeling that there is something just a little off. He was coming home late, staying after work to drink, he would be distant and I also realized that our sex life was very infrequent. And little things like used tissue paper in the passenger seat, the mirror left up and if I ask him who he drove, he'll say his male Japanese consultant.
So I went into his FB and phone one day and uncovered some stuff I didn't know before.
A day before he asked me to get back tog, he sent a heartfelt msg to his ex whom he broken up w more than 5 yrs ago. He wrote about their old memories, made promises and he begs (yes beg) her to not shut him out of her life.
I didn't know what to feel, it just means everything he said to get me back is a lie. I questioned him, he cried and said she was very special to him, that he almost wanted to kill himself when she left. He said he doesn't need to defend what he did then. I tried to thrash things out, but it was futile. So we went into cold war for 2 days....During the same time when we were patching back, I also found out he was randomly msging strangers online asking to meet/date/sex. In all cases, there were no replies from the other party, even the ex (although I did know they met earlier, if they kept in contact other ways I dunno).
So in the end, bcos we were planning to get married and that I do really love him. I decided to just focus on the now, whatever happened in the past, I couldn't change it. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more. I uncover yet another msg from one of his I think ex-student (he teaches tuition).
She wrote "Lol dearie, do u ever check ur fb msges? Can I msg here too besides sms?....."
And then she tells him how her attraction for him started and that he can reply via sms. There was no reply from him on FB. This msg was in late May 2011. This girl does seem to have a boyfriend during that period. I did more digging, and found that he saved her number on his phone as the name of his japanese consultant and the ringtone is 'rejection tone' It really is bcos the tone goes 'do not pick up....'
I asked him abt it, at first he got defensive, that i dun trust him etc. Later he said she likes him, he doesn't like her. Although they did go out for drinks and ice-skating.
We've never been ice-skating....our dates consist of eating, sometimes movies, sitting at east coast park or jus staying home.
Anyway, so lets just say I take his word for it. I needed to know more about his past....he said not everything is what it seems and he ended the discussion abt his ex with 'she thinks without her I will die ah, CCB..." Again...dunno how to feel, first she's special now you hate her....
Anyway, we had one discussion that ended w him saying he'll move out and we'll start over. But after that he would pretend he never said it.
So CNY, he goes home to KL for a week, I decided not to go. I figured we need time to think things through. He calls everyday in the beginning on viber, we're just normal, baby I miss u all that. He goes off to Ipoh w his frds on the 2nd day. He calls at night on viber, the connection was bad, he msges, I said u can just place a normal call, he says, he's playing mahjong. Will be back in KL the next day, then he'll call. Fine... next day he doesn't call. On the 3rd day, I couldn't take it. I call and ask why he doesn't call. He says he's still in Ipoh and roaming is expensive. I am literally speechless......
He's a very affectionate man, all kisses and I love yous.... And most of the time, when we fight, he's the one who will cry first. He's not happy if I dun hug him when we sleep. He loves my cooking. He picks me up just bcos I like him to.
But somehow I always just feel like this isn't enough, that I need more. There isn't this security that I believe I oughta be feeling.
So I dunno, am I just insecure or is his behavior cause for worry?
I'm currently engaged to my SO, we broke up for 2 yrs bcos we were just fighting so much and essentially felt we were incompatible. During the 2 yrs we were tog then, we broke up many times. About 2 years after the 'I thot permanent' break, he msg me out of the blue, sounded like he was down, so I met him, thinking we could be friends. At the end of the night, he asked if we could try again.
I said no, that it will just be the same, we're not compatible etc. He persisted for some weeks, promising that things would be different... After a few weeks, I relented eventhough my heart wasn't exactly in the same place. I figured the only way to find out if this could work was to give it another shot.
So very quickly, we were calling each other baby again, things were really good for a while. About 6 months after we got back tog, we were in an accident, where I got injured. About a week after this in feb 2011, at the encouragement of my sister, he proposed. I said yes....thinking we survived something so traumatic tog, we must be meant to be, he felt the same. I did have some reservations at the time, bcos my sister was hinting to him, plus it was only 6 mths since we got back tog, and I also felt he didn't put alot of effort into the getting a right ring. I complained for a while...but figured in the end, its only a ring, its how he treats me that matters.
So in the year since the proposal, I've tried to get the wedding planning going, but we can't seem to settle on a date bcos his family wants to consult the shifu on an auspicious date. It was just back and forth alot, I'll ask him, he'll ask his mother, his mother will say the book is not out. He would first say July, then it was October, then october came and went, I even went back to his home in KL and now its after CNY. Basically unless I ask or do something...otherwise nothing happens.
Anyway, we've tried applying for BTOs, which have been unsuccessful which is another stress bcos he currently lives with me & my dad in a 3rm flat. My brother is about to move in bcos of his health. And also, most if not all of the time, I am the one actively looking to apply for flats.
So thats the background....
Now....In Decemeber, I suddenly had this deep seated feeling that there is something just a little off. He was coming home late, staying after work to drink, he would be distant and I also realized that our sex life was very infrequent. And little things like used tissue paper in the passenger seat, the mirror left up and if I ask him who he drove, he'll say his male Japanese consultant.
So I went into his FB and phone one day and uncovered some stuff I didn't know before.
A day before he asked me to get back tog, he sent a heartfelt msg to his ex whom he broken up w more than 5 yrs ago. He wrote about their old memories, made promises and he begs (yes beg) her to not shut him out of her life.
I didn't know what to feel, it just means everything he said to get me back is a lie. I questioned him, he cried and said she was very special to him, that he almost wanted to kill himself when she left. He said he doesn't need to defend what he did then. I tried to thrash things out, but it was futile. So we went into cold war for 2 days....During the same time when we were patching back, I also found out he was randomly msging strangers online asking to meet/date/sex. In all cases, there were no replies from the other party, even the ex (although I did know they met earlier, if they kept in contact other ways I dunno).
So in the end, bcos we were planning to get married and that I do really love him. I decided to just focus on the now, whatever happened in the past, I couldn't change it. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more. I uncover yet another msg from one of his I think ex-student (he teaches tuition).
She wrote "Lol dearie, do u ever check ur fb msges? Can I msg here too besides sms?....."
And then she tells him how her attraction for him started and that he can reply via sms. There was no reply from him on FB. This msg was in late May 2011. This girl does seem to have a boyfriend during that period. I did more digging, and found that he saved her number on his phone as the name of his japanese consultant and the ringtone is 'rejection tone' It really is bcos the tone goes 'do not pick up....'
I asked him abt it, at first he got defensive, that i dun trust him etc. Later he said she likes him, he doesn't like her. Although they did go out for drinks and ice-skating.
We've never been ice-skating....our dates consist of eating, sometimes movies, sitting at east coast park or jus staying home.
Anyway, so lets just say I take his word for it. I needed to know more about his past....he said not everything is what it seems and he ended the discussion abt his ex with 'she thinks without her I will die ah, CCB..." Again...dunno how to feel, first she's special now you hate her....
Anyway, we had one discussion that ended w him saying he'll move out and we'll start over. But after that he would pretend he never said it.
So CNY, he goes home to KL for a week, I decided not to go. I figured we need time to think things through. He calls everyday in the beginning on viber, we're just normal, baby I miss u all that. He goes off to Ipoh w his frds on the 2nd day. He calls at night on viber, the connection was bad, he msges, I said u can just place a normal call, he says, he's playing mahjong. Will be back in KL the next day, then he'll call. Fine... next day he doesn't call. On the 3rd day, I couldn't take it. I call and ask why he doesn't call. He says he's still in Ipoh and roaming is expensive. I am literally speechless......
He's a very affectionate man, all kisses and I love yous.... And most of the time, when we fight, he's the one who will cry first. He's not happy if I dun hug him when we sleep. He loves my cooking. He picks me up just bcos I like him to.
But somehow I always just feel like this isn't enough, that I need more. There isn't this security that I believe I oughta be feeling.
So I dunno, am I just insecure or is his behavior cause for worry?
