Milo, i see your point. there were things i said during the marriage that hurt him deeply. there was once when i told him that if our situation continues, we will be sleeping under the bridge one day. he did not speak to me for two days afterwards. maybe this pattern of speech of mine is equivalent to mental and emotional abuse.
i told our counsellor about the incident, she says that i was always too blunt in my speech. i painted a nightmare scenario to him which is as good as threatening him. i dont make him feel good about himself, about me, about the situation, about life. i pull down his spirits by using negative examples to spur him. because my whole life, my mum has used this approach on me.
i have been watching videos on Youtube on Taiwanese girls, like Hou Pei Cun and Ling Zhiling. the difference between gentle girls with gracious speech and myself could not be more vast. i wish to have this kind of charisma too, to tone down and be more lovable to men.
from this little incident, you can tell how fragile he is, don't you. on one hand, i want to change myself, but on the other hand, he is too fragile and i want him to become stronger. in a relationship, when both sides are so pressured to change to accomodate each other, a lot of work is involved and can be very tiring.
so when does the work end? we should work in the relationship we choose, but how much work is too much work, and how long must we work?
so i think .... i should be less opinionated outwardly. be more subtle. i think i could be a more charming person. a message, delivered in a pleasing way, goes a long way compared to the same message delivered in a harsh way.
check out this link - i think if i talk like that with this kind of sweet tone and body language, my husband would have loved me very much. im serious, i dont mean it in a sarcastic or ironic way:
watch clip from 1:08min onwards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBoYy7hW73g