Why married?

C

crazy9

New Member
In a man's early life, he will date girlfriends n find the right one to be wife and get married. Start a family and settle to focus on career.

After a few years, family life and career stablise and began to find that life is boring. Start to look for love outside married life and got so caught up with new found love.

After a while decide to leave boring wife (even if wife still young, pretty, body in top form but after many years together man will find her boring) and family to be with new found love.

So he is back to square one, his younger days when he only dates.

Dun understand why married. Just date girls all the way lah. Married becoz mother push? Love??

Scientist mention that love only last 3 years. After 3 years all chemistry is gone so love is also gone. That is why so many couples so loving before marriage and after marriage most dun talk to each other. Children suffer.

Think some men married so can show off wife n family to others but deep down they don't feel attract to wife liao. Only feel responssible to wife n family. Got wife n family to take care of him when he is old?

Are we marrying for all the wrong reasons?
 


i agree with u Milo. It really amazing how come your wife is able to continue with u. Maybe like what they say, her eyes kanna stick with stamps and her ears stuff with cotton.
 
Oh I still single. Just wondering the purpose of marriage after reading so many threads about hubby straying and some wife straying also.

Milo, how many years are u married? Any tips on why u still happily married.
 
Milo, just a question - do u honestly still feel as strongly (love) towards your wife now as before marriage? Still sexually attracted by her?

Or some sparks gone with the time.
 
bro, more so actually.

We missed our anniversary many times as we were both too busy. This year, just celebrated our 8th anniversary over the weekend together with our son.
 
haha, just 8 years and u are boasting. More to come. Maybe u are so engross in glorifying yourself before your mick that u didn't notice that in fact your wife have regretted marry to u this kind of useless and NATO man, boasting like no tomorrow
 
What is there to boast really. it exists in the very minds of the narrow minded idiots... that's why the forum is about nothing abt problems. When one shares anything they are happy abt, its boasting...
IDIOT MORON.
 
Depending what kind of wife. When a gentle, caring, pretty, God-fearing wife comes along. She can be an asset in ur life.

however ..

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)
 
Milo, yes this forum is the one place where u pea size mind can boast and let your lousy ego think u are so great.

Chocolate, how u believe milo and his wife are still very loving, what make u think so. u know him or u just read from the forum
 
I do believe tt milo is still v loving wth his wife.nt those lovely dovey honeymoon stage lah but a more mature n stable kinda luv..

I've been reading this forum since when preparing my marriage n now it's been almost 8 yrs...the guys provided many good perpectives in marriage, it definitely takes more than love but respect, patience, good communication, EQ, ability to resolve obstacles..

if scientist say love dun exceed 3 yrs, I'm definitely sure tt it's definitely develop and exceed tt kinda of luv...but add in kinship, respect, trust,默气。
 
No, he can be abit snnoying at times but i don't really read his celebrating anniversary post as a form of boasting. I believe he learn a lot after the death of his dad. Some ppl learn to love well after losing their love ones. My 2cts
 
That is why 1st year is call honeymoon period.

I believe problems will b encounter in all kinds of relationships : father n son, sisters, brothers, friendship, etc.....

Wat I dun understand is why married. If u r happy with each other then just stay together. We shd not be bound by a piece of paper. We need a new law or system to regulate this after all now is a new era - marriage mayb not be appropriate anymore.

Maybe many couple will b happier in this new system. We also do not need PI anymore.
 
crazy9, if you love someone and would like to set up a family...I don't think you wanna your child to be an 'illegitimate' one...given the laws etc. The day people can look past these legal systems or social norms is the day you'll be able to be with your honey without a marriage. Of course, if your aim is not to set up a family with your honey then that's another view altogether. In that case, I'll think being together as a couple is enough.

Anyway my hubby and I are married for 5 years. Still honeymoon period? I don't know. Together with courtship and dating, we would be together for about 8 years. To me, I've lost count and that's only because I'm enjoying each day with him. And yes, other than the marriage cert that says we're legally together as a married couple, we do behave like how we were when we were dating.

Still sexually attracted to each other? Yes but I'll say it's not as exciting as before. C'mon, let's be honest. Give any married man/woman a new partner, he/she will certainly think it's more exciting - due to novelty of experience and subject. Is this an indication of doom? Some of them will tell you yes definitely but I believe only we ourselves know better.

I marry my hubby because I know this is one person I could imagine living together till death parts us. I know there are more happy moments than unhappy ones. I know we could grow old together. Is this my definition of love and marriage? Yes.
 
Still sexually attracted to each other? Yes but I'll say it's not as exciting as before. C'mon, let's be honest. Give any married man/woman a new partner, he/she will certainly think it's more exciting.

I still think it's quite exciting, sometimes gotta be more adventurous. *winks*
 
Ting Yi,well...guess we have been quite adventuous...blame it on younger days where we explored most things...it's still satisfying but lacks that excitement...actually I'm considered more adventurous than my hubby...despite being more 'experienced' than me, he's less wild and imaginative...maybe you could share how you and your hubby are adventurous?
happy.gif
 
Denise, seems like u n hubby enjoying a blissful marriage.

Just want to know whether -
Is sex a job or joy to yr hubby? Frankly I feel tat after being together for years it may become more like a job rather than a need. Committed to do it xx times a week to satisfy partner, etc. Need partner to put effort to create a need, etc.....

Part of a Reason why men stray is bcoz they found the need outside a marriage. Need to impress, target, conquer, etc.... Which is not found in spouse.

I am just wondering does a man feel happy being marry. He may love his wife still dearly but deep inside he may want to find excitement back to his life.

I have a friend who is married over 10 years. He had a good wife n happy kids n he loves all of them very much. He is very loving with his wife, they are often seen together n as though they r newly wed. But he told me a secret - he dun feel sexually attracted to his wife anymore. Not tat his wife is fat n ugly (his wife is pretty with baby girl looks n body still very shapely) but there is no more needs. They now have sex maybe once or twice a mth.

He now go ktv every week n sees lots of sexy ktv girls. They stimulate him greatly but bcoz he loves his family, he nvr sleep with any of them. But after gg he can make love to his wife once or twice a week.

Now his wife complain abt him gg to ktv so often (he told his wife where he went). So wat do u guys think? Is it ok for him to go? From women point of view, will u allow him to go? how do u feel abt hubby only want sex with u after seeing other girls n imagine doing it with them rather than looking at the wife?

If u r single then no problem to go but once u r married, still can go? He at lost of wat to do. He is very mature n has great self control as we been there together n he nvr go overboard.



Man
 
Hi crazy9,

The hubby maybe treat the KTV trips like his porn magazines. Can see, cannot touch.

But porn magazines may have less risk as you can't date or touch these girls but you can in KTV.

Can the hubby just read or watch porn instead of KTV?
 
Crazy, I think your friend knows something is lacking in his marriage and hence, he ventures for it outside. No woman will like their man to go such places, married or not, cos it means the man might overstep his boundary anytime. I mean if it's only for singing, just go to a family-oriented ktv. Obviously it's for the ladies.

But he is honest to his wife and when you said he didn't do anything overboard, you mean he didn't touch them? Just use his eyes? If he can be this honest, perhaps he should let the wife know what is lacking in their marriage? Instead of running outside cos we are only humans. He is hanging on the verge of a thin line of committing an affair.
 
I find your 'frd' hilarious, he's so selfish and narcissictic, why doesn't anybody see it?

Saying that he goes KTV so he can make love to his wife? Come on thats just an excuse, rationalize it so that he can excuse his own bad behaviors. By saying that's how he can get it up for his wife, he has just effectively make it seem like he's doing it for her. He has just made it her problem not his.

Applause, somebody give this man a medal for being 'considerate' and 'self-sacrificing'. I almost bought for it a minute.
 
I'm new here.

I'm attached and wanting to get married in 3-4 years time or so.

Why does it seem like it's better to reamin attached and not get married.

Actually I somehow agree with what crazy9 said. Why get married?

I guess it's always because of wanting to have kids!
 
Just want to know whether -
Is sex a job or joy to yr hubby? Frankly I feel tat after being together for years it may become more like a job rather than a need. Committed to do it xx times a week to satisfy partner, etc. Need partner to put effort to create a need, etc.....

Crazy9, it is a joy to have sex for both my hubby and I. When we feel like it, we'll do it. When we don't feel like it, we'll not do it. I think it should be this way even if we're dying to have kids. I can't imagine having sex for the sake of having sex.

Your friend who has to go ktv to get his thing up is pathetic. No matter how much my hubby and I have lost that excitement, getting his thing up and for me to reach orgasms each time we make out is never an issue. But gone are the days when we could do two in a row - could be due to age or lack of 'novelty'. Perhaps I have a high expectations in terms of 'quality'. I don't know. Anyway a normal man should be easily turned on by pornographic aids or sex toys or sexy lingerie his wife dons. His need to go ktv is a lame excuse.
 
He now go ktv every week n sees lots of sexy ktv girls. They stimulate him greatly but bcoz he loves his family, he nvr sleep with any of them. But after gg he can make love to his wife once or twice a week.

Now his wife complain abt him gg to ktv so often (he told his wife where he went). So wat do u guys think? Is it ok for him to go? From women point of view, will u allow him to go? how do u feel abt hubby only want sex with u after seeing other girls n imagine doing it with them rather than looking at the wife?

Seems like he's becoming addictive to the ktv scene.

Human are emotional, chances if he meet a gorgeous lady whom he can click with + some alcohol, it's just a matter of time that he will give in to temptations.

On the other hand, hw about introduce his gorgeous wife to the night scene and get a few good looking hunks to hanker around her?

If he can accept it, so could she but it's just a matter of time for the marriage to go into the red light.

Denise, nothing really special but we are putting effort to spice things up, not only physically but emotional as well.

Some other couple friends here even check into nice "love motels" almost every weekend.

Cannot say â€è€å¤«è€å¦»â€œ and slack, worse create excuses and outsource outside. The key word is effort, marry him is simply because he is someone that I want to grow old with.
 
Effort? Try to tell him that if you were the wife. LOL!
Naive... ...
Never (yet) happen to you, can say anything you want. LOL~
 
I feel it has to be natural and not through 'effort'. Anything that has to be done through what we term as effort suggests it's a job or chore. I could be wrong.
 
haha yeah..wat i meant was in spicing up the marriage and for each other instead of citing excuses as "bored" n want to seek excitement outside.
 
Why do you people really believe you can spice up everything?

Fine. You mean you have a game, you remake it into a better game, a more exciting game... and this guy will just play one game and ignore the other?

Well... chances are the smart guy will play both exciting games. Besides, what is more exciting than a NEW game? LOL~

Seriously, it's not effort. You either chose the right guy from the start, or you chose to cry at some point of the game...
 
chances are the smart guy will play both exciting games. Besides, what is more exciting than a NEW game? LOL~
You either chose the right guy from the start, or you chose to cry at some point of the game...

True...not to deny that those are really really smart n good in concealing.

The games not only apply to guys but to ladies as well. Everybody like excitment and temptation is everywhere. May it be that fellow colleague or that guy who come up to know you etc. We can't control how people might change, the most impt is we know our own stand and not risk jeopardise the marriage.

Instead of looking around for excitement, why not re-create the sparks with our spouse? Just had a chat with the hairstylist today n how her hb planned a trip with her to Barclay leaving the kids at home and also another trip in Jun, beach resort in Kenting, Kaoshiung.
Life after marriage with kids is not dull for them.
 
I guess spicing things up is important but it has to be out of free will and interest to do so...to take 'effort' seems to suggest the need to remind ourselves to do so and it becomes a bit unnatural.
 
A friend once shared "life after marriage might not be dull"...

She n her hb chill everywhere, in kopitiam, dempsey, pub, club and also travel anywhere, everywhere.

To add on what scope say, not only chose the right guy but also the one with common interest! hee...

Guess im the unnatural one bah..I always think he's unlucky to marry a lazy wife like me. He's always the one doing the household chores while I surfing net :p
Hence I gotta constantly remind myself not to take him for granted and must put in more effort etc..
 
If you equate marriage to just "a piece of paper", it's no wonder that you take it lightly.

Marriage is more than just about "law of the court". The legalities are there for a reason - administrative purposes. So if you want to cohabit and not get it married, by all means, go ahead.

It's not illegal here.
 
Ting Yi,

The interesting issue is this, nobody marry to jeapordise the marriage, but whenever there is excitment they get the excitment knowing very well it risks jeapordising the marriage.

I mean, who playing games doesn't know there is risk?

But as the stock market, you win you happy, you lose then you kao-bei the risks... Then you tell yourself die die won't play again, but when the trend comes and your blood boils, you speculate again.

Seriously, if you got a guy who can love you like forever, you are focking blessed. The companionship goes forever, and your souls are appeased. Otherwise, like Jack Neo and Irene, their marriage is more like an empty shell...

Down to the basis, you either start out marrying that right guy who will love you forever, or you prepare to cry at some point in time. There is no such thing as effort or spicing or what nosense.

I know of MANY cases, the couple went on regular holidays, do this do that, but the husbands still hug the pretty PRC chicks. Not hard to understand why the One.

One of the cases... The husband and wife very lovely couple (as Denise80 self-claimed type), have children, very nice, always give gifts, go holidays and bla bla bla... end up the husband eat outside and spent all his CPF on a china sweet young thing.

When angry wife questioned him, he simply said: "I NEVER felt romance until I met her..."

Instead of spicing things up and pump your EXPECTATION up, it's better for the married women to be mentally prepared when they are old and ugly... Many women I know asked this stupid question:

"I did this and that and that and this, as a wife I have done all I should I have done but why do you still stray?"

Answer is simple: He has never been the One...

It can't be helped, it doesn't mean you put in 100% effort and done nothing wrong that you will keep the man. Like I said...

You either started off marrying the One or you prepared to cry at some point of time... or if you are luckier, you get a boring life stuck together.
 
I get wat r trying to say, my dear as I have guy friends who's exactly like that. In fact, countless..

I know 101% doting family man with very nice wives.
They dote on their wives pampering them with luxury goods and Europe trips but behind, FB, lunch "breakie" with colls, "outsource"...not to mention my own boss who shocked us with a email stating he divorced his loving wife of 20yrs n marry a sweet prc instead.

My current single gfs couldn't even find a decent guy to date, let alone reach the marriage stage.

Hence if really strike the rare gem, must really really treasure and not to take things for granted! and for life after marriage, must be ourselves, own circle of friends, financial independent and not revolving around just family and kids. All these, I have been keeping in my mind. GeeZzzz....
 
Maybe there's something to be learned from these PRC women, since local men are always complaining about us local women. What's so alluring about them that makes us seem like complete bitches? Men, pray tell before all local women gets round up in bin labelled 'unwanted'.
 
I don't think it's only about the women but that type of men.

Enough said of the black sheeps.

There's still a fair share of the good ones who's happily married.
happy.gif
 
Soisuka,

Nothing to learn lah... Assuming he married the PRC first and you later fight for the man, you also will succeed. Cos you are the new 'exciting' game.

Actually, many local women's attitude and mentality is pretty wrong in the first place. Too naive and assuming in general.

Ting Yi,

Basically it's still about compatible and the One. Even for playboys, there would be that one girl his heart will melt for.

Think we see too many cases whereby the men left and the women are left with nothing old and ugly... It's really who you start out with. Many women simply commit this mistake:

"He is the One, he must be the One..." But he isn't.

It's not only your girlfriends having problem, even guys like me have problem finding the angel.
 
Hi,

I know quite a few very successful rich PRC men with their PRC wives in singapore.

You will be surprise to know that their wives are not that pretty, in fact I thought they look bookish with their spectacles.

But they are very motivated in coaching their kids to be top students, more kiasu than S'poreans. The S'porean mummies look better than the PRC mummies in my daughters' school.

I wonder why these very rich PRC men don't marry the PRC beauties as their wives. Just to clarify, most of these PRC hubbies are quite handsome. Handsome and rich but marry ordinary looking PRC girls. Why is that so?

One of the PRC hubbies even ever tell he doesn't like his country's pretty girls but never tell me the reason why.

Will someone enlighten me? I thought all men like beauties. PRC men are the exception ?????
 
Strange... Which men will tell you they steal money? Even if you ask teacher if they teach for money, all of them say no, then scream money not enough, buy toto and give tuitions outside. LOL~

Albee, you born yesterday?
 
Hi Scope,

But S'porean men like these PRC beauties as their wives, why PRC men don't like? They all are men, aren't they, regardless of nationality?

I don't know why you mention stealing. Do PRC beauties like to steal????
 
Hi Albee,

You are really blur queen. LOL~

Men tell you they are not wolves you really believe?

For PRC situation, there are men who marry simple looking women, it's fate, it's culture, but that doesn't mean they don't have mistresses or go fock elsewhere.

How do you expect them to tell you in front of their wives and wives' friends:
"Sure, Albee~ I think my wife is damn ugly, but I met her. Actually I prefer fock beautiful chicks and I have a mistress or two for the job..."

Here's another issue, many Hong Kong men married ugly wives, they also QUIETLY bao-er-nai in China. How many PRC officials kena-ed because of mistresses? LOL~
 
This forum is fast becoming my therapy ground. Sorry only day 7 of break up, I find reading and responding posts here helps me sort out my own thots and stand on things. So bear with me. I hope to recover soon and stop lingering here.

Anyway...I think most men dun typically marry someone based on looks, regardless of nationality. I remember there was a song that goes "if you ever wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, from my personal pt of view, get an ugly girl to marry you".

While there are exceptions, most pretty girls grow up feeling entitled bcos the world is at their feet. Hence, the men's agony at having to place them on the pedestal. Its all great while you're dating, but when it comes to a life time commitment, do u just want a pretty face to look at? And besides, beauty doesn't last. Same for women, do u just want a handsome man who has no other quality?

I didn't really started assessing my ex-fiance as a potential life partner until after he proposed, although I felt he started assessing me from very early on, which I must admit made me feel very inadequate and very much a killjoy bcos dating no longer became dating. Everything I did felt like a test I had to pass and I seem to keep failing. And however romantic the dates might be, if you throw in a test, however subtle, the romance is dead, period.

So anyway back to me, when I started to question my own intentions for marriage, I began to doubt my own integrity. Do I love him enough to accept all flaws and mistakes? Will he be there for the long haul, will I? Will he make a good father? Do we feel stronger as a couple and can tackle life challenges? Does he make me feel safe, emotionally and physically? Does he always have my best interests at heart, do I?

The truth is we can get at the answer, but we never really know for sure. Love and marriage is a leap of faith. Some of us do it with eyes wide open, some shut, some close one eye. The older generation typically marry and stick w them. My mother was sick for 22 yrs starting at 38yo, my father never left, never abandoned. Did he love her, probably....but it was probably more duty than anything. From the middle of that 22 years, she could hardly function as a human being, let alone a wife or mother. I'll be surprised if he didn't go get some elsewhere. But he was always loving and caring and patient towards her, as he always told me, she is sick, she cannot control what she does. One day, I found my dad sitting on the couch, crying silently. And then one day he snapped, he sat on her and slapped her repeatedly and said why won't you die? And my mother was a very beautiful woman and my dad was basically a very decent man.

So I guess what I think about marriage is this, marry whoever you want for whatever reasons you have, be it love, support, money or companionship, but all anyone can do is hope for the best.
 
Basically it's still about compatible and the One. Even for playboys, there would be that one girl his heart will melt for.

Think we see too many cases whereby the men left and the women are left with nothing old and ugly... It's really who you start out with. Many women simply commit this mistake:

"He is the One, he must be the One..." But he isn't.

It's not only your girlfriends having problem, even guys like me have problem finding the angel

I firmly believe "once a player, forever a player. There might be this gal who capture his heart and probably marry her. However this one is the one that he kept at hme while he continued to haunt outside.

That's y I also pity my ex boss's wife who spent her youth with him. In the end, he married that prc and the young one even bore him kids.
What did she have? Hopefully she lead life meaningfully other than marriage!

Albee, beauties aren't everything. I have these mummy friends who's plain looking with their high flyer hubbies as well. (Though I dunno their hb well enough to know whether they have ECA outside.)

However these mummies when I know them better, I understand why do their hb luv them so much.
They are smart, highly intelligent, taught their children well, manage the household well and communicate with their hb.

In fact some are high flyers in their own career too. SOme have their own business and even exceed the earnings of the hb. Looks are not everything, men go for brains as well.
 


Soisuka, u are really brave to walk out of your engagement prior to marriage.

HOwever is it a cool-down period or break off for good?
 
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