Who Shall Pay then??

[Real Deal]

My girlfriend asking for a 70 tables banquets as her father is a businessman. But she is not going to help to foot any bill on it.

She also wants a home for ourselves and she is not going to help to foot either.

Recently, i told her that after my current car (BMW) scraps, i will want to stop driving for 2 years , so as to save up enough for the wedding and house. i estimated to save up to 2k per month if i dun drive.

Guess what, she pissed off, telling me, if in the course of saving money and not driving, i may feel discomfort and pek chek (as i quite dependent with car), may as well dun do it. (She is anticipating that i will be that)

i'm vexed.

Firstly, i din even ask her to alter her lifestyle to help to save up to pay for some of the above mentioned. She spends all her money bone dry every month on drinking and shopping. so now i am only telling her that im not going to have car for the next 2 years hoping to save enough for us pissed her off.

Secondly, recently she still got the cheeks to ask me for money as she overspent on her drinking and shopping. She's feeling the heat now as for the times that i'm with her, i have been the one footing the bills.

And just 1 month of me not in town due to work, she overspent it.

How can i make her realise what i have been doing for her.
Now that i decide not to drive so as to save up enough money for our future, she's mad at me.
(i think she is more concern of no car to fetch her around)

Periods.

 

[Aj.tan]

Did you ever talk to her to express your concerns especially with regards to finances? Both of you should iron out main issues e.g who will pay for what and what are joint expenses etc before marriage.
It is going to be a lifetime of pulling resources together, better to settle it before marriage and have a common understanding.

Not to scare you, but many divorces these days are mainly due to disagreements on finances. If you two don't have a common understanding, it will escalate further on into the marriage.

Talk to your gf about it! Maybe she is willing to adjust her lifestyle, just that she is not aware of your financial situation.

Wrt the banquet tables, maybe you can pay first and take the Ang Bao money (joint account) to give her more assurance?

Good luck!

 

[lady86]

Probably you can do a rough estimation to show her the total cost of her dream wedding. Then show her the total amount and divide it by the amount of money you have to save per month to reach that targeted amount.

 

[Cherrypixxie]

Not to sound harsh, you really wanna marry a spendthrift who doesn't help in any way but only to spend money??

 

[_babybreath_]

My girlfriend asking for a 70 tables banquets as her father is a businessman. But she is not going to help to foot any bill on it.

She also wants a home for ourselves and she is not going to help to foot either.

Recently, i told her that after my current car (BMW) scraps, i will want to stop driving for 2 years , so as to save up enough for the wedding and house. i estimated to save up to 2k per month if i dun drive.

Guess what, she pissed off, telling me, if in the course of saving money and not driving, i may feel discomfort and pek chek (as i quite dependent with car), may as well dun do it. (She is anticipating that i will be that)

i'm vexed.

Firstly, i din even ask her to alter her lifestyle to help to save up to pay for some of the above mentioned. She spends all her money bone dry every month on drinking and shopping. so now i am only telling her that im not going to have car for the next 2 years hoping to save enough for us pissed her off.

Secondly, recently she still got the cheeks to ask me for money as she overspent on her drinking and shopping. She's feeling the heat now as for the times that i'm with her, i have been the one footing the bills.

And just 1 month of me not in town due to work, she overspent it.

How can i make her realise what i have been doing for her.
Now that i decide not to drive so as to save up enough money for our future, she's mad at me.
(i think she is more concern of no car to fetch her around)

Periods.

wow, are you sure you want to get married to such a girl? I am a girl but I feel super turn off by reading your post. I mean, she might look hot (with her spending on shopping), I am not sure if I am sterotyping but I am sure she is that kind of girl. But at the end of the day, would you want to be with someone like that for the rest of your life?

 

[_babybreath_]

My girlfriend asking for a 70 tables banquets as her father is a businessman. But she is not going to help to foot any bill on it.

She also wants a home for ourselves and she is not going to help to foot either.

Recently, i told her that after my current car (BMW) scraps, i will want to stop driving for 2 years , so as to save up enough for the wedding and house. i estimated to save up to 2k per month if i dun drive.

Guess what, she pissed off, telling me, if in the course of saving money and not driving, i may feel discomfort and pek chek (as i quite dependent with car), may as well dun do it. (She is anticipating that i will be that)

i'm vexed.

Firstly, i din even ask her to alter her lifestyle to help to save up to pay for some of the above mentioned. She spends all her money bone dry every month on drinking and shopping. so now i am only telling her that im not going to have car for the next 2 years hoping to save enough for us pissed her off.

Secondly, recently she still got the cheeks to ask me for money as she overspent on her drinking and shopping. She's feeling the heat now as for the times that i'm with her, i have been the one footing the bills.

And just 1 month of me not in town due to work, she overspent it.

How can i make her realise what i have been doing for her.
Now that i decide not to drive so as to save up enough money for our future, she's mad at me.
(i think she is more concern of no car to fetch her around)

Periods.

70 tables is abit...... I have NEVER heard any wedding with 70 tables. Do you mean 7? 70 tables is like 7000 people. if each table cost 1,500 (one of the cheaper hotel), 70 table on her fathers friends alone is going to cost hundred of thousands.

 

[rinjin]

70 tables is abit...... I have NEVER heard any wedding with 70 tables. Do you mean 7? 70 tables is like 7000 people. if each table cost 1,500 (one of the cheaper hotel), 70 table on her fathers friends alone is going to cost hundred of thousands.

I know people who have had 70 tables for their wedding. 7 tables will be a joke to these people. This is the kind of wedding where the couple probably know about 10% or less of the guests, and is quite common if one or both side's parents are business people, they end up inviting everyone (+plus their families).

 

[bibiyku]

For me, you may re-consider again about the marriage; since marriage is not only about the wedding banquet or your future house; it's a matter of marriage covenant between you and your girlfriend/fiancee by God.

It's about how you connect yourself with your girlfriend - how you can talk, share, and build each other's strength, to find solution together. It's not about self centered, it's about letting go our ego for each other. If you sacrify yourself too much, you really need to consider again.

You can see how she response regarding this matter, and see how you long you can stand with this girl cos you will live forever with her.

Life style is a life style. Don't think that somebody will getting better regarding to drinking and shopping life style, it will getting crazier even more after the marriage.

Ask God's wisdom for this since you can't decide yourself even 100 people tell you the truth.

 

[jkwedding308]

Your brief description of your situation gave the impression that your fiancée is accustomed to having her own way with money e.g. a businessman father (I'm assuming the business is a relatively large scale one if she's demanding for 70 tables) who probably gives in to all her financial and material-related requests since young and you footing all her bills when you're both together - she has probably grown accustomed to all of these all her life and hence why she "spends all her money bone dry" (in your own words) as she has never had to experience the reality of hardship of earning money nor the wisdom of saving money for a rainy day as life did not present her with such an "opportunity" until now. You have pointed out that she may be upset that you won't be able to ferry her around once you stop driving (She doesn't own her own car? A little surprising if she is really from such an affluent background... Or does she just not want to drive and just be chauferred around?) but I'm also wondering if it goes deeper than that... It is sufficient to mention that your car will get scrapped but why did your gut make you specify that your car is a BMW? Could it be your inner voice already trying to alert you that your fiancée is someone who is also very concerned with status? Is that also perhaps a reason why she is upset that you'll stop driving because firstly, you will be car-less (her view that no car means lower status?) and moreover she did have the taste of BMW and now she is to resort to taking the public MRT or bus with you? She has her own expectations of what sort of a status to live up to (including that of her businessman father) - has this ever been discussed between the two of you? All these need to be ironed out before the wedding or you both may risk starting your marriage on thready grounds - imagine giving in to all her current requests now and what next after marriage? Her expecting you to foot every single bill and expenses of hers without her chipping in even a single cent? A fancy premier preschool that costs few thousand dollars a month when the children come around? An upgrade to an expensive home in prime estate later on? New expenses to keep up with her new interests to be on par with the other "atas" parents of your kids' classmates? In the pursue of status, the list is endless... I gave all these examples not to scare you but to provide a reality check of what may potentially happen and the last thing you want for your marriage is for it to come crashing down in shambles because of all these financial and social status woes... Everyone has got their own expectations of how they want to live their lives - if both yours and hers match up and you both can sustain that financially, then well and good. But if not (as what I suspect is the case), then it is time to re-examine the situation at hand and lay down the cards on the table and have a frank open discussion about it together...