What to say!!!

M

misspenguin

New Member
Hi everyone!!!...
I'm new to this forum and one thing that interested me into start typing is the co-operation among the regular posters.I really appreciate that and I also need your guyz help.
I got married 3 years back and after 6 months we started trying for a baby.since then I've wasted lot many pregnancy kits than anything.I've started my treatment with clomids n still in the process of trying for a baby. meanwhile, we have started fights more frequently than before & it has reached the level where he started hitting me with the things in his hand.
I feel myself very low due to the baby issues and especially I'm a homemaker. So finishing my daily routines in the house is like a big hard job for me. I sit around simply from 8 am in the morning until 5 pm.Then I'll start myself preparing foods and other daily chorus & I never completes it before my hubby arrives.This is making him really unhappy and rude because he started telling me to finish work on time 2 years back, but I'm not able to do it in time ever. I tried myself to be a good wife but the more i try the more I fail.
what is it I'm going through. is it becaouseI'm idle and I don't have anything to do or just illusions??
I never thought I will ever face such situations in my life and I'm confused with how I should handle it...plz help me outtt...I really need itt...
 


Any reason why you are a homemaker? You do not have to be one just to try to become pregnant... Get out of the house and earn some money and respect for yourself...then you will not have to tolerate being pushed around by your hubby...
 
you would never be able to do all that if you start at 5pm .. do you know the reason why you don't do anything in those hours and what's the reason behind you becoming a housewife in the first place?

I am a full-time working mom .. and believe me, even if i take a day off to stay home, it's not truly rest for me. the trick is to a bit at a time - while you're waiting for the laundry to be done in the machine, you can watch tv or surf the net. during commercials, you can hang clothes up.

some chores you don't have to do every single day - like washing toilets, laundry, etc. maybe the tasks seem daunting to you because you place high expectations on finishing them before your husband gets back and this leads you to dread doing them thus the procrastination.

and once you start having a child, you won't get the luxury of sitting around simply from 8am to 5pm. think of it as training for the time when you become a mommy.
 
I actually agree with Fairy, some hb lose respect for wives who are full time homemaker and expect them to be at at their beck and call
 
u r not a maid. As a homemaker, you need to also prioritize your stuffs. It doesn't mean you need to work like a slave. E.g. if family is coming home for dinner, just make sure dinner is done in the evening when he is back.

Who defined the daily chores? You take charge at home, so manage it.

Its indeed true that some men lose respect for their fulltime spouses. And many stay employed to try and maintain the respect. My own sister is having the same prob. But frankly, why do you want to remain married with someone that doesn't even respect you for who you are? These MCPs cannot deal with their own egos and expect their partners to suffer to preserve their idiotic prides. Total LOSERS.
 
just wanna state that i'm one of those who do not view wives (non-mothers) staying at home very highly.

if anyone deserves to stay home n not work, it'll prob be the parents, not the wives. of cos if u have your 1st or 2nd kid and u wanna dedicate your time to the kid, that is totally fine.

but it's not just becos u're a wife... i have low regard for pple who cho-bo-lan for an entire day at a young age when they are neither students nor ill.
 
powder, I disagree that housewife cho-bo-lan the entire day lah. That's a huge blanket. Be it staying home or working out, we need to look at the context. The problem with many guys are, they want to feel important as the breadwinner and want to dominate their wife at home.
 
misspenguin: Opps... think I mistaken your post... Thanks for the clarification Milo... May I noe do you do the same thing daily? I mean, we don't have to do some of the chores everyday, such as: since there is no involvment of children at the moment, you don't have to mop the floor on a daily basis, these goes to the washing of toilet etc. I suppose there isn't much washing for 2 persons, and thus, you can machine wash some of the clothes on a twice a week basis to save water etc... Perhaps this might help you to priortise and simplify some of your chores efficiently.
 
Milo, she wrote, she sit around simply from 8am to 5pm and then start preparing dinner and doing chores .. did i read wrongly?
 
cuclainne, yah, its me that read wrongly. haha.

I don't get it, why stay at home do nothing everyday for? Start at 5pm and expect to complete everything before her husband is back? TS needs to do reality check. Seems to be in wonderland or something. One doesn't try to be a good wife by packing an unrealistic schedule. Try doing that in office, your boss will not think very well about your time-management and capability at all!
 
wah milo,

u trying to get me into trouble isit? how did what i say turn into "housewife cho-bo-lan the entire day "

"but it's not just becos u're a wife... i have low regard for pple who cho-bo-lan for an entire day at a young age when they are neither students nor ill."

i excluded mother-wives. i basically mean BUMS in general.
 
I just find it weird that she start her chores at such late timing?

My mum is a full time housemaker since she has me... Don't see her with any issues in completing the chores and she still has the time for her extra-cirrcular activities ...
happy.gif
 
"I tried myself to be a good wife but the more i try the more I fail." I find her logic very weird.
She is trying to be super human to squeeze everything to be done in a single few hours slot and choosing to SIT AROUND FROM 8-5 daily.

Is this for real? Is TS trying to take us for a ride here??
 
haha ok lah... just that i keep getting misunderstood until it gets blacker n blacker...

anyway i am the husband to match... i dun need wife to cook, wash, iron, etc etc... i prefer to have a maid do that. and i definitely Dun Need home-cooked food etc... basically wife to me is a life-partner to share life with, not to share chores with... got hawkers to cook, maids to clean, launderette to settle the clothes...
 
Everyone have different needs and expectations mah. For those guys that needs a stay home spouse, they better respect them for it.
 
hahaha i know what you mean, powder. before we got married, the husband told me that if i had thoughts of being a stay-at-home wife, he's not the person i should be marrying but now that we have two children, he tells me that it's alright if i want to take some time off from working to spend with the children .. but i've been working since age 19, it's not such an easy decision to make to quit work just like that .. i've been dragging for the last few years! hahahaha ..
 
Hmm.. it is not easy to be a homemaker too with the chores, bringing up children etc etc.. It is easier to be working rather than being a homemaker at times...
happy.gif
 
If I can afford it, no issue for wife to not work. I just need her to continue to keep her mind occupied and stay relevant. Not resent me for her losing touch of the outside world.

I don't have a long list of chores that I expect from my spouse. A domestic helper can do all those.
 
but i suppose asking the TS to hire a domestic helper is out of the question, since she's not working and it's just the two of them.

for us, we close one eye since having two kids. we have a part-time helper to come in once a week to clean the house - our time is very precious cos we only have the weekend to spend time with the kids, do our own errands, etc and we don't want to spend it doing house chores.

littlewoman, i agree with you - sometimes i take leave to rest at home but instead of resting, i always have something to do at home but i do it with breaks in between ..

even if i am at home, the husband doesn't expect to come home to home-cooked food - sometimes he's lucky, sometimes he's not .. ahahaha. depends on my mood. so he's very clever and now chooses to call as he's leaving the office to ask if i need him to pick anything up.
happy.gif
 
Staying at home from 8am to 5pm doing nothing is utterly a total waste of time. And if you only start to do house chores from 5pm onwards, I really wonder what can be done.
Sorry, I am not a person that can expect my partner to stay at home and do nothing cos eventually they be so wasted that they start feeling down and useless.....
Get your butt up, do something with your life, go for classes, get yourself upgraded, pick up a sport... watever it is, really better then getting wasted.
Otherwise, rejoin the workforce, get updated with life, expand your social circle. Surely this would help you in your relationship in one way or the other
 
perhaps that explains the husband's frustration with her time management but that's still no excuse for him hitting her.
 
hmm...i think the problem is TS does not want to start on anything, wait until "last minute" when she know her husband is coming home then she rush through the chores.

misspenguin, it seems that your husband is sick of coming home and wait for you to finish cooking, doing chores, etc. when it should be when he's home, you have a meal prepared for him, chores completed and then you both can have couple time together.

if not how to have baby?
 
I don't think she is staring blankly at the ceiling 8-5. Probably doing her own things but not relevant to what her husband expects of her.
 
cuclainne: I agree with you, regardless of the reasons, there is no excuses for justifying on violent and abusive treatment...
happy.gif


Agree, I doubt we can realli rest at home for such a long period... Even for me, I will end up with some cleanings etc in between...
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Doll: perhaps some extra activities? keke..
 
milo,

the repercussions will be disastrous if u do that. when u have a wife at home doing nothing... her mind will be the devil's workshop. i leave u to savour that...
 
anyway i dun have high regard for guys who want wife to stay home to do household chores n cook either... unless the guy is ultra rich or something, i think we should always try to achieve a double-income as far as possible during the building process of our life n family.
 
hi bro, it depends on the individual. Its definitely not healthy for the mind having too much dwelling in emptiness. But one can still live a fruitful and meaning life while not working. How about those handicap or unable to work?

The individual needs to take initiative to stay relevant and connected.
 
bro,

obviously there must be a basic criteria here to base the opinion on... my opinion definitely does not extend to those handicapped and unable to work.

i think we stick to the normal stuff when making comparisons... of cos one can live a fruitful n meaningful life... but tat's picking 1 isolated reason out of the air to justify an otherwise Abnormal way of living, for couples in spore who obviously have to achieve a basic level of income Together.

i think many pple lack the foresight to plan their retirement and future. i have no idea how u can retire with wife and afford kid's education even if u 1 person is earning 15k a month... let alone most who are below that figure.
 
I really don't understand why you are a "homemaker".

I don't know what your upbringing is like, but if you have no kids, and do not have to take care of the sick or the elderly, and barring any disabilities, you should be contributing to society in some way or the other. Not sitting at home 24/7 feeling sorry for yourself.

Some people are brought up to think that to be good wives, they must learn how to cook and keep their home spick and span. Well maybe in my grandma's time, but certainly not in today's society. Even if you do not need to work full-time, you can volunteer your time to help the less fortunate, or take up a part-time job, or do SOMETHING with your life.

While it is deplorable for your hubby to hit you (I am strongly against domentic violence), I can probably understand his frustrations. If I were slogging it out at work from morning to evening, and I come home and find that my partner has just been nua-ing at home all day, I also buay song what.
 
think TS juz wanna please her husband by getting something done before he comes back. however, it's not a routine for her, definitely not something she's interested in in the first place. thats y from 8am to 5pm, she can juz sit ard. really envy her that she can glue her butt onto the sofa/chair for so long.

misspenguin, are u forced to be a homemaker by ur husband? or u simply wanna live a tai tai life? frankly speaking, 8 to 5 is better spent working. i think it's more fulfilling to get something done within these many hrs than to laze ard.

imagine u r the one working and ur husband is the homemaker. after a whole day of work, definitely u wanna go back to ur home sweet home to get a gd rest and have a nice dinner. it's oki if occassionally u dun wanna cook. but dun do last min work. anyone can see a "last min" effort and no one will be pleased.
 
she never did reply. Which is why I'm thinking its just another fake story. Its too unreal and illogical.
 
she's sitting ard at this hour. 8am to 5pm, remember? then later she'll be rushing to cook and fulfill her duty as a homemaker. subsequently, the monster husband will be back.

saw the 1st post? it was in the wee hrs..
 
I am aware that there are some people, preferably known as homemakers, who sit around at home whole day long.....being a couch potato, watching DVDs, and all. Such people are just plain lazy. BUMS, as what powder mentioned earlier in his post here.
 
on this subject of bummers - i just happened to know someone who cho-bo-lan the whole day.

finished NS, got not much paper quali, just decide to bum at home. worse, his parents don't seem to mind and even wrap him in cotton wool worried that he may not able to fend for himself in the outside world.

literally he has not worked for - except for NS which is no choice but I won't count that as work really.

the point is, how long can he stay bumming at home living off his parents? i can only sigh in dismay.
 
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