Wat Should I Do?

[bubble_tea123]

I want to divorce my husband... this thought always in my mind after every fight.

Not long after our relationship started, I found that we are not compatible and the worst thing is we both are very hot temper. We can really go into physical fight. I had always wanted to leave him but failed to do so each time he promised to change.

Now we are married for 2 years, his temper still remain the same, fight with me for a small matter even after having a little bb.

Sometime I wonder whether he really loves me? Coz I was always the one who take initiative:

(a) suggested to get married (to prove that he loves me and wish to stay with me for the rest of his life);

(b) we hardly have sex as he claimed that he has low sex drive. I did take inititative to ask for it before and as expected I got refused by him. Since then, I dont ask anymore and hate for him to touch me. I dont feel like having sex with him anymore and rejected him when he approached for it, it has been more than half a year now we have no sex and I dont intend to have sex with him.

(c) I was the one who wanted to keep the bb after I found myself pregnant. When he first heard that I was pregnant, he was not really happy as he agreed with my suggestion to aborp the bb. At the end, he did agree to keep the bb as I wanted to keep it. (it is really bad to abord a bb after seriously thought through)

After all the quarel and big fight, I was always the one who propose for a separation, divorce and so on... he always try his level best to fix things up and this is the only time where i can feel that he loves me.

We have also been through alot together.... traveling together, getting a house, preparing for our wedding, renovation, having a bb and so on...

I am confused and afraid of making a wrong decision and that would like to seek advice from you guys.

Shall I really divorce him as I feel that he is wasting my time... Is he the one I should live with for the rest of my life? Would divorce helps to resolve all the problems between us?

 

[clipperjunk]

not sure if divorce is the right thing to do but when it comes to the point that you loathe having sex with him, it's pretty serious........

 

[toyisme]

sometimes i just don't understand why people keep asking others advise since they already knows what is the best for them.

bubble,

even we give you the options to choose. i believe somehow you already knows what you want. need not to afraid to make a wrong choice. as i tell you that no one in this world know how to make the right decision because every decision requires scarifies that people will think you make the wrong decision. even you can forseen what will happend i can guarantee you that you will never make the right decision. simply because people just can't. it is often wrong what we see and believe.

my advise, just choose one path that it will take you to the maximum happiness. and don't think it will not come with the price. that price you will never know what it is, either it will hit you hard or soft in the future, no one knows.

 

[canbear]

Bubble tea,

I don't think this forum is useful in giving you good advice because you are without a face and no one knows you personally. Just from those few paragraphs, you can't expect to get much advice.

I guess what you want is a listening ear. But I suggest you go seek a marriage counsellor or any close friends and family for support.

Your present situation sounds urgent and you certainly do need to immediately attend to it.

I am surprised you took something so important like marriage as a gamble and suggested to your husband to test if he loves you? That is no way to know if someone loves you or not!

Marriages can happen for the wrong reason or motive and yours seems like it. Is he one of the few guy friends that you were close with before marriage? What did you see in him that made you think he was the one for you?

Your case in indeed complicated cos now you have a baby, don't want sex (or even a touch from him) and frequently fight. All these signs do not signify well for marriage life.

I seriously urge you to talk with a trained counsellor instead of wasting your time here. You will only be more confused and seriously, why should faceless people (or even anonymous names!) sway your decision whether to seek divorce or not?

But before seeking professional help, you might want to sit down with your hubby and analyze the situation together. See if there are other options like how to cope both your hot-headed temperaments. What do you see in this marriage? Do you see a future as a family say 2,5 years down the road?

Both of you must recognize and admit that something constructive must be done to salvage the marriage, if possible. No more false promises; just be frank to each other about how you feel and what can or cannot be done. Then go on from there.

I wish you peace....

 

[bubble_tea123]

David

Thanks for your valued advice.

U do see tat our situation now is pretty serious but he doesnt seems to see that. If he feels the same way as you, he should be the one to take immediate action to salvage the situation and not me to take initiative to attend the matters.. but simply he just ignored all the problems and take no action at all. Is he worth for me to continue to stay the rest of life with? Does that mean that he doesnt love me anymore?

I am really very regretted to suggest and proceed to marry him.. it really makes my life so difficult now to handle his violence behavior... You know what? He can push me down and hit me while I was pregnant, can you imagine that? I don't enjoy my entire pregnancy at all. After every each drama, he will surely try all mean to give me his promise and apologise to me what he had done... and I always so easily convinced and forgive him each and every fight... and these have been kept continuing, became our daily, monthly routine...

I will find a good divorce lawyer just for the sake of my future.

 

[joecol]

Before going for divorce talk to your partner and try and get over the issues which are forcing you to make this decision. If this does not work out for you then you must consult an advocate for this as only professionals can let you know the things involved with this. Best luck.
http://www.chantixhome.com/

 

[bubble_tea123]

Joe

No way we can talk. You know wat, he is on half day leave today and we have just got a big fight again. He almost want to kill me. I have all bruises around my hands and legs. I have already made up my mind and have already fixed an appointment with a lawyer to settle our problem.

 

[judetan]

did u make a police report? get it examined and keep as record. It will help in the process of the div. Men who hit women are ball-less.

 

[baby_lonblue]

one thing i learn since young is never to be with with a man that exercise physical abuse to a woman

all of them will show a common traits, that is to plead for forgiveness after every fight only to repeat it over n over again

i once date a man for 2 months, at the beginning stage only and i m not so into him although he treated me very well and appear to be nice to everyone
then one day inside the car, i told him i cant develop any deep feelings for him and that we should stop seeing each other.

he got so angry and hit me inside e car,
till today, i cant forget my anger and the one thing that i feel v regretful about is never report to the police

of cos after the incident, he plead for forgiveness etc....i never once relented nor looked back. No 2nd chance for violent abuse

so please, get out now and FILE for a police report!!

 

[bubble_tea123]

Sleeping P/Denial

I did make a police report before in one of our fight previously. It was really embarassed to answer all questions put forth by the police officers and the neighbours were wondering what had happended between us. I still remember that I was so horrified to the extent I got to stay at my friend's place for a few days after the polices left.

He again now plead for forgiveness, as usual, kept begging me not to leave him with his tears and reminded me what sweetest thing he had done 4 me and what we have been through all these years. This time he even make a promise that he will propose to me in Paris (it was my dream that my love one will propose to me in Paris). He also asked me to stay for the sake of our little bb. Again, I am lost now....

What should i do? Should I proceed to see the lawyer or give him one last chance for the sake of the bb?

 

[powder]

basically both of u are a perfect match... all said and done, only both of u can take each other's nonsense. neither of u are likely to behave this way with other partners in future should u divorce...

u're spiteful and vengeful, he has a low tolerance level to u and it sparks your spite to have a low tolerance of him.

both of u are Wanters. u want something, u dun get it, u get frustrated and impatient. neither of u have much room for compromise and are likely to be brought up in environments where pple give way to u guys... perhaps u're both 'leaders' amongst your groupies in your younger days... neither of u are followers. he's likely to be able to compromise, but your fuse blow too fast for that to happen... that triggers off his rage and anger when u dun understand and his way of dealing with it is thru physical.

u know there are some pple u just wanna give a tight slap to? well - u might be one such person.

his promise to change is sincere becos he is stretching his anger-limits, but u have an immense ability to Always push him to the end of his threshold and the only way he knows to deal with it is physical - ie, give u that tight slap.

u guys will make good frens once u dun have expectations of each other, but if u try to be frens after divorce/separation - chances are u will end up in bed together and hurt your future partners, so best not to even see each other and disappear from each other's life.

he is likely to have low sex drive becos he loses patience with your wilful ways - enough to feel unattracted at wanting to make love or be tender... whilst u punish him for his low sex drive by depriving him of sex. Tit for Tat. it's a relationship filled with vengence and hatred yet it's become so familiar that u might feel lost without it... afterall - there's still a relationship nomatter how bad it is.

hope my perspective helps...

 

[alcifertoh]

I am making my entry based on your last post.

What's there to be embarrassed about in replying the questions if you are seeking help to protect the interest of yourself and your baby from abuse?

When you were that horrified from the lessons tht you learnt, why are you still going back to it?

Proposal to you in Paris. And what after that? Back to the same routine again?

Staying for the sake of your little baby. What kind of environment will you and your husband be providing for the little one?

Ask and answer to yourself these questions. And keep it to yourself.

By the way I have to be bluant about one thing, you so gien about being proposed in paris? Does it ensure your happiness in marriage? See between reality and dream. Would you prefer to stay with someone who work on and grow with you through marriage or someone who will just spend 2 weeks with you in paris and suffer for the rest of your time.

Sometimes I really feel like slapping people awake when they are willing to whore their lives away on a moment of gratification.

I may be brute but think about it.

 

[alcifertoh]

Yi ge yuan da, Yi ge yuan ai.