Tricky Case - In law moving in

[Hellopanda940]

Hi just looking for some advice. My bf and I are currently waiting for our BTO. Just a year back, his parents went through a divorce and is intending to sell the current flat and the father will be stay together with us once the BTO is ready. I understand his filial piety. This is sudden and this is something that none would want it to happen..
So what you do from now? There are many differences in terms of lifestyle habits and expectation regarding the cleanliness of the house. I have my concerns because I have my own expectation of how I want my new house to be. And having someone else in the house just mean lesser privacy right. We had a big quarrel over this whole arrangement. My bf says I’m being disrespectful and being difficult. Advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[ing1]

Hi just looking for some advice. My bf and I are currently waiting for our BTO. Just a year back, his parents went through a divorce and is intending to sell the current flat and the father will be stay together with us once the BTO is ready. I understand his filial piety. This is sudden and this is something that none would want it to happen..
So what you do from now? There are many differences in terms of lifestyle habits and expectation regarding the cleanliness of the house. I have my concerns because I have my own expectation of how I want my new house to be. And having someone else in the house just mean lesser privacy right. We had a big quarrel over this whole arrangement. My bf says I’m being disrespectful and being difficult. Advice is greatly appreciated.

Put yourself in your BF's shoes, what if its your dad who is going to stay with you? Will you react the same way? and how would you feel if your BF react the same way as how you reacted now?

 

[rip_curl]

Hi just looking for some advice. My bf and I are currently waiting for our BTO. Just a year back, his parents went through a divorce and is intending to sell the current flat and the father will be stay together with us once the BTO is ready. I understand his filial piety. This is sudden and this is something that none would want it to happen..
So what you do from now? There are many differences in terms of lifestyle habits and expectation regarding the cleanliness of the house. I have my concerns because I have my own expectation of how I want my new house to be. And having someone else in the house just mean lesser privacy right. We had a big quarrel over this whole arrangement. My bf says I’m being disrespectful and being difficult. Advice is greatly appreciated.

No one wants to be in such situation. Your bf is probably in a fixed and I guess that is when the true version of thru thick and thin comes into play. Your support will truly be appreciated by him. Filial piety triumphs it all yeah. Rather than adding pressure to him, I feel its time to give him all the support he needs to tide this thru. I agree with ing1. Try to explore some other solutions with him...get h is siblings to help perhaps etc

 

[ing1]

Dear TS, I believe you are aware that marriage is not just about the 2 of you. You will be marrying into his family and your children will be carrying his surname. And i also believe family traits, so your BF may even have the same habits as your future FIL which you do not like. If you can accept those habits of your BF, then why not your future FIL?

If staying together is indeed so difficult, try exploring other options like what rip_curl suggested. Have an open mind. It may not be so bad. Maybe your FIL turns out to be a good cook and you will have hot delicious dinner every night.

 

[Hellopanda940]

Put yourself in your BF's shoes, what if its your dad who is going to stay with you? Will you react the same way? and how would you feel if your BF react the same way as how you reacted now?

Yes I understand he is in a difficult situation. Will work out with him.

 

[Hellopanda940]

Hopefully it’s easy. It’s not about the fact that we have to live together. It’s about the details like basic hygiene and lifestyle habits. I didn’t go into details in my previous post but yea just imagine trash not cleared, toilets not flushed and dining table not cleaned after eating. Their toilets are washed once every three weeks..

 

[Hellopanda940]

Dear TS, I believe you are aware that marriage is not just about the 2 of you. You will be marrying into his family and your children will be carrying his surname. And i also believe family traits, so your BF may even have the same habits as your future FIL which you do not like. If you can accept those habits of your BF, then why not your future FIL?

If staying together is indeed so difficult, try exploring other options like what rip_curl suggested. Have an open mind. It may not be so bad. Maybe your FIL turns out to be a good cook and you will have hot delicious dinner every night.

I can accept my bf traits cos I can tell him off if he doesn’t clear the trash. But I don’t think I can tell my FIL that. I can have an open mind but they have to be the same as well. And nope my FIL doesn’t cook at all.

 

[ing1]

Hopefully it’s easy. It’s not about the fact that we have to live together. It’s about the details like basic hygiene and lifestyle habits. I didn’t go into details in my previous post but yea just imagine trash not cleared, toilets not flushed and dining table not cleaned after eating. Their toilets are washed once every three weeks..

If this is the case, then its very easy. Get a helper and clean everyday. Get your husband to pay. If he feels the pinch, then he will have to speak to his dad and settle with him.

I understand you are looking forward to your 二人世界 . Talk things over nicely with your BF. Filial piety is important value. If he can't even treat his parents / his immediate family proper, I am not sure if he is worth marrying to.

 

[Catin]

At least it’s the father in law and not the mother in law. As long as the father in law is a decent person, should be fine. If your husband is the type to throw away his parents, then he is likely to throw away his wife too