Too early to get married?

[judyeng]

haha.. want to say young.. i think im will be one of the youngest..

i am 21, htb 25. the society more or less wrinkle their noses at our intention to get married, bt i have never been so sure.

i cohabited with htb for 1 yr now. starting i used to get so frustrated over things like toilet bowl, clothes strewn all over and all. we dnt go out so much bcos we are quite comfy at hme.. i am well with future parents in law(at the moment. haha. heard so many stories)

our rom is on 25th apr 2010. in the midst of preperation nw. there are ups and dwns, quarrels, and sweetness, bt im glad htb and i are more or less on same wavelegth so its still nice. we'll be moving into our own hme in feb 2010. bt customary will be in 2012.

as u can see, we're taking things slow. marriage is once in a lifetime, bt it is but a piece of document.

there's no need to rush into a marriage, bt i feel age isnt of a factor if u feel u are ready.

of cos, there are so many things i have yet to exp, things like electrical bills, children, and things like that. the road is still pretty much unknown. it feels like we've just taken the first step of the race bt havent even reach the first resting point yet.

anwyays, what im driving at is, for me, young or old, we still face the same uncertanity of marriage, of the same joy of finding ur soulmate.. its only a matter of when.

probably one factor that contributed to my 'early maturity' is that btoh htb and i have been in the working society for awhile now..

 

[meplaa]

NEED TO THINK TWICE BEFORE U SIGN THE PIECE OF DOCUMENT WHICH IT LEGALLY BINDS BETWEEN YOU AND ANOTHER PARTY !!!!!!!!

NOT ONLY THINK TWICE BUT NEED TO THINK IN DEEP & SERIOUSLY !!!!!!!

IF U CANT KEEP YOUR PROMISES FOREVER THIS LIFE BETTER DO NOT PROCEED TO MARRIED.

I"M REALLY REGRET NOW !!!!!!

 

[lovingyou]

meplaa: guess u been through or going thru some martial issues?

 

[judyeng]

This is an article I wrote not too long ago. For your reading pleasure:

This question flashed across my mind a couple of days ago - what is marriage?

Posing this to several of my friends, from the fresh graduates to couples in their forties, I seem to get the same answer: Marriage is a life-time commitment and should not be rushed into.

And that, I agree to the fullest extent. However, I feel that there should be more to it.

I mused for a little while, pondering on the subject of marriage and what it means to me. So many people have told me that marriage should be left till the end of the journey of courtship, preferably many years later. A marriage with a whirlwind courtship is generally regarded with disdain. A marriage with a courtship period of a year or two, or less, is usually stereotyped as a 'shotgun' proposal, or downright silly. How could one year be used as a time frame for a 'getting-to-know-you'? How will you know if you are stepping into the right direction, and embark on the greatest journey of mankind?

It dawned on to me that marriage is not measured by the number of days together - in the opposite, it should be entered when a couple is truly sure of their decision to spend their lives together.

Yes, absolution - not duration. It could take a couple six months to know for sure that this is the person they want to be with forever. It could also take six years, sixteen years to really get to know a person inside out. You never know for sure if your other half is really how he/she portrays himself/herself. You never know if the doctor you have married is actually a paedophile. You never know if the nice man who is the father of your children will one day murder your daughter(See news on Malay man kills daughter over broken cigarettes).

That's the thing, and the hard fact of life - you never know.

So I say, plunge headfirst into marriage if you know for sure. For me, peers older than me have consistently regarded my decision for marriage with my fiance as an impulsive one. Both of you are still so young, they say. What if this is not going to work out? What if things sour halfway into the marriage? What if, what if. This is the precise point I am trying to drive across - marriage, or life for the matter, is full of what-ifs. You never what you are going to get when you step out of the house in the morning.

My fiance and I have our fair share of disagreements. But we always reach a compromise at the end of the day. One thing we agree on is that if there are any disputes between us, we are to bring it up, put it on the table and thrash it out. We will not retire to bed until the problem has been ironed out and thrown out of the window.

I find solace in this kind of relationship. Gone are the days when I just let things come and go naturally. I feel comforted that we make and effort to prevent our problems from getting in the way of our relationship, because we work towards achieving this kind of balance.

I live in with my fiance. It is not easy adapting to the lifestyle of another person. I snore, he doesn't. I am messy, he is neat. I am critical of behaviour I deem appropriate(no vulgarities, no crude actions), he is.. well, he cusses frequently. It took me awhile to get used to living with someone outside of my family, and I am proud to say that these issues no longer take a toll on me like it used to at the start. He claims to like my snore now; I try to make the room neater whenever I have time; I wash the dishes when I see them in the sink; He cusses more infrequently now - these are proofs of learning and compromising, working towards a more docile future, a future where we learn and grow together instead of pushing the other party to change for the sake of themselves.

 

[ginasjm]

I agree with Judy's thread of thoughts. I was in a defacto relationship with my hubby before I got pregnant. Marriage, same as life does not works like mathematics. Length of dating period does not guarantee anything. Qualification dun tell you anything. It's the common values, observation, instinct, understanding and mutual respect for each other that keeps the marriage and love going strong especially when married life becomes so routine. It's such a big difference when we starts paying mortgage. We were so used having dual income and it was just paying rental and more than enough to spend money on holidays and others. Now, we have to learnt to play adult by managing bills, do budgeting and thinking of ways to reduce costs. Life is not the same when i stopped working and is now pregnant. We learn and grow together. Now i'm learning to be a housewife, i never comtemplate of maintaining a home; cooking, washing, ironing...... though i am not there but im on my way. Life is a journey. My hubby and I are best friends. Always communicate and complements each other. It's a form of partnership... I learnt from falls, my failed relationships are my greatest teachers. I know i've met the man in my life and I decided to give my heart to him at the altar. I believe in marriages but dun expect miracles. It takes 2 to tango. I'd rather be happily single than miserably married, not marrying for the sake of marrying. To me, marriage is a start of life's another chapter, not some kind of fairy tale, yes you can have fairy tale sorta wedding, but marriage is for real. Ain't drama.

 

[pinkcherryapple]

Hey guys, I'm looking back at what I posted about 1.5 yrs ago, and I'm glad we didn't do anything rash

And I really appreciate the comments that fellow forumers have left.

Anyway, just a little update, I did not join the workforce after graduation last year (I'm now in grad school, but drawing a stipend every month), and my bf will only get a full time job next year. However, our parents (gradually) seem more supportive of our r/s, and are kinda waiting for us to be done with school and move on to the next stage. So yea, it's a lil bit more of waiting for now. But something made the wait more enjoyable

He proposed... Haha... I mean, it wouldn't make *that* much difference whether we're engaged or not, life still goes on. But it's still a sweet gesture he made. By the time we get married, I'd probably be 25 or 26, and he'll be 27 or 28. Which I think is the typical marriage age for Singaporeans. haha... Nothing wrong about that though...

Goodnight ppl!