Together for 6 years, love changed

K

kraitz

New Member
I am in a 6 year relationship with my girlfriend. everything is settling down, we plan to get married next year. got a BTO flat, bought a wedding photo shoot.

i love my gf very much. showered her with consistent love and care. However, not sure what happen, her love just changed. i can feel she is no longer interested in our relationship. there is no 3rd party between us. It seems like she is bored of the relationship, that she prefers sharing and spending time with her newly found best friend (girl). till a point that it seems like she prefers being single.

i feel her drifting further and further away from me.

My qns is, if i cancel my BTO flat, i have to pay a 5% of the selling price as a forfeit. and the AHG (additional housing grant) i got was 40K. how much do i hav to pay if i cancel my flat? or is there an alternative way?

appreciate it. thanks.
 


dun anyhow jump into conclusion lah, did she say she wants to end it?

it could be "the moon represents my heart" (that teresa teng classic)... can't be everyday full moon rite?
 
haha nice one.. yup.. we're on a break now. i talked to her a few times already. she don't seem interested in our problems. just trying to avoid it.
 
Do you need her to be always spending time with you other than to work and sleep?

Your problem of not spending enough time together might not be a problem to her. Some dating couples meet only every weekend and some needs to meet every single day in order to term themselves as a couple. Which category are you in?
 
thanks all for taking time to reply..

well we're those got time then acc. no time its ok. that kind. i'm not the kind that always wan to stick to her. vice versa.

other problems.. hmm.. not that i can recall.. but this is the current main problem.

anyway i wanna enquire about the grant repayment thingy..
 
i read the terms and conditions it stated 5% of the purchase price flat will be forfeited.. and as for the grant i need to pay back with interest. but not sure is it cash or via cpf..
 
the cpf grant will be deducted from the cpf account itself. usually they wont deduct interest, they only deduct back wat u put into ur cpf account earlier.
usually wont forfeit the 5% but if u aldy paid the stamping fees etc, they wont refund u.
 
Yup I paid everything already. 5% downpayment. Now it's building now..

Thanks for all ur replies.. Juz hav to see how things goes..
 
well, don't do anything yet.

monitor the situation and see how i guess. since your house is building now you still have up till the day you collect the keys to decide.

somehow i think your gf is just happy to spend time with her friends for now, doesn't mean she love u less.
 
How old is she?

I been thru this before and my gf drifted away and despite trying to rekindle the flame still, it went flat. You may try numerous way to make it work again but if you tie too hard, it will break, if you let it loose, it will go further and further. There is no really one good solution presently. During those time was really devastating especially when i found out that she fell in love with someone else, someone new which she knw less then 1 month.

Maybe your gf is not seeing someone yet but its not hard to rock her world if someone "exciting" comes along.

Maybe you should also start "venturing" out. Dont stay stagnant.
 
quoted frm flatoe :" Maybe you should also start "venturing" out. Dont stay stagnant."
hey pls leh. if u venture, she venture. then no need for the two of u to stay as partner aldy!

maybe u shld considering talking to her. let her know wat u think/feel. at least she spend time with her gal bff (best fren forever) & not spend time w a new bf (boy fren).

& pls dun anyhw "venture" lor. if she find out abt ur "ad-vertures", then no problem also escalate into big problem.
 
i believe he did mentioned tat the gf seems to be avoiding this issue. If a person wants to go submarine then wat can you do? Keep chasing? She wants space and away from you and the pressure that you are given her. I dont need to expand this as I think u pretty know where is this goin.

Be it that if you have to open up your "world" or discovering that she is already outside "your world", in either circumstances, both of you will discovered new things and it may be actually a new beginning, good or bad.

my 0.002cent comments.
"heavan knows" by rick price will sums it up for u. If she comes back and she will be yours forever.
 
thanks for all the advice. ya for now i just give her time to think what she really wants exactly. Of cos i wouldn't be venturing out. she is not seeing anyone or have anyone in mind. she is just loving her life with her friends. If she realised that she is not ready to settle down then i would hav to respect her decision.
 
hi bro, the issue is you don't even need to venture out. Temptations are everywhere, be it at work, in the gym or anywhere else. If you want to proceed marriage with her, I strongly suggest that you should also work on the relationship, i.e. rekindle the emotions and sparks. Its going to be tough to go on with emotions contradicting your marriage.

At the same time, you also need to strike some balance. Don't have expectation that after marriage, she will somehow channel all her time exclusively for you. Everyone needs to maintain some balance. Find your own balance too. Does both lifestyle complement? Think about that.
 
eh..why nt stay at ur new BTO and rent out ur old flat?? can earn as extra income..hehe..

my 3 rm flat rented out at $1.4k for whole unit..
 
i think I may have been misunderstood.

What i meant by "venturing" out is to get out of your comfort zone and let loose the grip that binds you. Like learning to play a guitar or go for a singing lesson. Stay fit or even attend a concert. Better if she is willing to partake with you - this also means that she is still with you. Do things that can bring a new dimension to your life. Your gf is oredi doing it and you should too.

Kraitz - what you had mentioned are all too familiar to me. The typical excuses and the behavorial patterns. I can shared with you lots of things but it does not matter at this point. So my best wishes to you.
 
i can't stay at my BTO house cause its under the marriage scheme.

thanks alot guys.. ya i am trying to do get out of my comfort zone slowly. like what "MiLo On e RoCkS (miloice)" says, striking a balance. maybe that what i was lacking. thanks for all advice.
 
thanks to everyone's advice. we broke up today le..
happy.gif
guess i'll be paying back to hdb..
 
It's better to lose the 5% or whatever money now. If you marry her and lose her after that, it's going to be more expensive.

She has lost interest in you. Has she told you "I need time to think if we are suitable for each other"? If yes, it's time you cut your loss and move on.
 
Kraitz, at least ur still more fortunate than mine. Had ROM with my wife for 2 years, den had customary. Few months after customary, liked ur case start to drift away from me, coming out with little excuses saying we have communication problems, want freedom, want exciting lifestyle etc. We too had a bto currently buiding in the process. We had decided to separate, finding lawyers now. After so many years, den tell me this kind of things, always tot she is happy being with me, coz she did not voice out anything, just accumulating it for years within her. Sad, of course, but what to do, life moves on.
 
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