Tell me?? how to stop her from giving my things..
- Thread starter zolyn
- Start date
sm,
i think there's a difference btw giving and buying thing out of your own goodwill and taking things without permission time and again. I think that's pure rudeness. My SIL/MIL asked our permission to lend her my baby bath tub, breast pump,steriliser etc for her unborn baby. I have no issue at all. But if they were to take it without asking and assuming that i dun need it at all, i think that is simply too rude lor..
I think if adult behave like this, their child will too sooner or later. My niece (hubby side) actually asked my permission to take my baby's beach masak-masak for her bintan trip. I actually feel proud of her.
i think there's a difference btw giving and buying thing out of your own goodwill and taking things without permission time and again. I think that's pure rudeness. My SIL/MIL asked our permission to lend her my baby bath tub, breast pump,steriliser etc for her unborn baby. I have no issue at all. But if they were to take it without asking and assuming that i dun need it at all, i think that is simply too rude lor..
I think if adult behave like this, their child will too sooner or later. My niece (hubby side) actually asked my permission to take my baby's beach masak-masak for her bintan trip. I actually feel proud of her.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I have a (brilliant) idea!
Label all your extras - "Do not help yourself with this item that is reserved for my second baby in future"? To play safe, write or type in both languages so no one has the excuse that he/she does not understand a certain language.
Label all your extras - "Do not help yourself with this item that is reserved for my second baby in future"? To play safe, write or type in both languages so no one has the excuse that he/she does not understand a certain language.
findingnemo
New Member
I think I know where Zolyn is coming from.
She wishes to continue buying and stocking but hopes that the stuff that she buys will remain in her house and that her MIL will not take them w/o permission. This is her most ideal scenario.
However, in real life, scenarios are mostly less than ideal so we have to adjust our expectations.
In Zolyn's case, the stuff goes to her BIL and his wife. It may be different if the stuff goes to her own sister or brother. I also wouldn't care much if my kids' things go to my own sibling, just like SM's case. But if the stuff goes to someone w/o any blood relation and especially whom you dislike and not appreciative, that's when you will feel unjustified.
She wishes to continue buying and stocking but hopes that the stuff that she buys will remain in her house and that her MIL will not take them w/o permission. This is her most ideal scenario.
However, in real life, scenarios are mostly less than ideal so we have to adjust our expectations.
In Zolyn's case, the stuff goes to her BIL and his wife. It may be different if the stuff goes to her own sister or brother. I also wouldn't care much if my kids' things go to my own sibling, just like SM's case. But if the stuff goes to someone w/o any blood relation and especially whom you dislike and not appreciative, that's when you will feel unjustified.
grey,
I know .. normally people would ask.. but we cannot control other people's behaviour. We can only control what we do.
Yes, if we want we can label it up, lock it up, or tell them straight.. but is this a good way .. I am not too sure.
I sure will be angry if people take without permission.. normally people won't unless there are really extras.. I mean same of the type and multiple of them. Yes, it is rude not to ask, buy if we don't label it, lock it up or tell people outright.. people can assume.. and we can't control that..
I know .. normally people would ask.. but we cannot control other people's behaviour. We can only control what we do.
Yes, if we want we can label it up, lock it up, or tell them straight.. but is this a good way .. I am not too sure.
I sure will be angry if people take without permission.. normally people won't unless there are really extras.. I mean same of the type and multiple of them. Yes, it is rude not to ask, buy if we don't label it, lock it up or tell people outright.. people can assume.. and we can't control that..
zolyn,
worth to pass.. is up to you.. if you are so upset by such simple things.. then good for you.
Your hb same thinking as you, then good lah. Just tell your HB to tell his mother or brother not to "touch things" bought by you without asking. Sinmple right. So what is the problem? Or buy a cupboard to lock all up?
But I thought you hb said that you are petty over small things.. I am confused now
worth to pass.. is up to you.. if you are so upset by such simple things.. then good for you.
Your hb same thinking as you, then good lah. Just tell your HB to tell his mother or brother not to "touch things" bought by you without asking. Sinmple right. So what is the problem? Or buy a cupboard to lock all up?
But I thought you hb said that you are petty over small things.. I am confused now
Thanks Nemo.. This how i feel.. my BIL and his wife will never appreciated, they only know how to take things for granted..
At least my own sister and brother is different. They will ask me, or even return once they are not using.
I just feel that the home is mine.. So whatever i bought is belong to me. If i dont even can keep my thing at my own home, what the point of living there...
At least my own sister and brother is different. They will ask me, or even return once they are not using.
I just feel that the home is mine.. So whatever i bought is belong to me. If i dont even can keep my thing at my own home, what the point of living there...
sm,
yeah, there are all sorts of people in this world and we cannot control them. i think for zolyn case no choice but to stop buying extra lor cos she has buay zhe dong BIL and SIL.. no choice..if buy extra, must hide well..
powder,
haha..dun say like that lah...anyway, it should be "ji gei lor lei sui"..
yeah, there are all sorts of people in this world and we cannot control them. i think for zolyn case no choice but to stop buying extra lor cos she has buay zhe dong BIL and SIL.. no choice..if buy extra, must hide well..
powder,
haha..dun say like that lah...anyway, it should be "ji gei lor lei sui"..
nemo,
I don't mean just blood relatives..
I have baby cot going to my wife's father sister (aunty)'s children as well.
Once I decided to give away, I don't care who is it or whether I need it in the future...
And it happens that I have a 3rd child and I bought everything all over again..
There are even non-baby stuff that I gave away - like winter clothing, bicycle, etc etc.. what we don't need/use often.. (or maybe will use later) but if other people have greater need, I tend to give them away.. save storage space as well and create goodwill..
I don't mean just blood relatives..
I have baby cot going to my wife's father sister (aunty)'s children as well.
Once I decided to give away, I don't care who is it or whether I need it in the future...
And it happens that I have a 3rd child and I bought everything all over again..
There are even non-baby stuff that I gave away - like winter clothing, bicycle, etc etc.. what we don't need/use often.. (or maybe will use later) but if other people have greater need, I tend to give them away.. save storage space as well and create goodwill..
zolyn,
As I said, if you are in agreement with your hb and he is supporting you and holds exactly the same view as you (and not just agreeing with you because he don't want to quarrel with you) then you have no problem already.. don't have to start this thread.
Just tell your hb to tell his mother and brother not to touch things that does not belong to them. Simple right?
As I said, if you are in agreement with your hb and he is supporting you and holds exactly the same view as you (and not just agreeing with you because he don't want to quarrel with you) then you have no problem already.. don't have to start this thread.
Just tell your hb to tell his mother and brother not to touch things that does not belong to them. Simple right?
actually hor.. i think me n Zolyn is somehow the same. lol. i think the whole thing is just frustrating. correct, the MIL is still hubby's mom.. BIL is hubby's bro. but please lor.. haha.. the china wife just wants everything that Zolyn's baby has.. if u can't afford it, so be it. need to take other people's one mehhh??
but anyway.. maybe i'm not wise enough la.. hehe
but anyway.. maybe i'm not wise enough la.. hehe
susanna_low
New Member
Maybe u can consider hinting ur MIL in a tactful manner? Let her know that you are planning for another child and you hope that the usuable items to be pass down to your own children.
Example, "this item is so expensive....but should be able to use for a long time for another didi/mei mei". For BN extras, it's best not to show to ur MIL, just packed and locked in ur own cupboard.
Example, "this item is so expensive....but should be able to use for a long time for another didi/mei mei". For BN extras, it's best not to show to ur MIL, just packed and locked in ur own cupboard.
may_be_divorced_soon
New Member
Not sure if TS's hb has changed to be in tune with her thinking between the time she started this thread on 17/3 2.31pm and 17/3 night, cos she posted on 18/3 8.55am that her hb tried talking to her MIL regarding this issue and her MIL flared up and subsequently bought 3 spoons back. So it is just a matter of 1 day that the entire situation changed and she got her hb's support. Was just wondering what prompted the hb to change overnight and realise that TS is very bothered by it. At least it looks like TS shouldn't have an issue on this now and can continue to stock up for her future baby.
Maybe her next issue would be whether to employ a maid to take care of her baby or still continue to let her MIL take care.
Maybe her next issue would be whether to employ a maid to take care of her baby or still continue to let her MIL take care.
findingnemo
New Member
SM,
There is no problem giving things away. We also pass down things to non-blood relatives like friends and colleagues or Salvation Army. Once given away, never think about it anymore.
But Zolyn's case is that those things are meant to be kept for her own kids. She doesn't meant them to be given away to her BIL. If this happened once or twice, I believe she can close an eye. But it keeps on happening and that's why she is frustrated. And to add on, BIL and wife do not show any appreciation. They seem to treat this as "li suo dang ran". So this is not just a case of pettiness anymore.
Furthermore, this is Zolyn's house. Anything bought using Zolyn's own money (not her hubby's $$) belongs to her. That's why she is doubly frustrated.
There is no problem giving things away. We also pass down things to non-blood relatives like friends and colleagues or Salvation Army. Once given away, never think about it anymore.
But Zolyn's case is that those things are meant to be kept for her own kids. She doesn't meant them to be given away to her BIL. If this happened once or twice, I believe she can close an eye. But it keeps on happening and that's why she is frustrated. And to add on, BIL and wife do not show any appreciation. They seem to treat this as "li suo dang ran". So this is not just a case of pettiness anymore.
Furthermore, this is Zolyn's house. Anything bought using Zolyn's own money (not her hubby's $$) belongs to her. That's why she is doubly frustrated.
may_be_divorced_soon
New Member
I guess TS's issue should be resolved now since her hb shares the same viewpt as her now. Looks like her hb has started to talk to his mother on this issue. As long as her hb is with her on this, her MIL should be more mindful of giving her stuff away now.
nemo,
And the example she has given:
baby child that is too big already and reserve for next child..
and also some spoons.
These are not petty? OK.. she do have a right to keep them. definitely.. If she don't want anyone to take.. just tell everyone not to touch..
Simple right? why fuss so much over it.
And the example she has given:
baby child that is too big already and reserve for next child..
and also some spoons.
These are not petty? OK.. she do have a right to keep them. definitely.. If she don't want anyone to take.. just tell everyone not to touch..
Simple right? why fuss so much over it.
i'm sure Zolyn is not petty..i think the main point is not that she doesnt want to give, its e BIL taking without permission and without asking..on top of tat, the MIL gave her things away without asking/telling her before hand..
its just frustating that you always come home after work and finds out that your things disappear and they are given away without asking permission from you..its kinda rude
i'm sure you are more than willing to give when ppl come asking you nicely right?
its just frustating that you always come home after work and finds out that your things disappear and they are given away without asking permission from you..its kinda rude
i'm sure you are more than willing to give when ppl come asking you nicely right?
SM.. If you do not understand the meaning of "fuss", pls check dictionary before using..
Somehow, this forum is meant for discussion and advise. Since from the beginning till now, you keep thinking this is a small issue, then why are you keep participate in writing. You must as well ignore this thread..
fyi, i only seek advise from you guys, and need listener to hear my problems. Since you are not the one who can be listen, must as well stop..
To all others, Thanks for your comments and advise... Appreciated..
Somehow, this forum is meant for discussion and advise. Since from the beginning till now, you keep thinking this is a small issue, then why are you keep participate in writing. You must as well ignore this thread..
fyi, i only seek advise from you guys, and need listener to hear my problems. Since you are not the one who can be listen, must as well stop..
To all others, Thanks for your comments and advise... Appreciated..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Zolyn, so far you only thanked people for their comments or advices. Are you going to implement any?
By the way, if you only had wanted validation and a listening ear, then say so from the beginning. Also, refrain from saying that you had wanted advices or comments if you didn't mean it. We can read your words but can't read your mind.
By the way, if you only had wanted validation and a listening ear, then say so from the beginning. Also, refrain from saying that you had wanted advices or comments if you didn't mean it. We can read your words but can't read your mind.
Cuclainne, if normal conversation with them i shouldnt have problem.
But facing this matter, i only worry that they might misunderstood my meaning. Therefore, i try to keep my mouth shut.
Somehow, if her own son talk to her, will be a better choice than me.. That what i think off..
But facing this matter, i only worry that they might misunderstood my meaning. Therefore, i try to keep my mouth shut.
Somehow, if her own son talk to her, will be a better choice than me.. That what i think off..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Zolyn, I had asked if you plan to use some of the advices, comments or suggestions shared here by others?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"if normal conversation with them i shouldnt have problem. But facing this matter, i only worry that they might misunderstood my meaning. Therefore, i try to keep my mouth shut."
Zolyn, you can try to weave this matter in your normal conversation with them.
"Somehow, if her own son talk to her, will be a better choice than me.. That what i think off.."
Zolyn, you have said that your husband is on the same page as you on this. Why not let him tell his mom what not to do?
Zolyn, you can try to weave this matter in your normal conversation with them.
"Somehow, if her own son talk to her, will be a better choice than me.. That what i think off.."
Zolyn, you have said that your husband is on the same page as you on this. Why not let him tell his mom what not to do?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Well done. Case closed then, Zolyn.
zolyn/lolliepop,
if u run into problems in future and dun know why, start with the mirror.
can prevent dun prevent, purposely still wanna tempt others. If u know got thief in the house, then stop leaving things lying around or kick the thief out...
if wanna be good person, nice person and still want the be recognised, then behind the back got so much to say...
damn typical...
if u run into problems in future and dun know why, start with the mirror.
can prevent dun prevent, purposely still wanna tempt others. If u know got thief in the house, then stop leaving things lying around or kick the thief out...
if wanna be good person, nice person and still want the be recognised, then behind the back got so much to say...
damn typical...
lollipop,
that's actually a problem... a major problem with pple facing problems... they want others to FEEL the same. when others dun FEEL the same, they will think it's becos others are not facing the problems.
if u have cancer, u go to a doctor for treatment. and that's as simple as it is... the doc will do his utmost to treat your illness, cos that's his priority. pls dun expect the doctor to FEEL how u feel as a cancer patient, it is not as relevant as treating the cancer. and that's the problem with pple who have problems... they WANT pple to FEEL the same way as them before they can accept any solutions.
that's a problem in itself.
2nd problem comes in becos u fellas are primarily ladies... Yes - Gender. u want us to identify with your Feelings from the problems FIRST, before u can FEEL that we understand and we're qualified to share solutions. but then - u're not really here for the solutions... u just wanna bitch becos there's obviously little mention of solving, but lots of bitching.
Easier said than done... thank u very much, this tells me the kind of person i'm dealing with. IF everything was easy to say and easy to do, then why even have a life with Highs and Lows... and by saying this, does that mean the problem doesn't need to be solved? or there's no intention to solve the problem?
u know How easy it is to solve this problem??? just DUN BUY extra for unborn children which u won't freakin have until at least 10mths later... and the issue is solved.
u guys ever thought that keeping things lying around for 1yr unused isn't exactly the most hygienic thing to do for babies? u ever thought the plastic/metal spoon, the strollers are left to rot and collect mites and lots and lots of germs?
absolutely brainless, totally irrelevant, and still want pple to FEEL first...
sori, but the if that's the level of thinking u guys are at, then this thread is obviously BELOW me. i dun know how to think so simplistic, auntie, and with so much ignorance...
go FEEL all u guys want and bitch...
if your lives ever improves with such mindset, then thank your lucky stars for divine intervention. else i can almost guarantee u an unhappy painful life. it's not the problems, it's You.
powder out.
that's actually a problem... a major problem with pple facing problems... they want others to FEEL the same. when others dun FEEL the same, they will think it's becos others are not facing the problems.
if u have cancer, u go to a doctor for treatment. and that's as simple as it is... the doc will do his utmost to treat your illness, cos that's his priority. pls dun expect the doctor to FEEL how u feel as a cancer patient, it is not as relevant as treating the cancer. and that's the problem with pple who have problems... they WANT pple to FEEL the same way as them before they can accept any solutions.
that's a problem in itself.
2nd problem comes in becos u fellas are primarily ladies... Yes - Gender. u want us to identify with your Feelings from the problems FIRST, before u can FEEL that we understand and we're qualified to share solutions. but then - u're not really here for the solutions... u just wanna bitch becos there's obviously little mention of solving, but lots of bitching.
Easier said than done... thank u very much, this tells me the kind of person i'm dealing with. IF everything was easy to say and easy to do, then why even have a life with Highs and Lows... and by saying this, does that mean the problem doesn't need to be solved? or there's no intention to solve the problem?
u know How easy it is to solve this problem??? just DUN BUY extra for unborn children which u won't freakin have until at least 10mths later... and the issue is solved.
u guys ever thought that keeping things lying around for 1yr unused isn't exactly the most hygienic thing to do for babies? u ever thought the plastic/metal spoon, the strollers are left to rot and collect mites and lots and lots of germs?
absolutely brainless, totally irrelevant, and still want pple to FEEL first...
sori, but the if that's the level of thinking u guys are at, then this thread is obviously BELOW me. i dun know how to think so simplistic, auntie, and with so much ignorance...
go FEEL all u guys want and bitch...
if your lives ever improves with such mindset, then thank your lucky stars for divine intervention. else i can almost guarantee u an unhappy painful life. it's not the problems, it's You.
powder out.