Tell me?? how to stop her from giving my things..

Z

zolyn

New Member
I been facing this issue for a year..
My baby is already 15mth old. I like to buy extra thing for my baby to keep as spare. Everytime my mother in law saw it, she will give my things to his older son's baby. Becasues she assumed that it is extra. My hubby is her youngest son. He never understand my feeling. He always think that i petty over a small matter.
That time, when my baby is 3mth old, i bought a cute baby chair for my baby. When my baby is out-grown, i intend to keep for my 2nd baby. Who knows, my MIL give it to her older son's baby without asking me.
What i buying, is used my hard-earned money.. Why she always do this to me. It's not fair. Then her older son always take free things from my house. He not even spare of 2 baby spoon.. I bought 4 baby spoon from overseas (not able to see the same design in spore), 2pcs is meant for my 1st baby, 2pcs is meant for my 2nd newborn. My MIL thought is extra, she give it out again..
Tell me?? how to stop her from giving my things.. :'(
 


Have u ever tried talking to her abt this?

or asking ur hubby to talk to her?

if u dun talk to her, she will never know it actually bothered u that much.
 
Actually, its not just about talking to your MIL. u should also talk to your BIL. Its your stuffs, whatever he wants, he should ask u not his mum.
 
I wanna to talk to her regarding this matter. But my hubby is holding me back. He always tell me not to be petty over small thing. Sometime i feel is principle (yuan ze). My hubby simply dont understand.
I think he worry, once i blurt out the issue, his mother will be angry.
If everything i keep my mouth shut, one of the day, all my baby's thing will be gone to her older son house.
His older son is married a China wife. Everytime, his china wife will like to compare. If my baby has, she also want her baby has.
I cannot always sponsor for her baby. It totally not fair. What will be a better approach to my MIL, not to give out my thing? I also do not want to offence her.
 
wow.. i think you should start to sound out.. i mean. if she takes it with your permission, it's not bothering lah.. but if she just takes it.. it's a bit frustrating ya.. once or twice nvm.. but if it always happens.. it's not that nice lor..
 
Hi Milo,

BIL also clever. He always come and take the things during my working hours. Everytime, i reached home, my MIL will said... " just now, i pass the thing to BIL, because you got extra, just give it to him"
Oh no... I simply hate it, but i just cant voice out... I also dont want my hubby to be in difficult position.
 
your BIL is taking adv of the situation and extremely cheapo. This one is not clever but so damn cheapskate.

Tell him, it doesn't matter what your MIL says. If he takes without your permission in future, u will ask it back from him.
 
zolyn,

dun buy extra things now...
yes, u are thinking abt the stuff for 2nd baby.
are u preggie now?

think this can minimise the stuff taken from your place... I understand you want the best for your child but since u do not wan ur mil to take ur stuff and your hubby is caught in between, guess this is the best idea.
 
ya lor.. think u just buy ur baby's stuff every month.. ur MIL very irritating leh! lol.. sorry ya, no offense, but she really is lor!
 
Thanks Koikoi...

That is a good suggestion..
I planning to have a 2nd baby soon.
Sometime is my character. I wish my kids to have the same thing. Everytime i buy, i will tends to buy 1 share for my present baby, and additional 1 share for my planning baby.

My MIL always telling me that the older son's baby does not have as good life as my baby. I do agreed that my baby seemed to have the whole world. I give my baby everything, as she's my life. I bought alot of toys, clothings & etc for her.. I do keep new toys in my storeroom for my planning baby (hee). Hopefully she wont go in my storeroom to take the new toys..
 
Tell ur MIL off lah, ur BIL is taking full advantage of ur situation now. Tell her u buay song that she keeps giving him all ur stuff which u meant to give ur 2nd child, tell him go buy himself since he married such a 'competent' china wife

Sheesh...can't stand ppl like them.
 
think ur MIL just pity her other grandchild lah... your SIL not working right??
she cannot afford to pamper her baby and wants the best for the baby... if you dun mind to spend a little on niece/nephew, suggest, next time u buy things for your daughter, get something for them too lor... it's the thoughts not the value... in this case, you are also a good aunt...

I'm married but have no children at present...
But if i do see nice stuffs, I will buy them for my nieces and nephews... afterall, they still call me ah yi/gugu...
happy.gif


being good terms with your MIL may not be the bad thing... your hubby will not get caught in between since you are living together. after all, the children are cousins and will play together in the near future too..
 
I suggest maybe next time if u ever buy any new stuffs, put it in ur own bedroom to keep rather than keep in storeroom lo. Cuz storeroom shared among all and ur own BR, i think ur MIL wont go in ur room to see wat u have and give ppl le ba...

If she still can do that, then she power already.. haha..
 
but i really find Zolyn's MIL very power already.. i can't imagine if i'm in her shoes.. wahh.. i think i'll probably blow up already.

true that ur BIL's child isn't as lucky as ur baby.. but u mentioned the china wife wants to have everything that ur baby has, and she likes to compare.. please lor.. she knows she can't afford it.. why want so many things..?? i just don't understand this kind of people.. so greedy. always wanting something that's not within their capability..
 
or else, try to customise your new items. ie. use cute cute labels/alphabets to form the name of your baby. In that case, they also cannot use cos the name is stated clearly on the items.
 
I like kids alot. I always buy things to my own slibing's kids. My slibing's kids always call me gugu mummy/Ah yi mummy.

I simply dont like my hubby's brother family. They always take advantage. I understand my SIL not working, i also dont mind to buy things for her baby. I only cant stand them. They like to back-stabbed me. They go and tell the relative that, i do not take care of my baby. They even lied to them that i not working, still pushing my baby to my MIL care. actually in between we got some disagreement. They want my MIL to take care of their baby, but my MIL cant agree them because she is taking care of my baby. Both of my hubby and me is working. For their side, only my BIL is working, his wife is housewife. They still have the cheek to tell relative that i have nothing to do everyday at home... Oh no..
 
wah piangz...they champion liao lah if lidat. dun need to give face anymore to pple like them. freaking cheapos.
 
wah.. seems like ur BIL and SIL very scary ppl lei.. i cannot tahan such ppl sia..

But zolyn, seriously dun care abt them la.. i think u better keep all the new stuffs in ur own room next time. For ppl like them, let them say watever they like to say, deep down in ur own conscience, u know u did ur part will do. =)
 
Zolyn,

sorry to hear that you are caught in this kind of situation... But I believe your MIL knows best lor... You can't stop people's mouth from babbling etc. We can't stop those 3 gu 6 po etc...wat you can do is to smile at them and add, if there's anything they wanna know, can speak to you, ur hubby or your MIL lor...

now i understand why you are not buying stuff for her... if not, next time, u just say something sarcastic lor... this one my baby dun want liao, since u always like to take my bb's stuff, take lor... but dun do this to your MIL lor... either to BIL or SIL lor... think this might stop them frm taking your stuff...

hope this helps and stop buying new items to keep.
 
you can't really blame your mil...to her, both sons are equally precious and thus the problem for you...just as you would treat and wish well for all your children...so the thing here is not to buy extras, just for this child as he will outgrow his stuff and you can use it for the next one...also to keep things like spoons for too long is also not a great idea..things do deteriorate unless it's made of gold...lol...
 
might not be so wise to tell off the MIL. The husband needs to step in here. To stop this freebies give away. He has to put it straight, it not about being petty but not to be taken for granted.

And for the BIL, if its me, I wouldn't even give face. Tell him straight.
 
Hi Zolyn,

Why don't you keep the extra things locked up in your cabinet?

Please try your best not to blow your top and tell your MIL off becos once this happens, things will never be the same again. I know it is hard but you must "ren"....

Try some other solutions like locking them up or put them in your mother's house.

Cheers
 
I hope my hubby will tell his mother, not to do this again & again.. It's seemed like, i not in the best position to tell her.

As for the BIL, he is not a nice guy to communicate with. I never talk to him even i have married to my hubby. Luckily, i didnt stay togather with my BIL family, if not i die....
 
zolyn,
you can do this indirectly.. just ask your MIL nicely "Mum, have you seen the new spoon i bought? Aiyoh, i buy for my next baby but dunno why missing now. Where did I put it huh??" act blur..

I think it's pure iritating if the things you buy went to someone else. I mean 1-2 times is ok but if it's happening everytime you buy new things and without your permission, then it's maddening..
 
Agree, things CAN get very messy if you try to push directly. Unless necessary, I would think its far more effective for the children themselves to manage their parents than expecting the spouses to do it.
 
Zolyn,

If you can help it, try not to buy extras for the sake of your future child cos you wouldn't know when the next child would come and hence come into handy. You can always buy new designs/stuff when the next child comes along. If you dun buy extras, there won't be anything for your MIL to give away.

If you really have to buy extras, you may want to consider buying for your niece/nephew if it is not too expensive cos I believe that it is the parents whom you do not like, not the child.

I wouldn't advocate putting the extras in your mother's place as your hb may not like it too. If your hb already thinks that you are petty over such matters, it may aggravate the entire situation if you put the extras at your mum's place. It may seem as if you are washing dirty linens in public, ie. in this case you are washing dirty linens in your mum's place.
 
But can don't tell the hubby that she is putting the stuff in mother's house what.... discreetly lah.

I don't know about zolyn's hubby but for my case, my hubby is not the kaypo type and he wouldn't care what I bring home and will not peep into my bag or shopping bags. He will not even notice if I am wearing a new dress or what! haha..
 
I do understand is adult problem not the kid problem.. But i simply cant separate them as different group. Basically i really dont like my BIL and his China wife, of the way they treated me like dirt.

Sometime, i went shopping with my MIL, she will tends to buy clothing for the older son's baby. As for my baby, she will always said, "your baby has too much clothing, no need to buy for her".
I think as grandmother, that's not the way to do thing. I do agreed my baby clothing is alot, but that doesnt meant she can act unfair.

Or maybe.. Traditonal thinking plays a part.. mine is a girl, that is a boy....
sad.gif
 
I believe that usually you would leave spare items which are big in mum's place if you really want to hide the spare items from MIL. If the spare items are small, there is no need to leave at mum's place. If these are big items, chances are you may need hb to help to bring back, or if hb goes to the in law's place with the wife, he would know sooner or later.

2nd point is it depends on whether your mum is staying with married siblings or not. If she is, your married siblings/their spouse may also not be happy if you leave your spare big items with them. Worse if they are also like TS' BIL. They may just take and use.
 
zolyn,

if u know there's a thief in the classroom, then dun bring expensive things and eave them in the bag in the room....

if u know there's a thief in the house, then keep things in the room under lock...

it is really not that difficult... until a certain point, it's as good as u wanting it to happen... becos u dun prevent it...

it sounds harsh, but then... aren't u really asking for it?
 
I agree with powder....if i am in your shoes...i will not want to buy 'extras' for them to take anymore. If not i will LOCKED it.
Anyway u can always buy for your second child when the time comes.....don't have to buy now.

I am also having problems with my bf's bro's gf. damn irritating.loves to 'tiao po li jian'.she's is damn super calculative and whatever we have she also wants to have. And it's like we are getting married next year, she also wants to get married next year,saying cannot lose out to us!!! oh man i was thinking what kind of person is this.....
we have lotsa conflicts even b4 marrying into the house. can't imagine what will happen next time.
But i chose to ignore her everytime i see her. so end up both couples are like strangers to each other in the house. but i think this is the best way to avoid conflicts with such nit picky, petty super calculative people.
u talk to them more...u get more problems.....

so if u dont want other people to take your things, then dont buy. no one can take it away from u if u dont buy. I fu buy then it's your responsibility to keep it in a safe place where others cant reach it!
 
your MIL is a mother herself perhaps she might wan to help her older son out whom she thinks is less well off as u guys

and having extras perhaps gave her the impression that its a waste to hav it lying around when her elder son does not have enough . try not to let her know that they r extras and keep them somewhere else which she doesnt know. can also inform MIL that your baby requires them just in case u have a second one or the old one broke

be honest and open abt opionions to your MIL nothing beats frankness so as to avoid misunderstandings
 
Yesterday, my hubby trying to talk to her regarding this issue. My MIL making a big fuss over it. She shouted at us, then she went downside to buy 3 child spoon back. After that, she purposely make those spoon sound against the table..

The way she did, seemed like she think she right. "Never ask people, take people thing is wrong"
What we meant is since you have given, then never mind. But next time dont do this again. Always ask before give, as the items belong to me.

Now then i understand, why my friends tell me never stay with PIL.
 
i think ur MIL is pretty childish.. hehe.. and Zolyn, yea, u're damn right. never stay with PIL. especially those unreasonable ones.
 
it's because you never set the perimeters from the beginning - now it's like you're kicking a fuss out of nothing ..

don't buy extras for your 2nd .. particularly since you're just in the planning stage. and re: the baby chair, did you tell you MIL that you were trying for 2nd baby? you know how some old folks are, rather than having the chair just there not being used, she probably thought let your BIL's son use first and then you can have it back later.

i know this is of no relation to your case but as an example, a colleague of my husband's got an infant car seat .. when his baby outgrew it, instead of leaving it at home where it will take up space and get all dusty, he lent it to another colleague who just had a baby. after that, we borrowed it for our no.1 - when she was about 6 months old, the guy's wife got pregnant so we returned it back to them. maybe your MIL's thinking is like the husband's colleague?

aside from just communicating this to your husband, i think you should have some kind of relationship with your MIL - engage her in conversation, let her in on your plans .. otherwise you're going to be miserable, and she's going to be miserable too ..
 
Hi Cuclainne,

As least u "zhi ton", return back..
The BIL take things, will never return back. Once you give him, is his.. He will never think that you are borrow to him.

Last time, his China wife saw my baby "Salong" bed, she wants. Then my BIL bought 1 for their own baby. But she insisted she want exactly the same design as my baby.. She want to exchange her with mine.. I going crazy.. The spring of my "Salong" bed is USA patented. Got safety purpose.. cost S$100 over dollar. For their, they bought in JB, cost only RM95..
I really cannot stand it...
 
then ask for it back la .. tell him you can lend to him but that you'll like to have it back when you're expecting no. 2 .. his child won't be using the chair forever right?

it's a classic case of jealousy .. as a mother, i'm sure we would like the best for our child but sometimes that means that we just have to do it within our means - doesn't mean that our child is losing out to anyone. i'm surprised your BIL is just giving in to his wife and not communicating to her that her attitude is wrong ..

i admit that i have nice PILs - but that's probably because we don't live together .. hahahah ..
 
"Tell me?? how to stop her from giving my things.."

the subject title makes it easy... suggestions include 1) Dun Buy Extras, 2) Lock up your Extras etc...

zolyn, in the midst of unreasonable pple, just learn to say NO.
 
If you were me..
Do you think i should empoly a maid to take care of my baby or still continues to let my MIL to take care of my baby??

I have been discuss this issue since last year with my hubby.
 
if you have no issues with your MIL taking care of the baby, why don't you just continue?

don't let your emotions spill over from one issue to another ..
 
powder,
i think she got no chance to say NO. before she realise it, it's gone to his BIL..if say no from the beginning, scared MIL flare up and apparently it just happened..

i think best is still dun buy extra.. if got extra, hide it well..
 
this type of thing.. I don't know.. why it can become an issue.

In my time, when I buy for my children, I would buy for my bros as well.. and give away car seat, baby cot, toilet seat, etc etc.. even I know I will need to buy them in the future because when I have another child, just get another set lah.

And in the family these things got passed around one to another - if still useable. Else just buy when the time comes.

Why the need to stock up and must guard them?

Asking for trouble if there are people that like to take things without informing.

and if you are so particular about things being taken away - then tell your HB first.. If HB not supportive (rightly so, I wouldn't support as well), then u don't really have much of a choice except not to buy extra..
 


It's better that you change your habit of stocking up and not sharing (though you have the right to do that) than to expect others to be sensitive to your style and adjust accordingly. This kind of thing, you can complain and complain, justify and justify, but it is unlikely to stop unless you put a stop to it yourself.

If you want to be tactful, just stop buying extras. If you prefer to be direct, then tell them off?

Hey, you know what, you do have a choice. It is not a helplessly hopeless situation that you are in.
 
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