Stop thinking...

[knot]

Despite that the relationship has ended 1 year ago, I havent got over it totally.. perhaps it is the loss of companionship and wondering why things dint work eg "if only ". Yes, I know that nothing cant be done and there is conflict of personality & much frustrations.. He was unable to provide much assurance/attention Anyway I shouldnt think of it..Trying very hard not to think of the past.

I've gotto know some nice frens via a networking event & stunned to discover that 1 of them is dating him and marriage plan is in the pipeline..Mixed feelings.. She was happily sharing bits of their relationship.She manages to convince him to call her daily,which he refused to do when we were dating,claiming he is not used to talking on phone..Perhaps it is true love whereby a person is willing to change himself to adapt to someone else... Yet we have to accept the way each other is.. How to draw the line? I've no idea...

I've not mentioned anything to her since it serves no purpose.She is a very nice person.just that i dont feel good when she chats about him when one of the frens ask about him etc..
Perhaps I should keep a distance? I am not ready to see them as a couple or attend their wedding....

I've been checking out activities to occupy myself eg CC & ad hoc volunteer activities ( unable to find much though).

 

[kahlen]

The best break up remedy for me is cut all contacts with him totally including the nice friends that you mentioned until you are ready.
It doesn't matter anymore that he is willing to call her daily or he change for her cause he was already your past, gotta look forward now. Why not look forward to meet a new guy instead of calling back your ex? Don't ask if only and don't ask why. Yes, occupying yourself is the good, do some meaningful stuffs like voluntary works. =)

 

[miloice]

hi knot,

one matures through every relationship, what they might not understand then may be different now. It doesn't mean all previous relationships aren't TRUE love and this one is the TRUE one.
Everyone grows with time and experiences.

Whatever the reasons, you should stop the pointless comparison and conclusions. Its really not serving any good purpose except to make you continue dwelling in the thoughts.

 

[knot]

hi,
appreciate your advice. gotto expand my social circle and on the lookout for activities to join.
Holidays eg Xmas could be rather sian espec most of my frens are spending their time with their partners..try not to think about it. gotto control the mind...

Regarding the gal,I'm not sure if she would be unhappy that I dint tell her about the guy..She did show me their pic.... Sometimes we would chat online..

 

[fio_fio]

Hi Knot...here to share abit on my experience...

i had kept A inside my heart for 5...goin to be 6 years already...in the initial stage, i was struggling...can't seem to let go...but then...as time goes by...u will know that love is not about possession...but knowing that he is happy with his current life...that is sufficient...keep him in the bottom of your heart. no need to forget him in the hard way...but jus let things go slowly...it takes time.

In this way, u will be a happier person.

^.^

 

[freeesia]

wow, snowtear, 6 years is a very long time to cling on to past memories. it must have been a very important relationship to you. i agree that you cannot push yourself to forget. the more you push, the harder to forget and the more bitter you get.

knot, don't compare anymore with his new girl. "ren bi ren qi si ren", you know? i understand the hurting part when she happily chats away about him, not knowing that it is hurting you. it may seem strange if you totally ignore her. so maybe next time she starts another sensitive conversation with you, tactfully change the topic? after a while she will know that you are not keen in her love life and won't mention anymore.

 

[mitlancer75]

I guess we dun need to force ourself to forget anyone. Just need to accept the breakup, and move on. After a while, the image of the person will become fader and fader, till u forget liao.... after a while he will just become a memory....

 

[fio_fio]

Yes flower...tried the latter and got more miserable...hehe. So letting go slowly is better...

And knot...i hope it wouldnt take u too long to "forget" bout him...as for the gal...try to start a new topic with her tactfully...as wad flower mentioned.

^.^

 

[knot]

thanks gals 4 sharing! It is a good idea to change subject tactfully. However it might be abit hard if it is a group setting,the gals usu chat about their partners mah.

I could feel that I am letting go slowly,espec knowing that he is happy now..of cos it still hurts a bit and would wonder am i that bad. I'm sure things will flow smoothly when the right person comes along.Both parties would be more willing to compromise and give & take. Gotto have faith.

enjoy the weekends!