haydnfanatic
New Member
Hmm... does staying with the in-laws really deprive you of privacy and certain rights when it comes to renovating your house?
Staying with the in-laws
- Thread starter haydnfanatic
- Start date
Yes, defnitely n very big issue
Like me, im staying wif my PIL nw. We even need to seek permission to go ahead to change a new air-con units n to add some shelves
For privacy, needless to sd. Its even worse. U cant do a lot of stuff like normal couples does when we r at hm coz the elderly r ard
Its reali a nitemare
Like me, im staying wif my PIL nw. We even need to seek permission to go ahead to change a new air-con units n to add some shelves
For privacy, needless to sd. Its even worse. U cant do a lot of stuff like normal couples does when we r at hm coz the elderly r ard
Its reali a nitemare
haydnfanatic
New Member
haha... I hope everything will turn out right for me. =)
satisfied_gal
New Member
Staying with In-Laws are a no no.. Heard from a lot of my colleagues who are married. They always discourage me to stay with In-Laws.
There are too many negative than postive things. Firstly, privacy will be invaded.
Secondly, you cannot invite your parents or friends to your house for party.
and alot more
The positive thing is that
You dun need to worry about the household chorus provided your In-Laws will not grumble whether you do the household chorus a not.
Is a nightmare!!
There are too many negative than postive things. Firstly, privacy will be invaded.
Secondly, you cannot invite your parents or friends to your house for party.
and alot more
The positive thing is that
You dun need to worry about the household chorus provided your In-Laws will not grumble whether you do the household chorus a not.
Is a nightmare!!
alcifertoh
New Member
True, second cuclainne.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If you think that it doesn't work well for you to live with your in-laws, that you would lose your privacy, it would be the same for them too lah. Why feel that you are deprived of your privacy when you are the one who deprive them of theirs by moving in to their apartment.
green_tranquility
New Member
Doll and Cucl,
Agree... Things tend to have effects in two ways.
I dun have a house yet and dun want to stay with in-laws, so I'll stay separately from bf after marriage for the time being.
Agree... Things tend to have effects in two ways.
I dun have a house yet and dun want to stay with in-laws, so I'll stay separately from bf after marriage for the time being.
Yah I agree with Cuc. I get along with my parents-in-law. They r rather accomodatin to me. Its all about giving and taking. Good think is tat my in-laws r young and tat my mil is a housewife. So my gal is well-taken care of. Go home everyday, dinner's already on the table. Juz need to do my own chores. The rest she will cover. Though at times not to my liking, but give and take lor.
green_tranquility
New Member
Cucl,
Renting a place will cost us more than 1K mthly. Somemore, we have to explain this to his parents who already asked me to stay with them temporily.
Renting a place will cost us more than 1K mthly. Somemore, we have to explain this to his parents who already asked me to stay with them temporily.
satisfied_gal
New Member
Dear All
I have a problem here. Before I we get married, my FIL have already ask us to get a 4 or 5 room flat so that all of us can stay together. After which he will rent out his current 3 room flat in order to earn some income and he mention that he will help us to pay some of electrical bill if staying with us.
As my HB and I are not high earner, so we have budget in our selection of house. Maybe a BTO 4 room flat is afforable but with so many people staying together, it would mean that the expenses will be high.
We need to cater a room for his parents and one room for his nephew (21yrs old) which means we only left one master bedroom for ourselves. Less privacy for ourselves.
How can we tell his father that we are not comfortable to stay together with them. Or should I tell them it will be better to stay separately so that there will be not much conflicts?
Any advise
Currently, we are staying with my mother and younger sister.
I have a problem here. Before I we get married, my FIL have already ask us to get a 4 or 5 room flat so that all of us can stay together. After which he will rent out his current 3 room flat in order to earn some income and he mention that he will help us to pay some of electrical bill if staying with us.
As my HB and I are not high earner, so we have budget in our selection of house. Maybe a BTO 4 room flat is afforable but with so many people staying together, it would mean that the expenses will be high.
We need to cater a room for his parents and one room for his nephew (21yrs old) which means we only left one master bedroom for ourselves. Less privacy for ourselves.
How can we tell his father that we are not comfortable to stay together with them. Or should I tell them it will be better to stay separately so that there will be not much conflicts?
Any advise
Currently, we are staying with my mother and younger sister.
green_tranquility
New Member
Newbrides,
It'll be too crowded when u have your own kids leh. I suggest letting your hubby explain to his parents about the financial constraint (getting a 4room) and over-crowded issues. Once they move in, it'll be tough for them to move out next time.
My in-laws have asked me to move in with them in sept after AD. I'll probably get my hubby to explain to them that I prefer to continue to stay in my rented room as it's nearer to my workplace. Real reason is I'm scared to stay with my difficult bf's sister
It'll be too crowded when u have your own kids leh. I suggest letting your hubby explain to his parents about the financial constraint (getting a 4room) and over-crowded issues. Once they move in, it'll be tough for them to move out next time.
My in-laws have asked me to move in with them in sept after AD. I'll probably get my hubby to explain to them that I prefer to continue to stay in my rented room as it's nearer to my workplace. Real reason is I'm scared to stay with my difficult bf's sister
satisfied_gal
New Member
Green_tranquility
My FIL in those type that don't listen to other opinion or suggestion. If I tell him those reasons (over crowded issue), he will assumed that we just dun like him, over crowded issue is just a excues. "Headache".
Finanical constraint - actually we decide to buy a 4 room flat, those BTO type. which will be cheaper and less renovation required. Is because we are so afraid that he might move in with us, so till now we still did not apply any flat.
"Headache" Sob Sob
My FIL in those type that don't listen to other opinion or suggestion. If I tell him those reasons (over crowded issue), he will assumed that we just dun like him, over crowded issue is just a excues. "Headache".
Finanical constraint - actually we decide to buy a 4 room flat, those BTO type. which will be cheaper and less renovation required. Is because we are so afraid that he might move in with us, so till now we still did not apply any flat.
"Headache" Sob Sob
green_tranquility
New Member
Newbrides,
Well your hubby has to stay firm.
Is your hubby giving FIL some monthly allowance? I guess your FIL's main objective is to get more allowance by renting his house.
Mummy's boy is a big NONO for me. I was initially worried that my filial bf was one, so I observed him carefully on how he handled my personal interests in front of his family.
Well your hubby has to stay firm.
Is your hubby giving FIL some monthly allowance? I guess your FIL's main objective is to get more allowance by renting his house.
Mummy's boy is a big NONO for me. I was initially worried that my filial bf was one, so I observed him carefully on how he handled my personal interests in front of his family.
green_tranquility
New Member
LikePink,
Try not to let bil/sil's things affect u for too long. Reduce contact wth him/her. We can't control how others behave.
I had my experiences with my bf's sis n let go liao. Now I minimise visits to bf's house, just greet and smile to her and siam her. So far so good
Try not to let bil/sil's things affect u for too long. Reduce contact wth him/her. We can't control how others behave.
I had my experiences with my bf's sis n let go liao. Now I minimise visits to bf's house, just greet and smile to her and siam her. So far so good
satisfied_gal
New Member
Green.
Ya My HB gave him monthly allowance. I also dun understand why he wants to move in to us.
Will try to talk to my HB before we decide whether to buy a flat a not.
Pink,
you may vent your anger over here!!!
Ya My HB gave him monthly allowance. I also dun understand why he wants to move in to us.
Will try to talk to my HB before we decide whether to buy a flat a not.
Pink,
you may vent your anger over here!!!
Hi Im new here.. erm.. having read all the post above, Im getting jitters n a bit scared cos I'l need to stay with my inlaws at their place for 12 days after the wedding..only then can i move back to my parent's house where my FHB n I'll be staying most of the time (minus 1 or 2 weekend nites per week)
Their rationale is that they do not wish to hv their son move in straight aft the wedding as it'll seem like he is marrying into my family. And bcos oif this, my FHB n I has to fork out money to buy 1 more set of extra bed frame and mattress so that they can "an chng" at their house.
Though the date is stil far away like next oct but I am not looking forward to it.
If I were to sort of skive and you know, take a honeymoon of about 1 week straight aft wedding, I would only need to spend 5 nights thr, i figure. Do you guys think it's ok?
Realli not relishing the idea of my underwear and bras and clothes lying out to dry in ful view of everyone in the hse. My MIL dries clothes everywhere in the hse..even living rm.. sigh...
Their rationale is that they do not wish to hv their son move in straight aft the wedding as it'll seem like he is marrying into my family. And bcos oif this, my FHB n I has to fork out money to buy 1 more set of extra bed frame and mattress so that they can "an chng" at their house.
Though the date is stil far away like next oct but I am not looking forward to it.
If I were to sort of skive and you know, take a honeymoon of about 1 week straight aft wedding, I would only need to spend 5 nights thr, i figure. Do you guys think it's ok?
Realli not relishing the idea of my underwear and bras and clothes lying out to dry in ful view of everyone in the hse. My MIL dries clothes everywhere in the hse..even living rm.. sigh...
green_tranquility
New Member
raywen,
Hehe 5 nites will pass very fast
At 8am, u head out to work. At 8pm, u reach home. After dinner, shower, etc, it's time to sleep liao! The key is to give and take, and don't "chap" about their things lor. Every family has their own practices, why do u want to bother about how they hang their clothes lol! Do u want your in-laws to pick at your things like how u pick at their things?
If ur hubby can adjust to your parents' house and stay there for months, why can't u for 5 nites?
Hehe 5 nites will pass very fast
If ur hubby can adjust to your parents' house and stay there for months, why can't u for 5 nites?
Thks green for ur reply.
I think mayb u got me wrong; i dun realli care how they hang their clothes.. and whr they hang their clothes cos it's their house not mine. I do not think you have ever had to display your underwear and bras in broad view in the living room, hanging while thr are guests ard but well I have and i have issues with that. Juz value my privacy.
Fyi, have on those ocassions when i slept thr, hung my intimate wear in the kitchen, bathroom and even my bf's room, only to have it moved to the living room.. i can understand it if my MIL is concerned abt it not drying fast or watever reasons that to date I've not been able to get an answer to; but my MIL has "temple members" frm her temple where she is a devotee, coming to the place 3 to 4 days out of a week.. and if you are me, can you imagine this kind of situation.
As for sleeping there for 5 nites, perhaps I did not make myself clear. I'm asking if it is ok..like is it a bit too much if I just stay 5 nights... n NOT saying that I cant stay for 5 nights or trying to reduce even further.
Anyway itz not a matter of my hubby adjusting cos hez worse than me; feels even more pai say to hand even his underwear in the kitchen ..which is funny...
therein lies my questions; everyone has different thresholds for everything and in so posting my question, juz wish to know if thr similar cases out thr and also to know if I have any other way of getting thru this period without my undies n lacy bras being forcibly taken to the living rm to dry??
I think mayb u got me wrong; i dun realli care how they hang their clothes.. and whr they hang their clothes cos it's their house not mine. I do not think you have ever had to display your underwear and bras in broad view in the living room, hanging while thr are guests ard but well I have and i have issues with that. Juz value my privacy.
Fyi, have on those ocassions when i slept thr, hung my intimate wear in the kitchen, bathroom and even my bf's room, only to have it moved to the living room.. i can understand it if my MIL is concerned abt it not drying fast or watever reasons that to date I've not been able to get an answer to; but my MIL has "temple members" frm her temple where she is a devotee, coming to the place 3 to 4 days out of a week.. and if you are me, can you imagine this kind of situation.
As for sleeping there for 5 nites, perhaps I did not make myself clear. I'm asking if it is ok..like is it a bit too much if I just stay 5 nights... n NOT saying that I cant stay for 5 nights or trying to reduce even further.
Anyway itz not a matter of my hubby adjusting cos hez worse than me; feels even more pai say to hand even his underwear in the kitchen ..which is funny...
therein lies my questions; everyone has different thresholds for everything and in so posting my question, juz wish to know if thr similar cases out thr and also to know if I have any other way of getting thru this period without my undies n lacy bras being forcibly taken to the living rm to dry??
Hi Raywen,
Honestly speaking, I think you are thinking too much. Either 12 or 5 DAYS, its really just a very short stay. Blink of eye, its over. And like what Green had mentioned, most of the time you'll probably be out of the house.
About the laundry issue, I think its a trival issue. If you are uncomfortable, then don't wash it at your mil's place. Pack them all up and bring it home to wash and dry wherever you want it.
And about whether to plan the honeymoon trip within these 12 days, there's no ideal answer here. What matters most is whether your htb or in-laws can accept the honeymoon in that period. You can get all the assurance from the forum that its ok etc.. but if your in-laws are upset about this, you'll be the one to face it.
Brighten up. Don't get so tense up with all the unhappy stories about staying with in-laws. You are lucky that its just 12 days which is less than 2 weeks.
Good luck!
Honestly speaking, I think you are thinking too much. Either 12 or 5 DAYS, its really just a very short stay. Blink of eye, its over. And like what Green had mentioned, most of the time you'll probably be out of the house.
About the laundry issue, I think its a trival issue. If you are uncomfortable, then don't wash it at your mil's place. Pack them all up and bring it home to wash and dry wherever you want it.
And about whether to plan the honeymoon trip within these 12 days, there's no ideal answer here. What matters most is whether your htb or in-laws can accept the honeymoon in that period. You can get all the assurance from the forum that its ok etc.. but if your in-laws are upset about this, you'll be the one to face it.
Brighten up. Don't get so tense up with all the unhappy stories about staying with in-laws. You are lucky that its just 12 days which is less than 2 weeks.
Good luck!
green_tranquility
New Member
Raywen,
Ok I got wat u mean now
Emoh has a good suggestion. Use disposal underwears! U can get them from Watsons.
Ok I got wat u mean now
Emoh has a good suggestion. Use disposal underwears! U can get them from Watsons.
Ya the disposables is a gd thing!! Nvr occured to me about that.. and yes it really is a trival matter; would not have minded as much if I was able to bring my dirty stuff back to my home to wash but my inlaws says Im not allowed to head home during till the 12 days are over so short of lying and going back to wash, I guess disposables are the only way out.
Thks guys.
Thks guys.
1 more solution: Laundry shop.
Bring your dirty stuff to a laundry shop near your office during lunch & pick it up the next day or after work. That way, you dun have to go back to your parent's home and you dun have to let your laundry dry in the living room. No one will know abt your trips to the laundry shop.
The only thing is cost incurred. But I dun think it will be that much. Spend the money to prevent the unhappiness. After all, its for a short period only.
Bring your dirty stuff to a laundry shop near your office during lunch & pick it up the next day or after work. That way, you dun have to go back to your parent's home and you dun have to let your laundry dry in the living room. No one will know abt your trips to the laundry shop.
The only thing is cost incurred. But I dun think it will be that much. Spend the money to prevent the unhappiness. After all, its for a short period only.
green_tranquility
New Member
I use disposable panties whenever I go tours.
One simple tip to make the parents happy:
Greet them whenever u go out or come back, they will be very happy already ("very song") especially if ur not close with them yet, maybe it seems unnecessary sometimes and a bit like overdoing it. Even when they are not looking at u or seems cannot hear, just say it louder hehehehe ... this is what I was told from elderly.
If no maid at home, and the parents are the one doing housework, must try to help out in housework even if they say no need. If very busy and tired from work, try to find something easy to do, like throw rubbish.
For the panties issue:
I hang my panties by the window inside the room. It drys very fast and still have privacy... just rem to remove when its dry so that they wont think that ur lazy, they will just think that ur trying to dry ur panties and don't like to hang outside.
I want to have a lot of privacy too... but I will adapt myself to the new environment if no choice got to stay with them. At first a bit difficult, but after a while they as well as you will just get used to it. No need to worry so much la
Hope thing goes well for you ...
Greet them whenever u go out or come back, they will be very happy already ("very song") especially if ur not close with them yet, maybe it seems unnecessary sometimes and a bit like overdoing it. Even when they are not looking at u or seems cannot hear, just say it louder hehehehe ... this is what I was told from elderly.
If no maid at home, and the parents are the one doing housework, must try to help out in housework even if they say no need. If very busy and tired from work, try to find something easy to do, like throw rubbish.
For the panties issue:
I hang my panties by the window inside the room. It drys very fast and still have privacy... just rem to remove when its dry so that they wont think that ur lazy, they will just think that ur trying to dry ur panties and don't like to hang outside.
I want to have a lot of privacy too... but I will adapt myself to the new environment if no choice got to stay with them. At first a bit difficult, but after a while they as well as you will just get used to it. No need to worry so much la
for gals who stayed with PILs,how long does it take for u gals to get used to it?
i am staying with them for barely 2 wks, though they r nice... i am not feeling happy... -not sure if it cos i am not used to it yet or i juz nt coming to terms with myself that i am staying with someone else and i need to adjust myself...
i am staying with them for barely 2 wks, though they r nice... i am not feeling happy... -not sure if it cos i am not used to it yet or i juz nt coming to terms with myself that i am staying with someone else and i need to adjust myself...
princesshappy
New Member
one more here!!! i have no choice but to move in with my MIL and SIL (no bf) when i get married. he is the only son, the current flat is under his name. so i just move in.
for me, of cos i am scared and worried, but i try my best to think positive. think no reno loan, think home cooked food, think household chores done for u, clothes washed for you. of cos, there is no best of both worlds, so i just have to try my best and don't let the privacy and etc get to me.
what i did, was to tell my HB upfront, that he shld know my character out well. in fact, i told him this last night. i told him, u know very well what kind of person i am. just because she is MIL, don't mean a thing, it doesn't mean what she says goes. i will respect her because she is ur mum and she took good care of u. I will accomodate her and endure till my limit is reached. I, will do my part, to ensure that I do not do things that will cause her to say or complain or to gossip. end of the day, my priority is my hubby, to not make things difficult or tough for him when he gets home from a day's work. so with him in mind and as priority, and I make sure he knows my stand and what i am thinking off, i try to ignore or manage whatever MIL probs i will have in future. cos i know that he wil def see the efforts that i put in to make sure there is world peace. it just serves to make him appreciate and love me more. so end of the day, i "win".
i also told him to tell her, i move in and marry in, is to allow her to still have time to spend with her precious son. which not many girls will accept. i din even make noise. so we both have different living habits and cultures, so i hope that she will also try to accomodate and tolerate.
one thing, when moving in, the HB plays an even more impt role. so he has to know his role and how he can help to ensure world peace. so we must "educate" our hubbies, and speak their language. many things, when we move in, it is not our position to say, or would only go, when the person talking is our HB.
so... stay positive and look on the bright side. =)
for me, of cos i am scared and worried, but i try my best to think positive. think no reno loan, think home cooked food, think household chores done for u, clothes washed for you. of cos, there is no best of both worlds, so i just have to try my best and don't let the privacy and etc get to me.
what i did, was to tell my HB upfront, that he shld know my character out well. in fact, i told him this last night. i told him, u know very well what kind of person i am. just because she is MIL, don't mean a thing, it doesn't mean what she says goes. i will respect her because she is ur mum and she took good care of u. I will accomodate her and endure till my limit is reached. I, will do my part, to ensure that I do not do things that will cause her to say or complain or to gossip. end of the day, my priority is my hubby, to not make things difficult or tough for him when he gets home from a day's work. so with him in mind and as priority, and I make sure he knows my stand and what i am thinking off, i try to ignore or manage whatever MIL probs i will have in future. cos i know that he wil def see the efforts that i put in to make sure there is world peace. it just serves to make him appreciate and love me more. so end of the day, i "win".
i also told him to tell her, i move in and marry in, is to allow her to still have time to spend with her precious son. which not many girls will accept. i din even make noise. so we both have different living habits and cultures, so i hope that she will also try to accomodate and tolerate.
one thing, when moving in, the HB plays an even more impt role. so he has to know his role and how he can help to ensure world peace. so we must "educate" our hubbies, and speak their language. many things, when we move in, it is not our position to say, or would only go, when the person talking is our HB.
so... stay positive and look on the bright side. =)
cheerful(princesshappy)thanx for sharing...=)
think i was too simple-minded...prior to moving in, i know it nt gg to be easy - but i nvr give it vy serious thoughts. In my mind, i believe that if i am postive, everything gg to be OK. i never expected all these "emotional struggle". though i know i need to accomodate and adjust - i din it is gg to be so tough... i was so unhappy that i broke down and cried. one thing i glad is my HB is supportive, he try to find out roots of my unhappiness and try to provide solutions. and he keep telling me - "anything u not happy, u must say".
i can see for myself that my in-laws r doing their parts to make me feel welcome and accomodate. (for instance, i have allergy and cant take bread for breakfast, my MIL will actualli go the extra mile to buy something different for me.)
think the problem is with me! really dunno how to make myself come to term...
think i was too simple-minded...prior to moving in, i know it nt gg to be easy - but i nvr give it vy serious thoughts. In my mind, i believe that if i am postive, everything gg to be OK. i never expected all these "emotional struggle". though i know i need to accomodate and adjust - i din it is gg to be so tough... i was so unhappy that i broke down and cried. one thing i glad is my HB is supportive, he try to find out roots of my unhappiness and try to provide solutions. and he keep telling me - "anything u not happy, u must say".
i can see for myself that my in-laws r doing their parts to make me feel welcome and accomodate. (for instance, i have allergy and cant take bread for breakfast, my MIL will actualli go the extra mile to buy something different for me.)
think the problem is with me! really dunno how to make myself come to term...
alcifertoh
New Member
Well of all comments and such here, (Disclaimer: Apologising for breaking the "flow") for those who are staying with in laws with not much horrible major problems but discomfort of preferences eg privacies and living habbits, how would you'll feel when in future your son/daughter in laws moving in with you?
Of course it could be long term stays or a short period due to whatsoever reasons as flat not ready, could not get/afford a flat and etc. It goes both ways. As above was commented that we try to tolerate with our in laws on living habbits, do we actually see that our in laws are also tolerating us if we are to stay with them?
I mean of course, if conditions allow it's best that we move out and have a place to our own. But even staying apart would have another set of relationship problems with in laws. It's still down to one word when living with others, Accomodating.
Not trying to be sexist here but I generally find guys to be more accomodating (Probably because we went through army?) Being experienced putting through staying with a bunch of smelly and sweaty males with some that does not know the word hygiene or juz basically hanging their soiled socks and undies in front of u or straight under the fan in the bunk, ventilating the "Ba wu" in the whole room. So we are more used to accomodating different living behaviours. And well we face each others for 2 1/2 years except weekends as we also "work" together in service -_- When people are complaining about washing panties and such in washing machines, some idiots dumped their muddy boots into the only 3 common washing machines that a whole battalion of 300 over people shares. Don't like it? Handwash lor.
I was thinking of seeing more coming from a guy or probably the parents whom daughter/son in law moves in with them. And probably by knowing all these, it's less one sided and thing's ain't that bad as it seems.
Just think. Someone moving into your family and is now a part of it bring along a different set of habbits, values and such. Ain't your privacy also intruded?
When it's ain't easy for you, it might not be that easy for the other party either. The most important is to be more understanding and accomodating to each other, communicate more and understand each others stand and reason before any misunderstandings.
Afterall, everyone is now family no matter the daughter, son or parents in law.
Of course it could be long term stays or a short period due to whatsoever reasons as flat not ready, could not get/afford a flat and etc. It goes both ways. As above was commented that we try to tolerate with our in laws on living habbits, do we actually see that our in laws are also tolerating us if we are to stay with them?
I mean of course, if conditions allow it's best that we move out and have a place to our own. But even staying apart would have another set of relationship problems with in laws. It's still down to one word when living with others, Accomodating.
Not trying to be sexist here but I generally find guys to be more accomodating (Probably because we went through army?) Being experienced putting through staying with a bunch of smelly and sweaty males with some that does not know the word hygiene or juz basically hanging their soiled socks and undies in front of u or straight under the fan in the bunk, ventilating the "Ba wu" in the whole room. So we are more used to accomodating different living behaviours. And well we face each others for 2 1/2 years except weekends as we also "work" together in service -_- When people are complaining about washing panties and such in washing machines, some idiots dumped their muddy boots into the only 3 common washing machines that a whole battalion of 300 over people shares. Don't like it? Handwash lor.
I was thinking of seeing more coming from a guy or probably the parents whom daughter/son in law moves in with them. And probably by knowing all these, it's less one sided and thing's ain't that bad as it seems.
Just think. Someone moving into your family and is now a part of it bring along a different set of habbits, values and such. Ain't your privacy also intruded?
When it's ain't easy for you, it might not be that easy for the other party either. The most important is to be more understanding and accomodating to each other, communicate more and understand each others stand and reason before any misunderstandings.
Afterall, everyone is now family no matter the daughter, son or parents in law.
princesshappy
New Member
yup.. i used to keep thinking that it is us DILs that will accomodate and endure and tolerate. well, those horror stories that we hear abt MIL have to be true to a certain extent rite? i have tried looking for positive, happy and good examples of MILs, but it is quite hard to find. but it doesn't mean don't have. cos honestly, sometimes human beings have a tendency to complain abt bad things, and not show appreication or let ppl know about the good things that they have in their lives.
for my FMIL, currently, she nags and nags, but i can say that as a person, she is really not too bad. cos when i was coughing like mad, there were times where she took her own effort to go to the mama shop downstairs to buy cough syrup for me. when i had fever, she will ask how come i have fever, cook porridge for me and when i was having exams, she would cook dinner earlier for me just so that i can have dinner before i go for exams. and i am just a gf to my bf. i try to focus on the good points of my FMIL and try not to let other things bother me. cos i will think, why let such matters get me down and affect my mood? time and energy can be spent on other things like surfing net instead of being pissed. so i guess, it is really reciprocal of good behaviour, that will lead to a cordial and peaceful relationship, not just with in laws, but with everyone. cos sometimes, their intentions are good, just that whatever that comes out of their mouths, we will automatically reject it... cannot be helped one....
and some parents in laws are easy to handle, some are not. some are just easily satisfied with things like u buying bread, calling them up to ask if they want dinner when you go over, offer to buy those snacks and etc for them. for me, i make it a point to at least buy snacks when i go over to my bf's place. or, when my bf is gg home, i buy something and ask him to pass to his mum. BUT, he must state clearly that I am the one who bought it. every CNY, Mooncake festival, her birthday or chinese new yr, i will just spend money and buy stuff over. so sometimes, small money can be spent to help build a cordial relationship in the future when we move in.
i will also remind myself lo. i am young, while she is old. her habits have stuck with her longer then I have lived. of cos, she will have slight probs adjusting to my presence when i move in. so really, easier said then done, but i really try my best to have a bo chap and don't care mentality when it comes to dealing with MILs, as long as they do not go overboard. cos dun push me, or i will make you suffer.
for my FMIL, currently, she nags and nags, but i can say that as a person, she is really not too bad. cos when i was coughing like mad, there were times where she took her own effort to go to the mama shop downstairs to buy cough syrup for me. when i had fever, she will ask how come i have fever, cook porridge for me and when i was having exams, she would cook dinner earlier for me just so that i can have dinner before i go for exams. and i am just a gf to my bf. i try to focus on the good points of my FMIL and try not to let other things bother me. cos i will think, why let such matters get me down and affect my mood? time and energy can be spent on other things like surfing net instead of being pissed. so i guess, it is really reciprocal of good behaviour, that will lead to a cordial and peaceful relationship, not just with in laws, but with everyone. cos sometimes, their intentions are good, just that whatever that comes out of their mouths, we will automatically reject it... cannot be helped one....
and some parents in laws are easy to handle, some are not. some are just easily satisfied with things like u buying bread, calling them up to ask if they want dinner when you go over, offer to buy those snacks and etc for them. for me, i make it a point to at least buy snacks when i go over to my bf's place. or, when my bf is gg home, i buy something and ask him to pass to his mum. BUT, he must state clearly that I am the one who bought it. every CNY, Mooncake festival, her birthday or chinese new yr, i will just spend money and buy stuff over. so sometimes, small money can be spent to help build a cordial relationship in the future when we move in.
i will also remind myself lo. i am young, while she is old. her habits have stuck with her longer then I have lived. of cos, she will have slight probs adjusting to my presence when i move in. so really, easier said then done, but i really try my best to have a bo chap and don't care mentality when it comes to dealing with MILs, as long as they do not go overboard. cos dun push me, or i will make you suffer.
alcifertoh
New Member
Haha cheerful,
Good relationships don't happen overnight. Especially strong relationships has to be built on. Be it between couples, friends and families.
Of course there are credibility on horror MIL stories and DIL stories. But mostly what is the root of all these causes?
Effort comes from both sides and both husband and wife are the medium to create that balance for each individual families. Most importantly is to have the positive footing than fearing and being skeptical.
Of course you can be bo chup. And most likely if your Mil also bo chup as well, your relations would likely just be at that level. Why not try to put in some effort and bring it to another level with the help of your husband as well? Of course some elders might be a tougher nut to crack but there's always ways to go around them.
Same vice versa as I believe that you would also like your husband to be closer with your family members as well?
It's always work both ways. For me, I am working to bridge closer the relationship between both families as both our families come from rather different practise and backgrounds. And till date that we are married, my parents only met my wife's parents 4 times.
First time was on our ROM day itself haha. Second time the discussing of custom terms. Third time when we are trying out the food for our wedding dinner. Fourth time was on the wedding night itself.
For myself I am still trying to adapt to my in law's family habbits and my wife vice versa as she is staying with me now. Almost everyday there is something new. Things are more stable down after the hetic preparations of our marriage and now we are organising family outings and such to improve the relationships. When our renovation is completed, we intend to have those weekly both side families come together at our place to share, cook and mahjong sessions etc.
All these definitely gonna be kinda akward in the begining but I am confident that in time to come, all will be very close with each other. That's the effort that we are putting in for a happy marriage. It's not only about us, but both our families as well.
Good relationships don't happen overnight. Especially strong relationships has to be built on. Be it between couples, friends and families.
Of course there are credibility on horror MIL stories and DIL stories. But mostly what is the root of all these causes?
Effort comes from both sides and both husband and wife are the medium to create that balance for each individual families. Most importantly is to have the positive footing than fearing and being skeptical.
Of course you can be bo chup. And most likely if your Mil also bo chup as well, your relations would likely just be at that level. Why not try to put in some effort and bring it to another level with the help of your husband as well? Of course some elders might be a tougher nut to crack but there's always ways to go around them.
Same vice versa as I believe that you would also like your husband to be closer with your family members as well?
It's always work both ways. For me, I am working to bridge closer the relationship between both families as both our families come from rather different practise and backgrounds. And till date that we are married, my parents only met my wife's parents 4 times.
First time was on our ROM day itself haha. Second time the discussing of custom terms. Third time when we are trying out the food for our wedding dinner. Fourth time was on the wedding night itself.
For myself I am still trying to adapt to my in law's family habbits and my wife vice versa as she is staying with me now. Almost everyday there is something new. Things are more stable down after the hetic preparations of our marriage and now we are organising family outings and such to improve the relationships. When our renovation is completed, we intend to have those weekly both side families come together at our place to share, cook and mahjong sessions etc.
All these definitely gonna be kinda akward in the begining but I am confident that in time to come, all will be very close with each other. That's the effort that we are putting in for a happy marriage. It's not only about us, but both our families as well.
princesshappy
New Member
HBH,
it is very encouraging to see that you are doing so much to bridge closer ties!!
at least you are willing to take steps and efforts to bring ur in laws closer to ur parents. not many ppl can do that.
it is very encouraging to see that you are doing so much to bridge closer ties!!
at least you are willing to take steps and efforts to bring ur in laws closer to ur parents. not many ppl can do that.
alcifertoh
New Member
Well cheerful,
Like I mentioned, all these requires effort. If not I can just sit there bo chup and my wife also bo chup then everyone bo chup and such would not happen liao lor.
Things can be whole lot better than it is. Just see if we wanna achieve that or not
Like I mentioned, all these requires effort. If not I can just sit there bo chup and my wife also bo chup then everyone bo chup and such would not happen liao lor.
Things can be whole lot better than it is. Just see if we wanna achieve that or not
Hi All,
Read the story of the problems staying with in law. I am going to face it soon.
The whole story is the hse my bf and his parent is staying now, is bought under my bf and his dad name. For this 5 years we have been quarrelling over this issue because we cannot have hse of our own.Until his brother say he is willing to stay with his parent and will take hse of their own but end up i realise the hse he and his gf apply is a BTO hse.
Think the hse will only be ready on 2010 or 2011, after some thinking and talks my bf and mw decide to sell the hse and bought another hse under me and his name. I thought i can accept and stay together with his family for another 2 more yrs but now my hse is near to completion the thinking of staying with them make me feel very fustrated.
I even tell my bf that i want continue stay my parent hse after the hse is ready, but on the other hand i thinking i am paying for the hse but letting pple stay like very stupid.
I am very vexed now, and worse of all i detest my bf bro gf a lot and now not sure if she will move to my hse.
Also have some issue with my future MIl, even though is all over but i just can't seems to forgive and forget. i think maybe i am too ji chou bah.
I dun know what to do now to move or not to move?? Please advice. Thanks
Read the story of the problems staying with in law. I am going to face it soon.
The whole story is the hse my bf and his parent is staying now, is bought under my bf and his dad name. For this 5 years we have been quarrelling over this issue because we cannot have hse of our own.Until his brother say he is willing to stay with his parent and will take hse of their own but end up i realise the hse he and his gf apply is a BTO hse.
Think the hse will only be ready on 2010 or 2011, after some thinking and talks my bf and mw decide to sell the hse and bought another hse under me and his name. I thought i can accept and stay together with his family for another 2 more yrs but now my hse is near to completion the thinking of staying with them make me feel very fustrated.
I even tell my bf that i want continue stay my parent hse after the hse is ready, but on the other hand i thinking i am paying for the hse but letting pple stay like very stupid.
I am very vexed now, and worse of all i detest my bf bro gf a lot and now not sure if she will move to my hse.
Also have some issue with my future MIl, even though is all over but i just can't seems to forgive and forget. i think maybe i am too ji chou bah.
I dun know what to do now to move or not to move?? Please advice. Thanks
saggitarian
New Member
complicated situation .. i really cant believe you 2 can actually quarrel an issue for 5 years without solving it... seems like both of your stands are quite strong.
it seems to me that you are carrying too many parangs with you .. its bad for yourself seriously .
i do not know if u dislike them from the start and pick things on them or you have some problems with them and couldnt iron out your feeling till now.
but can i ask ? how long u 2 been together ? what you want from this marriage? how come everything you write is your feelings .. what about your husband .. your enemy son .. what is he thinking ?
it seems to me that you are carrying too many parangs with you .. its bad for yourself seriously .
i do not know if u dislike them from the start and pick things on them or you have some problems with them and couldnt iron out your feeling till now.
but can i ask ? how long u 2 been together ? what you want from this marriage? how come everything you write is your feelings .. what about your husband .. your enemy son .. what is he thinking ?
green_tranquility
New Member
I really think that I should stay in my own house instead of my son/daughter's house when I grow old next time. Dunno if my future DIL/SIL will curse me everyday haha? I'm not perfect lor and may not be able to please them. Most importantly, this arrangement will make things less complicated for everyone.
Hi qwerty,
We have been together for 5 yrs+ already, this has alway been a problem to us. For my bf i know he feel sandwich between me and his family, he thought matter will be solve when we get the hse.
He keep told me just staying with his family for 1 2 more yrs only, but i think i just cannot getover the issue.
Actually i cannot say i dislike them right from the start. For his mum is because of 1 incident,think she know we cannot get along with the bro gf and she was asking us to sit down and talk together with the bro and gf and of no reason she say abt my parent. To me i feel no matter what i will keep quiet until she drag my parent in, i was so angry i run inside the room and lock the door and start packing my stuffs. Than move back my own hse and my bf move back together with me.
After this i try avoid seeing her, i did try give in like going back eat dinner together with my bf but the bad feeling is already there. I cannot imagine want me staying with her again.
As for the bro gf she also stay at my bf hse, my dislike toward her is accumulate. She alway like make noise during late hrs and disturb us from sleeping and when staying together we will buy foods and just leave on the table for them to eat also, we will buy their share also and it pissed me off when 1 incident she bought smting and guess what inside the food she put a note" PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH" what is the manz? my bf parent do not read english so is obviously writting to let us see.
We have been together for 5 yrs+ already, this has alway been a problem to us. For my bf i know he feel sandwich between me and his family, he thought matter will be solve when we get the hse.
He keep told me just staying with his family for 1 2 more yrs only, but i think i just cannot getover the issue.
Actually i cannot say i dislike them right from the start. For his mum is because of 1 incident,think she know we cannot get along with the bro gf and she was asking us to sit down and talk together with the bro and gf and of no reason she say abt my parent. To me i feel no matter what i will keep quiet until she drag my parent in, i was so angry i run inside the room and lock the door and start packing my stuffs. Than move back my own hse and my bf move back together with me.
After this i try avoid seeing her, i did try give in like going back eat dinner together with my bf but the bad feeling is already there. I cannot imagine want me staying with her again.
As for the bro gf she also stay at my bf hse, my dislike toward her is accumulate. She alway like make noise during late hrs and disturb us from sleeping and when staying together we will buy foods and just leave on the table for them to eat also, we will buy their share also and it pissed me off when 1 incident she bought smting and guess what inside the food she put a note" PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH" what is the manz? my bf parent do not read english so is obviously writting to let us see.
green_tranquility
New Member
Grudge,
Is it possible to remove your bf's name from the current flat and add in his mum's name as the other owner? Then your bf's parents can continue to stay in their current flat, while you and bf stay in your own one. You can check the HDB site or call HDB up to ask.
It'll be more peaceful for both parties to stay in different flats.
Is it possible to remove your bf's name from the current flat and add in his mum's name as the other owner? Then your bf's parents can continue to stay in their current flat, while you and bf stay in your own one. You can check the HDB site or call HDB up to ask.
It'll be more peaceful for both parties to stay in different flats.
Hi Green,
That is the original plan, but my bf mum die die dun want she say she want keep the money as her cpf should be able to draw out soon.
And is all too late, the hse already sold and i already get another new hse. I guess best way is i continue stay my hse but on the other hand i like bu gan xin, feel i pay for the hse let pple stay?
Than sometime i will think now they stay my hse means they must see kan my lian se,and if i am not happy can just show out but think only la i also know very bad afterall she is my bf mum mah.
That is the original plan, but my bf mum die die dun want she say she want keep the money as her cpf should be able to draw out soon.
And is all too late, the hse already sold and i already get another new hse. I guess best way is i continue stay my hse but on the other hand i like bu gan xin, feel i pay for the hse let pple stay?
Than sometime i will think now they stay my hse means they must see kan my lian se,and if i am not happy can just show out but think only la i also know very bad afterall she is my bf mum mah.
green_tranquility
New Member
Grudges,
No wonder you feel so fustrated. They neither abided to the original arrangement nor discussed it out with you before selling off the house. If I'm you, I'll rather continue to stay in your parent's house.
Peace is very very important to me. I'll actually be renting a room to stay with bf for 3 years before my BTO house is ready in 2012. I don't want my bf to be stuck between me and his family in the event of conflicts.
No wonder you feel so fustrated. They neither abided to the original arrangement nor discussed it out with you before selling off the house. If I'm you, I'll rather continue to stay in your parent's house.
Peace is very very important to me. I'll actually be renting a room to stay with bf for 3 years before my BTO house is ready in 2012. I don't want my bf to be stuck between me and his family in the event of conflicts.