Shouldn't marriage something to be looked forward to??

[little_ms_naughty]

I'm not looking forward to my marriage..

My MIL is a very difficult person to get along with, & the thought of having to move in with Hubby daunts me..

He doesn't have a room & sleeps in the living room.. I can't imagine having to sleep in the living room with him..

My MIL forever has negative comments about me, & puts me down with harsh words like: no manners, rude, untidy etc..

FYI, i'm not untidy, nor am i rude to her..

I've tried on a zillion ways to think of the things that i can do to please her..

But each & everytime she gives negative comments & i'm really very hurt... I'm always sad, & sometimes cry myself to sleep..

Go under the - i gave up my 3 mths marriage - thread to read my story..

I'm tired, & at wits end already..

 

[miloice]

a person that has lots of negative comments has to do with his/her character. We have no control over their mouths. What if your parent is like this? Then how? Would u hate or stop loving them? No. We learn to realize and accept that they are like this. It doesn't mean they are some monsters that are incapable of good. Each and every person is capable of kindness and extreme bad & unreasonable behavior. If you want to have any success living with your MIL, stop thinking of the worst about her. Yes, she has a bad mouth. Recognize that reality. All kinds of people exists. As long as you continue to resist this fact and try to rationalize that its because u need to try harder to please her to siam the comments, you are going to be always upset and negative about the entire MIL/DIL relationship.

It will only deteriorate this way.

 

[bunny98]

I find it hard to understand why you choose to marry when there isnt even a room that you can stay in ...
Do u really yearn to get marry so quickly ?

 

[little_ms_naughty]

miloice:

thanks for the advices.. i'm still trying my best..

bunny:

pls re-read my post.. initially, we decided to rent a room outside.. but later dad suggested we shd just stay in his home to 'try out..'

if really cannot, then we'll rent a room, coz dad says renting a room nowadays does not come cheap..

actually, there is a room.. But that room is used by his brother, as a storeroom to store all his personal belongings, toys, comics..

Hubby says he will get him to clear the stuffs in that room, so that we can have the room..

but the problem here is, the brother refuses to move, as of now..

Hubby kept saying that he is confident that he'll make him shift out of the room.. but why is it taking so long???

FYI, the brother is not working @ all.. He does everything else, but work, & has no means to support himself..

it not that i yearn to marry so quickly.. we have our own reasons why we felt it was the best time to marry now..

We've done family planning, & we hoped our child graduate before our retirement age..

you made me sound desperate.. haha!!

 

[clipperjunk]

so are you already married or about to? since you already know the circumstances to come, why even bother putting yourself into it...choose pragmatism...i'm constantly surprised to see how educated women would subject themselves to humiliation.......if you are not already in the hole...stay out....

 

[little_ms_naughty]

we've ROM.. Going for customary mid of next year..

like i've mentioned, we had initially agreed to rent a room out there, before we ROM, coz i think we needed some personal space, & to be away from MIL's constant naggings..

But things might not always turn out as planned..

 

[sillywoman]

So when will u b moving in with ur hubby after customary or u r just waiting for ur BIL to clear the room out for u to move in?

I guess ur MIL maybe still mad abt the ROM issue so finding fault to scold u! Try to pls her by doing things or buying things for her? Let her knw that she did not lose a son but gain a daughter! Show her u really care for her & hopefully she will accept u with an open arm!

 

[tomasulu]

you are married. a better question would be, should i work this out or get a divorce/annulment.

 

[jinnous]

U guys shd stick on move out. There is no such thing as trying out first I tell u. Only will make u resent the family more.

 

[little_ms_naughty]

sillywoman:

i've tried buying her things.. either is she take liao never use, or give negative comments lor.. So buying of things is out..

i'm still trying to figure out what to do when it comes to handling her..

tomasulu:

hubby & me wants to work it out.. but, either way, we'll end up nowhere..

if we move out, the mum would keep saying his son unfilial.. but if we don't, we'll have to put up with her constant nagging+ we dun even know if we can have his bro to move his things out of the room..

i think i need to go against all odds if i really don't want to end up in divorce.. anyway, we're deeply in love, & we know that, if we walk hand in hand & with God's help, we will overcome..

But us, being human, is not perfect.. All i pray for now is that i've lots of patience to handle all these, coz i dun want/dunno when i'll snap..

little_poppets:

given his mum character, she'll make a big fuss out of it.. who knows she'll yi ku er nao san shang diao??

if we really go 'try out' if cannot, we'll tell her its not as if we or rather i, didn't try.. It just dun work out..

Hopefully, she sees it & not kick a big fuss by then.. *pray*

 

[susanna_low]

When will u get ur flat? Alternatively, each stay at your own house until u got ur own flat.

 

[tomasulu]

you are over thinking this. it is really simple -- doesn't matter if you rent or buy, move out and stay on your own.

notice i said simple, not easy. if i may add, most good advice come that way.

 

[sillywoman]

i dnt knw abt ur MIL but my mum also nag alot also nvr want us to buy her anything but when we got her things she will nag but in her heart she is very happy! Do u tink ur MIL is like that? She complains alot but in her heart she is happy?

Just keep trying & dnt give up. Try not to take all her negative comments into heart & dnt response to her negatively!

Gd luck & it nvr easy to stay with ur in-laws as all of us have different living habits! It take time, patience & understanding!

 

[little_ms_naughty]

susanna:

we applied for flat & is awaiting the reply from HDB.. According to the letter, we've got 2 chances..

the reply will come end of this month, which is very soon already..

if we don't get a queue number, we might be considering taking the ready but unwanted flats

if we do get a chance, we'll have to wait up to 3 or 4 years before the flat will be ready..

 

[jolinr]

hi, littlemsnaughty,

My view is, if thing can be simplified, then don't make it complicated.

You said your MIL is difficult person and hard to get along. The thought of staying with your hubby family has daunted you, then why are you still considering to stay with them after married even only for a trial period? It's not a hotel where you find not suitable you can check out anytime. And do you think your hubby's mum can agree on it?

"if we really go 'try out' if cannot, we'll tell her its not as if we or rather i, didn't try.. It just dun work out.. "
There is no such rules for old people, especially you mentioned that his mum is difficult. Move out = unfilial. If her mum has this mindset, no matter you stay for 3 months or 1 year, that makes no different to her. As long as your hubby and you move out, you will be labelled as Unfilial, that's it.

I will see the current situation is a good reason for you to stay away from your MIL. Your hubby's bro refuses to give up the room, then you can make it a reason for renting room outside. Reduce direct contact with your MIL, reduce possible conflicts.

 

[susanna_low]

Is it possible to stay at each individual hse until the flat is ready? Just stay over at each other hse during weekend etc.
I have some friends doing that too. Alternatively can get a resale flat too, the price had gone down.
My friend got theirs with less than 10k COV or fork out 0 cash.

 

[crystal_cloud]

why dont u stay separately?
since you both haven gone through customary.
alot of my friends are living separately after they romed.

i dun see a reason why you should get so panic about it.

relax gal..

wat type of budget u looking at for room rental?

i feel is denitely worth it to save all naggings and unpleasant feeling

eg. 600 each month is only 300 each