Seperation or Divorce

[blurrblurr@2019]

Dear all,
I no longer able to tolerate my wife verbal abused me and my parents any longer. Situation get worst after we had a daughter. Since 5 years ago and for past 5 years she never allowed my daughter to get in touch with anyone from my family. I been celebrating CNY by myself all these years.
My parent did not cause harm to any one, but she can accuse that their one action shows that my parents have no heart to love my daughter. I had no choice but to go with my wife decision not to let my parent see my daughter. Till recently, my father wanted to send a wedding invite to her also hoping to see their grandchild, her reply is she has no time. showing totally no respect to them at all. I am very depressed by that.

4 years ago, I made a decision to purchase an EC hopefully we can give ourselves a brand new start, things doesn't workout. Now our house MOP is not met, we agreed to file for divorce officially 1 year later after MOP is met, also hopefully uncontested as contest divorce seems to be very disadvantage to both end and made our kid suffer.

After we call for divorce, she don't allow me to even talk to my daughter now.
We are still staying in current house but I have been sleeping separate room since 5 years ago.

I want to know, is it good for me to file for separation since she forbidden me to have access my daughter?
Or shall I stay on until our house MOP and we file for divorce?

 

[lightsandco]

why do you want to wait till MOP? if eventually your decision is a divorce, its better to sell before your neighbours can. but of cos buyers will be asking why you are selling before MOP.

 

[TheRepentant]

I have some personal advice hoping it would be of some use. I was at very bad relationship with my wife for past few years. There are things that we could not tolerate of each other. Issue got so bad that it involved her parents, siblings and relatives. So one day when I was out on business trip she left with the kids and asked to divorce. I realized that the ultimate person most affected will be the kids. So I took a step back and realized something has to change. If she doesn’t then I have to. So that begins my Herculean quest to win back her heart and reconcile. She is moving back end of this month. My two cents worth advice to you would be.
1. Calm down and give in totally first. No proper conversation can happen if both at angry with each other. Let her has her way for now. Things can change when harmony is re-created.
2. Realize that she may have some issues that cause her to behave the way she been. Could be how u treated her in past. If so sincerely internalize and make amends for it. Make a commitment to her that you will change. If her behavior is not caused by you in any way, the more you should be with her to give her support. She might have some inner fear or insecurities for her behavior.
3. There is bound to have misunderstandings when there is a quarrel. Your case might be that she misunderstood some actions from your parents or you. Misunderstandings can be clarified and tackled if we give ourselves some time and patience. Try to see things from her views. Don’t use logic or reasons. Use emotions. That’s how women work. You have reasons but you would still end up having a broken marriage. Ask for your parents to understand your situation while you work with her. Your parents would be fine for sure.
4. Every now and then when u felt you are so depressed that you are going to give up, think of the impact of having a broken marriage on both of you and your kids. Your kids alone is reason for you to hold on to the marriage and work on it till it turn around.
5. You must love your wife to salvage the whole marriage and family crisis. If you can’t for now due to all past events and misunderstandings, recall how both of you fall in love back then. That was when both of you only look at the good sides of each other. But years into marriage we lost our way and started to look at each other bad points. Work stress, fatigue from taking care of young children aggravate the situations by wearing our patience really thin. If you look at the divorce statistics, most marriage occur when couples are around 38-42 and with young kids. Not sure how old u are. But I would say this age group is easily affected due to opposing views of taking care of the young kids.

Remember, things can turnaround. You need time and loving heart. I always think, misunderstandings can be clarified, anger and hatred can be dissolved , love can be rekindled.

All the best! Let me know if u need any advice... 2 cent worth advice.