Pre nuptial agreement

T

thechasingafter

New Member
My boyfriend might be posted to work in Australia for 2 years. Long distance is an option that im not willing to consider at all. So, the only way for us to not go through long-distance is for us to get married, plus we get alot more allowance if wife goes together. The problem is, we both feel like we're not ready to settle down in marriage (not because we're not committed, just not ready) but we dont want to be separated as well.

I dont want to give up my current job to look for a job in australia because 1. job market in australia is not that fantastic esp with my industry 2. what if we break up? i'll be left with nothing. 3. funds is a problem if im looking to study.

Im pretty torn by this issue. We've been talking about it and finally decided that maybe we should get married first (in name) so that we can go to australia together... and sign a pre-nupt to protect both our interests.

I also set certain conditions that 1. when we finally feel ready enough to get married for real, the pre nupt has to be voided. 2. in the event where accidents happen (my bf's job is high risk) and he *touchwood* loses his life, pre nupt must also be voided. 3. if he cheats on me, pre nupt shall not hold.

sigh, but im also worried about the conditions i set... what if he never feels ready by the time i am?

and... after all thats been said, pre nupts are not legally accepted in singapore, is it?

now he says that he'll refuse the offer because he knows there's no way i can do long distance. Hes been very sweet about things and i feel bad about it. i mean, it's a good opportunity and i want him to go for it... tsk.

what do you girls think?
sad.gif
 


If it will happen, it'll happen...you can't help it if feelings are dilluted over the 2-year separation and that eventually u two break up.

I think this is a case of wrong timing. However, if the relationship and trust is strong, I believe a long distance relationship is workable. And yes, you should never get married for the sake of it. Don't jump at that thought again.

I think it's pointless for all these pre-nuptial agreement etc. Even marriages can easily lead to divorces...what papers are we talking about here?

I personally feel you should just let him go to Australia to work. The fact that he considers working there instead of giving up on the opportunity shows he prioritises work over relationships and I don't think he's at fault. Apparently you two just have different goals right now.

Frankly, it happened to my two good friends as well. Eventually that's the end of their 8 years of relationship. I recently found out that they already had relationship problems even before one of them worked overseas so it has NOTHING to do with the long distance but other issues at hand.
 
hmm, we just spoke about it last night... i brought up the fact that i feel sad that it seems im not as important as work. he told me thats not true and he's bringing this up for both of us to consider and discuss...

he finally ended the talk with "im not going anywhere if you're not going". my bf travels alot so as it is, it's bad enough that we're always dealing with him not being in town + job is super high risk. I dont wanna do long distance because we've both been in long distance and we hate it. he's not too willing to do long distance as well. but it seems like there are no other options open to us... yet at the same time, the offer is too attractive to turn down.

I mean, we've been planning marriage and we always feel 2 years from now would be good... sigh. yeah, it's really a bad timing.
 
thechasingafter,

how old are u???

if he is going to b posted overseas for 2 years, & u guys plan to get hitched in 2 yrs time, by the time he's back, timing is just right isnt it??

I've nvr been in LDR, so i cannot comment on that..

But i've got a friend whose BF went overseas to study & work, & it actually drew them closer, & they finally got married 3 weeks ago...

I think it depends on how one sees it..

Another couple i knew, the husband went oversea to study for idk how many years, but their love still go on strong, with the lady flying over to visit the bf whenever she found time (mostly in december..)

Ultimately, the guy came back & they got married..

they now have 2 lovable kids..

foundation your love on trust, & i think it will certainly work out..

all the best!
 
thanks babe!
happy.gif
im 23, he's 26.

but long distance sucks. but sigh.. i guess long distance might be the way out if he wants to go over to work...
happy.gif
 
the chasing,


(1)PRE-NUP: if a pre-nupt is not legally binding what rights does it endow you? nothing. seems like you got to ditch the pre-nupt notion altogether. it will confuse your thinking to entertain it.

(2)MARRIAGE: DO NOT EVER EVER LEAVE FOR OZ WITH HIM WHEN YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HIM. i have a friend who did exactly just this. she lost 3 years of her mid-20s, 3 years of career development, and 3 years of money as a result. she also lost him in the end. bad, bad, bad gamble.

(3) ARE YOU READY TO MARRY: if you eventually find a job in Oz that does not pay as well as what you have right now, or the prospects of the Oz job are unattractive, or if you get a job in Oz but something out of your field altogether (meaning no value-add to your resume), are you willing to marry him and relocate to OZ?

if your answer is NO, then you are not ready to marry him at all.

my childhood best friend moved to UK to be with her husband. she switched her banker job to become a housewife, and her HB pays her an allowance. it is not much, just S$2K a month, but he pays everything else, and she gets to concentrate on the children. they lead a happy and close family life, and they do not worry or argue about money.

is your bf willing and able to provide a similar condition for you, if the situation demands it? if he cannot, he is not ready to marry you.

needless to say, both of you pls do not get married for the sake of it.


(4) finally, is he in Mining or oil extraction?why is his job so dangerous?
 
hey may,

thanks for the advice.

yeah, no, im not gonna go to australia with him without getting married. i dont wanna risk it really. he's a pilot actually... not the normal commercial planes. he spoke about giving me allowance too and paying for other things.. and i just need to be there.. i can do freelance work if i want to and all that.

but really, i think ure right... if we're not ready to get married, we really shouldnt risk it.
 
If you are not ready to get married.. and it is only 2 years - let him work there lah.. and yes, maintain a LDR..

2 years is not a very long time... and you can take it as a test.. and also to be more prepared and ready for the marriage.

Married just because better allowances is stupid. And pre-nup and then so many conditions? Might as well just stay put and see how it will become.
 
so the key issue is that even if he marries you and subsidises your living in Oz, you will not consider it as it will uproot you from your career here?
 
see, the thing is, he doesnt wanna do long distance too. but at the same time would very much want to go. and he just texted me to tell me that he thought about it, maybe we shouldnt rock the boat and upset the stability we're sharing now. tsk, but i still think that it's a good opportunity. and maybe he should go. and maybe im depriving him of a great career development opportunity? u think i should encourage him to go for it?

may, i think the key issue is.. im being selfish?
sad.gif
actually i also dont know! im thinking if i should ask him to go ahead with australia? and dont wanna get married bcos like im just worried we're not ready to get married now since we've always been planning for 2 yrs from now. i dont want him to marry me for the sake of it... i want him to marry me bcos he wants to.
 
funny that it doesn't come across your mind to visit him every month n stay a couple of days...

instead seems the typical solutions are abt wedding lah, engagement lah etc etc... so difficult to be apart meh? our parents didn't have yahoo/msn/skype.
 
Just support his decision to go..

It is only 2 years.. and anyway you two are not ready for marriage.. It is a good test.

So maybe can get married 2 years later?
 
no, you are not selfish.


who says love is real only when we give up everything. i dont believe in that, that is nonsense.
 
happy.gif
i didnt think much about that... cos really dont know how viable. i mean, flying to australia every month is gonna cost. i mean, we skype every time he flies out of town...

maybe it's just me. i mean, we've been living together and it's been good cos he goes away and come home quite abit. so it's pretty balanced. but long distance...and then flying to visit.. hmm, something to really think about. probably just have to make do i guess.
 
I wonder if u are really ready to get married in 2yrs time. If u do love him n want the best for u, then support him in his career n let him go overseas for 2yrs. In the meantime, u can spend more time w ur gfs n take regular holidays to visit ur bf. He respects n cares abt ur opinion to discuss his work opportunity w u, so reciprocate by encouraging him n giving him faith tat u will be ok w/out him ard.

Today we have msn, skype, email, webcam etc. Its v easy to stay in contact. The pre-nuptial agreement is silly, unless u have a lot of assets or want a clause regarding chldn n divorce. Otherwise, no point.
 
support him and let him go.

for a guy, nothing is more important than his career. it's good that he has a good opportunity coming up. he will appreciate your support, i believe.

anyway, there's no guarantee that even if he stays in singapore for the next 2 years, you both will definitely get married.
 
i did the LDR for 1.5 years .. my husband flew to Sg twice and I made the trip to Sweden once. it's not really necessary to fly to Oz every month, is there?

personally i feel that the pre-nup is there to protect solely your interests (judging from the conditions that you've set). in any case, singapore does not recognise that agreement.
 
this is so sappy....if i were the man, i'd go if it's good for the career....if i were the woman, let him go and build your own life and career, be independent, don't get married for the wrong reasons...if the relationship can't stand the test, then it's a failure regardless what happens..
 
TS u dun trust him???

y is there a need for a prenup!?

u say u 2 are committed den y is there a need?

if my ger ask me for that i will feel damn insulted
 
and by the way we did go through LDR when she was studyin in melb for 2 years..

not easy.. my phone bills came up to like $800-$1k/mth. that time skype wasnt that great the connection.

every 1Q/3Q i fly there. every 2Q/4Q she fly back.

a couple of times we had some huge arguement. in order to save the r/s, gotta fly there immediately. and as u all will know last min tickets are super expensive as compared to 1 booked months ahead. no budget airline btw.

my point is LDR requires alot of communication and sadly money. but now with skype and fast internet connection. its much easier and cheaper.

everything boils down to trust!
 
oh he asked for a pre nup. not me! lol. i think he has more assets to worry about than i do.

cant just leave everything to trust and commitment la i feel. i understand we cannot plan every single thing... but theres still a need to be aware of the possible challenges. why risk it when we can prevent it in the first place?
 
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