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If your husband do not learn that after marriage, you or kids should be his top priority, u are in for a tough ride !

Filialness is not abt staying close to the parents, taking care of them, paying for them, tolerating, etc. If this is the benchmark, Millions of pple in Europe and American are not filial and by default - not successful in life.

CRAP TALK by a lot of pple here.
 


Hi Missy,

Why must you be straight forward with hubby's family? It will be very harsh and worsen the situation.

Why don't you just act cute and you can get what you want?

For me, I'm the youngest family member (not counting the children), any way I'm always a little girl in their eyes, so I might as well act cute.

The thing is PILs and hubby seems to like it too. The "cuteness" dispel any negativity and make the whole situation more cheerful and bright that they will have to agree with you.
 
Albee, u cannot juz act cute and think it resolves everything. What if your SIL tells u point blank on how irritated she is with your bimbo acting cute. Its just that your husband simply love you this way. It doesn't mean all men like their women the same.

There is always appropriate behavior for the situation.

Opal, being successful in life has little to do with being filial. But being someone with good integrity and ethics does help in the building trust.
 
umm Albee, mind boggling leh...

Any idea on how to "act cute" and get the SIL out of the house cutely?

Some tips might be good..
 
Milo... Karma ma.. If you are good to your parents, fate will look kindly on you, when you do things will be more "Shun shun"

If someone cannot even be good to one parent, how do you expect him to have good work ethics and integrity..

Anyway, is a hokkien's belief la. Need not ask everyone to believe in it but at least need to treat parents well.
=========
Sure, being filalness is not to "pay for them" , "tolerate them"" and "staying close to them". BUT it is about being there for them, appreciate them , loving them and taking care of their needs, physically and emotionally.

But then again, the superman fly have a different take on things.. Pray tell kent, what is ur defination of filalness..


==
Agree this is a "modern" society, we can buy alot of things in life.For example, We can send parents to the best nursing home with professional help , e.t.c. but what did our parents need, what about their expectation ? to be around us, someone to take care of them in their retirement life, just like we need them to take care of us when we are young. It is just not the same.
 
Albee...your 'act cute' method is not the model answer for all the problems.

Please do not offer this solution for every problem you see in this forum. It may work wonders for you in all your cases....but to me, this is really dumb.
 
haha... sorry, i don't see logic in karma. You got hit by lightning and u blame your 'previous' life. Many kind and really nice people do die young and have difficult lives too. Why bother to be good? I probably benefit our next lives instead while we suffer now.

Anyway, we are talking about asian context here. Bringing examples from a completely different culture with total no relevance is total bull. So, why don't bother about those crap?
 
*faints* that one is fate, your time up is up le.. funny, blame previous life for what. But my belief is having good karma = better quality of life.. maybe not in financial but in friends, not much trouble, meet a wonderful gal. When you need opportunties, the people giving it may like your face more.. =P

Karma is something intangible,you may or may not believe in it but I believe it exist.. thus the cliche æ¶æœ‰æ¶æŠ¥ï¼Œå–„有善报。ä¸æ˜¯ä¸æŠ¥ï¼Œæ˜¯æ—¶è¾°æœªåˆ°ï¼

Life is very strange but here is not a philosphy lesson lar,so.. k loh,. don't believe then dun believe loh =D
 
No lah, you don’t usually see instant repayment of your karma in this life…it may be next, next, next….definitely not now…I also know of unfilial children which is quite successful…talking about filial…what is considered filial…you know….i argue, rebut or quarrel with my mum sometimes when I think she is not talking senses…hmm…so not filial?
 
How does karma work when bad things happen to good people?

Anyways, Albee... you're a very smart woman and I admire you for that, especially in the area of EQ. But I find that strategy a tad manipulative though.
 
Too many things happen by random and chances. We may be affected by so many chains of events. Whatever good deeds we do, are only such a small element to the entire cycle. By logic, one would realize that it has little relevance to outcome. Its clearly affected by so many other keys contributing elements.

the belief of a 'fair' system to put back every of our deeds and actions back to our equation is only an idealistic idea. The entire eco system is so big. We should realize how insignificant it can be mostly to change that outcome.
 
haha, is it? I don't think instant la.. Dun think Karma like instant noodles la..but thought is when u need it , it will "ta dah dah" hah.. me think too much le..

I quarrel with my mom ALOT.. like venus and well venus.. to be filal, need to know what she wants, She is very scared of lonliness and sometime my dad will scold her and she feels no body to talk to. To me, whenever I sense she not happy, I will tell lame things just to make her smile... Or do sweet things like just kiss her infront of my Aunties not because i like it (well.. not really la) but cos i know it make her feel good and my aunt envious :P ..

When she grow older, she say she never want to go into a nursing home. I will always respect that and never sent her there. If my sibilings (who have intention to get marry) do not take her in, I will invite her to my bachelorette home to stay.

If she wants a maid to nag at when she grow old, I will work hard to provide her a maid. To me, so long as whatever resource i can work for and get it for her , I will.

Got difference, we discussed. So far, we see eye to eye on everything except the fact that i don't want to get married in future and no children .. She is still niam niam niam.. but slowly get used to it le...
 
I'm not thinking instant. I question the entire motivation behind it. We do good to expect good returns banking on some idealogy? Not my cup of tea.
 
Filial or not.... its boils down how sincere we are. We cannot lie to ourselves. Do we think in their shoes and try to understand their difficulties. In our daily decisions, do we consider the impacts to them and what do we do to appreciate the limited time together?

If we do, we have the answers already.
If we don't, all the bullshit excuses doesn't change a thing. Our hearts don't lie.

Often, we might have the good intentions but yielding good outcome is beyond just the kind intention. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. We need to be flexible in how we manage the folks. In our asian culture, we have lots of fixed mindsets and expectations on what we must do that causes tons of conflicts of interests. These are the usual barriers to having a truly good relation with our folks and in laws.
 
Dear sister (just to confirm) Opal, why no marriage and children for you? I always wanted a family of my own from young because coming from a single parent family, I envy those that have one and I don’t want to go through what my mum has gone through. However, may be I am not as filial (according to milo’s criteria) but I told her I will not leave her alone even I am married.
 
don't know how to explain it... something i feel , I know but I can't explain.

I don't know why bad things happen to good people or why good things happen to bad people. My thoughts is that in life, there are some trials we need to go through in order to be better. I am not God, I do not know everything..

But I DO know, If i am good hearted and sincere in treating people. Life will be good to me. When I need opportunties, I can receive it with less effort.. as if, the door of opportunity will open with ease.. (disclaimer, not saying no need to work, but it will come more easily)

Maybe when you go to a party, u will be able to meet your next business partner. When you saw an apple fall from the tree, you discover gravity.. It is so intangible and mysterious that I cannot explain but felt its' existence..

BTW I am atheist.. in case someone want to bash me about spreading religion.

EH! Out of topic la! Back to topic.. Missy Missy, I am saying, ur husband is really a kind soul and really hope u dun take exception to ur MIL staying there..but I think the sister part, you can communciate a bit more...
 
Alamak..yes, Outcast last time i check, I am XX chromosone.. -_-.. really ah? I sound like a guy meh????

Why don't want marriage, cos I cannot find someone I want and I dun want to settle for marriage just becos of marriange.. In addition, coming from a not so happy home, I don't want a broken marriage and okay la.. no body want me also.. haha..

Why no children, I don't believe I am a good mother so I don't want future children to suffer.
 
Aiya, have to be careful after the Ms Junkie incident lah………..

No worry, with your karma theory, you will soon have a man riding a white horse coming to you in no time…..be a wonderful mother with a bunch of adorable and lovely children in the future….

No le…I found you are getting more girlish and cheeky in your writing recently…keke..
 
“I don't know why bad things happen to good people or why good things happen to bad people. My thoughts is that in life, there are some trials we need to go through in order to be better. I am not God, I do not know everything..†- sometime I also don’t understand why good people cannot have eternal life and go to heaven just because they are not a believer…..you need to join the flock to gain enlightenment or the key to heaven…regardless how perfect you are… i guess only God know....
 
Outcast, it all depends. Not everyone believes in heaven and eternal life. What I mean is some people believe that our life is only on this earth and after we die, our souls vanquish. Some may believe in heaven, but not eternal life. Some believe in reincarnation, hence the belief of karma. Some believe in others.

For me, I believe that good people will go to heaven, regardless of their belief.
 
I'm not clinging on faith on things I will never know lor. And I don't believe life will be good simply because I'm good or sincere. My belief rather is that no matter how difficult things are, we can see it through. We just need the determination and strength. Taking micro steps. During the tough times, it always seem impossible. I just try my best to make the best of the situation without expectation that life will somehow be good to me.

I do hope there is God. Its a comfort especially for the loved ones we lost and miss so dearly. But realistically, I'm not going to bank hopes on the unknown at all.
 
Opal, never say never. When I was younger, I declared to my friends and then-partners that I didn't want to get married and instead, I'd adopt a child (I did not know then that it's actually so difficult to adopt a child here in Singapore) to take care.

But things change.

Luckily I didn't swear on anything, otherwise I'd be struck by lightning 10 times over!
 
haha you are talking about christianity/catholism rite? I once ask the same question to my best friend who is a strong believer.. which impressed me or rather make sense la..

Opal : Why is it so weird, If i don't believe in God, means, I cannot go to heaven even though I do everything nice nice?? Sounds despotic and selfish le.

Friend : *pause*....Opal, if you don't believe in God, why are you believing in the heaven He spoke of? U can believe in whatever afterlife u want to..

Wah.. impressed..

Outcast must type more girlie so people don't mistaken ..hahaa.. no la.. recently in a more amiable mood, so wording also lighter...but I don't want..white horse prince or many kids..Okay.. prince is okay.. but dun want get marry can le.. Kids still no..
 
for me, no particular religion in specific. The idea of the ultimate good and bad is what we hope for. But so far, the interpretations, we hear is hardly convincing imho. There might be God, but I don't believe its like how most of us are perceiving at all.
 
I guess my HB is filial in general. Yeah, opal his family is hokkien and my HB believes in "家和万事兴" aka when family i together, his workline will be very shun. I ever touch on this before din one of our quarrels. I highlighted to him clearly that his nuclear family is me and the kids, it suddenly shook him up that all the while before he neglected me. After that, he did show more care and concern to me. However, it becomes his family's turn to get emo. Like HB changed a 2 door 4 seater sports car, MIL cried and ask if he changed car because he wanted to find an excuse not to ferry them. HB felt bad and explained to her that its his dream. Hes been slogging hard for family and hes giving himself a treat. When SIL sees HB changed to a luxury car, she thinks my HB is very rich, enough to shoulder the burden. The problem will always be there. If I keep quiet, I will be more and more neglected. If I voice out, that side will make noise. Its very sian for the problem to be a recurring one. Why not we just stay separately, MIL need not take care of my kids, SIL work on her career, my HB continues to work hard while I have the privacy I wants. We just make effort to visit them or gather for dinner every week. Is that very unreasonable to ask for?

FIL is in hospital now, before we had a major argument over SIL, HB told me hes kinda stress as he gotta run up and down the hospital and office at the same time, he felt worn out. I asked why didnt he got SIL to be in charge of her father? All she need to do is to wake up slightly earlier and go hospital before going to work, her workplace and hospital is only a few stops away, that will solve the problem. His answer to me was SIL has got insomnia, has got problems sleeping at night and thus she cant wake up early. Thats the most crappy thing I've heard. I end the conversation with "I cant help you then since U choose to shoulder everything". Theres really many many many crappy incidents all along, as long as it dun affects my life, I shut my eyes and mouth. I really hate it when my HB have to settle these chores when someone else like my MIL or SIL has got the free time to do it, the time we spent together is lesser because of their selfishness. Who spare a thought for me? Although I am experienced being pregnant again, I will still go thru the emptiness and lonliness whenever I feel emo. And I cant voice out at this point of time when there are other issues which are more tense at this point of stage, ie: my FIL. Its minor things, I am jealous, demanding, unbalanced, etc but its really a pain when it bottoms up in me and sounds really unreasonable to demand changes.

According to the staff nurse, FIL might need assistance for the 1st 2 mths after he discharged. Now I have to enroll my boy into fullday CC so that the maid can take care of him. Alright fine, I am cool with that. When I ask my HB if MIL will look after FIL, he said hes not too sure. I know the answer:- MIL is NOT GOING to be there for her HB. HB already know it and he didnt want me to ask further like "then who? Maid? What about me? I need the maid on certain days as well" So again, theres no conclusion. Walk 1 day, see 1 day. I wont be surprised if its implied that FIL shove to me again? If I am selfish and refuse, I will be a bad DIL?
 
missy, from what I am reading thus far, is your SIL having some medication condition that your husband hasn't been truthful with you abt? Its not logical for him to be giving in to this extend. Is she under some long term medication or something?
 
Missy Missy, it is not an unreasonable request to want to stay separately but it should be something that is discussed before marriage. It is not a "bomb" to drop in the middle of conversation epecially in trying times like this.

furthermore, you already mention, if they move out and rent a place.. end up is ur husband who is paying the bills and it would be stressful for him.

Your husband may see that ur SIL and MIL are not doing her part.. but cannot bear to let ur FIL be neglected.. Cannot be he also abandon the FIL, FIL will be very ke lian de...

In difficult times like this, he will really want your support by his side. I really "pei fu " you for having such a good husband.He is a good man.

If you really want a maid, cheaper solution is to hire another maid to take care of ur FIL and one for taking care of kids. then move ur SIL out say no room le.

Since things are so tense now, just try to be there for ur husband.. he really want some peace and quiet not to plot a showdown with ur SIL.

Maybe try seeing the good points in him and try to feel good that u marry a good man.

It is really tough to be hormonal and feel lonely however, being a wife means being there through both the good and bad times, just take it as a small trial for a better future..
 
-_- oh.. two months only i thought I saw 12 months..... just share maid la. no need to
hire.. maybe want, hire those PT nurse..

but actually good point by cuclainne, ask for contribution on the pretext that need more money cannot support. Either she be scare away into living somewhere else or guai guai give money to help in family..
 
Hi Milo,

definitely not. SIL was a divorcee, her ex hb left the family because he had an affair outside. I know his ex HB personally. From what I know from HB, SIL was very sad over the issue. She already had a bf now. I bumped into the ex Hb recently. Hes happily married with the woman and they had 3 kids, I learnt hes a very successful property agent and made quite a lot from my friend who is a colleauge of his. Alright, SIL might suffered a big blow because of this. According to my friend, she told me that the ex HB left her because he was "married in" and had a lot of stress from my HB (tat time my bf) which SIL given to him. When I am still a gf to my current HB, auntie (my MIL) told me that she see no reason why the man left. She treat him very good, wash his clothes for him (tat time didnt hire maid) etc. I dunno, I just find that their family bonding is too strong, strong to the extend that so far nobody had successfully stepped in before. I strongly believe that its also their family stress which cause him to go astray... I dunno... If retribution/karma like opal suggest really exist, what I see was SIL was getting retribution and not the ex HB who was having affair. SIL is definitely not undergoing depression or under medication. Her insomnia is crap, shes just a night owl and sleeps from late 4 to 11am the next day. Most of the time shes watching DVD until 4am instead of tossing around in bed. If theres someone having depression, it could only be me or my HB.

For you infor, my HB had another marriage before me. I came in like few yrs after they separated. According to MIL and HB, the ex wife has got a very bad temper and is very unreasonable. At first their relationship is very good, later turn sour and end up a divorce.

As for the eldest brother, he is married and staying outside. Theres a few times they almost divorce, not too sure on the reason.

I really can forsee a divorce coming soon if I decided to stand up for myself. The previous 2 failed marriage doesnt have kids involved, can be very clear cut. Mine involves 2... I really dunno where I stand. Should I should walk out fast to prevent a later unahppy divorce? Or should I continue to try? Try for how long ago? What if I can only carry on if I can tolerate everything? Looks like my marriage is really getting unhealthy...

Talk already talk, quarrel already quarrel... Divorce word came to the picture before... It will soon get more and more meaningless. Will it do me and kids better if I decided to leave? Will it be an advantage to the kids if I decided to tolerate? Its really a very big gamble in whichever decision I make.... Hai....
 
Cuclainne, my first thought was "hire another maid", but as it is, they already have space constraints. I can't imagine where the poor helper will be sleeping.
 
actually the problem is not with the husband so much as it is with his family .. if i was the husband, i would put foot down and tell sister to grow up!
 
Missy, your husband said that he has a "debt" to pay his younger sister. Hence he feels obligated to take care of her. By any chance it has to do with her failed marriage?

But in all seriousness, there is no solution unless you talk to your husband seriously. You may need a mediator, or a counsellor to give an objective point of view. It might do your marriage a whole lot of good too. You're finding that your needs aren't met and he's just hoping that you'll "accept" everything that comes your way as a token of your love.

Unfortunately venting here will just be that - venting. There's no solution that anyone of us here can offer unless you take the step to communicate with him.

Not that you've not tried, but there isn't any progress. You might want to give counselling serious consideration. It might clear both your minds a little as well and set your marriage in a better direction.
 
I honestly dunno... Maybe I list the reason for you want the reason for divorce

1) jealousy over his SIL
2) Refused to let his PIL stay at home
3) never accompany u to lunch
4) wanting peace in a family

not because he is
1) abusive
2) have an affair
3) personality incompataaibilty..

you on the other hand, say you can tolerate ur PIL yet take every opportuntnies to slam them down. Honestly, if you don't try to <u>love</u> your PIL then you will forever be unhappy.

All I am seeing at the moment, is that you keep wanting ur husband to take action.. but what actions or steps you have taken to maintain harmony in your home?

You don't want your SIL to move in with you. What plans have you come up with to assist your husband? at the same time, maintain the goals of harmony? and I mean, beside nagging. .
 
Face it, the sis is ridiculous. And they cannot sustain and support her. Priority is now caring for the old man and the baby to come. The woman needs to stop being this self centered and wake up.

I duno why so many think its very nice of the husband to overstretch himself to spoonfeed his family at the expense of his wife and children. He is largely responsible in allowing the abuse to go on this long. Who doesn't like to be the nice guy? But, one needs to be realistic and get the priorities right. He can help up as much as possible. If his sister is still not happy. Its too bad. The pie is only this big. Its not her entitlement nor right. He is just as idiotic as his sister.

Divorce or not, up to TS but she needs to realize. The family and her husband is unlikely to change. He will continue to overstretch himself and place the demands and request above all regardless if he can cope or not. And his family will not reduce their appetite of crazy requests.
 
No one is saying the SIL is right.. All agree she is cukoo in the head..In fact, my idea of niceness only stopped at the PIL.. SIL is not entitled.

But.. then how? now is family crises, fIL in hospital, really make a scene ma? or wait till an better opportunity ..

If TS wants to pick up a scene (not that she is not entitled to) now... is she being any less self centred? seems that the real victim is the husband, while I understand the wife feeling heartpain for husband but also must see timing...

The priority is on the FIL, so some peace and quiet in the family might help. You want to pick a fight? Fine! do it when it is not a situation when FIL is in hospitaland in the middle of a crises..
 
There is a minor family crisis here. The FIL is sick and needs attention. Its time to be chip in resources and time together to overcome. Everyone needs to make adjustments. The husband needs to put this firmly across. As the son and the man of the family now since the father is sick, he should delegate and assign the responsibilities. Will that cause a fight ?

Back on my previous post, it is to point out why TS is considering her options. The situation ISN'T going to change. If she cannot live with it, then she need to consider her options beyond.
 
Well, ordinary if u do not have a psychotic SIL and a "unhelpful" MIL , u can delegate.. It is not the case here, poor TS is stuck w both.

Maybe in army speak , imagine you going to fight a war.. You can win if you are with a well trained army with the troops recognizing u as a leader. Currently, her HB is working with a troop that is not only ununited but not recognizing his "authority" .. In such a case, going to a war will only result in chaos and a lost war.I can assure u if her hubby put his feet down at this point , only more drama at the end 苦的是自己

Sun tzu states to win a battle , u need to have
天时地利人和。 now the TS hubby is missing out at least on e timing and the favor of people.. How to win..

u want to train ur troops? Can!and they should be trained! During peaceful time and not in middle of war.. Anyway is my 2cts la
 
the training should have happened long ago. My point is... the training seems reversed. He is domesticated into a slave for his family and expecting TS to follow suit. Throughout all the peaceful period, what training has happened? TS shouldn't bluff herself lor.

She can be supportive through this difficult time but she should also re-evaluate the marriage. He isn't going to be proactive to change. He is just conforming to whatsoever demands they have. No matter how supportive TS is, their demands will not diminish. The expectations will only grow. Loving his parents isn't going change that either. Its more than just petty comparisons. I do not advocate that either. There are very fundemental issues in the marriage and TS is very unhappy.
 
Milo,I know and recognize ur pt. I am just saying this is not a good time for change..

TS husband should wake up from his ideals and take charge..slowly and firmly guiding his family..but at the moment TS ideals of casting SIL out need to wait for a better timing

It is after all at least 1 year to moving, surely, waiting a while more before embarking on actions will not hurt
 
i think there is some misunderstanding here. I didn't advocate starting a fight or anything. No one can judge for TS the right time to change. The husband should have done alot of things but didn't and how confident is TS that her husband won eventually do that? TS has to be realistic here. Until he finally wake up, there will be no change lor.

For sure, she has to find the right timing for it.
 
I think there s definitely a misunderstanding.. I am not saying you are advocating a fight.. Although, reading back I do see where u get the impression.. My apologizes

Opal : You want to pick a fight? Fine! do it when it is not a situation when FIL is in hospitaland in the middle of a crises.."

but I mean.. if want to pick a place /timing where fight is likely to occur.. dun do it when someone is in hospital

*sigh* I am really not good at expressing myself i think...

I am saying that if TS hubby put his foot down and push for a change there WILL be a fight.. and an ugly scene..

To change :
Condition number 1 : TS hubby need to change

and I believe condition # 2: need abit of time..Situation will change, need to have a deep talk when the time is right.. not when TS is so sick of everything.. dun be confrontational in tone. keep cool..

Hubby still loves her, she still love her hubby... so this type of things.. still can try to work out..

Kinda pity to let go of a marriage cos husband cannot deal with SIL...
 
Hi all,

thanks for highlighting the points. I guess there is 1 point which is I really finds very important right now. FIL is hospitalised and coming come anytime. No matter what horrible things he did to HB's family in the past, as long as I am still living with him, I will show the care and concern DIL should at least give. Many say if everyone see how nice you are in the family, definitely be appreciated. IMO in his family, thats not going to happen. I will not claim any efforts because my SIL (wife of HB's elder brother) already shoot by MIL. When she comment that nobody bothers to visit FIL when she was there, MIL replied "If you are free, visit him everyday after work. ITS YOUR DUTY ANYWAY". Seriously, I guess I will suffer a mental breakdown base on the character I have. I am not taught to treat old folks this way no matter how much we dislike them.

The so call debt. HB finds that he plays a part in SIL's divorce. He just like to shoulder blames I guess. I dunno... He just dun see that it will soon be his turn if he dun get it right.

Well... I guess loving a person doesnt mean I have to understand every demanding situtation of his. I love my HB's filial piety and took charge of providing his home. But I definitely do not love his failure as a HB to speak out for his wife when she was thrashed by SIL. It might be minor things here and there. Keeping quiet will only let people take advantage. I am not going to confront her in anyway. Since the family is more or less not going to change and I am not willing to accept, I might want to consider to sit down with him to discuss on an amicable separation. Probably I just feel my HB is very tired so wanna him to reject my SIL by injecting thinkings like "u shouldnt send your sister to work etc", instead he find it stressful and feels I am jealous over small little things. Communication already broke down somewhere, too much talking will not help.

I might be a young wife but I am going to be a mother of 2. I might be shallow sometimes but not all my points are wrong. My HB is not young, hes a leader in a relatively big company. He can lead and handle 30 staffs in office, yet he was being lead at home. Its clearly 2 opposing 1, I will always be the one suffering. I just need my HB to speak out for me... why is it so difficult? He probably already done his best but I find it not enough. He probably hope I will be understanding but I am just not.

Sorry for being too emo. It could be just my pregnancy blues... I cant use it as an excuse for my demands but I am just hoping at this time, he will show that I am his priority so that every pain and sweat makes me feel worthwhile being his wife and part of his family (our family of 4)...
 
*thumbs up* for taking a step back.. You are a good woman too =)

In a way, ur MIL still got eyes, can see.. Will appreciate right?

Be understanding yet firm... Sometime, when got chance just say, while you understand he want harmony but will really hope he stick up for you and sometimes u feel really hurt.. then voice just trail off..be abit "frail" so he heart pain abit.... (don't be confrontational just factual..)

Sometimes, the more understanding you are..the guiltier he feels..Instead, go for the big battle when time is right..what's the point of stopping your husband to send her to work (btw.. yes, it is quite petty lar..guys won't understand).. Go for big battle and aim to block her from your new house..

One day, he will hug you close and thank you for being an understanding wife and it is his biggest fortune in life to have marry you..
 
Opal,

nope. In fact MIL ask me to ignore him. Shes... weird. Ask me to ignore him but ask me to take care of his meals when hes not around. I dunno whats right and wrong for her. Anyway, MIL has got intentions to send her HB to old folks home. I dunno. My HB... was like... if u all ok i ok, I will pay for the fees. Yeap. But well, I dun really care whats their final decision la... I wont hate my FIL when he did nothing to me. Of course I will not take care of him fully, if its within my reach and I am at home, I will help. I dun think she will appreciate, probably too she might think its my duty like what she said to my SIL? Beats me... Well, not the point la.

When got chance, dun think I will wait in vain anymore. I will reply and ask why is she like tat in a nice way. I dun think we will fight. If I were to fight with her 1 day, thats the day whereby I am ready to leave anytime.

My HB... yeap, hes guilty sometimes, but most of the time he goes "phew, lucky manage to pull through just now". He will not purposely raise up the matter again. If he comes and tell me "Hey, I noe its SIL's fault" after we went back to room, probably I will feel more appreciated. But it looks like he only get to realise the seriousness after i flared everything out on 1 fine day. Only then he will know how much he missed out and how much I been bottling inside and where are the areas I plant my miles before they blast.

Yeap, if I manage to pull thru the pregnancy, the next battle will be the house. Its strange. Yesterday he still ask me what are the floor finishes and if I know any interior designers. Frankly speaking, if PILs are shifting in, dun think I will be interested to spend $$ on home decors.... MIL will definitely decorate the house to my least liking... Well... I hope by then I can pull through this as well.


I dunno whether when will the day will come. Probably hes been thanking me everyday in his heart. Well... I do appreciate my efforts being praised but it cannot just happen over again and again. He need to take steps to adjust to prevent it from happening again.
 
"but I mean.. if want to pick a place /timing where fight is likely to occur.. dun do it when someone is in hospital"

but no one is picking a fight at all. I'm finding your this reply out of the blue and hence clarifying that pointing out the issues doesn't mean creating a scene and it doesn't mean TS need to push across all the change right now without seeing if its the appropriate moment.
 
Milo.. I am telling you, there WILL be a scene.. so to avoid doing things like this which will stress everyone out.. I am sure you know by now how "helpful" both the MIL and SIL are..

*edited* to add on a quote:

" The FIL is sick and needs attention. Its time to be chip in resources and time together to overcome. Everyone needs to make adjustments. The husband needs to put this firmly across. As the son and the man of the family now since the father is sick, he should delegate and assign the responsibilities. Will that cause a fight ?"

Maybe I was interpreting that you are calling for a change now.. Sprry if I misunderstood
 
ER Missy, I thought.. U mean, that she was telling ur SIL that is her duty to visit her father...

U are very contradictory, one hand u say, u can stay with the PIL
". I dun mind to take my PILs in since they are my HB's parents and takes up a room. "

Then you say if they are going to stay with you.. U will throw a tantrum and stop even thinking about home decor..

detecting a self centreness here...

What is ur real issue. not wanting ANY one to move in with you or just the SIL...

You are the WIFE..but they are his PARENTS...
 


Hi opal,

I am not being contradicting la... Sometimes, I am just dunno what will happen next. Like for eg, before I am married, I am prepared to stay with in laws because after knowing my Hb for 5 yrs, I tot I am able to live with them in peace. Things changed whenever there is s change in title n additional of family members. Like for now, I am suffering because there are times they are ridiculous and hurt me. All will ask me, why am I able to stay as peaceful as like in the past? I dunno. I sun even Noe why sil decided to be so rude now. Probably I offended them somewhere I dunno. As for mil, i dunno too. She might just like me as a gf of his son, not being wife. Or I should stay like a gf even after married and being mother. I dunno.

I am willing to stay with my PILs for sure... But who can guarantee what new nonsense or stress she will give me. I am prepared but not fully prepared for all possible things I couldn't think off now might happen in future. If I am prepared to take PILs, can I complain to Hb if they make things difficult for me? By then, how many will say it's my choice at start.

Yea... I guess I am just contradicting. What I truly wants is I hope to start a home sweet home with Hb and my 2 future kids....,
 
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