My affair, the full circle

Doll,

So there is no need to pity or sayang this woman...

She chose to be bad, and desire love... She is not regretting. She is still her old self. She still chooses the same sort of associates... LOL~

This type of woman is hopeless...

Doll... the correct way to say it is, what is good doesn't mean you are the right woman to appreciate. Some women prefer poisons... You are not happy because you ain't normal, because you choose not to be normal. You have no appreciation basis to appreciate the good, it's your problem, not the heart's.

Matka,

Ah~ That's so generous... LOL~
 


SM,

It so happens I like to draw the line in people's turf...

Trying to be God? When you die and become God officially, maybe I'd listen. For now, you can try to ignore me... but I usually hit the weakest spot of the game.
 
Ha ha, what is good may not make us happy.

Precisely. Because we are è´±

Got good things don't want.. Want itchy backside and look for "true love".. ended up feeling that the original is still good but the original will make us happy?

We could be much happier if we cherish what we have. Not only romantic love. But our family, our career, our health.. everything that we have now.. it is not a given, it is not inevitable. Don't wait till you lose them and lament about their "goodness"..
 
scope,

I never ask you to listen. You are a grown adult and you have your own thoughts.

I only focus on what you say.. and not who you are.. if you don't talk sense, I will ignore you.
 
SM,

There is nothing wrong in seeking true love. But there is something totally wrong with this woman.

She is married to her husband... "Oh it's not true love!"

So she cheong-ed. Is this the way she handles her husband's love? If she knows love, she'd respect love and she'd know how to handle. But she didn't know.

Then after 1 man, and another man... Then she comes to this forum and tells a big story as if she has changed. She hasn't changed.

She thinks relationship is a joke... she can decide based on her own whim and fancy. Look at her... as long as she feels heart pain she thinks it's true love... as long as she stood by the man she thinks it's true love...

This kind of love worth nothing to me.

You are right, she is cheap. In this story of hers, I only pity the husband. After all these men, she comes to the forum and still jumps to the side of Milo Meelo and the sayang gang. LOL~

Gone case.

Has she changed? No no no. If she is pretty, soon she could meet a more exciting, more handsome, more caring man...

She doesn't know how to handle relationship. To her... relationship is her selfish wilful adventure. She doesn't care how the men really felt, and she jumped in.

Anyway... just rephase it for you...

If I talk something you can't make sense of because of your own lack of ability, you should ignore me. LOL~

Anyway again... Now because the two men left her, she thinks her husband is her true love... BUT...

What if the 2nd man really was true to her? LOL~

She could then completely dump her husband from her mind!!! That's how true her love is... CHEAP.
 
scope, I agree with what you are saying - the gist of it.

Whether it is true love or now.. she can't cheat herself.. she will know sooner or later..

I don't pity her husband.. You can look that she "released" her husband by leaving him in the first place. At least he got a chance to seek his true love or at least be happy.
 
just to clarify a few points - i left my husband because i thought the love was no longer there. i was foolish, and selfish. i needed to learn the lessons on my own, and seek the truth. i never claim to be good, and i never claim to be doing the 'right' thing.

with deepest sincerity, i hope that none of you have doubts that i truly loved those 2 men that i met subsequently. but i had to leave. i was true to them, but in my failure to judge wisely (or maybe it was karma), i had made the wrong choices - they hurt me, many times. so i had to protect myself, i had to leave them.

ultimately, what i realised from all this, is that while searching for a man who would be true to me as well, i neglected to realise that the one man who was true to me, was in front of me all along. just this moment of realisation alone, long overdue after 2 long years, brought me to tears and deep regret, and brought out a whole host of emotions i felt for him, that i thought had already left me.

whether or not, i love my husband, is another matter. whether or not i should go back to him, or i deserve to go back to him, is another matter as well. this is another lesson that i will have to learn, another crossroad of my life. the interpretations and whatnots, i shall leave it all to the rest of you to form.

wishing everyone well.
 
Who won't say that they are "truly in love" when they are in the beginning and midst of a loving relationship? Except for those who just wants to play.

Most of us would believe that we "truly love".. but what is the true love? Or is there such a thing as "true love". Shouldn't it be just "love"?
 
lullabye,

Not to diss you. But I find your concept of "true love" or even love too much for me.

i left my husband because i thought the love was no longer there

I mean if you "truly love" your husband, then what is this "thought about love was no longer there". Put it this way, there is something missing in your relationship with him - as much as he can be a wonderful husband.. and therefore you attempt to seek the missing elements from other people. Now, if there is "true love" in your words.. then there wouldn't be this "missing element".

I can understand if you left him because of some specific issues or misunderstanding.. but if you left him - then how to claim later, after you have messed up with 2 other guys - that you truly love him?
 
sm: you are talking about semantics now. which is, in my humble opinion, not very necessary to aid in the debate of 'what is love'.

anyway i think i have said my piece, and i have nothing much more to add on. thank you all for reading
happy.gif
 
sm: i never said i 'truly love' my husband. what i said was, i love the 2 that i met later on. as for whether i truly love my husband or not, since majority have the opinion that i don't, then let's just leave it at that. the concept of true love, i do not want to be as presumptuous to claim that i know entirely. even till today, raging debates have been carried out by famous philosophers, scientists, and nobody has yet, claimed to have the answer. so this is a question that, like i said, i will leave to your own interpretation, and something i have no wish to debate about.
 
Suddenly thot of this song...*wise men say only fools rush in.....*

Ay wait, did scope take his theory from lyrics, he keeps calling everyone fools?!!
 
SM,

Release her husband? LOL~

Has she divorced him?

Lullabye,

You don't need to clarify, I know your points.

Point is, you still don't realise yours is not true love. Yours is BLIND love. It's just your selfish one-sided thot thinking it's true love.

It's like asking me to love you when I have never seen you... Those men... how can you love them without really knowing them?!

Many people told me they are investing in stocks... but I tell you, most of them are just speculating. They don't know about the stocks, they don't care to know, they just hear rumors and hope things go well... You too. You love for the sake of love, that's not true love. You don't even care to know your men before you jump in! This is just blind gambling!

And so what your husband loves you?

Woman... can you appreciate a man in the first place?

You come here, you just find yourself a sayang crew... you felt good, and you think I am not constructive? LOL~ You think I am soul-less? LOL~

Let me help you face the confusion...

If those two men come back to you and they don't hurt you anymore, they become perfect, may I know which one will you truly love? You did say you truly love them...

Choose.

I am hurting you... but I definitely have more love for you than Milo Meelo. LOL~

Your love is cheap. I pity your husband.

Soisuka,

SM just cracked a focking joke... LOL~

True love... is merely relationship that lasts. True love is love that doesn't fade.
True love is when you can appreciate me for who I am.
True love is knowing that I am not perfect.
 
Scope says "True love... is merely relationship that lasts. True love is love that doesn't fade.
True love is when you can appreciate me for who I am.
True love is knowing that I am not perfect."

I say be wary of people who will use the above to abuse the love you have for them....When love knocks on your door, always look through the peephole first....
 
soisuka,

I read that.. Is it a true incident. Or just a story to sell books? I remain in doubts.

Cannot be so stupid, right. Most american women I know are not that stupid. And being single or not knowing how to be single? Come on...
 
Yes, I did felt her choices weren't very wise...but whether or not her story is true...its a story that has happened to many women... So I'm just curious as to why a person(both men and women) keep making the bad choices.

If she has been with her husband for years and single at 44, I wouldn't be surprised if she forgot how to date or is apprehensive about it.

In fact, most 'predators' prey on the internet, you just go to any dating site, you will meet many who will manipulate and guilt trip you or act innocent. Some will pretend to be normal until you meet them....or worse date them.

For myself, after my recent rs, I am afraid to date bcos I no longer trust my own judgement.....
 
soisuka,

Don't be kidding lah.. How difficult to date? Just be friends.. what so difficult. Don't let people know where you are staying.. that is the first thing.

When I first separated from my wife - I was like 40+ as well. Haven't been dating for close to 20 years. And what so difficult about dating? Don't treat it as a date - just treat it as knowing a friend.

Not too sure about predators.. I am a man not a woman so I can't say.

But in dating, don't get carried way... just treat as a friend, activity partner.. and take your time.. don't rush to being too physical too quickly.
 
Soisuka,

I thought you have been looking through your peephole first? LOL~

Read the story... Sad for her. It seems that she doesn't seem to know how to handle guys.

I don't believe in rape, but I must confess there were times when sex happened in the first dates.

It all depends on how you approach women.

I don't usually date online girls... So what can I say? I still believe in face to face interaction, dating kissing, understanding...

You are not wrong... I won't be surprised if there are predators in this forum as well. Most women here are naive, immature... and boring.

If you refuse to date cos you don't trust your own judgement, that's stupid because 99% of the women can't judge in the first place. That's why so many women married lousy guys. And of course, given your lousy judgement, you think Scope is bad, but he should be very good. LOL~

But I really have to praise the american woman for her dare-to-try spirit. It's too bad she doesn't really know what she was trying for.

Not all guys on the internet are bad... for instance: Me. LOL~
 
I understand ur pov sm, and I took all those precautions as well...be a friend etc etc... take my time..... don't rush the physical aspect.... and these precautions are useful when the other person is normal.

What about the manipulators, the abusers, the psychopath, the narcisscist...they don't always show their true colours until you are hooked.

Let me give you a scenario...man is all sweet and nice, appears sincere, knows ur family, u know his family.....everybody loves him, one day he heats up his lighter and tries to burn u with it. He says just playing, 2 years later, he burns you with a steam iron....he tells you its an accident and apologize profusely. So should the woman run? How does the woman figure this out in the beginning so she doesn't have to resort to running in the end.
 
soisuka,

I guess if you meet such weird people.. I can't tell you how to avoid them. I havent met such people, so I can't tell.

But I did meet weird woman as well. Some suffering from mental disorder. But as usual, I don't let woman know where I stay or work..

I would suggest that you get someone you can trust (trust his judgement) to vet.. If you need service to vet.. ha ha, I would be willing.

Of course there is no guarantee .. but mostly other people can see more clearly than ourselves when we are in the midst of "love"

There are many weird people to meet on the internet.. Even for me, it was an eye-opener. I remembered once I had two lady friends and they wanted to meet someone from internet.. and I was asked to be there.. I went for quite a bit of double-date - just to make up the number and to observe.

And another time, I went to disco as one of my lady friend was meeting a date in disco.. so in a way I was asked to "judge" him. Suffice to say, the guy disappeared when he saw me..
 
ah...that's a good tip... I used to ask my best gay friend since after all he is still a man and best dates men lol...he has since passed away, maybe I don't need a new bf, but a new best gay friend..lol
 
I would say 2/3 of my exes 'love' me because I can feel it through their words and actions.. Or at least I thought they did until things start to happen. But the funny thing is I was not really sure how I feel about them. On good days, I would feel aplenty 'love' whereas on bad days, I would feel that the 'love' has been robbed off me. Or perhaps it's due to my background as I have always been protected by my family. Always doted on.. Once a friend commented that I do not know how to sayang others because I'm always the one being sayang. It stayed with me till now cos I find some truth in it.

IMO, in a relationship, other than feelings (which might fade over time), it boils down to compatibility. Whether you are suitable for each other cos if you aren't in the first place, cracks will start to show. I realised these cracks can surface as early as six months into the relationship, at least for me. But we still foolishly convince ourselves that things can be worked out. Ultimately it leads to a dead end.

At one point of time, I signed up for an account at Match. I'm bringing this up cos I read the link. But I did not meet anyone. I got bored after a few days. Mainly cos I just ended my last rs and find it a dread to even start dating. Those 'handsome' pics just do not attract me further than eyecandy purpose. And 'ang mors' do not work for me either. They look great on movies and that's about it. In fact, I enjoy the company of the guys at work more.

Think it is normal for anyone to want to hang onto the ex, especially when the road is bumpy or you have met a few jerks. Cos there will always be a comparison based on the memories, like it or not. But if the change brings a better man than your ex, then you would be congratulating yourself (like what I can see on some of the posts here). I tell myself no matter what and who I encounter in future, I won't want to return to the past. Cos if things have come to this stage, there must be a reason. God wants us to see this reason. I'm still trying to see it clearly... Reaching there soon, hopefully.

True love to me is unconditional.. Like a mom's love for her child. But sadly, in today's relationships/marriages, you see so many conditions/price tags attached to them. "You buy this for me and maybe I will like you more. You do this for me and I will go out with you. You help me with the chores and I will give you more sex." Love is cheap nowadays. So are people. No longer talking about the language of love. Cos it ain't worth nothing. You also gotta learn how to love as well, cos different people respond differently to the way they are loved. You may think you are showing your love, but if she does not feel it, then it's not bringing the rs to greater levels.

I'm still learning and believe always will be... To love unconditionally with the heart. Before the one comes along and I fall in love with him, I must open my eyes bigger. Cos you can never love someone if you don't understand and accept him with all his flaws. Everyone loves the good things but what about the bad right?

P/S: Soisuka, all along I thought you are a man. Lol.
 
There is nothing wrong signing up Match.com. I also joined a few sites to take a peep. LOL~ I can't even remember what I signed up liaoz.

But my main hunts are still offline.

It's very fun to meet girls... especially strangers, chat with them, get the numbers, date, kiss, sex.

As for love... I find local girls mostly retards in the compartment of love. I may meet a girl like Miyako, the way to deal with this type of girl is to be 'compatible' only in bed, and ignore her other nosensical thinking. It's the same dealing with Soisuka type of girl... You meet her, you happy dating, buy small gifts, talked sweet nothings, go to bed, and when she started talking about her version of love, you just jump to another girl... until you find that one girl who makes sense.

I mind girls with ex-s... STDs aside, most are in a relationship for the sake of it, but I don't mind the sex part. LOL~

To be honest... ... the entire fun stops when the girl starts talking about love and marriage...

I have met girls the type of Lullabye, that's why when I read her story, I know what I am engaging. Talk alot of rubbish, but their only value is the body, not their cheap love.

I don't hang onto the ex... for what? I know what I want... So I keep on searching.

It's very easy to make a girl like Miyako San thinks you love her... Listen to her, care for her, notice and remember small things, buy her gifts, make her laugh, tell her sweet nothings she wants to hear... Nothing special.

It ALWAYS work.

And then it's time to say goodbye. Girls... ...

In real life, I don't really care to be 'rude' or blunt. It won't work on girls. Girls are like babies... You have to go step by step, make them comfortable with you, tell them sweet things, make them feel secure, touch them properly... then close the deal.

Seriously... what is so great or different about girls?

All the girls I met think they are different...

Seriously, I am also looking for that special one who is different.

Before that, you really only go for the pretty faces... not their hearts. Their love worth nothing.
 
Scope, r u so sure ur tactics of sweet talking, caring for small details and making gals laugh etc will make any or most gals fall for u? I seriously doubt so. By grouping the girls as being no different fr one another is a myopic view I feel. I met and dated many men and most of them used tactics like u do but only whn i truly feel a connection will I fall for him and start a relationship, not just any Tom dick and Harry. I still rem a very keen suitor who knew I was sick and brewed herbal tea, stored in a vacuum flask and personally brought it to my place to surprise me. Did I fall for him? No. Is he ugly? No. Is he poor? He's a banker. Can we communicate? Sure. There's just NO connection lah.
 
Denise80,

That's because he doesn't know how to connect.

Does he know the beauty of body language?

80% of the communication... is physical. Many guys don't understand how to get girls. They talked alot, touch so little. Their eyes can't linger... They don't kiss when the chance comes, they don't grab the hands when the excitment comes...

How are they going to get the girls?

Hilariously put... you have to be like a gigolo...

It's not tactics, it's just the basics. In real life, I sometimes find it very tiring doing the same thing again and again and again. While never short of sex, I feel lonely.

If you had met me... the first person to have kissed you probably won't be your current husband.

So what he's a banker... so what he is handsome? Like a car, if you got traffic jam, you are stuck.

So what I am a jobless? I still pick up girls. Having a job or not is not the point of basic sexual attraction. It's also the personality of a guy, how he handles a girl... The gentleman never gets the girl, the bad guy does...
 
I still believe in mutual attraction and connection. Short of that connection, the bugger who just kissed me will get one punch fr me...
 
Try and punch me if you can.

Actually I find you childish, but adorable. Stubborn and unrealistic. You may have multi-dated, but I feel that the men you have met are not many.

You should be pretty desireable... because you have more brains than the women here.

It's personal preference, I like women who have some brains.

I don't believe in what you believe in... but I'd still kiss you if you are tempting me.
 
Scope, I didn't state I would necessarily punch someone like u. Just trying to make a point that there must be connection or any guy who kissed a gal without permission may risk being slapped instead. Anyway I definitely dont date as much as u, particularly in terms of 'diversity' but men I date certainly exceed a single digit. Not bcos I'm a player but I wanna explore then without any commitment.
 
I never think you are a player, Denise80. But if there is a woman in this forum to seduce me, that'd be you.

I can take a punch, so give me a punch and reserve your face for my kiss. LOL~

It'd be good trade.

You are making me very curious how you look like, Denise80.
 
Soisuka, I don't know? Lol.. Just an instinct but guess I'm wrong this time.

I think most of us are guilty of falling in love for the sake of falling in love.. As in enjoy the gifts, words, sweet nothings etc. But not fall in love with the person.
 
Scope, it's actually easy to get guys out there if you are a lady. Alot of wolves in sheep's clothing like yourself. Cos wolves have no value and are just desperate to satisfy their needs. All I can say is that I'm no fool.
happy.gif
 
I totally agree with you that a lady will easily get guys out there.

LOL~

But you are still a fool. Because I am no wolf. LOL!!!

Calling me a wolf because of my words and thinking a man loves you because of his words is the same, Miyako San.

See?

Besides... if you don't know about me online and meet me outside... how do you know I am a wolf or not? LOL~

So, you are still a fool.

It always works... because women are superficial.
 
Well, as mentioned earlier, not all women respond to sweet nothings and tender loving care from suitors and for those who do like me, we still respond selectively to the few whom we feel we could connect with. Ultimately, it's still that connection. With connection, I'll think the man is attractive. Without connection, I'll think the man's a freak. And scope, curiosity kills the cat. Enough said. lol...
 
Anyway back to lullabye, to me, you're just making comparisons (think someone mentioned this too earlier) between those jerks you've been with and your hubby. You suddenly realise you rather have that secure 'harbour' (your hubby) to rely on because he's always there for you. You rather choose to be loved than to love, according to your current mindset. What if...another man comes along and happens to sweep you off your feet and this time, not only he truly loves you but you also love him as much? Will you still choose your safe harbour? Is it going to be fair to your hubby? I can only say I'm quite lucky to have dated many before I got married and hence I've gone through all these 'one-sided' relationships, whether it's from me to him or from he to me. I've also chosen to be with ex bfs who love me more than I love them - still, they didn't work out well. I'm lucky to have met someone who loves me and whom I love dearly eventually and hence we got married. For you, after going through so much, I'm surprised that you still haven't realised you haven't really found your one (yea, at the risk of sounding like scope here) and even thought of 'resigning to fate' to stick to the one whom you did not and still do not love as much as he loves you. It's okay to make mistakes in life I feel but it's not okay to continue to make further mistakes because you'll only make yourself and your loved ones unhappy at the end of the day. Maybe you wanna think about all these?
 
LOL~

Ah~ You trying to kill me?

Why don't you try let me connect with you? LOL~ You might find this connection attractive as well... if not more. LOL!
 
i find these ladies most attractive and more steady. I would say these ladies are much intelligent and have put more thoughts and protect towards their children interest before they came to a decision. However things are not always the best if given the situation.
Life is short, you never know which route is best until the truth is known. Just make the best out from it, if only everyone can choose a few selection instead of just one selection
 
New update for a new year.

All is well. The divorce went smoothly, and we parted ways on amicable terms. The last time we spoke, we had a long talk that gave us the final closure and mutual understanding that we needed to carry on with our new paths. The both of us have emerged, a little more battle-scarred, but perhaps also a little wiser, kinder, with a deeper knowledge about life that might not have taken place otherwise.

To those who had provided advice with compassion and an open mind, I'd like to think that I haven't disappointed, and I thank you for your support. Over the years, I have referred back to those words for strength and solace, and found myself coming to a closer understanding of the wisdom that was shared with me, each time.

To those who had wished for bad karma to fall upon me, I received that karma, fought tooth and claw against it, and survived. No thanks to any of you though.

Wishing all a happy and prosperous new year.
 
Last edited:
denise80 said:
Anyway back to lullabye, to me, you're just making comparisons (think someone mentioned this too earlier) between those jerks you've been with and your hubby. You suddenly realise you rather have that secure 'harbour' (your hubby) to rely on because he's always there for you. You rather choose to be loved than to love, according to your current mindset. What if...another man comes along and happens to sweep you off your feet and this time, not only he truly loves you but you also love him as much? Will you still choose your safe harbour? Is it going to be fair to your hubby? I can only say I'm quite lucky to have dated many before I got married and hence I've gone through all these 'one-sided' relationships, whether it's from me to him or from he to me. I've also chosen to be with ex bfs who love me more than I love them - still, they didn't work out well. I'm lucky to have met someone who loves me and whom I love dearly eventually and hence we got married. For you, after going through so much, I'm surprised that you still haven't realised you haven't really found your one (yea, at the risk of sounding like scope here) and even thought of 'resigning to fate' to stick to the one whom you did not and still do not love as much as he loves you. It's okay to make mistakes in life I feel but it's not okay to continue to make further mistakes because you'll only make yourself and your loved ones unhappy at the end of the day. Maybe you wanna think about all these?
Click to expand...
Hi Denise, forgot to reply you the last time round but I have kept in mind what you've mentioned. Yea, I'm probably a bit slow on the uptake unfortunately :p
 
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